indigo-a-creeping

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can someone please be proud of me like fuck I’m trying

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if you don‘t personally own one but your roommates/parents do and you are allowed to use it, that counts as yes

#i have never ironed anything #and i never will

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hey so like

hi, you. yeah im talking to you. You like my stuff from time to time and reblog once and a while, and I always recognize you in my notes. we’ve never talked, maybe you dont like to say much or you’re nervous or something. it’s okay, whatever it is. 

I see you. you mean a lot to me. sometimes when I’m having a hard day, I’ll notice your name once again in my notifs and it makes me smile. im not kidding.

I don’t care if you’re a “ghost” follower or you send me asks all the time. i see you and I love you so much, genuinely and truly. you are really important to me. 

thank you. thank you for being there. <3

#<3

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Got a sewing machine earlier this month that I need to learn to use! It just does a simple straight stitch, but that's probably all I need.

(also snagged this solid little corner desk to keep it on. One day when I'm feeling ambitious, I'll repaint it)

#sewing machine #singer sewing machine

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Throwback to when I took painkillers and woke up with Photoshop open on my computer to this image I had made

#BIG THINGS ARE COMING

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#junk art #metal art #apple valley hillbilly garden

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I LOVE HELLO FROM THE HALLOWOODS!!!!!!!!!

#hfth #need to watch this over and over for a while

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I was really charmed by all the art and the setting.

#apple valley hillbilly garden #tire tower #junk art

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thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

#i hate being perceived #i remember as a child thinking as hard as i could while i walked to/from the library #I am invisible #you do not see me #i am not here #hoping it would help the neighbors not notice me innocently passing by

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Sometimes I feel like everything is coming together, and sometimes I am once again panicking over getting things together for this surgery trip, because two people have backed out from watching Peri now, and I have one more who offered in the past and hopefully still can, or I can just leave him home and ask my petsitter to do some extra work, which she'd be happy to do and I know I can count on her...

...Then there's my flight. I applied for a free one through an organization that provides free flights for gender-affirming or abortion care, quite a while ago. I checked in a couple months ago and they told me to wait. I let them know last month that I'd be flying alone, and they said okay. I emailed them again over the weekend because I have about a week left until I leave and haven't heard anything. And of course flight prices have risen at this point. And if it comes to that, I'll have to buy my own flight, but damn, wish I had more warning if that was the case. ...Which it probably isn't. But I don't know. They still haven't gotten back to me.

SILENT SCREAMING

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you came back wrong and i am racked with guilt because i cannot bear to see you like this and i should have let you rest. i loved you so much that i defied death itself but i do not think either of us are happy

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#i shower every evening #99.9% of the time #and wash my hair every time

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Lawnmower Ranch

#lawnmower ranch #cadillac ranch #junk art #apple valley hillbilly garden #lawnmowers #roadside attraction

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2024-02-10 // Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco

#soon!

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#junk art #apple valley hillbilly garden

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*spends all of my time alone* perfect! but why am i crazy