isueng4ubabiski

[isueng4ubabiski]

Welcome to my Online Portfolio! :D

[isueng4ubabiski]

I See Words like Pictures

Watching

A burning cigarette falls

From the mouth of a boy

Made of blonde hair,

Black fabric, piercings

And cigarettes that can talk.

I watch this cigarette run

Across a parking lot.

Smoke still rose

From the end of the cigarette,

Almost finished,

And I swear I could still

Hear it.

 Watching

Wilted plants,

Only planted to make

A parking lot seem

More attractive.

Seeing them wilt

Is sort of upsetting,

Considering

It isn’t even summer yet.

People say we’re prettier

Without lies, or lipstick,

And I guess that

Parking lots are like that too.

 I could picture the cigarette

Serenading breathless lungs

And the very thought of it

Silences me.

I imagine

The boy’s tattooed fist

Pushed down into someone’s lungs,

Filling their breath

With unrequited love

And holding hemoglobin hostage.

#literally wrote because I was jealous of a complete stranger's ability to actively socialize

[isueng4ubabiski]

Plan: If barriers were no object

If I could do whatever I desired, regardless of financial, sociological and psychological barriers, my next five years would consist of the following points:

-Attend Arts & Science at McMaster University

-Concentrate electives to combine Artsci and Psychology, Neuroscience & Behaviour

-Live in student housing close to the University with young university students

-Start a writer’s club at McMaster

-Find or start a PSP at McMaster

-Attend swing dancing and poetry club

-Join a choir

-Do research with professors 

-See someone private as well as CBTE

-Work anywhere part time where the coworkers/supervisors are nice and I can still work as a cashier 

-Go into research in psychology, cognitive science and mental health for a year, then apply to teacher’s college or pursue a doctorate to teach at high school or university

Many parts of this plan feel very difficult to pursue.  Socially, I’m still a bit shy to pursue a lot of academic and extracurricular aspects.  There are some financial barriers, especially surrounding CBTE.  A large obstacle seen in many parts of this plan is time.  I only have so much time, but I want to attend university full time in combined honours, partake in three extracurriculars, start up two more extracurriculars, work part time and do academic research.  I just love learning and experiences, I want to do so much!  If job prospects were different, I would love to pursue a career as a teacher or professor.

As much as there are barriers on this plan, many parts of it are already in my current plan.  I have already accepted an offer to Arts & Science, I do currently work as a cashier with friendly work colleagues, and I already attend MacSwing and the Hamilton Poetry centre group.

[isueng4ubabiski]

Discipline (a Snippet)

Don’t bother with what you deserve

Enslave yourself to everything you can earn.

Don’t bothering believing in the word could

Until you’ve stopped on every word should.

The last part is perfect,

Completely foolproof.

You can make yourself completely

You-proof,

Until you don’t even mind it.

This last part is perfect.

Don’t be afraid to be unhappy.

This is part of a writing piece I wrote in the winter.  At this time, the if this didn’t exist plan was the most realistic plan.

[isueng4ubabiski]

Plan if that didn’t exist

If the main aspects that are a part of my current plan were not available, the following one is likely the course I would take:

-Attend Life Sciences at McMaster University

-Specialize in Psychology, Neuroscience & Behaviour

-Go back to CBTE in Port Colbourne

-Live with relatives in downtown Hamilton

-Find extracurriculars when I get there

-Apply to graduate school

I am very capable of this plan, and it would be a sensible route to take.  However, I am not exactly passionate about this plan.  The ideas within this plan make me feel a bit overwhelmed/disappointed.  I am not sure if this plan would affect my mood and overall confidence in a positive way.

[isueng4ubabiski]

My program <3 <3 <3

[isueng4ubabiski]

My mother insisted I get a sweater

[isueng4ubabiski]

Plan as it is now

My plan as it is now details what I currently plan to do over the next five years.

- Attend Arts & Science Program at McMaster University

-Concentrate my electives to combine in arts & science and Psychology, neuroscience and behaviour honours

-Live in student housing on Norfolk

-Go to swing dance and poetry group there

-Attend and complete CBTE program

-Work on weekends at Sobey’s as a cashier

-Possibly join choir there

-See old friends here and there, but try to make new friends

-Graduate from Arts & Science/PNB and apply to graduate school for psychology

-Strive to participate in research and internship opportunities

I am very content with my plan as it is now.  I spent a lot of time considering what I wanted my life to be like for the next few years.  I worked in school and outside of school to be accepted into my dream program at my top university.  I found that student housing was very suitable for my needs and wishes as a future student at McMaster.  I am also very proud that I can say that I have reached out to the community in Hamilton in many ways.  I am developing more confidence, and I would hope that this plan would allow me to continue the process.

[isueng4ubabiski]

Silent Reading

I read something about a bird.

It only made me think of worms.

Everything I hear and see,

Goes straight down to my stomach it seems.

God told me about the sun, the moon and the stars.

The dirt that they kick,

Turning lives over like rocks,

No one will ever know!

We were never even told.

Neither was God.

God fell in love with a bird once.

I found myself,

A worm wriggling around.

Nearing the end of dusk,

At the end of the day

I woke up,

Safe inside of a sparrow’s stomach.

Without a sound,

Without a sound.

#a poem I wrote #passion #finding purpose

[isueng4ubabiski]

When I looked into it, the following courses in my dream/planned university program are offered.  They are directly concerned with interdisciplinary experiential learning.

[isueng4ubabiski]

Mind Map Reflection

When I created my mind map, I found that my work, hobbies, writing, volunteer and school activities shared many conceptual aspects.  Communication, argumentation, exploration, problem solving and imagination all were all related to more than one of the activities that I enjoy.  These elements are what fuel my determination and high performance in day to day life.  The qualities of these activities can all be connected to experiential learning and the process of discovery.  From this, I realized that the university program I plan to attend is really well suited for the way I think and am driven.  Furthermore, it made me think that exploring domains of academic research and/or scientific and creative writing is a possibility that I should seriously consider.

[isueng4ubabiski]

#This mind map is meant to connect the activities I am most passionate about with common themes or applications.

[isueng4ubabiski]

#what I send people if they ask me what I'm doing #half of my camera roll looks like this #calculus

[isueng4ubabiski]

Journal Reflection

My journal is meant to highlight the major activities I partake in in my regular life.  When I was recording them, I considered them in terms of how engaged I was in the activity, how much energy I had while doing the activity and how much I actually enjoyed doing the activity.  I felt that including enjoyment in my journal was important to me for a few reasons.  In a cognitive and active sense, I am very interdisciplinary, and because of that my activities have really broad subject matter.  I think a huge part of self discovery for me is evaluating where my passions truly lie.  It was important for me to reflect on how much I really enjoy activities because I am a very busy person.  I am often so determined to achieve all of my goals at a certain level that I don’t think about if I’m enjoying what I’m doing.  It was also useful to reflect on how the other two factors, energy and engagement, are connected to how much I enjoy doing something.

I usually organize my day around the assumption that I have the most energy when I am doing something I enjoy, but I didn’t find that this was really the case.  My energy was actually affected by the time of day, the weather and my mood more than how much I liked doing whatever it was that I was doing.  I found that I was also more engaged when I felt like something was important for my success as a person, and it didn’t matter as much whether or not I enjoyed it or not.  The pattern in terms of enjoyment itself was not surprising to me.  I really enjoyed things like calculus, English, biology, academic clubs more than things like CBTE and families in Canada because I enjoy being challenged.  I enjoy opportunities to take initiative and learn through discovery.  I enjoy whatever allows me to perform creatively and articulately.  I also enjoyed things like working at Sobey’s and swing dancing because I am very extroverted.  It is not surprising that my energy is high in these areas, because as an extrovert I gain energy from being around others.

The outcome told me things I already suspected as well.  These were mainly that writing seems to be my highest scoring in all areas, because this is my ultimate passion.  I also noticed that I tend to enjoy most of my activities, and I am genuinely grateful for my current overall schedule.  I noticed that my energy is typically lower than other areas, and that is not surprising to me.  I am a busy person, I tend to work hard and get overwhelmed. 

#in response to activity journal

[isueng4ubabiski]

Sleep is for people who can’t dream awake

idle-in-the-marketplace  (via wnq-writers)

#pretty sure this is the busy version of me

[isueng4ubabiski]

Journal: Overall Activities

Work @ Sobeys: Engagement ~ 7, Energy ~6, Enjoyment ~ 7

Biology Class: Engagement ~ 7, Energy ~ 6, Enjoyment ~ 8

Calculus Class: Engagement ~ 8, Energy ~ 8, Enjoyment ~ 8

Families in Canada Class: Engagement ~ 5, Energy ~ 4, Enjoyment ~ 5

English Class: Engagement ~ 6, Energy ~ 7, Enjoyment ~ 9

CBT/CBTE (assessment): Engagement ~ 5, Energy ~ 4, Enjoyment ~ 4

CBT/CBTE (progress & content): Engagement ~ 6, Energy ~ 6, Enjoyment ~ 6

Writer’s Club: Engagement ~ 8, Energy ~ 7, Enjoyment ~ 9

Writing (own time): Engagement ~ 10, Energy ~ 8, Enjoyment ~ 10

PSP: Engagement ~ 7, Energy ~ 6, Enjoyment ~ 7

Choir: Engagement ~ 8, Energy ~ 9, Enjoyment ~ 8

Walks/Hikes: Engagement ~ 8, Energy ~ 7, Enjoyment ~9

MacSwing: Engagement ~ 6, Energy ~ 9, Enjoyment ~ 9

#These are the important activities I partake in #I evaluated for energy & engagement #added enjoyment as a factor

[isueng4ubabiski]

1: Stars

The stars in the sky are holes, you know.

You see, the sky that we see at night

Is not what the sky really looks like.

The holes that we see, the stars,

They give us an idea of what the sky really looks like,

Underneath a layer of its own shadow.

We cannot see the sky, of course.

The true, unflinching sky is so bright

That it would blind us instantly.

Then we would see darkness, forever.

#a poem I wrote #part of a collection that describes life based on interactions and striving for achievments