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Did I grow up with a father who only loved me if he could control me? Yeah, but at least he gave me a monthly allowance so thats a nice consolation prize i guess.

#ever since my mom started therapy i have realised i have much more daddy issued than mommy issues #its just that my mother cared enough about me as a person to be around enough #which led me to seeing more of her flaws #and according to her he “misses me and wants to have a better relationship with me” #but hes never told me that himself #and anytime I'm around him for long enough that he gets a glimpse of my actual personality #he doesnt like it #i think he misses a version of me i think thats true #i just think the version he misses is the version of me who was cishet and mormon and obedient to him. #i dont think he misses or gives much of a fuck about the trans poly apostate version of me who relishes in disregarding authority #tldr; if anybody has some good recs for songs to put on a daddy issues playlist hmu #also my sister follows me on here so if you see this- hi #i dont like our father very much

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4 days until wet rat wednesday

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i don’t know if a single person can relate to this but i hate feeling my heartbeat in places it shouldn’t be. like my eyes, under my kneecap, my elbow, the back of my hand. like what. i think it’s the pots, maychance.

#oh yeah I hate this so much

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hard to believe there are actually people out there who think that big noses are ugly and unattractive … like what the fuck is wrong with you ?

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be like the dandelion!! unkillable! joyous!! inherently transsexual in ways others cannot fully understand!

on my redbubble!

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As I’ve gotten into deity worship and have been more open about it with friends the number one response I get is ‘but you don’t really believe in that do you?’

and yes, I do, but if you MUST argue with me about it

I grew up non religious and described myself as agnostic for a long time, and I do still hold truth in that. I think it’s arrogant to say we know for sure whether there is or isn’t some higher powers. But if there’s really just nothing

WHO CARES

it’s fun to believe, it’s motivating, it’s energizing. Even if the gods aren’t ‘real’ in a scientific sense, they are real in my mind.

Even if when I die it’s all been nothing but a placebo effect, that’s okay!!

it’s helped me get by, it’s helped me be happy, and that is enough

#yeah this #it took me ages to come to terms with this #i grew up mormon and so I have to keep working on telliny myself its okay to not hold a dogmatic level of belief in my new deities #and that it isnt healthy and they probably wouldnt want that #and if its a placebo effect thats okay too! #i have to remind myself that like. it does not have to be my whole life and it does not need to be my most firm belief #my most firm belief is that life is for the living #and so that means that I can live my life however the fuck I want to #whether or not I actually believe in these dieties #because theyre cool and they make me happy

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i have been constantly in tears over this newly hatched duck i found on instagram last night

#cute aminals

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“fish don’t even know theyre wet” and? you don’t even know youre luft (air equivalent of wet)

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At the risk of sounding anti-intellectual, I think that college should be free and also not a requirement for employment outside of highly specialized career fields