herb-garden-dirt

[herb-garden-dirt]

I got paid five dollars to dig up some tart’s garden, and she got pissed I got dirt on her walkway. What did she expect? For dirt to not get everywhere? It’s dirt! It gets fucking everywhere! It’s in my hair, my jacket. 

I will fucking cut your head off French Revolution style, you fucking bitch.

#ic

[herb-garden-dirt]

I dyed my hair bright pink and green and I have precisely zero regrets.

#ic

[herb-garden-dirt]

I mean flowers in hair COULD be an everyday look let’s be real

#but some basil instead for a snack later #ic

[herb-garden-dirt]

I love it. That is my name now.

Man, I can’t do any fun stuff with my name. It’s just not funny.

#my name is already really long so no one should notice #10/10 on this one #ic

[herb-garden-dirt]

I remember I used to swallow my teeth after they came loose because I didn’t know you were supposed to tell your parents, so for a good three or four years, I did that. I found out you were supposed to tell someone when my parents asked the doctor or whatever as to why I was not losing teeth. I then had to say, “Oh I ate them.”

They were a lot more concerned about that.

#ic

[herb-garden-dirt]

Pfft, I love it.

Man, I can’t do any fun stuff with my name. It’s just not funny.

#it also kind of slanders God #which is always something we need more of #apparently #ic

[herb-garden-dirt]

‘Hammysham’ is also to be spoken for though. Why is it always the ones who want to be taken seriously with last names you can make the most ridiculous?

Man, I can’t do any fun stuff with my name. It’s just not funny.

#DeLame wins whatever the fuck I had in mind #You can’t do anything with Owens though #Expect anagrams but I’m really bad at those #ic

[herb-garden-dirt]

Man, I can’t do any fun stuff with my name. It’s just not funny.

#and then there’s Cosmo and they can put their last name as ‘Cockswolds’ #jealous #ic

[herb-garden-dirt]

sorry for trying to kill and murder you its just that my laundry wasnt dry even though i put it in for a full cycle and it sent me into an apoplectic haze :/ you know how it is

#musing

[herb-garden-dirt]

why aren’t there any glowing munchrooms in a cave for me to grab. now what’s going on with that

[herb-garden-dirt]

[herb-garden-dirt]

Yeah. I’m not going to waste energy on them anymore.

I made a cake that looks diseased. Does anyone want some?

#nice #ic

[herb-garden-dirt]

[herb-garden-dirt]

[herb-garden-dirt]

#musing #||fuck off it’s a good song|| #Spotify

[herb-garden-dirt]

can you please shut up im trying to preheat the oven to 350 degrees

[herb-garden-dirt]

you think you’re a better kisser than me??? you think you’re a better cuddler? come over here and prove it punk