lessi-lover

[lessi-lover]

"you will always be our beautiful girl." 😭😭

that was the absolute best way to end that series i'm in pieces, i feel like i've been on a journey with this characters .. 🥹

beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl

leah williamson x reader, jordan nobbs x reader (wobbs as coparents)

reconciliation … the final part in this series x

2 months later:

“My name is y/n Williamson-Nobbs, and I am an addict.”

There are things you appreciate nowadays, more then you did before. Fresh air, the flowers blooming in spring, a strong coffee, smiles from strangers, a warm bed, hugs, being told you are enough, a classic movie, the sun, fruit, water, being clean.

“I didn’t ever take drugs to hurt anybody, or hurt anybody knowingly. I didn’t take drugs to have fun, or party, I didn’t get addicted because I liked it.”

You like taking your dog on walks, going and getting your hair done, floating in the ocean, lying in grass, being sober.

“I took drugs because it made me feel whole. I’ve never felt whole in my entire life, everyday in my life I’ve used something to patch that hole up, during my childhood I tried to fix every single problem, I fixed myself by fixing everybody else in my life, my mom, my non existent dad. As I got older it changed, I seeked validation to patch the hole, it was healthy, but I think I’ve always been an addict and I always will be. I’ve been addicted to filling that hole, it was disguised as being healthy for most of my life until I switched the validation for drugs.”

You don’t avoid peoples eye contact as you walk along the street anymore, you don’t avoid your moms, you don’t lie to people anymore, you don’t put yourself in danger.

“It started with nicotine, because my mom enabled it. I think she was more scared for me then anything. I was spiralling, who wouldn’t be in this day and age? I mean any parent of a teen must be terrified in this day and age, I know I would be. The nicotine was good, but then I got introduced to weed, and it felt like every problem I’ve ever had was fixed.”

You talk about your feelings now, you identify every single thing that you feel and you talk about it with as much detail as your moms and therapist want to hear. You don’t study the different chemicals entering your body every time you shoot up anymore, you study the intricacy and meaning of what you are going through. You take medicine for your depression and anxiety, not drugs for your hopelessness.

“They say weed is the pipeline drug, it’s true. After weed, I felt on top of the world and there was no stopping me. Molly, LSD, coke, heroin, benzos, fentanyl, ketamine, oxy, speed, and eventually meth, which I now know to be the worst of all of them. I didn’t know it at the time, there wasn’t anybody in my life, or in the life I’d created forn myself that was willing to tell me how dangerous what I was doing was.”

Jordan moved back in, whilst you were in rehab. It had been two weeks, that’s what you agreed to. It was the worst two weeks of your life without any doubt. But when you were picked up, both your moms were there, both of them were there for you. They both took time off, time off to take you away, across to France for a week.

“Meth will always be the thing that destroyed my life. My parents don’t trust me anymore, I get why. I lashed out, I became devoid of everything, I was convinced that everybody hated me, and that I was the cause of everybody’s pain, including my own. I convinced myself that the people who loved me the very most didn’t, and that I was the bomb that had torn all of my relationships in my life apart. I was a kid though, I still am, and I’m trying to be better.”

The trust was a hard thing. Your therapist saw Leah and Jordan twice a week, and that was when they would discuss the things that they could start reintroducing you to. School was a no, for now. You were yet to be permitted to stay at the house, alone, for longer then an hour, so every training session, gym session, appointment, media duty, catch up with friends, you were dragged to. It had been tough in the beginning, but you understood, trust had to be earnt. Every week there was something to look forward to, Jordan had been teaching you to drive after you’d gotten out of rehab, and as of a week ago you were permitted to drive yourself to and from your NA meetings.

“Meth made me feel like I was on top of the world, even though i was at my rock bottom. I had bad friends, I fell into a bad group of people, people who took advantage of the fact that I was so vulnerable and hurt. I’ll never forgive them for that, I’ll never be able to forgive them for taking advantage of a girl nearly ten years younger then them. They were hurting too, but that doesn’t excuse manipulating another person. They hurt me, they enabled me, they assaulted me, they took things from me that I’ll never get back.”

The first thing your mothers had wanted when after you’d come clean to them about everything was for you to get a rape kit. You’d outright refused, you were protecting the people, you didn’t want to relive what had happened to you but also a part of you didn’t want Matt and Maya to go down, even if you could now recognise that they’d done unforgivable things to you. Eventually, you agreed to it. You were glad you did, Matt had passed on chlamydia to you, which you thought was some kind of sick joke, that even after he’d deserted you there was still parts of him that were hurting you from the insides. Karma came in the form of a sexual assault report, one which had the policemen heading to his home to arresst him, only to finds thousands of dollars worth of illicit substances.

“I’m not proud of what I did to get a fix, I don’t think any recovering addict is. A couple of months ago I would have ruined every single relationship I had with all of the people I loved just to get a hit of what I was craving, and nowadays I would probably do the same, but I don’t need to. Meth was the love of my life, I think it always will be, or maybe the craving for something to fill me up is what I crave, I don’t really know, I’m still working everyday to try and figure that out.”

Sometimes, as you drove home at night, around every corner towards the house, you considered taking a stop at a side street, one that you knew a dealer would be sitting on. Somedays, you considered driving the car off of the highway and into a tree. Somedays, you considered taking a blade to your throat so you didn’t have to do rehab. Somedays though, you felt so incredibly blessed to be alive. Sometimes, you would sit outside, in the sun and just feel, allow yourself to feel everything that you’d always pushed down out of fear that you’d be deserted if you let any true emotion show.

“We’re all human, we all have the same dignity, no matter who we are. I made some stupid choices, choices that I won’t ever be able to reckon with, choices that for the rest of my life will haunt me. Don’t we all though? Don’t we all lie awake at night worrying about the things that we’ve done, that are out of our control now?”

You’d come to not fear desertion, the people who you’d hated most in the world but also loved most in the world had deserted you. Your parents had deserted you, you closest friends, people you would have considered your found family, deserted you. It was something you had no control over, something that you would never have control over and focusing all of your energy on trying to fix that had become something that you’d give up on.

“I’m not perfect, I never have been, I never will be. I can guarantee though that nobody in this room feels like they are perfect. We’re all hurt people, everybody has something that they keep hidden from people because they are scared that somehow it is going to make people see them differently. I’m guilty of it, my whole life i’ve been hiding, I still am. I’m not ashamed to admit that coming here every night terrifies me, that somebody I’ve known at some stage of my life will walk through the same doors I do and I’ll be put face to face with that, but it’s life. We all make our own mistakes, we all pave our own ways.”

Leah and Jordan still fought, you were secretly glad. It was clear that everything between them was done, which you hated to be happy about, You weren’t ready for that to be back to normal, you weren’t ready to feel like you were able to go back to the way life was when they were together. Lia mediated them, she balanced everything out and the two of you had managed to build a relationship. She was like the older sister you’d never had and you were happier to have her around knowing that she was happy to support you in the same way your moms would, even if she wasn’t living in the same house as you all anymore.

“I will never be able to properly apologise for how I acted, I’ll never be able to repay the people that found me at my lowest and still showed uo for me. I owe my life to those people, and I will spend every single day of my life being so thankful for the opportunity they have given me to have a second chance.”

Life was better, everything was better, you were recovering, you were learning. You felt more connected and loved by the people around you in your whole life. You didn’t feel like you had to seek out love anymore, you didn’t feel like you had to do something to earn it. Leah spent every minute of everyday doing small things to make you feel loved, dragging you out of the house to get coffee with her, reading with you every night before bed, sitting through you when the cravings were making your day harder, driving you to the beach when you felt like you needed fresh air, dragging you to physio appointments so you could hang out with your aunties, buying you fresh flowers to put in your room to make the dark memories of it a little bit nicer, helping you redecorate the space, letting you sleep in her bed when the tendencies started to burn all over your skin.

“I have a disease, I have a terminal illness that will forever impair my ability to live life normally. I will forever be attached to my past, and that’s really tough, I won’t ever be cured of my past, I won’t ever be able to say that I am free of my addiction, I will forever be tied to my decisions.”

Your therapist was helping you weed out all the bad, helping you to identify the different patterns of self destructive behaviour that you chose, helping you to make better decisions for yourself, decisions that didn’t end in you destroying everything you’d worked for.

“I’m an addict, we all are, we all know what it feels like to be plagued with our past. We all get up here every week and speak about our demons, because we all get it. We get what it feels like to lose everything, we all understand the terror that crosses over a persons face when you overdose, or tell them that you’re using, or when they wake up across from your hospital bed. We’re all going through our own shit, we’re all struggling everyday. I struggle everyday, because I’m an addict, for the rest of my life I will struggle because I’m an addict, but there isn’t anybody who understands me better than all of you. I’ve been sober for two months, there have been relapses, there have been struggles, there has been pain and so much for me to be ashamed of. There has been so many positives though, there has been so much good, so much happiness, so many good moments. I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason, there is too much bad in this world for me to believe in that, but I do believe that this experience has made me a better person, it’s made me stronger, its made me more resilient. The past two months have been some of the best parts of my life, and i intend for the rest of my life to be the same. This chip means a lot to me, but it’s the progress that makes all of this better, knowing that I’ve left parts of me behind that will now stay behind me forever.”

You looked down at the chip in your hands, the little bronzey coin that was so small but felt like it was bigger then the world to you. You smiled at the group of people around you, nodding your head once again before walking towards you sponsor and giving them a hug. It felt good, like a big weight had been lifted from your shoulders. You’d never spoken much in meetings, you were more than happy to hear other peoples stories, but tonight had been special to you. You’d thought about what you were going to say, much of it being what you’d talked about with your moms earlier in the week during family therapy. It had been hard, talking to your moms so openly about how you felt, but it was something you were becoming better at as the days passed.

You stayed around for the coffee and biscuits, talking with the people that you’d grown close to over the past month and a half in the mildewy church which smelt a little bit too similar to your great grandmothers living room.

You stuck around until the first few people started to trail out, before you made the decision it was time to get home. You said your goodbyes, farewelling your friends before dismissing yourself and making the walk out to the carpark, towards Leah’s car.

Driving had become your one piece of real freedom, it was the only time where you got to think to yourself. A couple of months ago, you would have found solace in continuous loneliness, you would have sat in the car for hours and been happy. Now though, you found yourself navigating your way back home as fast as possible, whilst still abiding by road rules.

The gravel driveway underneath the wheels of a car used to make you nervous, if anything it now made you feel anticipation.

You jumped from the car with a hop in your step, the bronze chip still clutched in your palm, the metal now warm against your skin after the acclimation of the metal to your body temperature.

You used your key to enter the door, smiling at the warmth and scent that you were met with as you untied your shoes and left them by the front door.

Leah was waiting for you in the kitchen, she always was, every night you decided to go to a meeting. You knew that she still worried, that she spent nights awake worrying about you. You’d lost count of how many times on the nights you spent in your own bed how often she’d come to check to make sure you were still lying there. She probably always would worry, you wouldn’t blame her if she did, you’d put her through a lot.

She brought you into a hug, the same hug as every night, it always lasted for a little bit too long, but you never brought it up.

She would hug you tighter every single time, it was clockwork.

“Lia’s come over for dinner, she’s cooked spaghetti for everybody, but she made bangers and mash for you special, no pasta.”

You smiled at your mom, letting her press a chaste kiss to your forehead before you followed her into the dining room, where dinner was already plated up and Jordan and Lia were already seated at the table.

Jordan sent a smile your way as you sat down, things were still rocky between the two of you, it was never going to be perfect, it was never going to be as good as before, but you were both doing the work to heal bits of it and that was what mattered.

“Hey bubba, how was your meeting?”

Most nights you answered the same, with something simple.

“Good, I got this today.”

You pushed the chip onto the table, pulling your phone out of your pocket so you didn’t have to witness their raw reactions.

“Bubba, we’ve talked about this, no phones at the table.”

You frowned, pushing your phone back into your trackpant pocket, and looking up at your moms.

“This is awesome bubba, we’re both so proud of you.”

Jordan had picked up the coin, looking at it with glazed eyes.

There had been a lot of that since you’d come out of rehab, a lot of crying, a lot more than you were comfortable with.

“I want you to keep it.”

Jordan looked up at you, mildly confused.

“Bubba, it’s your token, your progress, your hardwork, you should keep it.”

You shook your head.

“Mom has my one month one, I want you to keep this one. I’m doing it for you two, I’m trying to be better for you two, and I want you to know that I’m committed to it and that without you guys I wouldn’t be able to do this.”

You could see tears pooling in Leah’s eyes from the other side of the table, jordan’s own ones beginning to drip down her face.

“Anyways, it’s not big deal, let’s have dinner, I’m sure whatever Lia cooked up is better than anything you and mom could have managed.”

You tried to pass it off with some lighthearted humour, but based off of the tears on your parents face, it wasn’t doing much.

Jordan and Leah both reached over, taking a hand in each of yours.

“You know that no matter what happens, no matter where you go, who you become, what you do, how you live your life, you will always be our beautiful girl.”

[lessi-lover]

Thunderstorm Cuddles | Leah Williamson

Summary: Leah comforts her wife and four year old daughter when a thunderstorm happens during the night as both of them have a fear of thunderstorms.

Notes: had this idea before bed so this was quickly rushed!

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Thunder. Something you hated since you were a young age.

You laid in bed, staring at the ceiling as the rain tapped insistently against the windows. You always had been afraid of thunderstorms, the way the lightning splitted the sky and the thunder rumbled above you. Tonight, it was bad.

When you were a kid, your parents never comforted you during a thunderstorm and that’s where the problem stemmed from. You’d sit in your room alone, hiding under the covers with your childhood teddy as you waited for it to pass.

Your anxiety would overtake you, you’d silently cry as you prayed a tree didn’t fall down and crush your house. You didn’t know what caused it, maybe it's the darkness, the way it wraps around your little house, or perhaps it's the way you couldn’t control the unpredictability of it. You could never find a reason for your anxiety around it.

You tossed and turned, the rain drummed off the room of your and Leah’s house. The trees were blowing and you listened to the branches falling old the trees, each crack building your anxiety even more.

Your anxiety grew as you began to worry about your four-year-old daughter. Thunderstorms always felt worse ever since you’d welcomed her into the world.

She was three months old when you and Leah experienced a thunderstorm with her. You welcomed your daughter, Bea, in the summer so you hadn’t even had to worry about it.

Then October rolled around, thunderstorms began and Bea didn’t sleep through them. As she got older, you realised your fear had been passed onto her. As she grew older, it lessened but it was still there.

“Love? What’s wrong?” Leah mumbled, her voice laced with concern and tiredness.

"There’s a thunderstorm. I'm trying to ignore it, I really am," you whisper back, your eyes squeezed shut as tears started to brim in your eyes. "But it's so loud, Leah. I’m worried about Lotts.”

Leah pulled you into her side and her hand instantly found your hair. Her fingers gently brushed against it as she held you close to her chest.

She shifts closer, her warmth seeping into my skin. "She’ll come find us if she’s scared or we’ll hear her," she murmurs. "It's just a storm. We're safe I promise."

"But what if it's not just a storm?" You can't help the panic in your voice. "What if it turns into something bigger, Le?"

Leah's hugs you tighter. "Love, you're safe. It's just rain and thunder. Nothing more."

You want to believe her. You really do. But the fear coils tighter, and you can’t shake it. "What if lightning strikes the house? What if—"

"Hey." Leah switches the light on and cups your face, her thumb brushing away a fallen tear. "Look at me. We're safe here. Our little house, it’s safe, I promise. Lightning won't touch us."

Just like that, her words become a comfort to you. You nestle into her embrace, your head on her chest, listening to the steady rhythm of her heart. She strokes your back, her touch soothing, and you try to match your breathing to hers.

But then, a creak from the hallway. Bea stands there, her eyes wide in the dim light. "Mumma, I'm scared.” She whispers, her teddy clutched under her arm.

Leah sits up as Bea walks over to the bed. She lifts her up and makes room for Bea between you. "It's okay, bubba," she whispers. "Come here."

She lifts Bea up onto the bed, her tiny frame fitting perfectly between you. She curls into Leah, a total Mumma’s girl who always seeks comfort from Leah. "Why is it so loud, Mumma?"

Leah wraps her arms around both of you, creating a cocoon of safety. "It's just the rain, baby. When I was little, Grandma would tell me it’s the giants in the sky moving their furniture! Would you like some music?”

"Yes please Mumma, it's scary.” Bea frowns. “Wish they’d stop moving their furniture!”

You watch as Leah lets go of the pair of you, she reaches down to the draw and grabs her phone. She connects a pair of string earphones and connects them, she brings up Bea’s playlist that she made when she was a newborn.

Gently, Leah places the earphones into Bea’s ears and plants a soft kiss on her forehead before planting one on yours. You tried music when you’d been in this situation before but it had never helped.

Bea snuggles tighter to Leah’s frame, sandwiched between the pair of you. Leah leans across and places a soft kiss on your lips, the thunder starts to settle a bit but you can still hear it.

Bea’s eyes slowly flutter closed and before you know it your little girl is asleep. Your heart melts at the sight in front of you.

“Try get some sleep, love,” Leah whispers, she looks down at Bea. “Our bubba’s out for the night.”

You laugh, “She looks so peaceful.”

“Maybe we should have another one, she’s perfect.” Leah smirks, making your ovaries want to burst open. You know she’s trying to distract you from the thunder so you laugh.

“Maybe,” you shrug, “maybe we should,” Her smirk replicates onto your own face. “Let’s save this conversation for the morning when we’re both awake.”

Leah talks to you for a little longer, taking your mind off of the weather outside, before you fall asleep in her arms. Just as you’re falling asleep you hear Leah whisper.

“I love you so much, gorgeous girl,” she whispers, brushing your hair back from your forehead, “can’t wait to extend our family.”

She places a gentle kiss on your forehead and you fall asleep in her arms, everything you ever wanted in life had come true. Your younger self who’d cry during storms felt at peace, the love she craved was finally being given to her.

[lessi-lover]

my heart over yours; part three | j.fleming x reader

prompt: jessie is determined to keep you away from sasha, but you aren't as keen on that. sasha has her own thoughts about jessie and your friendship.

author notes: this is way more angsty than the previous parts but i swear it's worth it. thank you for all the love on part two 😝💗 tumblr is such a nice place to post. anyways enjoy. again, the fic reads better with the song playing..just saying..

contains: ucla!jessie x reader, childhood bestie!jessie, jealous!jessie, sasha do not like what jeff and you got going on, reader is sorta of a bad gf in this, arguing, slightly messy writing, this part is shorter than the others but technically has a lot, prob the worst chapter by far btw, slightly rushed cliffhanger but idk

playing is there someone else? by the weekend 🎵

no one speaks as jessie keeps her glance on you. there are a bunch of questions floating around in her eyes. anger and confusion lingering around as well. you look back at jessie, trying to gesture to her to chill out if only for a moment. unfortunately sasha didn't know jessie as well and couldn't tell how badly pissed off the soccer player was. the blonde tries to lighten up the mood, making a joke as she says, "you two couldn't even bring me a donut? wow double betrayal." the joke doesn't land as jessie gives her glare before looking back at you. it's obvious she's waiting for some type of explanation. one that you aren't willing to give in front of the tall blonde in the doorframe.

"c'mon, you still have to change," you say. avoiding the way jessie gives you a look of annoyance. you gesture for sasha to move which the blonde gets, moving to go sit on her bed. you pull jessie by the wrist inside after you. once inside the hotel room you let her go for a moment to put down your half eaten donut before going over to where your luggage is on the floor. the entire time jessie just stays silent, giving sasha a few irritated looks every time she tried to speak which shut the blonde right up, but still silent.

you pull out some simple sweatpants and a t-shirt of yours. turning around to look at jessie. the canadian already knows what you want her to do, putting down her donut before coming over to you to grab the clothes. she leans in, whispering against your ear, "we have to talk." leaning away afterwards to walk into the attached bathroom.

"give us a minute. we'll be out way before the shop closes, promise," you reassure sasha before walking into the bathroom as well. shutting the door behind you. sasha doesn't say a word but her mind is flooded with thoughts of why you're going into the bathroom with your "best friend" to change? it isn't her place to question the closeness between you two, but it's something she tells herself to keep in mind while trying to get you to be more than her project partner.

jessie's leaning against the counter in the bathroom when you come inside. the clothes are sitting on the top of the toilet seat, untouched. "you aren't going to change?" you joke, making jessie scoff. she loves how you always try to lighten the mood, but this isn't the time. she was feeling too frustrated to really think rationally. the canadian says, "don't worry about the clothes. why are you sharing a room with her?"

"because it's cheaper? because i.. can?" you say the last sentence like you are unsure if you really can; technically there's no problem with you sharing a room with sasha. it's just a simple arrangement, you didn't even think about it after booking the hotel. but with the way jessie's looking at you it feels like you just got caught doing something you shouldn't.

your last sentence makes jessie let out a sigh. she doesn't have a right to be feeling so frustrated, she tries to pull back her emotions but she just can't. not when it comes to you. on the pitch, she can keep it under control. when receiving criticism her emotions don't spiral. but when it comes to you, for some reason, her emotions just spill out. when she doesn't speak you move to pull her close. taking her hands into yours, interlocking them as you look at her. having your glance on hers makes jessie finally open her mouth, "it's just.. you hardly know her and you just share a room with her so easily? i could have helped pay for a single room.. you could have come and stayed in my hotel room.."

she trails off, looking away from you for a moment. you could see the conflicted emotions across her face easily. you give her hands a gentle squeeze, letting her know to just say what's on her mind.

"it feels like you're pushing me away. you didn't even tell me you were rooming with her."

"i didn't think it was something to tell you. it's literally nothing, jess."

"but you used to tell me even the small things. the things you thought of as nothing. everything." jessie's voice breaks up a bit while saying that. you rush to pull her into a hug, the freckled woman nuzzles her face into your neck. she tries to push away the tears threatening to spill. your hands naturally rub at her back, comforting her.

"i just want you to treat me like your bestfriend again," she whispers into your skin. hearing her sound so heartbroken makes your heart break. you were meant to be her source of comfort, not the source of her crying. you try to pull away to look at her, but jessie pulls you back into the hug. refusing to let you go.

"i just want to look at you, jess. let me see your face," you say softly. again you try to pull away and you succeed this time. with jessie's hands still on your waist as she looks at you.

you move your hand to wipe away at the tears in her eyes. seeing jessie cry always makes you want to cry; you two's emotions are just too in tune, too connected. jessie leans into your touch. one of her hands letting go of your waist to grab onto your wrist. "don't let go.. don't let me go," she mumbles.

"i'm not letting you go. you're still my bestfriend, i would never push you away," you say softly. in the back of your mind is the thought that jessie and you have been in the bathroom for longer than it would take to change, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care. sasha can wait, the pizza can wait. jessie can't. "you promise?" she asks. you nod before saying, "promise."

it's thirty minutes later when jessie and you come out of the bathroom. after she had calmed down enough to change into your clothes, you held her for several more minutes before helping the soccer player wipe away the tear strains on her face. jessie may have been open with her emotions around you, but you knew that she would feel embarrassed if sasha knew she cried. you didn't mention how sasha probably already knew with how thin the walls are between the bathroom and the actual hotel room, but jessie's mood was getting better so you weren't going ruin it.

when you two come out, sasha is still sitting on her bed. just scrolling through her phone until she hears the bathroom door opening. she looks up to look at you both. there questions in her eyes, but sasha doesn't say them. instead she says, "are you guys ready to go? i'm pretty sure the pizza shop is open until one am, but i don't feel the safest walking through the streets of san diego anywhere near one."

you let out a soft laugh. shaking your head to agree with her. jessie lets out a small chuckle, nothing noteworthy. you two spoke in the bathroom about how she should be nicer to sasha. she doesn't have to be friends with the woman, just nicer. jessie only agreed for your sake; that doesn't mean she was going to overly enthusiastic when it came to the blonde.

"yeah. we should probably go. i'll get the uber," you say. sasha nods before standing up, grabbing her purse that was beside her. the three of you leave out of the hotel room. while sasha is walking ahead, jessie and you are trailing closely behind. hands interlocked as you two talk quietly. it was a subtle way of isolating sasha that jessie wasn't going to correct. she was nice to sasha, so now she deserves your attention; all of it.

getting from the hotel to the pizza shop didn't take long. the ride there was mostly silent with sasha trying to make some type of conversation, but jessie wasn't having it. giving her short questions until the blonde just stopped trying. you would try to indulge her, but could feel the eyes of jessie burning into the side of your head everytime you turned to talk to sasha, so you just stopped. when the car stopped, jessie got out first then you and finally sasha. the canadian was already pulling you towards the door of the shop, not caring if sasha was right behind you two or not.

"slow down, freckles. the pizza isn't going anywhere," you tease making jessie chuckle and roll her eyes. that joke was enough to make her slow down her pace. allowing sasha to catch up to you two.

"i have been seeing people go to this place all over social media, so hopefully it reaches the standards i set in my mind," sasha says. moving so she could go around jessie and you, grabbing onto the shop door.

"if we're going off smell alone.. this place already checks off some boxes," you pull jessie inside once sasha opens the door. it feels weird that sasha walks in alone after you two while jessie and you walk in together. another subtle way of isolating her that you didn't even realize you were taking part in.

the shop isn't anything fancy. a very simple design with white tile walls, a table or two in the room, a few framed awards about how the shop was one of the best in san diego, and a funny looking mascot that was painted one of the walls. it's cute and inviting. definitely felt like you were stepping right into the 2000's though.

the pizza is amazing. you end up ordering a simple pepperoni pizza and jessie followed suit while sasha orders hawaiian. "that's disgusting," you cringe as the three of you sit in front of the shop. your backs against the building as you sit on crates the shop gave you. jessie lets out a hum of agreement with your statement, with her mouth full of pizza she couldn't really talk. sasha rolls her eyes, nodding in disagree as she takes a bite of her pizza. she lets out a content hum afterwards; over exaggerating it to prove you wrong.

"it's actually amazing. you two just lack taste," sasha says. you roll your eyes before biting into your own pizza. after swallowing you say, "no. i think you're the one lacking tastebuds but continue to lie to yourself."

while sasha and you are bickering, jessie just looks at you two. finishing up her pizza faster than you both. seeing you be so comfortable with sasha puts a pit in jessie's stomach that's definitely not from the pizza. she refrains from butting in, knowing she would just make the conversation way colder than it should be. jessie will stay silent; for your sake.

the chilly air of the san diego night reminds you three that it's actually quite late. your pizza is already cold by the time you pay attention to it again, too focused on debating with sasha. the blonde woman's pizza wasn't doing any better than yours. now cold as well.

jessie checks the time on her phone, seeing 11:30 makes her stand up. she giggles seeing the defeated look on your face at how your pizza turned out. "c'mon. it's late, let's go back to the hotel. i can buy you a new pizza or you can just.. heat that one up again? i don't think hotels have microwaves in rooms but," jessie shrugs, "i could be wrong." you perk up hearing jessie say she would buy you another pizza. you weren't about to eat a half eaten cold slice of pizza, so you nod, accepting her offer.

the canadian doesn't spare sasha a silver of attention. focusing all on you. if sasha is bothered by being ignored, she doesn't say anything. being the second one to stand up, she agrees with jessie, saying, "yeah. let's go before it gets way too late."

you're the last one to stand up. pulling out your own phone to check the time; you didn't realize how late it actually was even with the moon being out. time flies when in good company. "okay, let's go. i'm tired anyways," you support your point with a yawn afterwards. jessie playfully shoving you at the irony of the action. you giggle and slap her arm in response making her let out a soft ow. sasha just stands there, unsure if she could even jump into the playful banter. in the back of her mind she says to herself that it isn't her place, she has no right to be apart of what you and jessie have, but still. it's awkward to just stand here, not joining in.

once you and jessie stop playing around, you two go inside to get you another pizza while sasha stands outside to look out for the uber. you two come out right when the uber pulls up. sasha gets into the car first then you follow and finally jessie. just like on the ride there, it was pretty silent. expect this time around sasha doesn't try to make conversation. too tired to even try. the three of you sit in comfortable silence, too tired from the day and the making the trip from the hotel to here.

the moment you all reach the hotel, jessie pulls you with her towards her hotel room. leaving sasha in the hall as you two walk away. "goodnight," you say loudly enough for the blonde to hear, looking over your shoulder at her for a second before following along with jessie.

again sasha is left alone, left out of the quotation. a way of isolating her away from you both. it's at that moment that she truly realizes how big an issue jessie is going to be when it comes to trying to become your girlfriend.

sasha and you fly back to la that tuesday. jessie and the national team have left the day before, on monday, to make it to the next friendly that was taking place in texas. you wished you could have traveled with jessie to texas, but unfortunately college gets in the way once again. with you having important classes that you had to attend and also having that big project to turn in with sasha, you just couldn't spend another day away from the confinements of your studies.

after turning in sasha and yours huge project, you two decided to go out for ice cream. with jessie away and busy with training, you had the time to spend with sasha.

you lean back against the bench as the sun beams down on the two of you. sasha convinced you to try rocky road and you're slowly regretting letting the woman sway you earlier.

"this is absolutely disgusting," you groan after taking another lick of the ice cream. sasha laughs loudly before taking a lick of her own ice cream. "tastes perfectly fine to me," she shrugs before enjoying her ice cream some more. you cringe seeing how much she likes it since you hate it; you two's tastes are the complete opposite.

you try to enjoy it, but you just can't. standing up to throw the ice cream away in the trash can near by before coming to sit back down next to sasha. again you cringe seeing how half of her ice cream is gone already.

"is it the nuts you dislike?" sasha says, raising her eyebrows at you.

"definitely the nuts."

"maybe it's because you're a lesbian..?"

you let out a gasp of mock disbelief before pushing sasha's shoulder, making her giggle. "god, just be quiet. i didn't like the marshmallows either.." you try to defend playfully. sasha just gives you a look that makes you push her again.

"c'mon, stop! my ice cream is going to fall," sasha whines. you let out a sound of playful annoyance, but you do stop. letting sasha finish up enjoying her ice cream. once done, she looks at you and smiles. "we should go get some food. i'm still hungry.." she pouts at you, it's a cute sight you won't lie but subconsciously you compare it to how jessie pouts at you whenever you tease her too much. why were you thinking about jessie when sasha is right in front of you? maybe because you miss the freckled woman, maybe because jessie and you went out to get ice cream all the time before sasha came into the picture, you don't know.

"okay, let's go," you stand up, "where should we go? pizza?" sasha shakes her head at your suggestion. pizza reminds her of how during the weekend she was basically a ghost while you and jessie did y'all's thing. instead she suggests getting chick fil a. you almost reject the idea, wanting something different but decide against it. letting sasha have this one thing.

"okay. since you paid for the ice cream, i'll pay-" your talking gets cut off by the ringing of your phone. you take the device of your pocket, already knowing who it is since you turned off do not disturb for only person, jessie. "hi freckles."

"hey idiot. i just finished.. wait.." silence follows after her words then shuffling as jessie moves around on the other line. you hear some other voices in the background as well. voices that are quite familiar. jessie speaks again, "are you outside? i swear i just heard a bird."

you chuckle, "yeah. i'm out getting ice cream."

"without me? why are you betraying me?" jessie says playfully. the words hit a bit deeper than they should have; what are you doing out here with sasha? that's the question that hits your mind but you ignore it. you aren't doing anything wrong, are you?

"shut up. are you with the team? put me on speaker, i miss them!" you smile once jessie complies with your request. you almost forget about the fact you're outside with sasha, but the blonde reminds you when she taps your shoulder. she makes a come on gesture and you mouth wait a minute before going back to talking to jessie and the team.

sasha lets out a dramatic sigh that's loud enough that jessie hears.

"are you with someone..?" she asks. stopping herself from asking if it's sasha since others are around her, but still she's curious.

"yeah. sasha wanted to go out for ice cream after class so here we are," you shrug despite knowing jessie couldn't see it. there is slight unease in your voice that nobody but jessie detects. she mentally reminds herself to ask you about it later, thinking it may have something to do with her.

you hear the voices of the other canadian players. eventually the loudest one is adriana who says, "sasha? that tall blonde you brought to the game in san diego? you two seem close!"

you're unsure of what to reply, knowing that jessie is right there next to the phone but you don't want to make anything awkward so you just laugh, "yeah. i guess you could say that."

"okay, guys stop. let me get my bestfriend back," jessie says. you are able to catch a few groans from the other players but that's it before jessie takes the phone off speaker before pressing it up against her ear. jessie had to stop that the moment it started. sasha and you? not as close as you are to jessie. the thought of sasha and you being any type of friendly makes her want to laugh. just because she knows it will never be comparable to the bond you two have. on the other hand it makes her want to argue, argue with you for even letting other people think that you were close to blondie. it wasn't your fault, but jessie can't exactly be rational when she's miles away from you and sasha is right there with you.

"we are about to get off the bus and get some dinner, so i'll call you later, okay? be ready for my call." you giggle hearing the serious tone that jessie tries to put on. "ten pm sharp. i'll be waiting for your call," you say.

"better be."

"shut up freckles."

after ending the call, you turn to look at sasha who stands there awkwardly. obviously feeling sorta out of the loop since she wasn't even included in the call. instead of having a conversation about how she still feels isolated compared to how jessie and you act instead sasha just says, "chick fil a?"

"yeah. let's get some chick-fil-a."

jessie is only gone for two more days. you greet her at the airport and you two went out for dinner the night she flew back to la. during that time you weren't thinking of sasha at all. even when she texted you, it wasn't noticeable since you had your phone on do not disturb expect for jessie and your parents. it's not your fault really. sasha and you usually only click in person, being way dryer over text, and you haven't seen the blonde ever since jessie came back. your schedule clears up enough that you only had one class for the entire week and that class was not the one with sasha. you really weren't trying to ignore her, the circumstances just allowed you to forget.

you were fine with not seeing her though. spending most of the week hanging out with jessie; with most of the hanging out being just cuddling in bed while watching dumb rom coms or animal documentaries that always send you sleep. it was just like old times when jessie was your main friend. she's still your main friend, but sasha is in the picture now. sorta. while you're doing perfectly fine with not seeing the blonde, she wasn't the opposite.

it wasn't like sasha was desperate to see you, but her crush on you was growing and she's been wanting to go on a second date. counting that day you two went for ice cream then lunch as the first. everything is moving a little too slow for her and sasha is sure she knows the reason: a certain brunette soccer player. one who obviously doesn't like her and who is obviously a priority in your life. these two facts don't stop sasha from reaching out to you though. it's on saturday when you get a text.

you're laying in jessie's bed as she sleeps away the evening. her face is pressed against the top of her head while her arm is laying over your neck. you feel the text before you see it, with your phone vibrating somewhere on the bed. you aren't even sure where it is so you slowly try to move jessie off of you, so you can find it but the canadian is stubborn. even in her sleep as she pulls you closer. thankfully you find your phone right under jessie's hip after it vibrates again. struggling to pull it from up under her, but eventually you do. you blink at the brightness of your screen before reading the notification.

sasha ☀️

can we call?

i want to ask you something

you

can't call

just text me 🤍

sasha lets out a sigh seeing your response. she wanted to hear your voice. before she can stop herself, sasha types out and sends,

sasha ☀️

why?

she knows it's not her place to ask, but still. also it's this thought in the back of her mind that there isn't just a reason behind your text, but a person.

you

jess is sleep 💤

don't want to disturb her :(

and sasha's right. jessie is in the way once again. every time she tries to do anything with you, that freckled soccer player is right there to stop everything. even when she's sleeping she stops you two from doing anything more than the bare minimum.

sasha ☀️

okay

want to go out for karaoke? tomorrow night?

you

omg yeah

you swear you won't make fun of my vocals?

sasha ☀️

promise

alright it's a date

you two text back and forth for a few more minutes before you text that you're tired and that you're going off to bed. after that you move slightly so you can put your phone on the nightstand beside the bed. jessie groans out softly at the temporary loss of heat. pulling you closer then moving so that she's half on you half off. "where you going?" she mumbles softly into your skin. you can hear the sleepiness in her voice.

"nowhere. right here," you mumble back. your own sleepiness catching up to you. all that you done all day was be in your dorm and do things with jessie, but still you feel so sleepy.

"okay.. sleep. please?" jessie nearly whines but instead a muffled groan comes out instead. you wordlessly give her a yes, letting your hands rub on her back before drifting off to sleep yourself.

the next night, you're getting ready for your date with sasha. you haven't even told jessie about it but you can tell she already knows by the way a permanent pout seems to be stuck on her lips. she's leaning against the bathroom doorframe while you do the finishing touches on your hair.

"do you really have to go? we can do karaoke here," jessie says. the problem wasn't even the karaoke, it was sasha. jessie didn't want you to be going out on dates, but it's not like she could just say that.

"and risk getting noise complaints? no thanks," you laugh softly. jessie laughs after you, moving to come close. she wraps her arms around your waist like she always does. "we won't. just be quiet. i'm good at that, you're not."

"i'm not? you're louder than me when you get excited," you give her a look. moving away when she tries to pinch you. jessie chuckles before pulling you back close again. "freckles, watch the clothes"

"just change," jessie shrugs, pulling you right against her so that your face is pressed against her shoulder. you whine and playfully slap her back.

"you're the most annoying person ever. now i have to redo my makeup and change my clothes," you finally are able to pull away. your shirt is wrinkled and your skirt isn't any better. while your makeup is now smudged since you didn't even get to put on the setting spray before your bestfriend started to annoy you. jessie doesn't show a drop of remorse as she walks away from you. giving you a light slap on the shoulder before leaving out of the bathroom.

it takes you ten minutes to change your clothes and to redo your makeup. you rush out of the door, giving jessie the middle finger when she almost made you trip on the way out of the door. thankfully you aren't too late. sasha is understanding when you arrive at the karaoke place.

"jess messed up my whole look. i had to change and everything," you pout as you sit down on the cushioned bench in the small room. sasha have rented out one of the rooms in the karaoke place near ucla. the blond doesn't seem too fazed by your lateness, just happy you made it.

she smiles, "it's cool." she moves away from where she's leaning against the door before sitting down next to you. grabbing the mics that are on the table in front of you two. "ever done karaoke before?" sasha says.

you look at her with disbelief, "do you think i live under a rock? duh, all the time in highschool. jessie and i would go every friday as a little celebration that classes were done for the week." thinking back on those memories makes you smile. jessie can't seem to escape your thoughts. you don't notice how sasha frowns before she changes the subject, "challenge me then?" sasha looks at you as she holds out one of the mics towards you.

and who are you to reject a challenge? you take the mic out of her hand. standing up to the karaoke machine. "beyonce?" you ask, looking back to see sasha standing up as well. "duh," she laughs, coming closer to the machine.

"whoever loses has to get the winner whatever they want." you say, looking at which song to pick.

"bet, get ready to be at my mercy." you roll your eyes at her words. just giving her a small shove before starting the song. "that's cheating!" sasha giggles; then the battle was on.

sasha and you sang various beyonce songs with not the best vocals but still you two sang your hearts out. debating who won after each song ended. eventually around three hours have passed and it was coming close to the time of the karaoke place closing time.

"i totally won that. i practically sounded like beyonce," you say after setting the mic down. sasha and you have just finished singing single ladies which you are sure was definitely a win for you.

"get out of dreamland," sasha rolls her eyes. setting her mic down as well. she moves to grab her purse and jacket, glancing at the time on her phone. "okay, let's do rock paper scissors to see who won."

you cringe at her suggestion, but go along with after checking the time too. you two do three rounds of the kid game with sasha winning at the end. she smiles as she says, "told you that you would be at my mercy. now what could i possibly want..?"

sasha drags out her thinking, poking her cheek with her finger. she stays like that for a moment before saying, "go on another date with me?"

you smile at her question. you should have known that was going to be her choice.

"of course. i have to redeem myself next time." sasha laughs, about to say something else when your phone rings. you grab it quickly, already knowing who it is since your ringer is only on for jessie and a few others. you hold up a finger at sasha to basically say wait a moment. once she nods in understanding, you answer the call.

it wasn't too long and it wasn't really that important; well to others may not seem important but to you it was important because it was jessie on the other line. the soccer player asked if you were coming back to the dorm soon since she went out and bought strawberry ice cream, your favorite.

while you're busy on the phone, sasha is fighting away the frustration in her bones. again, you were paying attention to jessie again when your attention should be on her at the moment. she wouldn't care it jealousy. everytime you choose jessie over her just feels.. rude. when that soccer player comes around, you drop everything and run to her on her beck and call. it's annoying to see. it's even more annoying to experience. why can't you look at her?

she's snapped out of her thoughts when you end the call. looking at her before smiling, "sorry, gotta go. jessie bought this ice cream that i absolutely love and she threatened to put it under hot water if i don't run to my dorm in five minutes and.." sasha doesn't let you finish your rambling as she says, "it's fine. go ahead."

you smile and say a quick good night before leaving out of the room. leaving sasha to go back to jessie's arms once again.

this same situation seems to happen every single time sasha tries to spend time with you. all the weeks past, you and sasha do hangout. going out on a few dates when you two aren't swamped with classes or when you weren't with jessie which was rarely. only when jessie was off on international duty is when you weren't with her and even then you were on the phone with the woman all the time.

the frustration that's been building up in sasha since she started to pursue you was going to show itself soon. jessie was always in the way.

you could never stay overnight at sasha's dorm because "jess would be missing me."

you couldn't take too long walking back to your dorm from class because "oh freckles likes to always watch this tv show after classes end and it comes on around now so i really can't miss it."

oh no, you can't go out that day? why? because "i have to go see jessie play. you know ucla has a home game today right?"

it's always about jessie, jessie, jessie. hearing her name was becoming suffocating for sasha. she couldn't stand to hear you talk about memories that you have jessie and how you two are so close. everything about you seems to be intertwined with that damned canadian. sasha swears if she hears jessie's name come out of your mouth one more time she will lose it and that time actually comes.

you have just come over to sasha's dorm to "study." in reality you two were going to eat snacks before playing a few games. a simple, but cute home date that sasha appreciates more than the ones where you two go out. when you arrived, you have dropped your backbag against her bed before going into the mini fridge next to her bed.

"you only have cherry freezepops? jessie and i love those," you say, standing up with one of the freezepops in her hand. okay the first time she heard jessie name that day doesn't annoy her enough to do anything about it. she just hopes you don't talk about jessie anymore today while you two hang out.

that hope doesn't last long. sasha decides that you two should watch this whale documentary that uses comedy to explain how whales social circles work and that's when sasha blows up on you.

"this sounds so cool. jessie always wants me to watch documentaries and she always convinces me so it's like.." you don't get to finish your sentence. sasha rolls her eyes before saying, "oh my god, y/n. can i hear something about you instead of jessie for once?"

there's deep irritation in her tone. making you look at her in confusion. why was sasha acting like that?

"what are you talking about? i tell you about myself all the time," you reply. crossing your arms across your chest as some type of barrier against her words.

"not if it doesn't involve jessie. do you even exist without her? when she leaves, do you just cease to exist?" sasha snaps at you. she doesn't mean to, she really doesn't but these emotions have been building up for a while now. could she really be blamed when all she knows about you is from memories that involve someone else?

you don't take her words well at all. firstly, she basically insulting you and saying you have no personality. secondly, she's mentioning jessie like she's some type of pest. two things that went too far in your book.

"obviously i do! i'm right in front of you!" you stand up, moving to grab your bag. you weren't going to stay somewhere with someone who's insulting you. "and now you're going to leave? can you blame me for what i said? you always bring up jessie. knowing she doesn't even like me! how do you think that makes me feel?" sasha stands up too. grabbing onto your arm to stop you from moving any further.

you immediately pull her hand off of your arm, nearly slapping it. "jessie may not like you but that isn't a crime. she's at least being civil towards you. not insulting you behind your back!"

"really? when you two are in your dorm, cuddling away or whatever the fuck you two do in there, she doesn't say one bad word about me?"

"no she doesn't."

"you're fucking lying!" sasha lets all of her frustration out. it's all too much and now you're just lying to her face. "and i'm a fucking idiot because i'm chasing after some chick who's inlove with her best friend!" sasha's words created a pit in your stomach. it reminds you just of the words everyone else used to say when it came to jessie and you. that you two are too close, that she's in love with you and you're in love with her.

you are quick to defend yourself, not even thinking rationally, "i'm not in love with jessie! she's my bestfriend, so don't even try to apply that. if you're going to be so jealous over nothing then we can be done."

"jealous? i'm not being jealous, i'm being reasonable. you know why jessie hates me? because she wants you!" sasha shouts. she swears all the dorms in this hall can probably hear you two, but she really doesn't care. this was a conversation she's been meaning to have and unfortunately it came out so explosive.

you shout right back, "didn't i just say to not even apply something like that? you're crazy!"

sasha makes you fall silent when she says,"i'm crazy? no, let's see if you're crazy. answer me this, do you want to be my girlfriend or are you already taken by jessie?"

author notes: sorry this took like a thousand years, it was a struggle to figure out how to make this part fit into the story. the cliffhanger is a little messy sorry for that too and yeah, hope y'all liked it 🙏🏾 hopefully it was worth the wait. ignore any gramatical or spelling errors pleaseee

© THINKINGABOUTJAEDYN

[lessi-lover]

anyone going to see the tillies in june?

#lou's thoughts

[lessi-lover]

the nike tracksuit strikes again 💥💥

Leah and Jonas at the U21 game supporting the young gunners

[lessi-lover]

8-0 Barça and 4-3 Liverpool over Chelsea GOOOOOD MORNING TO ME 🤩🤩🤩

[lessi-lover]

My home room teacher last year her birthday was July 21st and we both had birthday plans to go watch Barbie cause it came out on my birthday 😭😭😭

i also went for my birthday to barbie with my mom and a couple of her friends that are like my aunties and again with my own friends but i didn't see my science teacher either times

i could never 😭

[lessi-lover]

Omg we have the same birthday

stop! i had the same birthday as my old science teacher and one day i came into my class yelling it was my birthday and she was like "🤨" and needed up searching me up on the schools website to see if i was lying 😭

[lessi-lover]

i'm happy for less getting player of the month and it's great in all for her confidence at a new club, - but surely emily fox bagged that award? tbh

#lou's thoughts

[lessi-lover]

star sign?

born july 20th! cancer in denial 💔 (jokes fellow cancers 😉)

[lessi-lover]

Don’t Blame Me Part 2

Alexia realises that she fucked up and tries to convince you to get back together  

Part 1

-

It’s silent when Alexia comes back home, the paper that is wrapped around the flowers she got you as an apology rustling slightly while she slips her shoes off. She expects you in bed where you often are after a fight, usually dressed in one of her sweaters for comfort which never fails at making her heart warm up. 

When she opens the door though, the bed is empty, the blanket still halfway on the floor from when she had flipped out at you earlier and thrown it off of her. The sight makes her stomach twist uncomfortably, remembering her overreaction and the hurt look on your face just increases the shame inside of her. Trying not to think much further about it, Alexia’s next stop is the living room but that is also empty. So is the spare room and the kitchen which she both checks with a quick glance. Eyebrows now furrowed she hopes that you’re in the bathroom though she can already tell that you’re not when she sees that the light is off. She still enters, flicking the lamp on and praying that you might have just needed a dark room to calm down for a moment.

It’s empty. 

And not just empty of you, she can immediately tell that your skincare is missing, the shelf that is usually almost overloaded with your products now completely bar. Same with the shower that looks dauntingly different with how there’s only her own few products in there now.  

Alexia can feel her heart beat start to pick up, confusion quickly making place for panic that almost restricts her throat as she checks the entire home again, looking into every room and even taking a look under the bed and in the closet to ensure that you didn’t just hide. It’s silly, she knows you wouldn’t do that after a fight but the hope remains until she has truly and thoroughly searched the entire apartment and you’re still nowhere to be found. 

She paces up and down the hallway, for a moment lost on what to do until she see looks to the kitchen again and for the first time notices that there’s something laying on the table. The necklace she had gotten you after you two had become a pair. The A on it is glistening a bit in the last ray of sunshine that’s coming in through the window. 

Alexia can’t see much more than that as she almost collapses on the chair, tears clouding her vision now as she realises that you left. And since you took your belongings with you and left the necklace here the message is pretty clear. You broke up with her. 

She can’t exactly fault you. Her words had been horrible. At first she had still been incredibly angry, getting into the car and just wanting to drive away as far as she possibly could from the humiliation of losing in front of everyone like that. Alexia wasn’t good at dealing with failure, she didn’t accept it and she didn’t deem it as something natural. She wasn’t supposed to lose, ever. She didn’t care if that wasn’t realistic because it was simply what she expected from herself. 

Once she had driven away for a bit, Alexia had calmed down significantly, driving to a little park nearby and just sitting to think. The memory of what she had said to you, the ugly words she had thrown into your face, made her insides twist almost painfully. How she had told you that it was your fault, that you had distracted her. And even worse: that she should have never gotten together with you. And all of that after you had spent hours being patient and waiting for her to pay some attention to you, after you had come to every single game of hers, prepared breakfast so she didn’t have to get up even earlier and had encouraged her all along the way.

She had truly messed up.

Still, she took her time before she drove back home again, debating on what to say, how to reassure you that she hadn’t meant it and the best way to apologise for what she had said. 

The flowers she had gotten were the biggest bouquet available but it still didn’t feel sufficient after she had just blamed you for a loss, no gesture felt big enough. 

This wasn’t the first time that Alexia had snapped at someone in anger and said something that she regretted afterwards. But it was the first time this had happened with you. She had always ensured that she’d have a few minutes to gather herself whenever she got agitated, telling you that she’d take a walk and be right back and assuring you that she still loved you. It had been one of the most important rules for her personally as she knew how much it would devastate you if she ever snapped at you like she did at her teammates sometimes. She had promised herself it wouldn’t happen. But it did. 

Alexia knew you well. You two had only dated for a few months now but she was aware of how sensitive you were, how much you read into people’s actions and how badly it hurt you when someone said something mean. What she had told you, that she had not only blamed you for the loss but even went as far as saying that she’d be better off without you, she knew that that would need more than some flowers to repair. She just hadn’t considered the possibility that you might not even be there to receive the flowers and hear the apology. 

When she called you, you unsurprisingly didn’t answer. Alexia was pretty certain that she knew what you were doing, you had always been someone who’d cry if they got into a fight with another person. The thought that you were probably sobbing at home because of her, was enough to have Alexia scrambling to her feet as she grabbed the flowers and put her shoes back on. She needed to fix this and she would, there was no way she was going to lose you. 

 Meanwhile you were in your own apartment and hadn’t even noticed the phone going off, almost cathartic as you laid in bed with your eyes burning and red, the pillow you were laying on uncomfortably wet from the countless tears. You didn’t have any left in you anymore, exhausted at not only the crying for almost an hour but also the ugly ugly thoughts that were currently circling around in your brain. 

It wasn’t healthy but you had replayed almost every interaction of these past weeks between you and Alexia, trying desperately to figure out if she had maybe been right. Maybe you were too clingy, maybe you were baggage for her that only dragged her down. You did cling to her once she was finally done with her work, simply because you missed her and there wasn’t a huge amount of time you could even spend with her on her busy days filled with countless appointments. 

Your thoughts were overflowing with self hatred as you had also started to think about if maybe other people felt like this about you as well. Were you just constantly getting on everyone’s nerves? You did like spending time with your friends and family and did so often but maybe they had just tolerated it, like Alexia, and didn’t actually want to. You tried your best to shake that thought off though it only made you circle back to whether you had really gotten on Alexia’s nerves that badly and had missed her signs telling you to stop. 

You had always made sure to be there for games, freeing up your schedule and showing up without her asking to since you wanted to support her and be there for her. And she had always smiled so brightly when she saw you, sending you a wave or a heart that fans assumed were for her mom and sister - just like you did - until she told you that it was just for you. You had truly thought that you were doing the right thing and being supportive as you should be. But apparently she had just been too nice to say something until it had all come flooding out today. 

You turned to the side with a small sob, another set of tears welling up in your eyes. Your phone lit up with another call from Alexia and this time you saw it - though you didn’t react. You weren’t really willing to talk to her, she had said everything she needed to say. You turned do not disturb on and grabbed your headphones, ready to drown yourself in music to try and help with the heartache. 

Therefore you missed the frantic knocking from Alexia who had now reached your home, your door bell not working properly once again and therefore keeping silent as she kept desperately ringing it. You also didn’t see the countless messages that were now coming in, that she didn’t mean it and that she was sorry and to please talk with her. 

The only thing you were hearing was the sad music through your headphones - which was, admittedly, not really working to improve your mood. Hot tears once again rolling over your face as you buried yourself into your blanket as deeply as you could and just tried to shut everything out. 

It was a Sunday the next day and you didn’t have to work - thankfully, with how incredibly swollen and red your eyes were. You didn’t bother looking at your phone at first, not having told anyone so far what had happened as you were definitely not ready to talk about it. The tiny bit of sleep you had gotten had been anything but restful, the horrible things Alexia had said reflecting in it and even though you didn’t know exactly what you had dreamed about, it hadn’t been anything good with how much your heart was racing and your hands were damp with sweat once you woke up. 

Once you were sitting at the table and eating your breakfast the sadness you had felt over what she had told you turned more into anger. There was a deep pit in your stomach, your appetite completely gone, you had the headache of a lifetime, your entire face was swollen and your eyes red and all that because she couldn’t have just communicated earlier that you were being too clingy. And she had thrown it into your face like that as well. 

Therefore, when you finally checked your phone and saw the literal hundreds of messages from Alexia, you simply deleted them, not really bothering to read through the countless versions of an apology. It didn’t matter, in your mind she had most definitely meant it, why else say it. And if she wanted her peace and quiet from you so badly then she would get it, no problem. 

Alexia meanwhile was on the training pitch despite it being a day off. Normally angrily shooting balls into the net always worked or at least got some energy out. Today it just didn’t. She couldn’t resist checking her phone literally every minute, visibly deflating when she saw that you still hadn’t answered. Her anxiety kept rising the longer she went without getting any sort of reaction from you. She had known it wouldn’t be easy but if you weren’t even willing to hear her out then it would be almost impossible for her to fix this. The thought alone made her panic, the ball once again flying far away from the goal instead of where it was supposed to go. 

Over the next two days Alexia tried it again and again, showing up infront of your apartment and knocking for several minutes. You were also spammed with countless messages and though you had tried, you couldn’t resist reading through them. You would be lying if you weren’t tempted to go back, the constant reassurance that Alexia loved you and wanted you back was enough to sway your mind sometimes. Especially at night when you were cold and felt lonely, the bed seemingly not warming up without the tall blonde next to you to cuddle you. 

Between the phases of missing her were the angry ones, the moments in which you recalled her hateful words and how she had seemed more than ready to blame you for something that you weren’t even aware bothered her. You tried to tell yourself over and over that you deserved better, that you deserved someone who was happy to spend time with you and who wouldn’t blame you for their bad performance. 

But the more time passed the less those moments came. You spent hours simply scrolling through the photos of you and Alexia, the way she was smiling at you in the ones that Mapi had taken of you two. She looked so gentle there, so kind. And even though the phases in which you were angry at her passed, the ones where you were simply devastated about her words didn’t. 

You had gone as far as to write a list of pro and cons that spoke for and against you annoying her unintentionally the entire time.

The con list was a lot longer with stuff like: 

she was the one to invite me to stay 

she always drove me automatically home with her and never even tried to drop me off at home 

she was the one who told me she hates it when i’m not sleeping next to her 

she was still able to watch her matches to study and i never interrupted her 

The pro list only had one argument: 

she told me that I bothered her the entire time 

And even though logically everything spoke against it being true, you just couldn’t shake the horrible feeling off at hearing your own girlfriend say that you were responsible for her loss, that you had been the one to distract and annoy her this entire time and that she regretted even getting together with you. 

The stinging feeling you had inside your stomach every time you thought back to those words was enough to keep you from ever responding to her, unsure what she was trying to achieve since it was so clear that she did not even enjoy your company. 

Meanwhile Alexia was slowly going insane. No matter how much she tried to reach you it was impossible. She had to show up to training and fulfill her other responsibilities as Captain which filled her timetable but every minute she could spare she was texting you, trying to call you or showing up at your house. She needed to set this right again. 

The effects your absence had on her were noticeable for everyone. She was snappy, distracted and constantly attached to her phone. The lack of sleep she got tossing and turning in her bed trying to finally fall asleep without you there made her even more irritable. She was absolutely destroying herself in the gym, doing repetitions of every exercise until her body gave out, her inner voice screaming that she deserved the pain for how she had ruined you and the entire relationship. 

Her performance during training also suffered, none of her passes connecting and also no attempts from her to even try to score a goal as she was mostly just not present on the pitch. She knew that this was stupid and she was being unprofessional but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. As much as Alexia had always solely paid attention to winning every possible game, had only cared about being the best and the first and superior to others, as much could she now only think about you. 

She couldn’t find it in herself to even entertain the thought of playing the second leg against Chelsea in a few days, at this point it wouldn’t matter to her even if they won the entire Champions League itself.

Without you by her side that win would mean absolutely nothing. 

[lessi-lover]

THE BIG BED – leah williamson

leah williamson x child!reader

you were beyond restless and had been for the past few days - struggling to settle regardless of how exhausted you were, and it was showing.

only a few hours, which felt like minutes after leah had put you down to bed, you awoke, fussing and crying out for her, which alone was a signal of how out of character you were being, not usually being a massive cryer.

“mama” you whined as she entered your bedroom, throwing your arms in the air and sitting up the best you could in your sleep sack, wanting her to pick you up.

“i’m here my girl, what’s the matter hm?” she scooped you up out of your crib - which any day now would be being transitioned into a toddler ‘big girl’ bed (when you actually slept) and bounced you slightly on her hip, yawning as she ruffled your tufts of hair.

“big bed” you mumbled, a mirror image of your mother’s signature frown splayed across your tiny features.

in any other circumstance, and if she wasn’t so tired herself - leah would’ve chuckled. you hadn’t mastered many words just yet, but of course your beloved ‘big bed’, which was really just her bed, was one of them.

you were her baby through and through, wanting nothing more than to be close to her at all times - something that she usually adored, but you had gradually stopped sleeping unless she was there, which meant she wasn’t sleeping, and the collective exhaustion was really hitting the both of you.

her own mother had always warned her to steer clear of letting you in the bed with her, telling her to let you essentially cry it out - claiming that you’d eventually have no other choice but to fall asleep. leah took almost all of her mum’s advice, but this was one that she struggled to get on board with.

“but your bed is so comfy!” she encouraged you gently, voice no more than a whisper - ignoring the image of your auntie keira laughing at her for her word choice in her head and slipping a dummy into your mouth in a last ditch attempt to settle you in your room.

you began to tear up almost instantly, knowing this routine too well by now, and that you were about to be placed back into your bed and left.

“no wanna s’eep with you, please” you blubbered, words almost entirely muffled by your dummy.

and at that, leah’s heart melted - her boundaries that weren’t really there in the first place cracking. you were still a baby, her baby, and she was prepared to do just about anything to get you both a good night’s sleep. she could handle her mum’s inevitable questions.

“it’s okay, bubba. come on then, i’m not going anywhere, let’s go to bed. you can come sleep with mama” she cooed, relenting. anyone who knew leah as a player wouldn’t believe how unbelievably soft she truly was. she herself from a few years ago wouldn’t of believed it either - but you brought a new, completely overwhelming but beautiful kind of love into her life, and changed her.

when she had said that the euros were her proudest achievement and always would be until she had children, she had meant it.

having you cleared every other moment in her life, even when you refused to sleep.

and as she padded back across the hallway to her own bedroom, for the first time in what felt like weeks, you settled, completely.

she tucked the pair of you underneath the duvet, wrapping her arms around you and pulling you into her chest, soothing you even further with the touch of her bare skin.

“time to go to sleep now sweetheart, kay? its bedtime.” she whispered, pressing a kiss to your head as her fingers danced across your back, drawing little shapes and sending you off into a long awaited slumber - her touch working like magic.

and after shooting a text off to lia, celebrating the fact that you’d finally gone to sleep, leah allowed herself to drift off, cherishing both the closeness with you and the incoming well deserved and needed sleep.

[lessi-lover]

Allergies II

Hardersson x Daughter!Reader

Natalia Guijarro (OC) x Hardersson!Reader

Part of The Big Adeventures Universe

Summary: You have another allergic reaction

In all honesty, you didn't really think it was that serious.

Nutrition meetings at Barcelona were a lot more in depth than what you were used to at Arsenal. They took ages and were full of information that would probably be interesting if you actually cared but, alas, nutrition had never been as interesting to you as other subjects so you tended to just zone out.

You were handed a new smoothie with some kind of new protein powder in or something you would have known if you actually listened.

You drank it.

That's when things start to get weird.

The nutritionist continues to drone on and you frown, scratching at your neck.

You stare down at your bottle for a moment as your throat goes all scratchy and intense.

You force yourself to swallow before glancing around.

Your throat gets a bit tighter.

No one else seems to be having such a reaction so you unscrew the top of your bottle to peer inside. You sniff the mixture before standing up.

You can feel people watch as you make your way over to the first aid kit at the front of the room. Your throat has fully closed up now and you know that you're turning alarmingly red and probably breaking out in hives.

Honestly, you feel a little bit shocked how you're even conscious right now but you grab your epipen and stab it into your leg.

"Banana," You say plainly," I can't eat that."

Even with the adrenaline now pumping through your system, you slide your way down the wall to sit on the floor, breathing in deeply.

The room erupts into chaos the moment you sit down.

The medical staff come in to check your blood pressure and your throat and the expiration date of your epipen. The nutritionist leading the session is going absolutely ballistic yelling at one of her assistants for not checking the allergy sheets before making and handing out the smoothies.

Talia looks close to tears as she forces her way towards you, practically shoving some of the medics away. "Are you okay? Is it bad? Do I need to call your mums?"

"No! Don't call my-"

Talia's already gone out into the hall, phone pressed up against her ear.

You wonder which one of your mothers she has in her contacts.

Surely not Morsa because she's still in that stage where she's pretending to hate your girlfriend but you can't remember your Momma and Talia interacting enough to have swapped numbers and you know for certain that you weren't one to hand out people's numbers without explicit permission.

As the medics fuss and the nutritionist yells, the team also gather around to check that you're alright but you just give them a gallant shrug.

"I'm fine," You say," The epipen did its work."

"I think I'd prefer if you take the day off," The head of the medical team says," Just to be safe. You can come back tomorrow."

You know better than to argue with him so you just nod with a little sigh of annoyance.

"I can take her home," Talia says as she re-enters the room," I've got her."

"I can take a taxi home," You insist.

You and Talia drive in together so only one car is used. If you go home in that car now then she'll have to get a taxi in the middle of rush hour.

"I'll take you home," Talia says," Coach can spare me at training today. Someone's got to make sure you actually follow medical advice."

You roll your eyes. "I swear you've been hanging out with my Momma behind my back." You take the hand she offers to help you stand. "You sound just like her."

You end up back home fairly quickly, curled up on the sofa and practically forced to take a nap.

Prins joins you, curled up in the bend of your knee. Reina settles on the top of the sofa behind your head, completely stretched out and at ease with herself while Kung manages to wiggle himself between your arms to nap there.

You don't know how long you nap for but it must be a while because the sun is setting when you wake up and you can smell Talia cooking up your favourite pasta dish in the world.

You sit up.

You've definitely been sleeping for a while because Reina has migrated to her cat tree, poking her head out of the cave to watch Kung bounce around the floor in outrage at not being allowed up there with her.

Prins has taken Kung's place between your arms and his tongue rolls out of his mouth in a semblance of a dopey smile when he notices you awake, his tail beginning to wag happily.

"Hi, little man," You say, gently scratching between his ears," Did you keep me company?"

Prins' tail wags even more fiercely than before.

"Didn't want to leave your side."

You jolt, shrieking and Prins whines a little.

"Morsa! What are you doing here?!"

"Talia called your Momma," Morsa says, tucking the blanket more firmly around your body," Your allergies acted up."

"I dealt with it," You insist," You didn't have to fly out."

"Yes, we did," Morsa replies," Because if we waited for you to tell us, it would take weeks!"

You puff out your cheeks. "I wouldn't want to worry you over something so silly."

"Are you calling your allergies silly again?" Momma says. She enters with two plates worth of food and you sit up.

Prins leaps down to wander over to his own dog bed. Seeing him lying there, Kung wanders over, jumping up onto Prins' back to finish napping there as Reina ducks her head back into her cave.

"No, Momma," You mumble, accepting your food as Morsa takes a seat on the armchair and Momma to the left of you, leaving an empty space for Talia, who also brings out food for herself and Morsa before taking her own seat.

"Are you feeling better, mi vida?" She asks," You look better."

You nod. "I feel fine. My leg aches a little but that's expected."

"We'll put an icepack on it once we've finished eating. Prins was very worried about you."

Prins raises his head at the mention of his name, tail wagging.

"He's good boy."

Morsa grins from across the room. "I knew getting you a dog was a good idea."

Momma scoffs. "You told me that we should have gotten her a fish."

Morsa coughs to clear her throat and mumbles," Don't lie, Pernille."

"You wanted to get me a fish?" You laugh in disbelief," And you say Rocky is the most disappointing pet in the world."

"Are you really saying your pet rock is more exciting than a fish?"

"Am I?" You pretend to think for a moment. "Yes. Yes, I am."

[lessi-lover]

never on here anymore but had to come back to post this beautiful human

[lessi-lover]

Double The Love || Leah Williamson x Lia Wälti

Based on this request! :)

Summary: Leah’s daughter, Sage, starts to call Lia Mummy one night after spending a lot of time with her over the past few months due to Lia moving in because of Leah’s ACL. Leah and Lia are secretly dating and Sage figures it out over time.

Notes: this is my first one-shot so please be kind! <33

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“Sage! Bed time, c’mon let’s get your pjs on!” Leah called out from the living room, slowly walking into the kitchen.

Leah’s heart swelled with love as she slowly walked into the kitchen. Her two-year-old daughter, Sage, was sitting on the kitchen side, giggling away, as her girlfriend, Lia, stood in front of her. Lia tickled the two-year-old repeatedly, getting more and more giggles out of her.

Lia had been a constant presence in their home ever since Leah tore her ACL during a game a few months ago. The injury had left Leah hobbling around on crutches, and Lia had stepped in to help. She moved in with Leah and Sage and took on a motherly role. From cooking meals to reading bedtime stories, and even teaching Sage how to speak a little bit of Swiss, Lia had become a major part in Leah and Sage’s life.

As time progressed and Lia and Leah spent more time together, the pair caught feelings for each other. They decided to keep things from Sage, not wanting the toddler to get hurt if things didn’t work out.

Sage didn't understand why her mumma, Leah, sometimes winced when she moved or why she needed those crutches. But Lia was always there for her Mumma, she could tell that Lia was helping her Mumma. Sage became curious about her Mumma’s injury and Lia helped answer any questions that Sage had.

Sage’s laugh became contagious and Leah couldn’t help but laugh along with Lia and her daughter.

“Right, bubba! It’s bedtime,” Leah announced as she joined Lia and Sage. “Say goodnight to Lia and Mumma will put you in your pjs!”

Sage lent forward and wrapped her arms around Lia, holding on so her Mumma couldn’t take her as she rested her head on Lia’s chest.

Lia smiled, “I don’t mind helping put her to bed.” She offered, “We’re besties aren’t we, sweet girl?”

Sage gave Leah her cute little pout that she knew her Mumma couldn’t say no to.

Leah walked into Sage’s bedroom, Lia closely following behind with the sleepy toddler attached to her hip. Despite being tired, Sage demanded to be placed down on the floor so she could pick out her pyjamas and a book for her Mumma to read. Leah watched from behind as Lia helped Sage pick out a bedtime story, her heart swelling even more with love.

“You sure you want this one, sweetie?” Lia asked as Sage handed her the book, the same book that’s been read every night for the past week.

Sage nodded, her blonde pigtails moving in unison, “Yep! Me love this book.” Sage smiled, climbing onto her toddler bed. “Mr Flopsy?” She frowned, looking around her bed for her favourite teddy.

“Mr Flopsy’s here, bubba.” Leah said, getting the stuffed rabbit from the shelf.

The three sandwiched themselves into Sage’s toddler bed, Lia sat closest to the wall whilst Lwah rested on the edge with Sage sandwiched between them. Lia and Leah took it in turns, each reading a page of the book to Sage.

As they finished the final page, Sage’s eyes began to close slowly. Lia slipped out of the bed before helping Leah up from it. Leah kissed Sage’s forehead, whispering sweet words to her daughter before letting Lia say goodnight.

“Goodnight sweet girl, sweet dreams.” She whispered, leaning down and placing a soft kiss on Sage’s forehead.

"Goodnight, Mummy," Sage sleepily whispered, her voice soft and gentle as she wandered off into a deep sleep.

Lia's heart skipped a beat. She glanced at Leah, who was standing behind her, her eyes crinkling with affection. Leah didn’t bother to correct Sage. Instead, she'd smile and let the moment linger, savouring the sweetness of the moment.

Sage’s innocent confusion tugged at Lia's heart. She knew that she and Sage shared a bond that went beyond biology. A bond forged through scraped knees, bedtime stories, and whispered dreams.

Leah took Lia’s hand into her own as the pair of them tiptoed out of Sage’s bedroom. The hallway was dimly lit, the smell of Sage’s lotion lingering in the air. They made their way into the living room, Leah pulling Lia down with her as the pair of them sat down on the couch. A comfortable silence fell over them before Leah broke it.

“I-I, umm, I’m sorry if Sage calling you Mommy made you feel uneasy.” Leah apologised, kissing the brunette's head.

Lia sat up and shook her head, “It didn’t, it felt…right.”

“Do you think it's time to tell Sage?” Leah carefully asked, making sure not to overstep.

“Do you?” Lia questioned.

Leah nodded, “I do, I really do. I don't think anything would change, if anything she’d probably love it. I think she’s already caught on that you’re more than just her Mumma’s friend. I’m just worried that Sage might get hurt if things go wrong.”

Lia laughed, she knew Sage was an intelligent two year old and Leah’s guesses were probably correct. “Leah, I’m never going anywhere. I promise you that I’m here forever, I’m not leaving.”

Leah smiled, placing a soft kiss on Lia’s lips, “Could we just see how things go? Maybe we could just start showing more affection in front of Sage and see how she reacts. If she asks questions then we can just be open with her.”

Lia nodded in agreement, “Of course we can, we’re doing things at your pace okay?”

As the days turned into weeks, Sage began to call Lia ‘Mummy’ more often. She'd say things like, "Mummy, can you read me a story?" or "Mommy, can you help me build a fort?" And Lia would nod, her eyes shining with love.

Leah returned to training, Sage attending training with her. The couple arrived to training together everyday, their teammates knew they were together but were still shocked when they heard Sage refer to Lia as ‘Mommy.’

One evening, after dinner, Sage crawled into bed, her eyelids drooping. Lia sat on the edge, brushing her fingers through Sage’s hair as Leah cuddled up beside them. "Mommy," Sage murmured, her voice barely audible.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Lia whispered back.

Sage eyes fluttered open. "You love Mumma?"

Lia's heart swelled. She leaned down and kissed Sage’s forehead. "I do, sweetheart. I love her a lot.”

“You dating Mumma, like Auntie Beffy is dating Vivi?” Sage questioned.

Sage knew what a relationship was and was aware that many of her Auntie’s were in one, the one she adored the most was her Auntie Beffy’s.

Lia looked down at Leah, letting her take the lead on the question. Leah tickled Sage’s stomach before speaking.

“Yes, we are. I love Lia and Lia loves Mumma a lot, we’re a little family, is that okay?” Leah asked. “It mean means you get double the love!”

Sage nodded, “I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you too, sweetheart!” Lia smiled, kissing Sage’s forehead again.

And in that quiet room, with Leah cuddled beside them, they were a family. A family that came unexpectedly but something they all needed.

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leahwilliamsonn evenings well spent with loved ones ❤️

tagged: liawaelti

comments off

[lessi-lover]

what is your preferred sleeping position like with a partner?

hm what an interesting question to ask

probably on top of them or as a little spoon, - like i'll lay on top of you all day

but also like once a month i would want to be laid on like my own weighted teddy bear ? idk

is that what you meant 😭

[lessi-lover]

thought i'd share this