jourbiboo

[jourbiboo]

Burning Days, Restless Nights by Felipe Morin

[jourbiboo]

i go to bed. i am consumed by overwhelming loneliness. i stare at the ceiling. i long for something i can’t name. i question if i’m real. i see a funny little meme on my phone and laugh hysterically for several minutes. i get too invested in an unrealistic fantasy. i pass out around three.

[jourbiboo]

dear god, i don't want to die yet. hasn't it just begun?

[jourbiboo]

you’re allowed to get up one day and just decide to change who you are. dress differently, speak up more, laugh out loud even though you’ve never liked your laugh, say what you want to, say hey to people you wouldn’t normally, get that confidence going. we don’t have to stay the way people see us out of the fear that they won’t like the us we want to be.

[jourbiboo]

[jourbiboo]

[jourbiboo]

one of the most important things i’ve learned in therapy is that when you’ve experienced prolonged trauma in your childhood, pleasure feels uncomfortable. like, not that you don’t feel it, but that when you do feel it there’s an impulse to make it stop, because it’s extremely unfamiliar. and pleasure can mean many things, as simple as feeling cozy, and as complex as feeling loved. the neural pathways for feeling good have not had a chance to develop, and the neural pathways for feeling bad are quite practiced. feeling good, too, takes conscious practice.

[jourbiboo]

so what if I love you. shut up

[jourbiboo]

ah shit im sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

[jourbiboo]

i’ve been thinking of kissing you all day. of how it will feel, first kisses are so strange aren’t they? you have no idea how you’ll fit together, whether they keep their lips open or closed, if they’ll feel as much as you know you will. i look at you and i want to love you softly. i want to love you in the way all your ex-girlfriends wish they did. let us be right this time. let this be a new beginning, a first kiss, a love gone right.

4am

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[jourbiboo]

[jourbiboo]

WHEN YOU STOOD UP, WALKED AWAY BAREFOOT AND THE GRASS WHERE YOU LAY LEFT A BED IN YOUR SHAPE, I LOOKED OVER IT AND I ACHED

[jourbiboo]

it’d be GREAT if i could stop chinhanding at that picture before we got a move on though

#WHY does he have to be that pretty?? #the way the fireflies just danced around his head #he really is a whole starlit night sky #why am i so scared of mapping out these constellations

[jourbiboo]

Ah yes, the 5 love languages:

touch starved

my parents never told me they are proud of me

i love Stuff

im so fucken tired please god just let me rest for 5 minutes

hey pay attention to me

[jourbiboo]

graceland too by phoebe bridgers 

[jourbiboo]