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growing up with an angry father is terrifying but growing up a daughter with an angry mother is gut wrenching because you get it, you understand that she’s been worn down by the world and being treated as less and she’s been carrying the rage and traumas of her mother and her mother before her and her mother before her and when you see her you recognise that same rage in you

but her rage is not pointed at the world, it’s pointed at you because you’re 14 and not used to the harshness of it yet but she will make sure you get there and you don’t know what to do but cry and she hates seeing your tears because they make her nauseous

growing up with an angry mother feels like being ripped apart because you know she loves you, she’s your worst enemy, she makes you feel safe, she terrifies you, she’s your best friend, she’s the reason you can’t let people get close, you love her, you never cried over a boy or a girl as much as you cried over her words, she made you, you’re her puppet, you’re desperate to leave, you’ll never escape her blood or her judging gaze and even when you leave you can hear her voice in your head and it will haunt you until you’re dead

you understand her rage but you see it in yourself and that scares you more than anything else

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I guess we’re doing this.

Quotes F. Scott Fitzgerald Did Not Fucking Say:

“I wish I had done everything on earth with you.”

and

“All the bright, precious things fade so fast, and they don’t come back.”

This shit is all Baz Luhrmann. Somebody watched the 2013 film, thought it was 100% accurate, and started making prints.

“There’s a loneliness that only exists in one’s mind. The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

This is almost a total fabrication. There’s a Merwin quote from 1921 that’s kind of similar in theme but somebody really just made this up.

“She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful for the way she thought. She was beautiful for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul."

This doesn’t even SOUND like him. This is from Natalie Newman’s Butterflies and Bullshit, a book from 2011.

“For what it's worth: It's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be."

and

“Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss."

Again, somebody just watched the movie…in this case The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. These line only exist in the screenplay for the movie.

“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light, it scattered the night and made the day worth living.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald could not drink himself into time travel. This quote is from 1893. He was born in 1895. It’s the start of a poem called Only.

These are just the ones off the top of my head. And while we’re at it—

Ernest Hemingway didn’t say “Write drunk, edit sober”. Peter de Vries did in 1964.

Ernest also didn’t write the saddest six word story ever. “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” It dates back to 1906 and appeared in several newspapers for years and years and years before Ernie even hit the scene.

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Made a cute Narrator/Tyler edit!!

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS8hR2vKo/

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(probably) clever fight club epiphanies that have smacked me in the face with a hammer recently:

marla is the centre of tyler. tyler is created as a version of narrator that he deems good enough to date marla as well as a projection of his desire for marla that he represses along with his other desires throughout the book/film. tyler is presented as a father/teacher figure for narrator (but chuck palahniuk cannot write convincing romance unless it's accidental so they actually have better grounds for a relationship than narrator and marla somehow). as narrator goes through the events of fight club and learns to accept his true self without the guidance of tyler, he is finally able to reassess and realise his desire for marla (which is def better portrayed in the book than the film). this also makes the scene in the book where marla tells narrator that she loves him instead of tyler and 'can tell the difference' hit 10x harder.

the modern world (1999 and also present day) advertises self-actualisation through consumerism ('self care' ect.). at the start of the book/film, narrator buys into these ideas of essentially 'buying happiness' though his materialism/consumerism when it comes to ikea catalogues (quote from the film- "I was one step from being complete"- also how these companies are constantly creating new stuff to stop you from ever actually feeling complete so you buy more stuff). however, throughout the events of the book/film, narrator's repressed anger towards this consumerist ideal of being 'complete' manifests itself into tyler, fight club and project mayhem- these are ways he tries to self- actualise and find himself without buying more Stuff.

fight club is created as a social model for men. the men in fight club are able to confront and find the courage to challenge their issues through fighting each other- this concept of being able to work through issues is not as widely accepted for men in other forms of therapy groups, such as the testicular cancer group at the start of the book/film that also asks men to confront/challenge their issues through talking and meditation. to the men in the testicular cancer group (who are already emasculated through their medical diagnosis), this form of therapy is seen as 'girly' and therefore shameful, which is why, in the book, the entire testicular cancer group disbands to join fight club. in this way, they are able to confront/challenge their issues in a way that society deems 'appropriate', and therefore in a way that they do not feel shame for doing so (this also serves to comment on the alluring nature of extremist groups such as incels to men seeking support who are unable to ask for help of out fear of ridicule).

(though probably not chuck's intention because this book was written in the 90s and separating sex from gender was not a common discussion) the motif of emasculation through the loss of physical attributes (the testicular cancer group/ project mayhem castrating people) points towards materialism in society and the unstable masculinity of the men in this book. these men are easily emasculated and are unable to understand how their inner identity is not directly related to their outward appearance, which is something tyler would fight against in my woke trans reality ("is that what a man looks like?" ect. ect. ).

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fight club fanfic rec list <3

hiiiii. this is gonna go in ascending order of rating (beginning with general ending with unrated) and each fic will be marked accordingly. 

I made this at my silly little desk job. getting paid to recommend fight club fanfic. 

*markers denote my absolute favs, i would not be able to live or breathe without them.

here they are:

Sit. Stay. by redvineshark (Rated G) — this fic is sooo fucking cute it has some great moments with great dialogue between tyler and the narrator and it makes me chuckle. a very fun light read. 

Indulgence by anorchidisnotaflower (Rated T) — this fic is very quick and also very sweet I think it’s a very fun version of their first kiss and it makes me mild to severely ill on any given day (affectionate)

*I am Joe's "it's complicated" status by DoubleMastectomy (Rated T) — this fic!! this fic is sooo important to me this fic opened my third eye this fic was giving me revelations. I am deeply obsessed with the dynamic introduced in this fic and the way tyler and the narrator and marla intersect oh it made me absolutely crazy. and the ending scene with the bus ride made me lose my entire mind. 

A Reversal and Continuum by anorchidisnotaflower (Rated T) — these fics are the first two in a series, I enjoyed them so so much they do a great job at exploring tyler and the narrator’s dynamic post canon. the ending of continuum makes me kick my legs and giggle it’s so sweet ehehe. 

*Leash Called Love by edsvard (Rated T) — this fic!! This fic is soo!! I’m absolutely obsessed with the dynamic between marla and the narrator in this one, their bickering back and forth that just ends up dissolving into a normal conversation half the time is so so good. another fantastic getting together fic for the narrator and tyler. eek!!

In the Backseat of an Impala by kingdomcomeundone (Rated T) — eee this fic is quite short but it’s sooo sweet I love fics that manage to capture a bit of fluff that still feels in character for them, and I think that’s done excellently here <3 

Tease by jayyxx (Rated T) — this one is!! I loooove this fic i adore it. something something submissive tyler durden oh it has a chokehold on me i have visions of this fic while i’m trying to fall asleep at night. 

*Just To Be Real by seven2seventy (Rated T) — THIS FIC!! this is one of my absolute favorites!! this fic makes me literally lose my mind it’s one of the only fics I’ve read from tyler’s pov that gets it so so right, it’s amazing it’s incredible it had me fathoming things i had never thought to fathom. I was talking about how much i liked this fic at manar’s graduation ceremony i was spreading the gospel out loud and in person. a masterpiece tbh. 

your heart is a muscle the size of your fist by citrus_boots (Rated M) — this fic is another fun, quick one that explores the dynamic between tyler and the narrator post canon. I love reading these, they’re always so varied even though they often follow a lot of the same points, and this one does it spectacularly. 

Trip My Wire by edsvard (Rated M) — this fic is sooo fun i think it’s a really interesting getting together moment for tyler and the narrator. I’m shocked i haven’t seen more fics that incorporate breathplay and the narrator’s tie. this fic had me shaking in my boots. 

Sit-ups by catsinagraveyard (Rated M) — just another sweet, short one. exactly what it says on the tin. I love these characters so much (i am actively slipping into insanity).

*Bathtub Mermaid by load_star (Rated M) — THIS FIC WAS WRITTEN BY MY LOVELY FRIEND MANAR who i dedicate all my fics to because they’re the one who got me into fight club in the first place. I love this fic so much it makes me crazy and insane and so so happy. mandatory reading. 

So, When Do I Get My Pony? by GlitteryV (Rated E) — this is a classic, this is one of the very first fics manar sent me, directly responsible for the spores getting to me. just a fun, smutty read. 

*A Handshake of Carbon Monoxide by Weeklyoatmeal (Rated E) — THIS FIC!!! I am absolutely obsessed with this fic. I've been thinking about it all week!! It’s a great long one, one single chapter, absolutely phenomenal. literally had me shaking in my boots during my first read through, I really enjoyed this version of tyler and the narrator getting together and the ending scene is. hehe well it’s very good. 

*too much, too late by TheWholeEatingBreadThing (Rated E) — do not let the incomplete label on this one frighten you off the chapter that is posted stands alone!! please this is one of my absolute favorites!! the dynamic is something i never really would have considered, but it’s written so well i enjoy it so much!! I think about the line “I'm ovulating right now and I'd rather have your kid than his” literally every day, no exaggeration. 

Familiar Faces by Chommi (Rated E) — okay this one is actually incomplete, but I’m kind of obsessed with the premise of it?? everything posted so far is excellent and I love it so much, please if you read it leave a comment!! (and not just a “please update” comment, let the author know what you enjoyed about it!!) I’ve not seen a concept like this before and I find it very cool and fun. 

kerosene dream by ictus (Rated E) — this is another classic. when manar and i started exchanging fics, this was the first one i rebounded back at them. it’s excellent. well written, good characterization, just an overall great read. 

*recidivism (nouveau) by snuffbby (Rated E) — this. fic. oh GOD this fic. my ao3 history says i’ve visited this fic 38 times since my first read in march and i fucking believe it. this is my absolute favorite fight club fic HANDS DOWN. nothing beats this fic. literally the best getting together fic I’ve read about tyler and the narrator, incredible characterization, i love the way both of them are written, the narrators… narration, it’s SO SO GOOD. their dynamic as a couple makes me INSANE. it's got a great pace, not entierly a slow burn, more like a medium burn, and i reread the chapters where they finally get together so often. this fic made me fathom things i didn’t think i ever would, this fic influences everything i’ve written about tyler and the narrator, it opened my third eye in terms of how the two of them can fit together in a relationship. they make me crazy. please read this. it’s the best. 

Exchanging Body Heat In The Passenger Seat by chemicalburntjack (Rated E) — another absolute classic. I don’t have much to say about this one other than it’s incredibly good, I love the dynamic they’ve got going on, feels very in character for the narrator and for tyler. another excellent getting together fic, they really would go 0 to 100 like this. 

*King of the Wild Things by seven2seventy (Unrated) — another one of my absolute favorites of all time! I am OBSESSED with the religious imagery in this one, the way the narrator worships tyler ugh it makes me literally go crazy. this is another must read for me. 

thanks for checking them out. if you find a fic off this list that you enjoy, make sure to leave a comment on said fic letting the author know what you enjoyed!! <3

also not to self promote but if you haven't, feel free to check out my own fight club fics. ehehe.

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fight club book moments i think about a lot

these are not the only ones but these are the ones that stick out the most to me...

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It hurts my heart seeing AUs of Kakagai where Gai’s madly in love and Kakashi doesn’t return his feelings but have you considered:

Kakashi madly in love and Gai not returning his feelings

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Heheers

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I watched ‘Fight Club’ with commentary from Chuck Palahniuk and Jim Uhls (screenwriter) and here are some of may favourite bits of information from it:

- the narrators condo was modelled after a condo Fincher used to live in

- Palahniuk owned the ying-yang table after the movie

- when Fincher first read the book he was so excited that we went to New York to pitch it to Pitt, and Brad Pitt was filming ‘Meet Joe Black’ at the time so Fincher sat on his door step until 1am and pitched him the role over a beer

- this is a direct quote from Palahniuk about their ‘post first fight sharing a beer scene’ “now this is so weird, drinking out of the same thing is like sort of a short hand for a love relationship in so many movies. um, that i couldn’t believe they were sharing a beer. it just seemed like such a powerful symbol, metaphor.” I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE!!!!

- at the publishing party for the book, one of Palahniuk’s friends had buttons made that said “I want to have Tyler Durden’s abortion”

- Direct quote from Palahniuk again “and it’s funny because there’s a whole undercurrent, like her alluding to him wearing the dress, her asking if it was a man or woman who kissed his hand. In a way she’s re enforcing this possible homoerotic thing on the side”

- Jim Uhls described the scene where the narrator beats up Angel Face as having “homosexual connotations”

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something about a horror beyond your comprehension, except they're surprisingly friendly and gentle with you >>>

the creature underneath your bed or in your closet, coming out to ask you if you're ok after a nightmare, and even possibly comfort you until you're ready to go back to sleep.

the thing in the woods at night cornering you at a dead end, you shitting yourself thinking this is it, only for it to bend down and ask - in somewhat broken & awkward english - if you're lost or need help.

whatever you imagine behind you in the shower while you're washing your face, actually washing your back for you.

imagine your sleep paralysis demon getting along with your pets.

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For a few of us, monsterfucking is never about kinking over some creature having you in all the ways possible.

It is about letting yourself being vulnerable and fragile and emotional with someone that's supposed to hurt and kill you, but instead just worships you and cares about you for being just like them:

Being shamed over the looks you've never asked for, but having the heart and sould only a few could understand.

Monsterfucking/Exophilia etc isn't just about an unusual kink.

It is OUR way of telling Beauty and the Beast, because we can see the good in them, because we all wanted for them to see the good in ours.

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I don’t think we talk enough about how the head demons used to be Crowley’s friend group up in Heaven. I really desperately want to know more about “Lucifer and the guys.” I want to know about him piggybacking around with Furfur and how he and Beelzebub used to tell scary stories to cherubs.

I want to know what happened after The Fall. Did they drift apart slowly? Did it start before that? Did it happen all at once? Did he tell them he never wanted this? When did the people he once thought to be his friends start dragging him down to Hell for punishment? When did Lucifer begin to terrify him? When did Beelzebub? Were Hastur and Ligur a part of that group? When did they decide he wasn’t worth trusting? When did he start to dread the next time they would meet? Did the loneliness set in gradually or did he realize with a start that he was all alone?

The more I think about the differences between the Crowley that we know and the Angel we met in the season 2 opener, the more tragic it becomes. They used to be his friends.

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Guys, stop being crap to creators. You aren’t hurting Amazon. You’re stealing from writers.

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Hiccstrid is crazy because it's Hiccup "would kill for her" Haddock and Astrid "would die for him" Hofferson, not the other way round.

Yeah in any other case it's Hiccup 'would die for a cause/person' and Astrid 'would kill for cause/person' but when it comes to each other? Hiccup has canonically been ready to kill for Astrid, as in blast-a-man-to-bits with Toothless and let a nearly extinct dragon be slaughtered. And whenever Hiccup is in danger and Astrid is there she's the one who pushes him out of the way, endangering herself. Like with the Death Song, the Light Fury, girl was ready to sacrifice herself for the young chief.

I just think it's cool how much these two love each other they're willing to go farther than they ever would in any other occasion.

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Sometimes I get so embarrassed remembering how Sherlock’s show-off urges include showing off the fact that John hangs out with him. Like as soon as Sherlock shows up anywhere he’s like, “Hello, this man is WITH ME, did everyone hear that? He is my colleague, my friend, my partner; he is FAMILY so if you want to say something to ME you have to say it to HIM because we are ALWAYS TOGETHER. He thinks my life is worth preserving, so JOT THAT DOWN. He is NOT an old man with a mustache that ages him; his RATIOS are IDEAL and he WALKS like THAT for the REASON YOU THINK. He is PERFECT at everything and he chooses to spend his time being OBSESSED with me, so everyone who has ever doubted or criticized me can EAT SHIT. THIS is the caliber of person I attract, and I have ZERO need for ANY of you or ANY of your compliments because you could NEVER understand how little they mean compared to the ones I get — CONSTANTLY! — from this outstanding man.”

And everyone is always like “uh okay sure, anyway here’s the body we called you about”

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Bonuses:

Eden Crowley my sweet summer child