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jonathansherman · 6 years

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26th Anniversary Logo & 26 Love Songs

1. The Anniversary Logo

Each year I design a different logo for our anniversary (see my workshop on relationship branding ("Creating Our GREAT Relationship Brand") each the the consistent branding of the "I love Kara" and with a different stylization of the number of years we've been married. This year is...

26 years...

26 letters in the alphabet.

26 alphabet blocks.

Every love letter I still have was written from these 26 letters.

Every one of our favorite romantic movies we watched when we were first falling in love was scripted using these 26 letters.

The lyrics of every favorite love song was written from this alphabet. The notes and chords, too.

Every book we’ve enjoyed together (from the profound books of our shared faith that unite us, to Tolkien, Austen, Lamour, and Sedaris) were penned with just these 26 letters.

26 letters make up all of the many recipe books that have inspired not only tasty food from Kara, but more importantly the connections, bonds, and memories our family shares around that food.

26 letters composed the many task lists that have helped us accomplish so much together and for each other.

The silly things we say to make each other laugh.... again, 26 alphabet letters.

I didn’t realize until I made this year’s anniversary logo how much the alphabet had been a crucial part of our relationship and love story. These building blocks are the perfect metaphor. Our relationship has been built from them. Our friendship and our marriage is made up of letters that created the words, laughter, promises, vows, and even the unpleasant fights (that we thankfully learned to move past, change behaviors, forgive, and do better). All of these words are backed up by the foundation of committed behavior tempered by time... 26 years of time to be exact.

And in the logo, there's a hidden love note in the number 6: JQN (Jon) LUVES (loves) KARUH (Kara) X (kiss)

>> SEE PREVIOUS YEARS' LOGOS & PLAYLISTS HERE >>

2. The Anniversary Playlist

One thing, I also still do is woo and romance my wife. One way is through music. For years for anniversaries and Mother's Day I would make her CD's of meaningful songs. You can see a long collection of these playlists and individual songs with love letters and GREAT Relationship™ principles at The 52 Love Songs Project blog.

Throughout the year I collect love songs specifically for our next anniversary. I especially prefer love songs that speak to commitment, dedication and behavioral love, not just romantic or feeling-based love.

So if you're a romantic sap, like me, then enjoy these gems—some old, some new, some popular, some obscure. And if you like these, look for my prior years' playlists for many, many more.

1. 4th and Vine, by Sinead O'Connor

2. No Man's Woman, by Sinead O'Connor Kara's her own girl. The way it should be and the way I like it. I like the point of this song. Yet, Kara let's me call her my woman and I'm certainly her man. I think I fit the bill of the "loving man" she sings of in the second half of the song, which I take pride in that kind of man.

3. Tennessee Whiskey, by Chris Stapleton

4. Best I Can, by Michael Cera (feat. Sharon Van Etten)

5. It's Like, by Marty Ray Project

6. Come and Get It, by Eli "Paperboy" Reed

7. Night After Night, by Lenny and The Squigtones Because funny! And we grew up on Laverne and Shirley.

8. Lava, from Lava Disney movie short

9. When You're Screwin' Other Women (Think of Me), by Doyle and Debbie) Why? This one is just silly and fun. We like old country music and this pokes fun at that genre perfectly.

10. Time and Tide, by Basia

11. Steamroller Blues, by James Taylor

12. Come Rain or Come Shine, by Ray Charles

13. (You're) Timeless To Me, by Christopher Walken and John Travolta, Hairspray Soundtrack

14. Let's Stick Together, by Bryan Ferry

15. I'm Your Moon, by Jonathan Coulton Science geek love...

16. The Science Love Song, by AsapScience Science nerd love..

17. Check Yes or No, by George Strait

18. When You Are Old and Gray, by Tom Lehrer

19. I'd Love Making Love to You, by Leonard Nimoy Because nothing is more romantic than Spock.

20. My Baby Just Cares for Me, by Nina Simone

21. Be My Husband, by Nina Simone

22. Be-Bop-A-Lula, by Gene Vincent Because rockabilly = best.

23. Waiting for a Girl Like You, by Foreigner

24. Wherever You Will Go, by The Calling

25. Mess is MIne, by Vance Joy

26. I'm Your Man, by Richard Hell

>> SEE PREVIOUS YEARS' LOGOS & PLAYLISTS HERE >>

3. Our Anniversary Getaway

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jonathansherman · 6 years

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Rock Therapy: "You Are Not Alone" by Mavis Staples

You Are Not Alone by Mavis Staples

You're not alone I'm with you I'm lonely too

What's that song Can't be sung By two?

A broken home A broken heart Isolated and afraid Open up this is a raid I wanna get it through to you You're not alone

You're not alone Every night I stand in your place

Every tear On every face Tastes the same

A broken dream A broken heart Isolated and afraid Open up this is a raid I wanna get it through to you You're not alone

An open hand An open heart There's no need to be afraid Open up this is a raid I wanna get it through to you You're not alone I wanna get it through to you You're not alone I'm gonna get it through to you You're not alone

Rock Therapy thoughts... Amen, Mavis! This song says it all just fine the way it is and doesn't need commentary. So I'll just share my fav line from one of my fav hymns, "In the quiet heart is sorrow that the eye cannot see." (Lord I Would Follow Thee).

"Every tear on every face tastes the same." Suffering is the human common denominator. We are all in this together. So let's, please, be there for one another.

#Mavis Staples

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jonathansherman · 6 years

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Rock Therapy: 102 Groovy VW Songs

I think I can safely claim this is the most comprehensive collection about vintage VW songs ever. I belong to a couple local VW groups and attend VW car shows. I made this playlist for all my VW chums. These songs cover most genres. Some are professionally done, some aren't. Some are better than others. Some are all about the VW while others mention them in a passing lyric. Let me know which ones you like best.

Why VW songs for Rock Therapy? Okay, that's pretty obvious: Vintage VW's are super chill. The VW Bug and Bus are cultural icons of the ideal of "peace, love and happiness, baby!" And the wonderful irony is that the Volkswagen was started by the polar opposite of that ideal, Adolf Hitler. He wanted an affordable people's car. Fortunately, he's gone and this car for the people was co-opted by the hippie movement (a group of people that he would have despised! Ha!). These songs all capture what the Bugs and Buses have come to represent to so many: "Peace, love and happiness.' They are vehicles you drive because you are in no hurry, have minimal ego, don't mind getting dirty fixing it up, and aren't afraid to figure out how to wrench on it a little... because for a long time it was poorer people (the people's car) who couldn't afford a "nicer" car. Funny thing is that these cheap little cars, weren't cheap in quality, and their design (in both form and function) was simple, elegant and brilliant. That's why they are still around, sought after, and universally enjoyed by owners and fans alike.

Also, there's a very personal connection to VW's. If you don't know yet, my wife and I have had our 1969 VW Westfalia Bus since we were first married over 25 years ago. My wife and her family grew up with two Bugs as well. Plus, my daughter Molly and I have been restoring her 1969 VW Bug together as a daddy-daughty project. So, we really like old VWs around here My kids have learned to drive in our Bus and all have good memories with friends cruising around town in the Bus. It became the #ChalkBus in .... and ever since the MarriageEnvy #ChalkBus has been a crowd and community fav around town and at special events. It's been featured in the news, on the radio, a rock music video, photo shoots, and now a documentary. Following the playlist are notes on each of the songs...

**** Embed this post on the CB page, too.

1. Vincent Rolls, by Dave Manning

I came across this song in one of the VW documentaries, though I can't remember which one, but he's a singer/songwriter who travels from gig to gig in his Bus, Vincent. Nice tribute to his faithful companion vehicle.

2. The Volkswagen Song, by Gord Yelich

This song is written and performed by BC singer/ songwriter Gord Yelich, and is taken from his first album "from wobbly knees." For all you Volkswagen enthusiasts out there. A love song.

3. Mabel VW Beetle, by Peter Simmons

"This is the story of Mabel, a 1959 VW Beetle." A bluesy fun tune.

4. The Volkswagen Song, sung by Jill Adamson & Mary Elaine.

A happy little song from "Sing a song of Motor Cars," 1970.

5. VW Bug Song, by Denny Brening

A very simple acoustic punkish song. I really like it.

6. Come and Get It / VW Beetle Song, by Cable35

A commenter clarified, "the song is called "come and get it" written and produced by cornelius hager, singer is kriz cable from the maltese punkband cable35. production: tinseltown music / germany the song is made for vw,"

7. Magic Bus, by The Who

This one isn't actually about a VW Bus, but any Bus owner considers it a theme song for sure. My Brit punk rocker VW chum Gary Pilcher's VW Bus is called "The Magic Bus." This song was also the background music in this radio spot/podcast that was done about my #ChalkBus (about half-way down page).

8. Waitin' for the Bus/Jesus Just Left Chicago, by ZZ Top

"Have mercy! Been waitin' for the bus all day" are the opening lyrics. Again, not about a VW Bus, but c'mon! My Bus has been broken down enough I've pleaded for mercy as I've been waiting for my Bus to work again while I've been working on it all day!

9. VW Bus, by The Newbies

I believe this song and all the pics are by the owner of the 71 bus in the pics. Nice!.

10. Down Under, by Men at Work

"Travelin' in a fried out Kombi..." is the opening line and one of my favorite opening lines of a song. For those who don't know, a Kombi is the same as a Bus. It's what they were originally/officially called as it's a combination or multi-purpose vehicle. And the opening scene of the video features a panel van bay window VW Bus. Nice.

11. Convoy, by C.W. McCall

Somehow this became a hit song and movie in the 70s. I had this song on a 45. There was something exciting about having a big rig (there was also a hit TV show called BJ and the Bear), being a trucker, a CB radio, and knowing CB lingo. And then having a huge convoy of renegade truckers sticking it to the man was glorious anarchy. And a bit ridiculous. But what the hey... so was the 70s.

Among all these huge semi's then enters the VW Bus. See 2:42 for a Bay window VW Microbus in the video and the lyric, "Well we shot the line, we went for broke, with a thousand trucks and 11 long-haired friends of Jesus in a chartreuse Microbus."

And then on the CB you hear, "Lookie, you want to put that Microbus in behind that suicide jockey?" And the reply, "Yeah, he's hauling dynamite--he needs all the help he can get!" A VW Bus loaded with dynamite ready to blow through the state trooper barricade. In the 70s that was cool. Now that's terrorism....

12. Rapper's Delight, by The SugarHill Gang

The song isn't VW-related, but it's played by a unique record player... be sure to watch the video...

13. Camper Van, by The Adventure Babies

A happy summer afternoon tune.

14. VW Bus, by Mommy Daddy Issues

They invite a smack-talking cracker to stop giving them crap and instead join them to chill out with them in their VW Bus.

15. The VW Campervan Summer Song, by Scouting For Girls

Man, I just love this song. I mean exactly.

16. VW Bus Song, by F.A.M.E 1984 (Judy Winter, et al)

With a heavy borrow from the song Wild Thing... It's in German and all I know is that Google Translate gives this translation from the description in the video, though I can't vouch for its accuracy: "a homage to the VW Bus. What we would have done without him. Have we taken time, when we were quite wide. F.A.M.E. 1984 = Judy Winter, Ian Jory, and Silvie Jung, Helmut war, Peavy Schmidt, Dieter Roehrig,"

17. VW Bus, by Litchtfeld

Another VW Bus song in German. I don't understand it, but I like it.

18. Hippie-Bus, by Dodo

A German reggae song about a hippy bus. Yeah. They make a cool cut out VW Bus that they walk about town. Fun. The video description has lyrics if you want to copy and translate them in Google Translate...

19. Get Away (Bulli Edition), by FRONTAL

Another VW Bus song in German. Catchy.

20. "Ode to the Bus" AKA: Arnie's Song, by Tyler Firestone

The singer says, "lol I wrote this song because my friend Arnie from the Barrie Folk Society offered me a part for my VW Bus under one condition. I needed to write a song about THE BEST VEHICLE IN THE WORLD!!!! THE V-DUBYA MICROBUS!!! I was honored to For all you groovy people ouyt there... Here it is!"

21. Love Bug Blues, by Charles Bradley

This has nothing to do with an actual VW Bug, but we all know that they are called "love bugs" and I couldn't resist the tie in to this playlist. Besides this is some pretty dang sweet blues and I think I can safely say we've all been there...

22. Herbie the Love Bug TV Theme Song

This is horrible, cheesy and embarrassing. But I felt obligated. I mean Herbie made many of us fall in love with VW Bugs when we were kids.

23. Herbie the Love Bug Movie Theme Song

Classic island surf-style groovy 60's hip music. Instrumental.

24. Cesar Laser - Supersonic Volkswagen Beetle

This odd little number was first on Britain's Got Talent (you can watch that here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AT5WpGfYGuE). Give the full song a listen. In satirical Kraftwerk style, it's really quite funny.

25. VW Beetle Song, from a film by Esso and Wolfsburg

I think I can safely say this was the very first VW Beetle song. I'd love to have this one translated from the German. A short film was made in 1949 by Esso and the Wolfsburg Volkswagen plant four years after the war. This song is sung at the end of the 58 minutes movie.

26. Beetle Love, by Volkswagen

A rather dreadful little song that I find hard to listen to... but it still has to be on this list I think mostly because of what the uploader said, "I found this on a vintage LP entitled "Volkswagen '79: Music From The '79 Intro Show" which I presume was a private issue intended solely for the VW-USA sales team."

27. VW Song, by The Supernaturals

I quite like this one.

28. VW Bus T3, by Kone

Another Bus song in German. For those who don't know, T3 refers to the Type 3 version of the Bus which is the Vanagon. The T1s are the first Buses with the split front windows. The T2s are the bay window buses (like mine).

29. The Big White Van, by ???

The uploader says, "A tuneful video about a families ownership of a VW Bay type 2 camper van since 1979 until 2016 with all the good and bad times, mostly good. A catchy tune and brain worm chorus." Nice.

30. VW Van, by Jake Owen

I was enjoying this fun country song celebrating the VW Van... then I noticed some commenters getting critical because "it's a BUS not a VAN!!!" Oh brother. Big deal. So, I shared the following comment: "For those who are getting bent that he's calling it a "van" most do call it a Bus but there are plenty in the VW Bus community who refer to owning a Bus as "VanLife." I've had my 69 pop top Westy VW Bus, aka the #ChalkBus, for 24 years now so I have a little "cred" here :-). I prefer Bus but have no prob with it being called a VW van or VW camper van as others call them. The VW Bus is also called officially the Kombi, Microbus, Transporter, Samba, Bulli, and Campmobile. Variations are Westfalias (Westy), pop tops, tin tops, high tops, Bay, Splitty, etc. It's been called a lot of things. The Bus itself doesn't care. Let it go. It's a fun, catchy song praising a great vehicle. Enjoy it."

31. Das VW Käfer, by ???

A VW Beetle song in German. No idea what his saying but the tune is catchy.

32. Mechanic, by Claire Ness

Not a song about VW's but about wrenching on them for sure, and this is from the superior web series documenting a VW Bus traveling from southern Chile to Alaska. A trip that was meant to be done in one year took four. The coolest guy and people. The show is Hasta Alaska and the channel is Kombi Life. A must watch!

33. That Kombi Song, by Kevin Brand

A catchy tune that understands what owning a Bus is all about.

34. The Kombi Song, by Harrison Biden

The singer says, "The song is about my first memories of surfing and our first surfing car."

35. The Kombi Song, by ???

"Try to fix it cheap she'll cost ya double..." Ha! No doubt.

36. The Vanagon Song, by Mica Strong

Warning: Explicit Lyrics. For you T3 Vanagon lovers... The last of the VW line that understand what the Bus was about. The Eurovan was just a minivan with camp stuff inside, ya know? Or is that just me?

37. The VW Song, by Jer Grissom

Nice little acoustic song.

38. Cute as a Bug, by Lyle Lovett

"That's when I saw her, singin' and laughin' Tryin' to pass me in a Volkswagen She's as cute as a bug..."

39. Sikh in a Baja Volkswagen Bug, by Grandaddy

I don't know how to explain this other than the title says it all.

40. Amen, by Paula Cole

"I'm siphoning gass from the high school bus Into the tank of my beat-up Bug So I can drive away from the shouting and misery"

41. I Got Me a Lady - She Drives a Little Blue Volkswagen Car (Live), by Les McCann and His Magic Band

Cool, bluesy tune.

42. Volkswagen, by Dog Faced Hermans

A trippy, psychedelic romp...

"Volkswagen the sun Volkswagen the moon"

43. '69 Beetle, by Bo Billy

A country boy gets an hand me down VW while all his buddies got pickup trucks...

44. Sleeping in the Beetle Bug, by "of Montreal"

45. Peace and Love, by Fountains of Wayne

"Riding around in a Volkswagen van Thinking 'bout the people upside-down in Japan"

46 & 47. Da Da Da (English and German versions), by Trio

I included this as this was made famous by the Volkswagen ad campaign.

48. A onda é a Kombi, by Henrique e Ruan

Brazilian group. The title translates from Portuguese into "The wave is the van."

49. Autobahn, by Kraftwerk

The song begins with the sound of a VW Bug door closing and engine starting up and driving off. And the album cover features a white VW Bug driving down the Autobahn in the right lane.

50. VW Bus, Aaron Pritchett

"Impulse buy on a drive-by deal."

51. VW Bus T3 Lied

This is the Google Translation from the German lyrics. I especially like the moral of the story at the end of the song!

"The VW Bus T3 song, played and sung by Mic, texted by Dirk, at the forumvwbus.de meeting in Clausthal, 01.-04.05.2008 Here is the text: ---------------------------------------- The bus Once upon a time there was a little boy he could not say a word about his tongue he did not dream of the first kiss but from a private bus He grew bigger, girls came rarely kept their names because everything did not matter to him Only the T3 was in sight Finally, when the ruble rolled and he could do what he wanted he cleared his account and plunged into traffic Engine behind, boy in front Hard music on the ears, Finally there was time for women there is room for bodies in T3! And, how should it be different, soon, child seats came in. From the cool Love-Mobil their cries came to a great deal Later then, after hard years and again, long savings stood in front of the house hipp, hippy hurray a dream-bear of Westfalia !! He has sworn himself firmly and wrote behind their own ears never to deliver this bus he is a part of life Fine dust, soot and environmental zone The boy does not itch the bean He is happy, drives and cleans the bus until the end .... until the end ... .... and the moral of the story You do not sell a good bus !!"

52. Bessie The Bus, by Stevie Bradford

"A happy little blues song." :-)

53. VW Bus Lament, by Idyltime

"Once I had a Volkswagen van and it cost me a lot of dough..."

54. VW Bus, by Teesy & Tribe

German rap group, translated part of the lyrics on Google Translate:

"Build my 'VW bus for a motorhome Drive through the country without a destination Write another letter And then I say "Bye."

55. VW Van, by Owen Steel

Guy who wished he had bought a VW Van from his high school principal but had no moolah

56. VW Bus Song, by MANNSWILD

German song. Fun vid. They say, "You are in love with your VW Bus - your heart beats for the only real Bulli. We, the band MANNSWILD from out of Germany share this passion. Here comes the BULLI."

57. Sweetheart, the VW Bus, from Kiepie & Kandas intro

Intro song from a 1980 Afrikaans movie with the song 'Die Army van Kandas' singing about Sweetheart, the VW Bus.

58. The Camper Van Song, by The John Meed Band

"Those hippies were crazy, but they sure knew what to drive..."

59. Campervan Song, by Jimmy Lee Morris

"A waltzy homage to our first 1976 Type 2 Bay Window Campervan"

60. Camper Van Driver, by Kludo White

61. The Campervan Song, by Intersonic

"A song about the happiness and the despair of a good ol' road trip."

62. Campervan Song, by Dan Platt

"Song about my vw camper van."

63. Volks, Volkswagen Blues, by Gilberto Gil

A chill song from 69 or 71.

64. The Fool, by Old 97s

"He came from Phoenix in a borrowed VW bug To be somebody or just be somebody who Came from Phoenix in a borrowed VW bug"

65. The Boogie Man, by Kinky Friedman

"The boogie man, he's got a little piece of land, He got a mean ol' lady keeps him gentle as a lamb. He got a dog named Frog and a VW van"

66. I Love Planet Earth, by Eleni Mandell

"One road goes through the reservation With one casino and one gas station Rusted VW bug upside down By the side of the road"

67. Hillbilly Hippies, by Montgomery Gentry

"We got some friends like us Fill up a crew cab truck Like an old VW bus"

68. The Great Hank, by Robert Earl Keen

"So there we were out the door and into the city of brotherly love Into the night, out of sight In a VW Bug"

69. Glory Bound, by Martin Sexton

"So I packed it up and I went to the winds And I lived out of a VW bus for a year or two Ain't nothing but a pipe dream and my guitar"

70. Factory, John Cougar Mellencamp

"Well I'm up every morning by 6:08 Take the Volkswagen bus up the interstate"

71. W.O.L.D., by Harry Chapin

"You picked me up in your battered blue Volkswagen, babe You laid me down on the mattress on the Floor that was your bed"

72. Hippopotamus, by Sparks

"There's a Volkswagen microbus, a Volkswagen microbus, a Volkswagen microbus in my pool A '58 microbus A '58 microbus A '58 microbus in my pool. A hippie is driving, a hippie is driving, a trippy old hippie poor, poor guy A hippie is driving, a hippie is driving, I throw him a towel Here, go get dry"

73. Gypsy In My Soul, by Johnny Reid

"Momma told me my daddy was a ramblin' man I was born in the backseat of a Volkswagen van"

74. Volkswagen Van, by Wonder Coast

75. Volkswagen Bus, Alex Call

76. Volkswagen Thing, by Asylum Street Spankers

77. Volkswagen, by Bennettopia

78. Volkswagen Boogie, by Henry & The Bleeders

79. Volkswagen Blues, by Black Cassette

80. Volkswagen Breakdown, by The Plate Scrapers

81. Grey Volkswage, by Poor Man's Whiskey

82. Volkswagen Commercial, by Ryan Kulp

83. Blue Volkswagen, by Michael Beetley

84. Volks Volkswagen Blue, by Os Brazões

85. Blues to a VW Bus, Vasko the Patch

Bulgarian artist.

86. Calamine / Volkswagen Breakdown (Live), by Zigue

87. Quero Ser o Teu Volkswagen, by Balla

Translates to "I want to be your volkswagen." Hmmmm.

88. I Got a Volkswagen You Got a Cadillac, by Buzzy Beano

89. Lost in the Bush in a Broken Down Volkswagen in Nigeria, by Nikolaj Hess

90. Little VW Kafer Car, by A-OK for Kids

91. Saga of a Volkswagen Kafer Car, by Stories for Kids

Not a song, but a fun little story of the life cycle of a Volkswagen Bug for kids.

92. Blue Kombi, Davizera

93. Na Kombi, by Expresso Luz

94. Kombi 71, by Paulo Meyer and the Thunderheads

95. Kombi 72, by Paulo Meyer and the Thunderheads

96. Centennial, by Tokyo Police Club

"I'm running to catch up to that old VW They're leaning out the back"

VW Songs on Spotify that aren't on YouTube

97. VW Bus Vibe$, by AJ

98. Little Blue Volkswagen, by Dean Brody

99. Transporter You a& I, by Volkswagen

100. Volkswagen Blue, by Jose Cid

101. As Great as Those Great Volkswagen Ads, by FAD

102. El Agua en la VW Camper, by El Ruido Blanco

LOOK FOR MORE HERE:

https://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/VW

https://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/volkswagen

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jonathansherman · 6 years

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Rock Therapy: "You Are Not Alone" by Mavis Staples

You Are Not Alone by Mavis Staples

You're not alone I'm with you I'm lonely too

What's that song Can't be sung By two?

A broken home A broken heart Isolated and afraid Open up this is a raid I wanna get it through to you You're not alone

You're not alone Every night I stand in your place

Every tear On every face Tastes the same

A broken dream A broken heart Isolated and afraid Open up this is a raid I wanna get it through to you You're not alone

"Every tear on every face tastes the same." Suffering is the human common denominator. We are all in this together. So let's, please, be there for one another.

#Mavis Staples

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jonathansherman · 7 years

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HMH 3: "On Stuckness and Getting Unstuckified" with Gary Klein, LCSW

In this interview with Gary Klein, LCSW and Jonathan Sherman, LMFT talk about getting unstuck in life with some tips and tricks from the field.

Episode highlights:

;-) Certificates: Abdication of Responsibility, etc.

3 Rules for Guilt

Guilt vs. Shame

Brain Mechanics: Our 3 Brains (thinking, emotional, primitive)

CBT

The frozen locomotive

100K reps

We are slow, social learners vs. instinctual knowledge (cp to Pepper’s puppies)

The “Comma, Yet...”

Drawing: The Box--need to post the picture and insert comment at that point in the audio directing them to the picture.

Solution Focus vs. watering the weeds

The Umbrella

Milton Erickson and the "Pee Pipe" story here.

Self worth and self esteem

;-) Certificate of Self-Esteem

Thought-stopping

;-) Product: Pee Pipe Kit

;-) Glutton for Punishment Certificate

Referenced Resources:

Led Zeppelin boxed set remastered:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-complete-studio-albums/id674271135

Guest Blogger: Gary Klein on Stress & Stuckness

http://www.marriageenvy.com/great-relationships-blog/guest-blogger-stress-stuckness

Gary Klein’s professional profile and contact info:

https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Gary_Klein_LCSW_Salt+Lake+City_Utah_80740

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jonathansherman · 7 years

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Interview: The Pursue-Withdraw Relationship Dynamic

In this episode, my colleague Emil Harker, LMFT and I discuss one of the most common behaviors we find in marital relationships: The pursue-withdraw dynamic. We explore how to avoid this common pitfall that hinders rather than invites intimacy. We also suggest ideas to improve communication and satisfaction in relationships.

Source: http://www.ldsperspectives.com/2016/11/02/episode-7-pursue-withdrawal-relationship-syndrome-jonathan-sherman/

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jonathansherman · 7 years

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Vid Interview: Marriage Therapy as Divorce Prevention

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jonathansherman · 7 years

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Responsible Fathers are the Bravest, says Charles Bronson

"Don’t you ever say that again about your fathers, because they are not cowards. You think I am brave because I carry a gun? Well, your fathers are much braver because they carry responsibility—for you, your brothers, your sisters, and your mothers. And this responsibility is like a big rock that weighs a ton. It bends and it twists them until finally it buries them under the ground. And there’s nobody says they have to do this. They do it because they love you, and because they want to. I have never had this kind of courage. Running a farm, working like a mule every day with no guarantee anything will ever come of it. This is bravery." —Charles Bronson as Bernardo O’Reilly in The Magnificent Seven

This is simply one of the best things I've ever heard about fathers. As a father I know that weight and feel sometimes it's not seen nor understood. Like most young fathers I had no true idea what I was getting into, but I took it on and am so glad I did. The best work I've ever done has been being a father. But providing is a weight that involves work, worry, stress, risk, and fear at times. And to keep going for those you love, to keep going past your own abilities to gain new ones, is not easy. And it can even be scary to keep trying. We often don't talk about this part of fatherhood as we just "man up" and do what needs doing. And that is good. But let me just say that when I heard these words while watching this movie I felt such a sense of being understood and seen for what I do. My wife and children value and appreciate me, of course, for which I am grateful. But somethings aren't fully understood unless it's experienced--be it childbirth or being a provider or you name it.

Note: I first posted this on Facebook in 2013... here are the original comments: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=672403699458474&set=a.201605529871629.47994.100000665505405&type=3&permPage=1

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jonathansherman · 7 years

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Dear Mom's Who Feel Bad, Guilty, or Not Good Enough on Mother's Day,

As a family therapist and parenting expert for 20+ years I have heard mom after mom after mom tell me how guilty they feel because they didn't do this or that right in their parenting, how they should have done, or should be doing, more, who are stuck in the comparison trap of how other mom's seem to be able to do it all, and on and on and on.

I have a three words for them and three words for you:

"Knock it off."

Here's 7 reasons why:

First of all, this type of guilt isn't effective. It doesn't motivate or energize to do better, it just drains and erodes. And it's not even the healthy, appropriate kind of guilt. The "guilt" you're feeliing is actually misapplied shame.

Secondly, it's mean. Beating yourself for not being good enough, etc. is just plain mean. It's not okay to beat people up, including yourself, because you're also a people ;-). Besides, you know you. You would NEVER criticize your best girlfriend for "not doing enough" for her kids. That would be cruel and you're not a cruel person. Your friend wouldn't deserve that. Ever. Well, ask your friend. She'll say you don't deserve that either. In fact, no one does. Cruelty as a motivator is THE least effective motivator of all, and that makes cruelty stupid. You're not stupid. You're kind. Well, then be smart and kind to yourself.

Thirdly, quite frankly I hate it when people preface a comment with "I'm not perfect...". Well, no duh. No one is. I'm not. You're not. In fact, I expect that you're FAR from perfect. Me, too. Big deal. That's normal. That's human. So let's stop having an ridiculous expectation or comparison to that impossible "perfect." It's exhausting and completely unhelpful.

Fourth, somewhere, somehow "good enough" came to be equated with "not good enough" because only "great" or "perfect" is enough. However, literally:

good enough = good + enough

and good = good

and enough = enough

Some scripture somewhere admonishes, "Don't call good evil and evil good." Good is simply good. When we say the good we do isn't good enough we're basically saying it's bad. That's not cool.

Truth is somedays we do great parenting, sometimes we stink at it, somedays we even nail it. Most days, though it's good. For example, do your kids have a roof over their head? That's good. Do they have clothes on their back? That's also good. Do they starve? No? That's good. But you guiltily say, "Sometimes they just have cold cereal for dinner." SINNER!!! Might as well just beat them while you're at it. Sheesh. You know what? I had cold cereal for dinner plenty times and never in my mind as a kid did I eat my FAVORITE meal and think, "Man this is tasty, but what a bad mom I have." Did you give life to another human being? That's definitely good. Does this human being now have a world of choices and opportunities available to her or him that she or he will be able to do their best through lots of trial and error to figure out life as well as they can? That's also good.

Yes, yes, yes, I can hear all the "Yeah, but I don't do this, this, and that...". Yeah, I know. Big deal. No one does it all. I sure don't. My wife sure doesn't. So, please acknowledge the good you do. Give yourself credit for it. Let it good be good. And let it be enough. It is both.

Fifth, take and ENJOY! compliments graciously. When someone says, "You're such a good mom," DON'T say, "Oh, no I'm not, I don't do this or that...". Knock it off! Say, "Thank you," or "Thank you, I really needed to hear that," or "Thank you, I really needed to hear that. I'm actually having a bit of a down day being a mom. Would you mind telling me why you think I'm a good mom?" What a nice think to say back to someone--to let them compliment you makes them feel good and when you take it in it makes you feel good, which also makes them feel good, and it makes you feel good for making them feel good back! Dizzying, but true. Even if you don't see what they are complimenting you about, take it in and ENJOY that this nice and good and smart and sincere person sees something good in you and about you. Again, that's a good thing. Call good good. Take that good in and ENJOY it. Please. For me.

Sixth, with all this being said, please focus on what you DO and not what you DON'T do. There are many parents who do XYZ way better than I do (like helping kids with homework, gathering family for family prayer, and many, many other things). There are things I do awesome and better than others. It's okay. What I DO is good, sometimes great, and occasionally I even nail it. All that is good. And good is good and enough is enough. So focus on what you DO more than what you DON'T.

Seventh, and last, my take a as a man is fine, but give my wife Kara's blog she wrote on this topic a few years ago a read: http://wampumqueen.blogspot.com/2013/05/mothers-day-2013.html

Share your thoughts on being kind to yourself on Mother's Day and allowing yourself to fully enjoy the day and yourself AS YOU ARE.

#Mothers Day

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jonathansherman · 7 years

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25th Anniversary Logo & 42 Love Songs

1. The Anniversary Logo

25 Years!!! That's a quarter of a century! It's our Silver Anniversary! Woo hoo! And not only that, we've not only been married for 25 years, we've been friends for three decades now! And THAT is where it's at.

25 years in and...

we still make each other laugh....

we still like to be with each other...

we still support each other's interests...

we still believe in each other...

we still hold hands...

we still date...

we still kiss..

we are still kind to each other...

we are still thoughtful...

we still try...

we still care...

and and we still just love each other.

Still.

There is great value in that simple word: "still." I like word meanings and origins, so I looked at some of the definitions and descriptions of the words "still" that fit well for where are now 25 years into our marriage:

not moving

unmoving

undisturbed

calm and tranquil.

even

deep silence and calm

even now as formerly

referring to something that will or may happen in the future.

nevertheless

all the same

regardless

notwithstanding

in any event

make or become still; quieten

be fixed, stand

>> SEE PREVIOUS YEARS' LOGOS & PLAYLISTS HERE >>

2. The Anniversary Playlist

So if you're a romantic sap, like me, then enjoy these gems—some old, some new, some popular, some obscure. And if you like these, look for my prior years' playlists for many, many more.

That One Night — The Hunted From the TV show, The Office. If you know the show and the song you'll know why this is funny. It's a show we love and this is just for laughs.

If I Didn't Have You — Tim Minchin Another comedy piece making fun of the idea that there's ONLY that special one... Sure Kara and I each could've found someone else and maybe have made those relationships work in their own good ways. However, THIS is our relationship that we CHOSE and that we love and that we make it as good as it is. :-)

I Can Change — John Legend, ft Snoop Dogg

Little Wing — Sting

Biggest Part of Me — Ambrosia

Just Kissed My Baby — The Meters

Unsaid — Anoushka Shankar & Norah Jones These sisters of different mothers, share the same father, Ravi Shankar

Lisa Breaks Ralph's Heart — The Simpsons Inside joke from a show we both love.

Emmylou — First Aid Kit I just so love this song.

All of Me — John Legend

No One — Alicia Keys

Fix You — Coldplay

Die a Happy Man — Thomas Rhett

Kiss Me — Sixpence None the Richer

Like My Dog — Billy Currington

Arms of a Woman — Amos Lee

Happy Together — The Turtles

The Idea of Growing Old — The Features

I Get a Kick Out of You — Ella Fitzgerald

Your Love Is King — Sade

Come Away with Me — Norah Jones The whole point of an anniversary getaway is to say "come away with me." Besides a good time, it's a grand symbolic gesture. On a smaller, but equally important symbollic level, is dating each week... It says, "come away with me. Let's get away from the stuff of life and just do what we did in the beginning, that we look forward to doing also at the end: just enjoying being together."

You Are the Sunshine of My Life — Stevie Wonder

Baby, I Love Your Way — Peter Frampton

Fallin' — Alicia Keys

Wild Horses — Rolling Stones

Lovely Day — Bill Withers

Oh Sweet Lorraine — Fred Stobaugh One of THE sweetest stories is behind this simple song a grieving 96-year-old husband wrote for his dearly departed wife of 75 years. Truly a Marriage Master. This song has the weight and credibilty of a life-long love. Even though I'm the marriage expert, and even though my baby and I have 25 years, we are only a third of the way to knowing what this couple had and created together. They are the true marriage experts. Bow to the masters and learn from them. I did a blog post on this song here....

Took Her Home — Fred Stobaugh A follow-up to Sweet Lorraine and the grief of parting and missing his dear love and looking forward to their reunion in the next life.

You Are the Best Thing — Ray LaMontagne

Harvest Moon — Neil Young

Follow You Follow Me — ???

Little Trip to Heaven — Tom Waits

Made-Up Love Song #43 — Guillemots

Reasons to Love You — Meiko

Always Want You — Lori McKenna

The Afterlife Love Song — Dave Zobl Another funny love song.

Friend of Mine — Edie Brickell

The Thermos Song — Steve Martin From the movie, The Jerk. Nothing says love like a well-chosen Thermos.

The Thermos Song (cover) — ???

Try a Little Tenderness — Otis Redding

Kissing My Love — Bill Withers

>> SEE PREVIOUS YEARS' LOGOS & PLAYLISTS HERE >>

3. Our Anniversary Getaway

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jonathansherman · 7 years

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Rock Therapy: "Rumble Shimmie" and Other Bandless Band Names

This is my ongoing list of my made-up band names. Now if I only had a band to go along with the name...

Rumble Shimmie (the name that started the list... came from a phrased I heard once on Car Talk describing a noise a car made. I thought it sounded like a good name for a band).

I'm Not Telling You

I Dont Know

Why?

88 Cents

Angry Bottom

Nine Bucks

Grey Light

Raspberry Agony

Sick of Soda

Alarm Clock Radio

Keep Us Off the Street

Between the Lines

Tire Swing

Swallow the Police

They Go Wild

Lobster Mary

Rattle Trap

Grab It!

Jimmy & The Snail Monkeyz

Eeew!

Matching Towels

Flash Bikini

Utility Room

Knife Lure

In a Jam

Ear Plugs

21 Bungees 4 Monday

Pole

Wide Open

Heaven's Door

What the People Need

Dokter'z Orderz

Someone Else's Dream

You Who?

Yeah...

Apathetic Goldfish from Hades

Too Far

Yeah, Right!

Nope!

Crossed That Bridge

Barbee Fish

Something Dreadful

Everyday

Everday Something

Lawn Darts

Don't Want to Know It

Something Else

Anything

Forget Us

Input Shaft

Pieces to Fly

Email Ben

Something Loose

Make Me Brownies

60 to 65 MPH

Four-Speed Automatic

Same Frame

Through the Gears

Abandon Ship Now!

Classic Case

Passenger Seat

Replaced Muffler

Down to 3,000

Cruising Speed

Regular Woodpecker

Upside Down Tortoise

32 RPM

In Between

Different Picture

I You

Anymore

'til It Happens

Attention Associates!

Got Older

Know the Truth

Don't U Dare

Get the Vibe

Hear Feel See

Root Fo' It

Go Away

Sympathetic Vibration

Above or Below

Go Back

Baked Item

Wandering Wayward

Short Break

15-Minute Break

Tea Party at Jason's

Lay It On 'Em

Grief

Bad Grief

Phoney Jealousy

The Otta Popz

Professor Unbeatable

Cap'n Speedy and the Vomiteers

Obsessed Mongrel

Enemy Peanut

Pennsylvania Skirtz

Wispy

Whiskey Tango

Dub Tee

Valley Groove

Divorce Kitty

Why Mullet?

Fail On!

Seventeen Dishes

Doin' for a Livin'

Used by the Radio

Sell You The Money

Vacuum Void

Well-Coiffed 'Taters

Mach .725

Juicy Pants

Scarey You

Scars Heal

Cow's Bell Yesterday (CBY)

Folded Box

LunaChix

Mooney James and the Wet Ones

Falling Before

Trainwreck Pie

Beyond Fargo

Chester's Lonely

Geezer

Brake Hard

Last Night's Brownies

Yesterday's Brownie

Day Old Cake

Sailors Delight

Left Home

Right n Rong

I Like Grapes

So There

Did It

Broken Cookie Jar

Knobby Tires

Mini Golf Monday

Tired

Wilted Salad

Krispy Xmas Tree

Bone Salad

When Is Now

Itchy Sore Bumhole

Bra Crumbs

Gary and The Scars--Nate Payne

Dijiri Duo

Pothole Express

Stale Yogurt

Yogurt Chunx

Giant Mullet Smorgasbord

Cute Girl in Math Class

Has a Ring to It

Snaggletooth Jane

Situational Ethics

Karmic Wedgie

Can't Talk About It Now

The tin can lottery (added by adam)

What?!

Peppers Bath

Krunchy Pretzel

Turn It Down

Still On the First One

Slow Children

No One Listens to Me

Pretty Depressing

Pritty Kitty

Definitely Deacon

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (WTF)

Pickled Wanker (Adams fave)

The Love Cookies

Hallelujah Sweater

Thousand Year Sneeze

Decay Yay!

Squeak Cheetah (or Cheater)

Hidden Saints

Covert Aspirin

The candy box raiders ( added by adam)

Don't Ask Me That Question (Matthew)

Weird Ramen (Ad)

Psychedelic Jellyfish

Resurrected Cars

The Rancid Farts

Bovine Polyamory

Naked On the Water

Fetal Pigs (a band Charlie managed in high school)

Unanimous Panda

Lift & Separate (Gary Klein)

Green Shag (Gary Pilcher)

*secretly Mary* (Molly)

No Meats 4 Monday

Meats 4 Monday

Paycheck Jack

Pantsless Grandpa

Now if I only had a band to go along with the name...

"Just thought of a great name for a new band: Lift & Separate. Could also be used as a title for people/families who are enmeshed. This is just another of one of the many ideas that kept me out from entering the really good schools." —Gary Klein, 11/15/12

"That has to be the finest, most comprehensive, most mind blowing list of band names ever assembled. I'd even venture to say that this list could very well become the new standard for baby names. For get about a boy named Sue, how about a boy named Eeew! And what Telephone Lineman wouldn't name their child Pole if given the opportunity whether well-endowed or not? Then there are the cool girl names - Yeah!, Dijiri, Dub Tee and my favorite Wispy. Sweet!" —Wade Milne, 4-18-12

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jonathansherman · 7 years

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YOU Have Something Unique to Contribute

I remember when I started to realize that others aren't the expert in my life. That I had something unique and powerful to contribute. That I could "let my light so shine." It's very empowering. It's very true. It's also very YOU.

"When you grow up you tend to get told the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family, have fun, save a little money.

"That's a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact: Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you and you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.

"Once you learn that, you'll never be the same again."

—Steve Jobs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=UvEiSa6_EPA

#Steve Jobs

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jonathansherman · 8 years

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Happiness Is Now. Reject the "I'll be happy when..." Myth

A LIE I often hear is some variation of: "Happiness is outside of me" or "I'll be happy when...." Here are some insights from Hinduism, Christianity, and Buddhism on experiencing happiness now.

I once heard the story of a Hindu swami, His Holiness Pujya Swami Chidanand Saraswatiji, who said, "Many people come to me and say, 'I want peace.' I tell them they need to correct their sentence: First, remove the 'I' (which is the ego). I then tell them to remove 'want' (which is desire). When ego and desire are removed all that remains is peace."

The full breakdown of this concept is here, in chapter 2 of his book, Peace For Ourselves, Our Families, Our Communities & Our World, which is available for free here: http://www.parmarth.org/publication/Peace.pdf.

From another angle, Christ said "The kingdom of God ( = true joy/love/peace/happiness) is within you" and admonished people to "cleanse the inner vessel." Cleansing the inner vessel implies this subtext:

You need to enter the darkness within yourself (vessels are dark inside),

Remove error, lies, falsehood, etc., aka the dirt and grime,

Why? Because the vessel (YOU!) are valuable and worthy. It's only the gunk inside it that needs to be cleaned out. The vessel (YOU) itself is great.

When the vessel is clean it can be filled with wonderful things and enjoyed as the vessel was intended to be enjoyed.

Doing these things better allow us to live in the now moment. Jesus said, "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof," Matthew 6:25-34. "Evil" in this context means "stuff/troubles" or there's enough to deal with in this one day, don't add to it by worrying about tomorrow, so attend and be present now. Future worries rob our now of any happiness we may experience in this present moment.

Update: I didn't include Taoism in my original post. This statement from Jesus, and the full verses associated with it (Matthew 6:25-34) though, is one of THE most brilliantly Taoist things ever said. Lao Tzu discussed getting out of the way of The Way, of inactive action).

From the Buddhist perspective the Dalai Lama stated, "I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles."

Bottom line lasting and true happiness exudes from within, which often requires discipline and practice to remove the LIES that it comes from elsewhere and tell us that we are powerless to generate it ourselves.

What say ye?

FB Comments on this post: https://www.facebook.com/GREATrelationships/posts/489692387729607

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jonathansherman · 8 years

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Emotion Regulation: Graphic & Lesson

I made this graphic today after talking with someone I love dearly.

The LIE: “People and situations ‘make’ you feel __________.” Subtext: “You are weak, powerless, a victim and are at the the mercy of others, fate and luck.”

The TRUTH: “I make me.” Subtext: “I am strong, powerful, an agent and while the winds of life may blow this way or that, I steer my course.” How does this relate to you? Please share...

Note on the nifty neato chemicals in our brain:

Adrenaline: We all know about this one. This is the "fight or flight" reaction. It keys us up, fills us with tension/coils us like a spring so we can react quickly at a moments notice. This is great when physical survival is needed. It's crappy when we're relating...

Cortisol: This is the stress hormone, which gives quick burst of energy for survival reasons, gives a burst of increased immunity, and decreases sensitivity to pain. Again, this is great for physical survival and crappy in relationships.

Endorphins: This is a naturally occurring narcotic similar in chemical composition to morphine and heroin, except that it's legal, doesn't stone us off our #$%S, and has zero negative side-effects. It's primary job is to ease pain and make us feel better.

Oxytocin: This is the "love drug" that helps us connect with others and makes us feel great when we do.

THE LESSON PLAN

I first posted this on Facebook and a mom said,

I would love ideas on how to teach children this concept! Mama is tired of the 'she made me do it' mindset. Or the "I hit her because she was being a brat" syndrome..."

Anyone else? Can she get a witness?! ;-)

My reply:

Emotion regulation doesn't need to be a "high level" concept. It's as simple and basic as understanding how to operate any other mechanical device—which, kids by the way, excel at. So teach them how to operate their own bio-machinery they live in each and every day. Of course, it helps the teaching if we as the adults actually model it for them...

The good news is the above graphic/concept is so simple kids can totally get it. Why?

They love learning about their bodies and brains,

This gives THEM control over how they feel instead of their jerk brother/sister controlling how they feel,

And here's the real selling point: The kid(s) who "get" this will be the ones who when a squabble comes up get the praise for their self-control while their sibling gets their butt in trouble... ah, sweet revenge! ;-)

How to teach this to children:

Print that graphic for your reference and then

Gather the kiddos around for a "Brain Lesson."

Draw out the chart bit by bit starting with a big knob in the center.

Ask them what "regulation" means--examples could be regulating the speed of a car with the gas and brake pedals, or regulating the temperature of the stove with the temperature knob, or increasing or decreasing the volume of their iPods.

Start from the top with "Decision Point" and do the right side first of Assumption & Impatience and go down item by item... Discuss and listen to their ideas.

Do the other side of Understanding and Patience. Discuss and listen.

I've found that kids, teens and adults get this and like it because it's never been explained WHY we should be patient, understanding and compassionate, just that we SHOULD. This explains the MECHANICS of WHY and more importantly of HOW they can control themselves in a way that WORKS FOR THEM vs. just because they should. It would be nice if everyone did the right thing just because it was right, but let's be honest--most people run off of WIIFM? (What's in it for me?).

Hope that helps! :-) I'd love to hear YOUR ideas below... Thanks! Also, read more comments on it on on Facebook here.

#adrenaline #anger management #CBT #cognitive #compassion #cortisol #DBT #emotion regulation #endorphins #impatience #oxytocin #parenting #patience #peace creation #self-mastery #understanding

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