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I had a drink in the limo on our way to the reception and it hit me hard. I’m not sure why it freed my brain, just that one drink. As we walked into the hall and sat down I felt panicked that I was alone. All those people but I was alone. Even with Tim sitting on a little ways away I was alone. I had friends sitting right next to me and talking to me and I still felt alone. I kept thinking about you and talking to you and wanting to be with you. I shoveled my food down so I could go sit next to Tim but even being close to him didn’t help. As the drink wore off I didn’t feel quite so alone and I talked to others and finished out my bridesmaid duties. After the wedding party dance I went to the bathroom. As I was washing my hands I looked up into the giant mirror and I couldn’t look away. The lady that had done my make-up said it really made my eyes pop and she wasn’t lying. I couldn’t really see what I think you see when you look into my eyes. Outlined in black, the pathetic look of agony ran out of them. I didn’t want to look at anyone, not even myself but I couldn’t quit looking. It was like I was looking at someone else. Some very, very sad person that felt like they had nothing left to cling to. Someone drowning that wouldn’t ask for help but was frightened by death. If it hadn’t been for the make-up and the crowd I would had lost it right there. Seeing a glimpse of what everyone close to me sees everyday puts a little perspective on how they feel. That helplessness that you can’t flush all the bad things from someone’s life and make their world perfect and flawless.
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