jolielala

[jolielala]

Natalie Wee, Least of all

[jolielala]

[jolielala]

Courage

~

“Would you ever kill yourself?” The therapist asks.

Pause. Nothingness. Thought. Darkness.

“How would you do it?” She tries to fill the void.

“I don’t have the courage.” I reply plainly.

“The courage to do what-“

“To kill myself.” I interject, “So I endure…” There is a pause again, a moment of silence that seems to last forever, “I use my cowardly courage to live.”

Written by myself.

[jolielala]

i hope my absence gives you the peace my love never could

- dee

[jolielala]

[jolielala]

“I wondered why I was always so lonely and then I realized that I was always playing different roles for different people but I never played the role of just myself and that’s why I was lonely - the person everyone was with wasn’t actually me.”

— sandralidell

[jolielala]

If you don’t accept me at my worst I make sure you won’t ever see the best of me.

k.b. // u never deserved my best in the first place

[jolielala]

[jolielala]

[jolielala]

“What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever said?” The boy asks. The horse replies, “Help”.

k.b. // the boy, the mole, the fox and the horse - short movie

[jolielala]

“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”

— Ernest Hemingway

[jolielala]

“She’s stubborn and hard headed but god knows I love her. There’s days when she’s grumpy for no apparent reason other than the fact that she’s grumpy. When she’s sick, she’s helpless and all you can really do is hold her in your arms and comfort her till she falls asleep. There’s days when she’ll complain about everything like the weather, people, music, or even you and you’ll just have to deal with it. She’ll complain about the room being too hot, to only result in closing the windows in the middle of the night because she’s too cold. There are days when she shuts the world out, she’ll ignore everyone because she just wants to sit in silence. Sometimes, she’ll claim she can eat an entire cow because that’s just how hungry she is. So we’ll make dinner plans and I’ll pick her up just to have her say, “I ate already, I was too hungry but I’ll still eat a little something.” There are days when she suffocates me with love. She’ll kiss and kiss and kiss, till I beg her to stop. She’ll tickle me until my insides hurt and hold my hand till it’s sweaty. There are days when she’ll claim every part of my body with her lips. And there are days when she’ll need her space and I’ll have to pull a chair up alongside the bed because she just needs her own space. There are days when her hair is messy and all over the place. Days when she’ll cry and you don’t know why but you won’t ask you’ll just let her cry. Days when she’s nervous and jumpy about everything. Days when she yells at me for no reason just to apologize two seconds later. Days when she’s a pain in the ass and pushes my buttons just to settle it with kisses. Days when I’m listening to my favorite song and she’ll talk over it because talking is more important than music. There are days when I need her to make decisions, to do the littlest things like pick a place to eat. She’ll refuse and say “I don’t know” until I give up and decide myself. Sometimes she’ll swear like a sailor and make jokes during times when she should probably be serious. There are days when it’s 3 in the morning and she won’t let me sleep and days when she’s too tired and fast asleep by 10pm. Sometimes she’s clumsy and sometimes she’s a walking contradiction; but she is everything I’ve ever wanted. I’d do everything to have her bad days, her grumpy days, her “I need space days,” her love me days, her laughing days, her clumsy days, and her happy days, because she is everything I’ve ever wanted and I wouldn’t dare trade her for anything in this world.”

— This probably means I love you

[jolielala]

“I loved you in a way I wished someone would love me.”

— Mahmdou Darwish

[jolielala]

[jolielala]

to be an artist is to feel every ounce of emotions ordinary people fear.

[jolielala]

[jolielala]

i hope my absence gives you the peace my love apparently never could

- dee