littlefoxkota

[littlefoxkota]

One of Us- Chapter One of Three

Noah Sebastian x F! Reader

Summary: Y/N has a successful career as an audio engineer, getting the chance to work with so many artists, the opportunity to work with Bad Omens on their latest album is offered to her just as her home life goes down the drain. What will happen when her life gets turned upside down and new feelings start to arise?

Warnings: Cheating, Angst, talk of depression, alcohol use, smut, masturbation, 18+

Note: This is a work of fiction, everything in this is made up and it's all make-believe :) If there are spelling mistakes and shit, I'll get around to fixing them! Enjoy!

It’s been three months since I moved in with Jolly and Noah, I couldn’t be more grateful for them letting me stay with them until I can get my own shit figured out. Of course, things at work were going great and being able to be part of the Bad Omens team was exciting but when your boyfriend of two years breaks up with you over the stupidest thing and the price of rent in Los Angeles is through the fucking roof, what do you do? 

Jason, the ex, blah, makes me want to throw up in my own mouth even just saying his name. His words, not mine and I quote, “Your job is consuming all your time and you’re never home.” Ha! Says the man that cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend and my dumb ass was to love blind to kick his ass to the curb. Oh, but people can change, I should give him another chance, what the fuck was I even thinking?  

I think the problem was, I wasn’t. 

It was just after Christmas when I received an email from Jolly asking me if I would be interested in helping them out in the studio. After hearing my work with some of the other artists that Sumerian had signed, he wanted my “technical brain”, whatever the fuck that means, to join their team, after that my ass became a permeant fixture in the studio. Yes, it called for late nights and sometimes even early mornings but being able to plant my ass in that chain in front of the sound board and watch those guys create something that was so special to them was honestly just magical. 

We were about a quarter way through creating the record when Jason decided it was a great time to rip my heart out of my chest, jump up and down on it a hundred times before flushing it down the toilet. He didn’t actually do that, but it defiantly felt that way. I didn’t want to accept that he was right about me never being home, but he knew my job came with a lot of responsibilities and he told me he “understood” and “can deal with that because I love you.” I’m using air quotations there if you can’t tell. But that all turned out to be a heap of bull crap. I made good money; we had a roof over our heads, and we never went without.  

I put myself up in a hotel for a few weeks, all my belongings stuffed into two suitcases which were tossed in the corner of the room with half the contents tossed on the floor and not to mention all the takeout boxes that piled up beside the door. I wasn’t a pig, far from it actually, Jason always made it known how much of a clean freak I was, our house was always spotless but honestly it wouldn’t be cleaned at all if it weren't for me.  

It was nearing the end of my two-week hotel getaway when I found myself standing in the middle of the small utilities closet at the studio, tears running down my face and dripping onto my cellphone as I kept replaying a video that some anonymous person texted me, the only thing that they wrote was, “You should watch this.”  

Each time the video would restart, it felt like my lungs were going to give out and my heart was going to come up my throat. It was a clip of Jason and his coworker getting out of a cab, at a hotel that was a few minutes away from his work. His hands gripping her hips and pushing his crotch against her ass as she bent over into the opened taxi door for something. I felt like puking right there on the stone floor. Maybe the mop bucket would be a better choice. Before I could watch the video for the millionth time the door opened, and light poured into the small, dark closet. 

“Y/N, Are you okay?” It was Noah, his tall, stocky frame blocked a good bit of the light, but I could see the concern on his face. 

I sobbed, hiccupping as I did so, “No.” Was all I could muster up before I felt his arms wrap around me and pull me to him, his hand placed against my head as he cradled me against his chest. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, large hands sliding down my arms and holding me out from him so he could look at me. 

I shook my head no, but I did hold up my phone so he could see the video that was playing, his eyes widened, and he brought a hand up to cover his mouth in shock, “Is that your boyfriend?” 

I nodded as more tears fell from my red, puffy eyes trying my best to wipe them away with the back of my hand, “He broke up with me about two weeks ago.” I wipe the sleeve of my sweater against my nose, “This was from August.”  

“Shit.” He pulled me back to him, his hands rubbing against my back trying his best to calm me down, “I’m sorry, Y/N” 

I shook my head against his body, “Don’t apologize.” I muttered, “I knew he was a piece of shit.”  

I felt his chest shake as he chuckled softly, “What’s so funny?” I asked, stepping back from him, feeling his arms drop back to his sides and his face fell back into a serious expression. 

He huffed out a small laugh as he rubbed at the back of his neck nervously, “It’s just good that you know that I guess.” 

We both stood there in the middle of the small space, my mouth set in a hard line and my brows frowned at him. We hadn’t known each other that well, even though we’ve been working together for months. I tended to keep my personal life secret and didn’t really talk much about the shit that was happening in my day to day. It was important to me to keep things professional when it came to my job.  

After having a long conversation with Jolly in whispered tones, I could feel Jollys eyes on me as Noah explained to him my situation, then Jolly nodded before coming over and sitting in a chair beside me at the soundboard. 

“You can come stay with us if you’d like.” The Swede smiled at me; his hand grasping my shoulder gently and he laughed, “You can’t say no because I know anything is better than that shit motel, you’re staying in.” He playfully winked at me.  

If I had the strength in me, I would have smiled and said thank you but all I could do was place my hand over his on my shoulder and nod. 

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The guys gave me my own room, I told them I would be fine sleeping on the sofa until I figured something out, but they made it clear that that wasn’t an option. They cleared out one of the bedrooms that they used for storage, saying it gave them a good reason to finally move all this junk into a storage unit. I slept on a blow-up mattress the first night and when I arrived back to their house the next day, after running some errands and stopping by the studio for a few hours I was surprised to find a queen size bed put together and made in the middle of the room.  

“We didn’t know where you wanted to put it.” I jumped, not knowing there was anyone else home, “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”  

Turning around, my hand on my chest, I couldn’t stop the tears that rimmed my eyes, “You guys didn’t need to do this.”  

Jolly just shook his head, “Yes, we did.” Laughing he pointed to the bed, “Noah picked out the bedding.”  

“This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.” I said, wrapping my arms around his torso and giving him a small squeeze, “Thank you.” 

As time went on, the room slowly started to become my own, my clothes were put away into a dresser that Jolly helped me build, I hung pictures on the walls and even got a plant for my desk. I also started to realize how horribly I had been treated, how I didn’t ask for much from Jason, I gave him everything and it was a chore for him to even give me so much as a pinch.  

I was never made to feel unwelcome or uncomfortable. Whenever they planned on having people over or throwing a small get-together at the house, they always made sure I was sitting around the living room with them, a drink in hand and I would laugh. Laugh harder than I’ve ever laughed in my life. Whenever they had plans to go out for the night, they always made sure to ask if I wanted to join them, and sometimes I would.  

It’s been three months and I quickly realized how much I truly care about these guys; they were like the brothers I never had. I learned a lot about them as they also learned a lot about me, I opened myself up to them and that within itself said a lot. 

When I got to the house after Noah found me in the closet at work, he sat me on the sofa before running to the kitchen to get me a glass of water and a granola bar. He sat beside me and ran his hand up and down my back over the hoodie he lent me on the way here. It was like a dress on me, it smelt like leather, smoke and something different. It made me feel safe. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked me, holding the glass up for me to take but all I could do was shake my head and bury my face in my hands that were covered by the sweater's sleeves. 

“I know it’s hard right now, believe me I know.” He sighed; I knew he understood anyone would if they listened to the music he created, “But I’m here, we’re here and I just want to make sure you know that.” 

Turning my head in my hands I looked at him with blurry eyes, “Thank you.” I whispered. 

Jolly made his way into the house, motorcycle helmet in hand, giving Noah a questioning look, a look that asked, ‘Is she going to be, okay?’ he nodded in answer. 

I don’t know how long I sat there; I don’t know when I dozed off, but I remember feeling a softness being placed beneath my head and a warm, fuzzy weight covering my body. 

When I woke up, it took me a moment to remember where I was, I looked at the blanket that covered me and ran the palm of my hand over the soft material. 

“Good morning.” I jumped slightly in surprise and sat up, looking at Jolly as he sat in an armchair and drank from his coffee cup. 

I smiled. 

That was months ago, and a lot has changed since then, time do really heal wounds, but it depends on how deep those wounds are that determines how long it will take. Noah told me that, spoke it to me one night as we both were standing in the kitchen eating nachos from the takeout box on the counter, a few beers have been drank and the empty cans sat on the kitchen island beside us. 

“Thank you, Noah.” I mumbled around the chips in my mouth, laughing at myself in a tipsy matter at how silly I sounded but what I was saying was important.  

He looked at me, deep brown eyes burned into my own, “There’s no need for that.” He nodded his head before bringing his can to his lips, “Besides, it’s kinda nice having you around.” 

“Why because I can cook and clean?” I snorted, thinking back to Jason and how he had treated me. 

He placed his can on the counter before resting his hands firmly on the edge of the counter, “Don’t you ever think that.” He spoke, I was shocked at his tone with me, “You’re good company.” Then that smile that I soon came to love seeing broke across his face. 

Smiling at him I nodded, “Thank you.” I felt heat radiate to my face, it was probably just the alcohol, “So are you.”  

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Pulling on my sweater and opting for no pants, I slipped my feet into my slippers and started my journey to the washroom. The guys were out, and I quickly learned when they went out, they were out late. They asked me if I wanted to join them like they always did and most times I would tag along but tonight I declined politely so I could rot away in my bed, so I wasn’t worried about anyone seeing me heading to the bathroom with no pants on, besides the sweater, I currently had on that use to belong to Noah landed mid-thigh so no one was getting a peek even if they wanted too.  

Rinsing my hands, I quickly dried them off with a hand towel and picked up my toothbrush, pausing for a moment while I thought about the fact that my toothbrush had its own place in this bathroom, before I could think too far into it, I picked up the toothpaste and started brushing my teeth.  

Looking at myself in the mirror, I glanced over my appearance and felt my shoulders slump, why was I feeling this way? It’s been months since Jason, and I broke up and I was on the path of getting over it, letting that all be in the past even though I knew deep down I would never forgive him, but I couldn’t let that anger and hatred control me.  

Spitting into the sink, I rinsed my toothbrush and popped it back into the drawer that was now officially knew as ‘Y/N’s Drawer’ wiping my mouth with the back of my sleeve, I sighed as I took one last look at myself before making my way out of the washroom. 

I took a moment to lean over the railing on the second floor, taking in the living room that lay below. It was clean, you would never of guessed a bunch of dudes lived here. I obviously did my fair share of cleaning up, but it was nothing compared to living with shithead, I don’t even want to say his name. 

 All the lights were off besides a lamp in the corner of the living room near the front window, I knew it was on to make sure it looked like someone was home. The thought made me smile and shake my head. Pushing myself off the banister I headed back down the hallway to finish watching the rest of ‘I Saw the Tv Glow’, a movie that Nick suggested I should watch. 

A sudden noise caused me to stop in my tracks, waiting, I listened to see if I would hear it again. Maybe it was the guys coming home, calling it an early night. I held my breath, my heart rate so loud in my ears. 

‘Uhh’ 

I spun around as fast as I could, my eyes landing on the door in front of me. Standing in the same spot, my eyes burned into the closed, white door. No one was home, did someone break in? What am I supposed to do? I don't have my phone, I don’t have a weapon if I need to protect myself and if I run back to my room, they might hear me and come after me. 

‘Fuck....Y/N’ 

Oh my god, it’s Noah, is he hurt? Running towards his door I quickly grabbed the doorknob and swung his door open, “Are you okay?!” I asked, my mouth closed as fast as it opened, my eyes widening like my own eyeballs were trying to remove themselves from their sockets. 

He sat in his computer chair; black, cat-eared headphones graced his head which rested back against the chair headrest. Spotify was opened on his desktop and ‘The Thrill’ By Miguel was playing. But that wasn’t what shut me up, it was how his black shorts were pushed down around his thighs and his large, tattooed hand was moving over hard, throbbing muscle. My eyes followed the movement of his fingers, noticing his left hand gripping the armrest of his chair. I could see the precum build on the head of his cock and as his thumb came up to slide over it and my name slipped from his mouth again, I backed myself out of his room and closed the door quietly behind me.  

I took a moment to rest against the door, my hand laying over my heart, feeling the rapid beating in my chest. I knew my mouth was open, my eyes wide with shock. But I also noticed how the spot between my legs ached. I rubbed my thighs together for some relief only to bite into my bottom lip with how wet I've become. 

Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god. 

I quickly made my way back to my room, my head swimming with questions, Did I just walk in on Noah jerking off to the thought of me? Did he really say my name? Maybe I heard him wrong?  I thought he went out with the rest of the guys; how did I not notice he was still home?  

Then the guilt set in, I felt bad that I walked in on my friend and housemate doing something so private, something so intimate. But I would be lying to myself if I said that it didn’t stir something inside me.  

Resting back on my bed, I popped my headphones back in my ears and pressed play. I had trouble concentrating on the movie, my mind wandering back to mere moments ago. Thinking about the way the muscles in his throat contracted as he swallowed around his moans, thinking about the light layer of sweat that graced his forehead, how his strong grip flexed around his cock, wondering how long he had been at that before I walked in. No, I can’t. This is wrong, oh so wrong. 

Pausing the movie, I took out one of my headphones and just laid there, eyes taking in the textured ceiling above before I heard his bedroom door open, moments later the toilet flushed, and his bedroom door closed again. 

Sighing quietly, I closed my eyes and gave myself somes advice, just pretend it didn’t happen Y/N, it’s the best thing to do, you have a good thing going on here you wouldn’t want to ruin that. 

And my inner voice was right, I didn’t want to ruin it.  

I fell asleep that night with thoughts of Noah. 

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Morning came before I knew it, the sun danced between my curtains, and I yawned while I stretched myself out. Sitting up and resting against my pillows, I took in the state of my room, maybe I’ll take the day to clean it, at least that will give me something to do and will keep me away from Noah. 

Noah. Shit. 

Why would you stay away from him? Wouldn’t he realize something is up if you excuse yourself from the room every time he enters? Just act normal, he doesn’t need to know. 

Grabbing my sweater off the floor beside the bed I pulled it on and grabbed a pair of shorts before heading downstairs, I could hear voices coming from the kitchen as I made my way towards them, the four of them were in there, laughing and filling Noah in on what happened the night before. 

“I swear the tank was filled with fish, like so many fish and just there in the corner was a fucking dildo man.” Folio laughed, “Some of the weirdest aquarium decor I’ve ever seen.” 

“Sounds like you guys had a fun night.” I laughed, opening the fridge and pulling out a carton of eggs. As I closed the door, I couldn’t help but glance at Noah as he leaned against the kitchen counter sipping his coffee. 

“It was, one of the wildest bowling alleys I’ve ever witnessed.” Nick laughed before taking a sip from his cup, “How was your night?” He asked. 

Placing the frying pan on the stove and cracking an egg I shrugged, “Oh you know, boring but I did start watching that movie you suggested.” 

I hear a small cough, “You didn’t go out last night?” Noah asked, his eyes staring daggers at me. The flush of color across his cheeks didn’t go unnoticed. 

“She didn’t. We asked but just like you she wanted to stay home and be borrriiinnnngggg.” Nick said, taking a bite of the day-old pizza he had in front of him. 

Nodding his head, he looked down into his cup, his eyes looking everywhere and at everyone in the room beside me, “Yeah, I just put my headphones in and watched a movie, fell asleep, you know boring.” I smiled sweetly at them, I could see Noah’s shoulders relax, good, he doesn’t know.

But then his eyes landed on me, burning into me from across the kitchen and had me questioning otherwise.  

[littlefoxkota]

stoner boyfriend noah headcannons 🌬️

i wrote this as you both being stoners! because i'm self indulgent woops

thank you sm for all the love on my past post <3 still new to this but the message must be spread 🫡 hope you enjoy!!!

- noah gives me big joint/bong vibes... has a bong sitting on his desk next to his computer setup for sure because every time he dies in game you know what he's doing!

- for one of your guys anniversaries you bought him custom lighters with some of his favorite pictures of you on them (which led to him showing you how much he appreciated them)

- and he's always showing them off! "look at what y/n made me! isn't it fucking sick?" he has his favorite one on a lighter leash so you're "always close"

- he likes to smoke while writing for sure. likes to play around with different instruments and see where it takes off

- sometimes you have to "snap" him out of it or else he'll be up all night making song after song

- he always has the bong set up for you or a couple joints already rolled if he ever leaves you at the house alone 😞

- though often times you'll wake up to him coming in with a tray holding a plate of homemade breakfast and a huge smile on his face

- every time he's out he'll ask if you'll want anything for later when the munchies hit (you always do)

- always got snacks!!! remembers all your favorite things and has them stocked at all times

- smoking while you play games together is quality time okay!

- definitely BIG on cuddles though after he smokes. you both are so close you could be considered one LMAO

- now he already knows how you feel about his hands.. but whenever he's rolling up he'll do it extra slow and stare into your eyes as he licks across the papers (screams)

- your sesh fits consist of both his hoodies and sweats because what else would it be?!

- you guys have a decorated area outside where you spend time unwinding from the day! that's where you guys smoke most of the time

- acts of service guy here!!! he'll never hesitate to clean your pieces for you and restock your supply without asking <3

- HANDSY!!! throughout the sesh you get closer and closer until you're glued to his side watching him while his other hand traces shapes on your body

- he's not much of a talker but he claims the weed makes him "silly" 🙄 becomes a chatterbox but you love it!

- he likes showing you new music during seshes ALWAYS

- "i found this new artist let me put them on" he'd say as he plays a couple of their songs

- he has playlists for Everything! very proud of them too

slight nsfw

- things tend to get Heated after you guys smoke....

- his eyes never leave your lips the whole sesh.. as time goes on he starts to imagine his dick between your lips instead of the joint and you swear you can see the life leave his eyes

- HE CANT HELP IT HES OBSESSED WITH YOU!!!!

- one second you're sitting next to him, next one you're on his lap with his hands all over you 😵‍💫

- he always think you're Perfect but when your eyes get low and gloss over he thinks you look like a doll it drives him crazy!!

- and it doesn't help you've been eyeing his hands and lips either!!

- licks his lips A LOT just to watch you squirm (he knows you too well)

- he'll move your hips ever so slightly over him then ask you "you feeling it baby?" knowing you are every time

- "you wanna go back inside now? want me to play with you?" he'd whisper his eyes seeing right through you

- whether that means video games or something else.. you were all for it.

i need to be sedated bye.

[littlefoxkota]

evergreen — part one

Read on AO3 | Masterlist | Cabin Fever Masterlist | Join my taglist here!

Series Summary: Jake takes you on your first vacation to the cabin the gang stays at every year. When memories of past relationships loom heavy, will this vacation send cracks through the foundation of safety and trust you have in each other?

Chapter Summary: Jake picks the worst room possible to share with you.

Pairings: Jake x Reader, Josh x Baby, Sam x Danny | Genre: fluff, angst, emotional h/c | Word Count: 3.5k | Warnings: drinking, sexual innuendo, mentions of infidelity

A/N: Hi it's me again with another Cabin Fever fic :)) I've had this one bouncing around the ol' noodle for a while now, and I'm finally trying my hand at it. It's a direct sequel to Cabin Fever and No Strings Attached, set about a year after No Strings. I don't know how many chapters it's going to have, but I hope you like this first one! ♡

“God, am I glad we decided to drive together. No way the boys would have let us stop for drinks so many times.”

You looked over at your best friend and smiled, cradling the peppermint mocha you’d gotten at the last Starbucks you'd come to before you truly left civilization. She was holding a latte in one hand and steering Josh’s jeep with the other, humming along to the playlist you'd put on.

“You don’t think we could have convinced them?” you asked. “We do have some feminine charm at our disposal.”

She grinned. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. And since Danny’s driving, and he can't say no to either one of us, we probably could have gotten away with it.”

You propped your feet up on the dashboard, enjoying the scenery of the winding road through the woods as she drove. You were headed to the infamous cabin you’d heard so much about, the one they’d vacationed in each fall for the past two years. It would be your first time there — you and Jake had started dating a few months after they went last time, and you were looking forward to being a part of the friendship lore the trip held now that you were a part of the family.

Baby gestured to her bag in the back. “Grab my notebook out of there,” she said. “It’s got a list of things I want us to do this week. Look it over and add stuff that I missed.”

You did as she said, perusing her neat handwriting and seeing things like make breakfast together and have a movie marathon. At the top, with a little smiley face by it, was a neatly penned item reading break the bed.

You laughed. “Ah, I see where your priorities are.”

She glanced over at the list and gave you a smirk. “It’s tradition. Nobody bats an eye about it. I can guarantee you it’s high on Jake’s list too.”

You felt a dull blush creep up your neck at that. It was no secret that you and Jake were intimate, but there was something about this trip that made you a little nervous, perhaps foolishly so. The last time they’d all come, Jake had brought his ex, Izzy, with him. That had been before she cheated on him and he broke up with her, but they’d no doubt broken the bed that trip when everything had seemed fine between them.

“Are you sure it’s okay that I’m coming?” you asked.

She waved you off. “Of course. Don't even ask. You’re in the Kiszka-Wagner clan now, sparrow, and it wouldn't be a family vacation without you.”

You wondered briefly if she’d said the same to Izzy last year. Of course she would have been kind to Jake’s then-girlfriend, but you wished that you'd gotten to be the first girl Jake brought to the cabin.

She looked over at you and smiled. “I’m really glad you’re coming. I would be bored to death if it was just me and the boys.”

“I don't know,” you teased. “Judging by this list, you’d have kept busy.”

She laughed. “Well, maybe. But I want to spend time with you, just as much as I want to spend time with the guys doing whatever they can cook up.”

You smiled, deciding to forget your worry and just enjoy the trip. “Speaking of,” you said, “we should add that cooking show competition thing to the list.”

“Oh, yeah!” she agreed. “Write that down. We're definitely doing that.”

You penciled it in where you could find space, and the two of you spent the last few minutes of your trip coming up with ideas for things you could do over the week. Songwriting was the most important to the boys; Baby said they usually took a lot of time to work on new songs when they had the time and leisure to play around with them in a low-pressure environment. 

“Lunch has got to be the first thing we do, though,” she said. “I'm starving.”

“Me too,” you said dramatically. “Should I text the guys and ask them to throw a pizza in the oven or something?”

She turned onto a long dirt road. “Maybe we got lucky and they already did,” she said. “Because.... ta-da! We're here!” She pulled into dirt driveway that led up to a big, snug-looking cabin nestled into the trees. Josh and Sam were unpacking Danny’s truck, and you parked next to them.

“Well well well,” Josh teased, giving his girlfriend a quick kiss hello. “Look who finally showed up.”

“Had to get coffee, honey,” she insisted. Josh opened the back of his jeep and started pulling out your bags. “We can do that, though. You guys just unloaded all your stuff.”

“Don't worry about it,” he said sweetly. “Come on inside. Danny's got lunch going.”

“Oh, thank god,” she sighed. She followed Josh as he took her bags inside, and you stood by the jeep, a little shy about walking in by yourself, wondering where Jake was.

Before you could start feeling too lonely, you were swept up in a bear hug from behind. You squeaked in protest as your feet left the ground, giggling when you realized who it was.

“Just me, sparrow,” Jake teased, setting you back down and kissing your cheek. “Not a wild animal, I promise.”

You smiled, feeling much more at ease now that you were with him. “How was I supposed to know? All the way out here in the woods, anything could happen.”

“Nah, I gotcha. No bear attacks for my best girl, if I can help it.” He took your bags from the trunk. “You ready for the grand tour?”

You took his arm when he extended it to you in a very gentlemanly fashion. “Lead the way, Mr. Kiszka.”

He showed you inside the cabin, pointing out the kitchen, the living room, and the back porch.

“Basement’s down there,” he said, walking you past another door on your way to the bedrooms. “We’ll get that set up after lunch so we can work on some music later.”

The cabin was cosy and rustic, the perfect place for a getaway with your best friends and your boyfriend. You hugged his arm as he led you down the hall, and he showed you the bunk room and three other bedrooms, each with a single, big bed.

He ushered you into the last bedroom and started unpacking your bags, putting your clothes neatly in the dresser drawers next to his things.

“You don’t have to do that,” you said, a little guilty. 

“It’s no trouble, sweetheart.” He finished and nudged the drawer closed with his hip. “How do you like our room?”

“It’s lovely,” you said sincerely. The king sized bed was spread with colorful quilts and pillows, and it reminded you a little of the cabin you’d shared when you got together. You scooched close to him. “It’s romantic.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you like it. Anywhere would be romantic with you, but I like it too. I staked my claim on this room last year, mostly because it’s the darkest, and you know how I get about sleeping with any lights on.”

Your heart sank a little, any amorous thoughts dissolving as quickly as they’d come. So this was the room he’d shared with Izzy the last time he was here? You knew it shouldn’t bother you, but you’d be lying if you said it didn't.

“Oh,” you said, not sure what you should say. 

He read your discomfort. “What’s wrong? You don't like it?”

You shook your head and tried for a smile. Obviously it didn’t bother him, and you didn’t want to cause trouble your first five minutes there. 

“No, it’s great,” you said. “I love it. You have very good taste.”

He kissed you. “I know,” he said pleasantly. He took your hand. “Come on. Let’s see what everybody else is doing.”

They were in the kitchen making lunch, chattering on about memories the cabin held for them, and you felt the weight of your discomfort a little more sharply. You didn’t know any of these inside jokes, nor the antics that had gone on here at the cabin; you tried to remind yourself that you’d make plenty of memories with them this week and tried not to let it bother you.

After lunch, you all made your way down to the basement, where you helped get things set up to the boys’ satisfaction. Christmas lights were strung overhead, amps and instruments set up, comfy couches and chairs rearranged.

“Hey, do you think you can teach me some new stuff this week?” you asked, venturing over to where Jake was taking his guitar out of its case. You weren’t the best at guitar, but Jake was always patient with you, and under his kind direction you’d improved more than you’d ever hoped you could.

He smiled. “Sure, honey. I’d like to.” He nodded towards Sam and Danny. “I think your boys are trying to rope us into a hike right now, though.”

“We just got here,” you said, amused.

“You know Sammy,” Jake said. “Always looking for some adventure to get into.”

You went to talk to “your boys” and found that Sam was, indeed, planning a trek into the woods. Danny seemed perfectly willing to go along with his boyfriend’s scheme, as he generally always was, but told you that there was no pressure to join them.

“Aw, you don't want to miss it, sparrow,” Sam protested. “You have to see the waterfall.”

You’d heard of this enigmatic, hidden waterfall, and your curiosity was piqued. 

“Fine, but somebody’s making me apple cider when we get back,” you said.

Sam gave Danny’s shoulder an affectionate slap. “Dan’s got that covered. Don't you, babe?”

Danny rolled his eyes and smiled. “Yes, I’ll make sure sparrow has a festive little drink as a reward for putting up with you.”

“Good man,” Sam said cheerfully.

Baby and the twins were cajoled into coming with you as well, and you set out into the chilly woods together to find the waterfall. You huddled into a flannel jacket you’d stolen from Jake forever ago, enjoying the crisp autumn weather and the company.

Jake, Josh, and Baby were leading your group; you hung with Sam and Danny a few paces back, thankful for Danny’s steadying hand when you came to overgrown parts on the trail.

“Did you guys pick a room yet?” Danny asked, holding your hand as you stepped over a fallen tree trunk. “Sam was too excited to get outside for us to decide on one, but I guess we’ll just go with the same one we had last year.”

You gave him a rueful smile. “Well, Jake picked ours. Care to guess which one?”

“Probably the last one on the right,” he said, frowning a little. “He picked that one last time, but... oh, I see what the trouble is there.”

Sam found a sturdy walking stick in the brush. “Jake can be kind of an idiot sometimes.”

“Yeah,” you said, a little more bitterly than you’d intended. “Not the smartest choice, I thought, but hey.”

“Just tell him,” Sam suggested. “He’s not that much of an idiot that he’d make you stay there once he knew why you didn't want to.”

“Oh, I don't know,” you said, hesitant. “I don’t want to be annoying. It’s just a bedroom, after all.”

“Yeah, with a big, comfy bed he’s shared with someone else.”

Danny elbowed him. “Not helping, love.”

Sam looked a little abashed, then, but his easy, incorrigible smile won out.

“Sorry, Sparrow. I'm kind of an idiot sometimes too. But I do think you should just tell him.”

“You can have mine and Sammy’s room,” Danny offered.

“And I can guarantee that Jake hasn’t slept with either of us in there,” Sam added. You laughed, and Danny shook his head. 

“Samuel Francis,” he said, chiding and affectionate. “You’re terrible at this sort of thing, you know?”

He shrugged, a lazy grin spreading over his face. “Got a laugh out of her, anyway.” He slung his arm over your shoulders. “Don’t fret, my pet. Once you get this bedroom thing sorted out, this week’s gonna be great. Not least because...” He pointed ahead of you with his walking stick. “We’re almost at your waterfall.”

The six of you came through the trees to a beautiful swimming hole and the accompanying waterfall, and you had to admit it was very nice. Jake was looking for skipping stones along the water's edge, and you joined him.

“Hiya, sweetheart,” he said. “Did you have a good time with Sam and Danny?”

“Yeah,” you said truthfully, thankful for their kind advice and help. You handed him a perfectly flat stone to add to his collection. “How’s this one?”

“This one,” he said, holding it up to inspect it, “is a winner. C’mere.”

You did, following him to the bank, and watched him skip your stone an impressive five times across the water. 

“Here, you try,” he said, handing you a few. 

“I’m not very good at it,” you said hesitantly.

He grinned. “Sweet!” At your confused look, he softened and pulled you snug against him, your back to his chest. “Gives me an excuse to get real close and teach you how it's done. I didn’t know how I was going to convince you to let me teach you if you were good at it.”

You smiled and snuggled close to him. “Don’t worry. I would have pretended not to know.”

Giving you some pointers, he stretched your arm out and showed you how to move your wrist just so. He did it with you a few times, sneaking kisses here and there, and you probably would have been more successful if you hadn't been so distracted by his warmth and affection.

“Okay, you try,” he said, letting you go.

“No, one more,” you said, wanting him close.

He chuckled. “How about some incentive? I'll give you a kiss for every skip.”

That was motivation enough, but you tossed the next stone with such vigor that it skated straight under the water without so much as one skip.

“Aw, super,” you said. You looked to Jake. “Can that count?”

He kissed your nose. “Half a point. Try again.”

You did, several times, and earned kisses for each paltry one- and two-skip attempt. Then, finally, your stoke skipped four times.

“Ha!” you said, exultant. “There. Four kisses, please.”

He smiled and obliged you, giving you an extra for a job well done. 

“See?” he said. “You’re pretty good after all.”

“And now you've Pavloved me into expecting kisses every time,” you teased. “That won’t ever get boring.”

He hummed and gently butted his head against yours. “You’re right. It won’t.”

Warm with his affectionate attention, you felt brave enough to bring up the bedroom situation, sure he would understand.

“Can I talk to you about something?” you asked.

“Always, sparrow,” he said gently. “What’s up?”

“Well... I was just wondering if we could switch rooms.”

His brow crinkled. “I mean, sure, if you want. Any reason in particular?”

You bit the inside of your cheek.

“Because, well...” You couldn't make yourself say it, wishing he’d just realize what it was instead of you having to spell it out. You didn't want to make him feel bad, and you definitely didn't want to be the one to drag the memory of his ex into your vacation. “I just want to. I think a little variety would be good for you.”

He gave you a bemused smile. “Okay, honey. Suits me.”

You hugged him, needing him close, and he hugged you back with a tight squeeze.

“I sure do love you, sparrow,” he said with a happy groan. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” you said contentedly. “For both things.”

When the sun started to sink and the air got colder, you made your way back to the cabin and started getting the bonfire going. Sam and Jake got the grill on, serving up a round of hamburgers and Sam’s very artfully crafted veggie sliders, and Josh made drinks while you and Baby helped Danny with the fire. Helped was a bit of a strong word, actually, given that Danny did most of the work, but he was grateful for your efforts all the same.

By the time the sun had set, the six of you were well on your way to being drunk. Josh was nothing if not a craftsman of strong drinks, and you all hung around the fire, tossing the football around and lounging in your camping chairs, talking and laughing and intermittently breaking out into song. The playlist you and Baby had curated was expertly tailored to the musical taste you shared with the boys, and none of them could resist a good tune.

“Listen to his tone on that,” Jake said to you, his accent slipping into tellingly British territory. He gestured with his cup, sloshing a bit over the rim. “I woke up and pressed my lips to a cup full of comfort, wrapped in the bliss of a golden shroud,” he sang, his voice raspy and warm. “God, that guitar sounds so cool.”

You smiled up at him, pleasantly buzzed and dreamy. “Not as cool as yours, honey.”

He grinned and gave you a kiss. “I like you. I think I’ll keep you.”

“Suits me, Jakey.” You draped your arm over his shoulder and let him sway you to the music. Your breaths came in silverly clouds, and you were thankful for his warmth in the chilly night. 

He nuzzled against your jaw, breathing you in, humming along to the tune. “You smell good, sparrow.”

You giggled when his hair brushed against your neck. “Thanks. It’s just soap.”

“It’s you,” he said. “Sunshine and fresh air.”

“Well, I have been out in the sun and the woods all day,” you reasoned.

He kissed a loved mark against your neck, and you lost yourself in his touch. 

“I have a theory,” he said after a moment.

You hummed. “What’s that?”

“You let me make love to you,” he said, “and I’ll make you the best love you ever had.”

You laughed. “That’s not a theory,” you protested. “That’s... a bargain, maybe, but not a theory.”

“Whatever,” he said. He pulled you close. “Bargain, theory, call it what you want. What say you, lassie?”

“Oh, there’s my pirate Jake,” you said, coy and affectionate. “I missed him.”

“He’s all yours, sparrow. Just say the word.”

You looked around the bonfire and saw Sam and Danny playing a card game, both of them laughing far more than any card game could make a person laugh sober. Josh and Baby were entangled in Josh’s camping chair, looking like they might very soon cross out that thing at the top of her list of things to do this week.

You had a mind to cross it off too, and as you’d been promised, Jake was more than amenable.

“Very well, Dread Pirate Kiszka,” you said, swaggering and posh. “As you wish.”

He grinned, wasting no time finishing off his drink and taking you inside. You were giggly and clumsy as you made your way through the dimly lit cabin, and you weren’t paying attention to where he was taking you until you passed the bathroom.

“Hold on,” you said, disentangling yourself from him. “Two seconds. Be right back.”

Going to find him after, you realized with a pang of chagrin that he was in the room he’d said you could move from. What’s more, he was absolutely dead to the world, spreadeagle on the bed with his shoes still on. You would have found it sweet and amusing — apparently even the promise of drunk pirate sex wasn’t enough to combat an unremembered number of tequila sodas — if you hadn't been so unhappy about where he’d fallen asleep.

You swallowed your feelings and gently took his shoes off, setting them neatly against the wall. Surely you could handle one night in this room; you wouldn't dream of bothering Jake by insisting he get up and move when he was already sleeping, not when the reason would be something as silly as your emotions. Getting undressed yourself, you got into bed next to him, trying very hard not to think of another girl who'd done the same thing in this very bed.

He roused just enough to move close to you, draping an arm over you.

“My love,” he mumbled, soft and sweet.

For some reason, you felt like crying. Couldn't he have called you his nickname for you, one you knew had never been used for another?

“I’m here, Jake,” you said softly. You pressed close to him, hiding your face against his shoulder, wishing you could forget every reason not to relax against him completely. Feeling the sting of tears that you knew you wouldn't be able to stop but would try to keep quiet, you weren't sure how successful you would be.

taglist: @viagvf @allieisacrybaby @itsafullmoon @spark-my-nature @anthemheatwave @xserenax-13 @musicspeaks @mountain-in-springtime

and some cabin fever besties who were excited for this one :) @shutupdevvie @gold-mines-melting @earthlysorrows @brooke-gvf

join my taglist here!

[littlefoxkota]

yes PLEASE 😭😭

may or may not be starting some stoner noah hcs.. 🙊

[littlefoxkota]

umm... stoner noah brainrot 😵‍💫

this is my first time writing pls be easy on me

i Needed to expand on this after my last post so hope you enjoy :p also thank you @artificialbreezy for sharing a brain with me 🫂

you open the front door to your shared apartment, the smell of weed welcoming you in after a long day of work. you look up to see noah in the living room legs spread and a lit joint in his hand. "without me?" you joked as you set your things on the counter kicking off your shoes and walking to sit next to him. you weren't a smoker but didn't mind that noah was, he'd never force you and would most times do it outside away from you. "very funny y/n" he laughs but pauses "you know one of these days you should join me". what's the harm? you thought and you had talked about it with him before. "can you show me how?" you ask shyly turning your eyes away from his. with a cocky smile he says "of course, you'll be learning from the best anyways". noah and you would joke constantly but when noah was high he would have yours and his stomachs aching with all the comments he'd make. you waited patiently for him to show you, finally meeting his gaze again your head spins as you get a better look at him. hair tousled everywhere and only sweatpants clad to his figure. he noticed your eyes scanning over him "come closer pretty" he says as his hands search for your waist to pull you closer. his eyes already low and glossy looking down at you or more so your lips. "open" he says. he takes a long hit from the joint and brings his lips closer, his other hand now holding your face inches away. you catch on to copy his movements and put your lips together. the smoke passing from his mouth to yours has you in a haze. you inhale deeply then exhale the smoke with a small cough. "hm.. you took it so easily, you sure you've never smoked before?" a loose grin splayed upon his face as he takes another hit for himself. you laugh as he sets the joint down to rest in the ashtray, his eyes not knowing where to focus as you decide to plant yourself on his lap. with a newfound confidence you run a hand through his hair, he hums then mumbles "so? how was it sweet girl?". the name making you a nervous mess all over again. his head cocked back against the couch watching you try to find words to respond. "i think you want more" you nod slowly as he sits up to grab the joint and relight it. his arms snaked around your waist then retracted to run down your thighs, the cold metal of the lighter snapping you out of your trance. "tell me you want it baby, use your words" his dark eyes looking into your now heavy lidded ones. you knew you were in for it.

K BYE

[littlefoxkota]

Eternally Grateful-Miracle!Noah Sebastian

*GIF created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings: smut, language, fluff.

Summary: Reader refused to take the laptop Noah bought for her, after she specifically asked him to stop spending his money on her. That was, until he wore her down with his tongue.

A/N: Again, this takes place in the Miracle Universe! If you haven't read it, no biggie! You won't be missing too much! But you should really check it out. I've been told once or twice it's a pretty great story.

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @mitchhbitch @missduffsblog @hayleylatour @sleepyomens @loeytuan98 @artificialbreezy @marvelousmal @bngurngheart @lma1986 @dsireland86 @wild-child-7747 @calleyx13 @illmakeyousaywow @jaded-and-hollow-souls @exitwoundsx @shayzillaaaa @lookwhatitcost @badomensls @princesspeach-00 @burning-outx @shadowseve @collective-heartbreak @klutzy-kay24 @sorrowsofsilence @sweetlittlekitsune @shilohrosechicken @itsafullmoon @toospooktocute @niicoleleigh @thatchickwiththecamera @hoe-for-daddywise @whenthesummerdies @cookiesupplier @concreteemo @sammyjoeee @thisbicc

“Noah, what is this?” I pointed to the shiny plastic box in my suitcase. 

His head full of fluffy hair popped out of the hotel room bathroom. “What’s what?” 

I pointed to my suitcase again. “That!” 

“Oh,” he muttered while coming up behind me and shrugged. “Whoops.” 

Before he could walk away, I grabbed onto his arm, keeping him in front of me. I could feel the aggravation creeping in. I knew he did it out of his love for me but I specifically told him not to buy this for me. 

“I told you I didn’t need a laptop. Bryan has one for me to use.” 

Noah kissed my forehead. “Think of it as a birthday present.” 

“My birthday is in six months,” I crossed my arms. 

“Christmas present?” he suggested. 

“It's April!” I sighed exasperated while pinching my eyes shut. “When we get back home, please return it. I’ll save up my own money to buy myself one.” 

Noah’s lips parted to speak but there was a knock to our hotel room door, halting whatever he was about to say. When he opened it, Matt stood on the other side while nursing a Celsius. 

“Ready?” 

Bad Omens had a sound check at the venue before the show tonight, the first show of the Europe leg of the tour. 

“Are you coming?” Noah asked after turning back to me. 

I was still angry about the brand new laptop in my suitcase but didn’t want to cause a scene in front of Matt. So instead, I grabbed the camera Bryan gave me and pushed my way past the two guys, ignoring their protests of waiting for them. 

Ever since the fire and losing everything, Noah had made it his mission to buy me things I needed to replace. The necessities were fine but when it came to expensive things, I drew the line. Noah worked hard for his money and I felt terrible to have him spend it on me. 

The entire time of soundcheck, I didn’t say a word to Noah, hoping my silent treatment would show him how angry I was. Deep down, I knew it was a sweet gesture but it was in my stubborn nature to be a brat. 

“Angel,” Noah’s voice came through the microphone. “How does it sound up there?” 

I was standing up in the balconies of the venue because Matt was worried about how the mix would sound this high up. 

“It sounds good, Matt!” I called down to him, who was standing in the sound deck. 

Once again ignoring Noah. 

Then later, after I took my round of pictures, I was sitting on the edge of the stage and looking back at what I took when Noah sat beside me. His long legs swinging off the edge. 

“You’re ignoring me.” 

I hummed, still clicking through the pictures. I stopped on one I took of Noah bending at the knees while holding his microphone. The white tank top he wore always stood out against the tone of his skin. I bit the inside of my cheek when I noticed how thick his muscles were in this position. 

Curse the burning between my legs. Due to the long travel from the States to the U.K, we barely had time alone before dealing with things to get the first night of the tour set up. 

“Y/N,” my voice came out in a low rumble in his chest. “Why can’t you accept the fact that I want to take care of you?” 

“I told you not to buy me one and you did it anyway,” I said, not looking at him yet. 

I knew if I gazed up into those almond eyes I would falter immediately.  

“I wanted to,” Noah said. “Why is the idea of me taking care of you so hard to understand?” 

“Because I’ve been taking care of myself my entire life,” I semi-snapped while jumping off the stage and sauntered off to the green room. 

I knew from the thundering footsteps behind me that Noah was following and when we were alone in the green room, I placed the camera on the couch. 

“Please take it,” he breathed while placing his hands on my hips. 

I pouted, my resolve crumbling. “I feel terrible you spent a lot of money on it. On me.” 

“Angel,” Noah’s thumb grazed over my cheek. “I want to take care of you.” 

“It’s an expensive laptop, Noah. I know how much it cost because I’ve had my eye on it long before the fire,” I admitted. 

He had a playful smirk on his lips as he shook his bangs away from his eyes. “How do you think I knew which one to get you? You’re not very good at hiding things.” 

I scoffed while smacking his chest, causing a rouse of laughter from us, but I wasn’t ready to accept his gift; yet. 

“I don’t know,” I sighed while slowly moving from side to side in his embrace. “You could have used that money for something else. Something for the studio.” 

Noah led me to the couch in the green room, the back of my knees hitting the leather armrest. 

“Take it,” he spoke quietly before getting to his knees. 

When I didn’t say anything right away, he placed his hands behind his back and knelt even farther on the ground, resting his forehead on the toes of my boots. 

“Please, angel. Let me show you how much I want to take care of you.” 

My eyes widened when his long fingers hooked into my leggings, pulling them down to my ankles, and then made me sit on the armrest. The coolness from the leather felt wonderful on my heated skin as Noah spread my legs wide for him. 

“What if someone walks in?” 

He tore his hungry eyes away from my pussy and up to my eyes. “Give them a show, Y/N.” 

I gaped down in shock at him which caused him to give a curt laugh. “I already locked the door.” 

Soon his tongue flicked over my already sensitive clit and my nails quickly found his scalp, yanking him closer to me. 

“I fucking love the way you taste,” he groaned seconds before completely devouring me with his mouth. 

My mewls of pleasure sounded disgustingly loud in the small green room. Noah knew exactly what to do with his tongue to make my body ignite for him. His hair was a mess thanks to my fingers running through it, bucking on the ends to keep him in place. 

“Oh, fuck,” I shook when a finger slipped inside, pumping in and out of my pussy with such speed it made my head spin. 

“Do you want to be a good girl for me, angel?” Noah broke away from my clit to look up at me with wide pupils. 

My arousal coated his lips and I let out a small whimper when I nodded. 

“Then take the laptop,” he ordered before diving back in to enjoy his meal. 

I wrapped my legs around his head as another way to keep him close to me as my orgasm began to build and build. It teetered on the edge of the cliff and with one piercing cry of his name, I came apart. Noah lapped up my juices like a man who had just found water after trekking in the desert for days. 

When I blinked through the haze that danced at the edge of my vision, I noticed Noah was standing in front of me now, lips and chin covered in my wetness, and he held up a finger; a silent command. 

I brought it to my mouth eagerly to lick it clean, humming at how delicious I tasted. 

“You’re such a good girl for me, angel. Fuck,” Noah hissed when my teeth grazed along his finger as he pulled it out of my mouth. 

“Can I repay you for my gift?” I asked with doe eyes while raking my nails down the tattoos on his arms. 

Somehow Noah knew I wasn’t talking about money. 

In one swift motion, we switched positions so he was sitting on the armrest and I was standing in front of him; his large hand resting on top of my head. 

“On your knees, Y/N,” he demanded while pushing me roughly to my knees. 

His cock sprung free when I pulled it out of his black shorts and I wasted no time licking up the precum at the head before swirling it over my tongue. I took his entire length in my mouth and bobbed my head up and down in fast strokes. He always had a tangy yet sweet taste and I purred when the head of his cock hit the back of my throat. 

“Shit!” He hissed and gripped the back of my head. “Right there, angel. Fuck, I’m gonna-.” 

When my hand began playing with his soft balls, I knew he wouldn’t be able to hang on for much longer. With a grunt, his warm cum shot down my throat and I dug my nails into the skin of his thighs. 

“Every.” 

Thrust. 

“Last.” 

Thrust. 

“Drop.”

I did. 

My mouth popped off his dick and I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand before tucking his cock away. 

“I will be eternally grateful for your gift,” I vowed with a kiss to his lips; myself still lingering. 

Noah vibrated as he slowly pulled up my leggings for me just as the door to the green room opened with a distraught-looking Matt.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you, Noah. What the fuck! We only have ten minutes left before the doors open and your M.I.A.” He took off his hat to shake out his hair.

My gaze snapped away from Matt to Noah. “You told me you locked the door!” 

He winked with a shrug and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “Whoops.”

[littlefoxkota]

let me worship you | samurai!noah

Summary: She's curious about Noah's skills when it comes to binding prisoners and restraining... her, so she asks him to teach her. Noah is just trying to be a good instructor, considering skills with the rope might be practical for her, but his princess is a minx and her intentions are a bit mischievous.

can be read as a one shot ✨ but it's part of the samurai!noah fic™ (this takes place before the main storyline) pairing: samurai!noah x his princess | words: 3.4k tags & trigger warnings: set in feudal Japan, forbidden love, clandestine rendezvous, references to f/m intercourse (p in v, unprotected), shibari (bondage, rope play), dry humping.

“You wanted me to teach you, and I’m going to teach you properly. You don’t need to be naked for that.” “Are you sure?”

Author's note: Everybody say "thank you, @somebodyels3" because this was her idea. I just turned her 100 words into 3k. I hope everybody learns something from this piece and that we all go to bed knowing how to tie a handcuff knot... for protection purposes, ofc.

Also, i just edited this very quickly because I wanted to share it tonight, so there might be a bunch of typos. Sorry.

Tagging the beautiful @thescarlettvvitch because she likes to read my stories before bedtime. 🥹

It was just an innocent question. 

            A question that spurred from curiosity about his mastery of ropes and his ease in tying intricate knots in mere minutes.

            When I asked Noah to teach me how to perform those knots, I was still lying on the mattress in my grandmother’s village house. It was past midnight, and I had spent the last half-hour at Noah’s mercy, my hands tied while resting on my own stomach as Noah, kneeling between my legs, held my thighs and penetrated me again and again until, with a contained roar, emptied himself, his release coating my skin.

            I hadn’t yet cleaned myself when, somewhat composed, he allowed my feet to touch the softness of the mattress again and approached my side to untie my hands. 

            First, he inquired about my well-being, deftly unwinding the red rope from one wrist and then the other with his fingers. I responded affirmatively after he gave me a concerned look for my intial silence, as I had been captivated by watching him untie me. Then, he gently massaged my wrists. And that’s when I posed the question. 

            “Would you teach me how to tie those knots?”

            He appeared puzzled, but persuasion wasn’t difficult. 

            When he inquired why I wanted to learn and how I thought I could benefit from them, I shrugged, though I managed to coax him with mentions about the value of knowledge in general and how they might be practical in certain situations, perhaps even for my own protection. 

            Before long, he was between my legs with a cotton towel, wearing a silly grin as he cleaned me, his head shaking from side to side. It was as if he knew I was relentless and wouldn’t cease pestering him until I was content. Because I was aware there was nothing he wouldn’t do for me, and sometimes, as selfish as it seemed, I took advantage of that. 

            “It’s also time that I worship you too, isn’t it?”

            At those words, he froze. His gaze traveled from my core to my eyes. I blinked a few times, feigning innocence, as if I hadn’t been begging him just minutes earlier to be rougher with me because he was always so gentle, treating me as if I were made of glass. 

            “It’s getting late,” he said through clenched teeth, reminding me that our time was limited. “Stop tempting me before I cease caring whether your parents notice you’re in your bedroom or not.”

The next time we saw each other was in the small shelter nestled within the forest, a forty minute walk from my father’s estate and the same place where Noah and I had lost our virginity years before. Noah brought along the rope and offered to instruct me, his demeanour serious and determined despite my occassional mischievous smiles.

            The situation struck me as amusing because I had a singular purpose behind it all, yet Noah seemed to be approaching it way too seriously. But then again, that was typical of him, embodying the spirit of the Samurai he was. 

            His katana rested peacefully on the wooden floor beside the bed, never too far away in case he might need it. 

            “Give me your hands. I can’t teach you if I don’t actually tie you up,” he ordered.

            “Well,” I quipped, “can’t we undress? I’m thinking we could have skipped this part much earlier, considering the amount of times you’ve tied me up already, while I was naked.”

            He responded with a raised eyebrow and a reproachful gaze. 

            “You wanted me to teach you, and I’m going to teach you properly. You don’t need to be naked for that,” he asserted.

            “Are you sure?” I teased.

            “Yes,” he affirmed, holding my gaze until he saw my nod of agreement. “Now, be still and pay attention.”

            I did. I set aside the lewd thoughts, presented my wrists to Noah, and focused on how his hands presented the rope to me, then, how his fingers moved slowly to avoid disorienting me from the explanation as they wound around my wrists. 

            “You’re holding the rope like this, with one end in each hand,” he began. “Start by making a loop with the right-hand side of the rope. You want it to be about the size of your opponent’s fist. Then, take the left-hand side of the rope and wrap it around the loop, going underneath and then over the top. Make sure to leave a little bit of slack, understood?”

            I nodded, committing to memory the trajectory of each end of the rope and gripping it firmly. I remained acutely aware of every instance Noah’s fingertips brushed against my skin. 

         ��  “Next, bring the left-hand side of the rope back around and insert it through the loop you just made, going over the top, like this. See? It creates sort of pretzel shape with the rope.”

            “It’s cute,” I commented, just a genuine thought, no mischief intended. 

            “Not as cute as you look when you’re tied up and happily at my mercy,” he replied, causing me to shoot him a scowful glare. 

            He had insisted I pay attention, and now he was interjecting with these comments. 

            With a chuckle, he pecked my nose and continued his instruction. 

            “Now comes the tricky part. Focus. You’ll want to pull on both ends of the rope, okay? Tightening everything up. As you do this,” he demonstrated, “the loop you made at the beginning will start to cinch down, forming a secure knot. Like this.” He paused to ensure it wasn’t too tight on me. I assured him it wasn’t. Only when he was certain he proceeded. “To finish it off, just make sure everything is nice and tight, and you’re done. You’ve got yourself a handcuff knot. It’s great for all sorts of things, not just to tie up a prisoner. It might come in handy if you ever need to secure a weapon, for instance.”

            I mentally reviewed the steps before nodding. I examined the knot that held my wrists together. I made attempt to free myself, a gesture I had repeated many times before to test Noah’s effectiveness and skill with the art of knots, but the knot didn’t budge an inch. 

            “Can you repeat it again, so it’s clearer to me?” I asked.

            “Of course,” he replied. 

            With the same skill but faster, he undid the knot and freed my wrists. He repeated the process of tying me up, once again indicating each step and having me verbally repeat the instructions.

            “It doesn’t seem difficult,” I mentioned.

            “It isn’t,” he confirmed, still seated on his heels in front of me. “It’s one of the easiest knots. You’ll have it mastered in no time once you practice a bit.”

            “Can I start now?”

            “With what?” he inquired, furrowing his brow genuinely. It wasn’t that he was playing dumb. It was that he literally didn’t conveice the idea that I could practive with him, that I could tie him up. 

            “With you,” I said seriously. 

            He chuckled at first, but as my seriousness sank in, his expression shifted to one of disbelief. Why did he always have to be so challenging? He arched an eyebrow at me. 

            “You want to tie me,” he clarified, more to himself than to me. “A Samurai. You want to tie up a Samurai.”

            “For practice,” I emphasized fighting back a smile that threatened to betray my intetions.

            Noah relented with a resigned sigh, muttering to himself that it was a useful skill for me to possess, so why not give it a try. 

            “How will I know if I’m doing it right if I don’t actually try? And if it’s not with you, who else can I possibly practice with? Would you prefer my first attempt to be in a life-or-death scenario?” as I noticed his expression darken at the thought of such a dire situation and the potential danger it posed to me, I knew I had him convinced.  

            “You have a point,” he conceded, though suspicion lingered in his gaze, suggesting he thought I might be enjoying this more than I let on. With some reluctance, he handed me the rope and extended his wrists, positioning them side by side. 

            I shook my head, causing Noah to furrow his brow in confusion. 

            “I should tie them at your back. If I ever find myself in such a situation, I’d likely be behind the enemy, not in front of them.”

            “If you ever find yourself in such a situation, it’ll be because I haven’t been a good enough samurai,” he replied with a hint of self-criticism.

            “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You know I don’t like it when you’re overly critical,” I gently chided. “Please, turn around.”

            “Hm. Only because you’re actually good at being persuasive…”

            He turned around to kneel with his back to me. He crossed his hands behind his back, interlocking his wrists. I flashed a wide smile as I bit my lip now that he couldn’t see me.

            “I’ll let you know if you make a mistake,” he said.

            “How will you know if I’m making a mistake when you’re facing away from me?” 

            “I know the art of knots like the back of my hand. I don’t need to watch to know if you’re doing correctly. “

            “All right…” I murmured, then couldn’t resist making an annoyed face behind his back. 

            “What was that?” he asked.

            “Nothing,” I replied innocently.

            “Don’t tempt me to turn around and tie you up completely; not just your hands—maybe your ankles too.”

            I sighed, pretending. 

            “Will you relax? Drop that Samurai attitude for a moment. Pretend you’re a captured soldier, because that’s what you are.”

            “Not yet.”

            He was fortunate I was deeply enraptured with him. Otherwise, I would have bound his hands and instead of granting him what I had in mind, I would have left him there tied up for hours without further ado. 

            It didn’t take me more than two minutes, a fact that surprised me greatly given it was my first attempt. When Noah tried to pull his wrists apart and the rope held firm, I nodded in approval, tilting my head to the side with a hum of approval and feeling a swell of pride in my chest. 

            However, the expression on Noah’s face —as he strained to look over his shoulder— told a different story.

            He had doubted my capability, and now he found himself bound and at my mercy. 

            “As I was saying, a captured soldier.”

            “Fuck,” he muttered, a compliment hidden in his words. “That’s a damn good knot.”

            “Are you impressed?”

            “Yeah, of course I—“ his words caught in his throat as my lips brushed against his nape. 

            This was the reaction I had been hoping for. 

            In mere moments, Noah would realize my true intention from the start, understanding that he had no choice but to let me take charge for the rest of our short time together that night.

            “You’re mine now,” I concluded. 

            Standing up, I circled around him, eager to witness his bewildered expression. 

            There it was. 

            He attempted to free himself once more, but soon realized the futility of his efforts. Even if he were the most cunning and well-trained samurai in my father’s army, he wouldn’t be able to break free. He had taught me himself, and I had learnt quickly. 

            “Well…” he began, still maintaining a semblance of composure, “I’ve always been yours, haven’t I?” A hint of sweetness and pride danced across his features and echoed in his voice. He never missed an opportunity to say the right things and make me melt. 

            However, the atmosphere shifted in the next few seconds.  

            “You did a good job. Let’s see if you’re as quick untying me.” 

            “No.”

            “What?”

            “I’m going to enjoy this,” I declared.

            When realization hit him, he tried to stand up. 

            Of course, having his hands bound behind his back wasn’t much of an obstacle for him. In any other situation, he would rise and find a way to free himself, using his legs to attack his adversary. 

            But today, there was no enemy in the room. 

            Only his lover.

            He might have been stronger, but I was faster. 

            Before he could fully stand, I guided him back onto his knees and straddled him, the weight of my body keeping him in place. I was certain no other foe had ever put him in such an intimate position. 

            My hands  found their way to his shoulders, and as I smiled down at him —a gesture he didn’t reciprocate as surprise, anger, and perhaps a hint of pleading flashed across his face—, I trailed my fingers along the exposed skin of his neck. 

            “Untie me. Right now,” he demanded. 

            “No,” I repeated softly, my lips tracing a path along his neck. 

            I could sense he was holding his breath.

            “I was wondering…” I began, my words barely grazing him. “If you would tell me more about your tattoos.”

            “What do you want to… know?” he managed to say after I focused on a particularly sensitive spot just below his ear.

            “Hmm. I’m curious about a few things…” I continued, trailing kisses from one side of his neck to the other, moving upward to nibble at his jaw and peck his lips once. “But I don’t remember exactly what I was curious about, so I might have to see them again.”

            With that, I leaned back slightly, my hands stealthily sliping under our bodies until they found the belt of Noah’s black kimono. He muttered my name in warning, but I paid no heed. 

            Letting the ends of the belt fall to the sides, I slid my hands up through the sides of his kimono until I grasped them and slowly moved them aside, revealing Noah’s naked torso underneath—muscles, scars, and secret tattoos.

            I couldn’t help but bite my lip again. 

            As my palm pressed against his chest, I could feel his rapid heartbeat beneath my touch. Beneath my body, I could sense his erection growing. 

            I raised my gaze back to him and I showed him a smirk and a special glint in my eyes, revealing that this had been my intention from the very beginning, and now he had no choice but to surrender to me. 

            “You’re playing a very dangerous game, young lady,” he warned, though his voice was restrained. 

            “Am I?” I questioned, my fingers tracing down the lines of the snake tattooed on his chest. 

            Bending down, I kissed the creature’s head before trailing kisses along his clavicle, then down, and down again, until I found his nipple and touched it with the tip of my tongue. 

            I noticed him close his eyes, a muscle ticking in his jaw, and a vein pulsing in his neck. 

            Taking a long lick at his nipple, I waited for his reaction. 

            With his hands restrained at his back and me straddling him, there wasn’t much he could do. I would do as I pleased for the remainer of the night—touch him, kiss him, adore him, and worship him until my heart was content. 

            So I traced every inch of skin, every scar, and every tattoo without feeling rushed, comitting each of his faults and perfections to memory, adoring them all the same. 

            When I kissed him on the lips, sweet yet seductive, he tried to keep me there by nibbling at my lips. But tonight, he wasn’t in control and he couldn’t deal with the idea. Tonight, he couldn’t halt my movements by seizing my wrists or flipping me over onto the mattress to devour me. 

            He could only let me do.

            And I would do. 

            There was a spot under his clavicle that would hold a love bite for days, a reminder of the promise that my love held. Nobody would see it, but it would be there—a temporary tattoo made not by a needle, but by the suction of his lover’s mouth. 

            As I tended to him, I sensed him trying to find a weakness in the knot, but there was none. That’s what happens when you’re the best at tying knots and you teach your girl, I suppose. I wanted to tell him that, but I couldn’t wait any longer to see how aroused he’d become. 

            Sliding my hands down his chest, I found the bulge in his pants. When my hand pressed against it, palming it and feeling it pulsate beneath, his voice emerged hard and restrained, as if in pain.

            “Don’t.”

            “But where’s the fun, then?” I countered.

            “I swear to the Gods, if you even think…”

            But as he uttered those words, I freed hiscock and watched in awe at how hard it was. 

            “What do you swear to the Gods?” I asked, my eyes locked on his shaft, marveling at its beauty, imagining how warm it would feel in my hand, how wonderful it would feel inside of me…

            His response came out as a low growl, cut off before he had a chance to answer. Shifting my position atop him, I positioned his erection snugly between my legs, tantalizingly close to my core, separated only by the fabric of my own clothing.

            With delicate kisses peppering his jaw, neck, and cheeks, my fingers roamed every inch of his body on display. 

            Not long after, his lips were swollen, a bead of sweat trickling down his temple, and his heartbeat quickened. He clenched his teeth, a pained expression crossing his face as he leaned his forehead against my shoulder. 

            “Untie me. I beg you. Let me share this with you. I want— I need to be inside of you.”

            “No.”

            His eyes shot open. 

            My decision was final.  

            “Please.”

            Oh, it was exquisite to hear him beg for a change. 

            “Do you think you can convince me with those beautiful brown eyes? You forget, my lover is…” my lips found their place on his neck once again, “ a Samurai, and he’s been teaching me…” another kiss, “how to be disciplined, resilient, determined, and…” I fought the urge to bite him in temptation, “lethal.” 

            His hips arched instinctively, seeking friction, his hands flexing with the urge to touch me. 

            “Make yourself feel good, then. Please.” There it was again, this time his voice deeper. “For me?”

            “No.”

            He swallowed, realizing this wasn’t going to play out as he desired. Not even a bit. He might as well admit defeat. He was still too proud to do so, though. 

            So, I ground myself against him, a sinful dance, feeling the hardness of his length pressing against me, wondering if I could withstand this much longer before I gave in and untied him, letting him fill me with every inch of his cock. 

            I was on the brink of moaning into his neck, so close to setting him free… But his hips jerked up suddenly, accompanied by a guttural sound, and his head pressed against my shoulder, halting my movements. 

            We fell into silence for a minute or so, his breathing shifting from rapid to slow and steady. His heartbeat beneath my palm was gradually relenting, yet his dick still throbbed under me, slick and wetness seeping through the fabric of my kimono. 

            “Noah,” I spoke, my voice barely a whisper in the confines of the small room we were in, “did you just…?”

            “Do not say anything,” was his reply, stern and cold. 

            Uh-oh. I was in trouble.

            “Untie me right about now,” he demanded, breathless.

            I almost chuckled, amused by the unexpected turn of events. I hadn’t actually contemplated the idea of him coming so hard and fast by just being restrained and having me on top, fully clothed. That hadn’t been my intention, but it was hilarious all the same. 

            However, I knew better than to mention it, especially in that moment. So, I kept it to myself and shifted away from his lap, noticing how his release had stained not only my kimono but his as well, the black fabric now marred with a conspicuous whitish, sticky stain. 

            He noticed it at the same time I did, and I swear I saw fire in his eyes. 

            “Untie me, I said.”

            “Okay,” I replied quietly, moving to his back and kneeling down to undo the knot. “But…” I hesitated, knowing what he needed, but our time together that night was coming to an end. “We don’t have much time,” I acknowledged, finally releasing him. He shook his hands violently, attempting to rid himself of the restraints once and for all.  “I should head back to my father’s ca—”

            “The Shogun can wait,” his resolve was now absolute. 

            And dangerous.

            Before I could react, he was already rising to his feet, his hands reaching out to grab me. 

            “I’m not done fucking his daughter.”

[littlefoxkota]

Imagine you've been making out with Noah for three months. No sex. You're drawing things out to see how patient he can be. He's used to getting everything quickly, but you're not going to make it easy for him.

How do you imagine that first time you fuck after waiting so long? Poor guy is going to explode. So needy...🤭

OHHH YEAHHHHHH

Because he’s not gonna pressure you!! He’s not gonna rush you!! Understands that you may not be ready yet!! But then one day you grind into him and moan all breathy and needy and he’s like “gonna let me fuck you? I’ll make you feel so good” and you can’t help the grin on your face when you say “nope!” And he stills and is like. “Are you. Teasing me?” And you’re like “😳 no?” And ohhhh dear oh dear he’s flipping you over so that you’re trapped underneath him and sliding a hand into your panties and saying “you’re awfully wet. Sure you don’t need me to fuck you?” And your resolve is crumbling!! His fingers are long and one of them slides into you slowly, intentionally, but you’re strong!! You shake your head because if you open your mouth you know you’ll whimper or do something else embarrassing but he just tsks at you and slides in a second finger entirely too easily and maybe!! Maybe you aren’t strong!!! Because he says “last call. Tell me you want it and it’s yours.” And you thing you just might be able to resist until he curls aforementioned two fingers inside you and you shudder through it and gasp lewdly and he really has the nerve to say “Gotcha.”

[littlefoxkota]

One of my favorite clips from Starcatcher Austin 😂🖤 Video Credit - Me.

#greta van fleet #josh kiszka #jake kiszka #samuel kiszka #sammy kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner #starcatcher #mirador #Greta Van Fleet Austin

[littlefoxkota]

Covet: Chapter 11 (Part 1 of 3)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary:

Life was good. No, life was great. 

Was. 

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home. 

Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 

Jake Kiszka came with so much you really didn’t want.

At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; mutual pining; crying + feelings of sadness; arguing; heart issues addressed (POTs); use of heart monitors; revisited, vivid memories of sexual encounters; JEALOUSYYY; body changes as a result of pregnancy; negative self-talk (that, off and on, turns positive); talks of baby + pregnancy; pregnancy hormones (+ acting on them hehe); reader and jake are both STUBBORN (as always); cheating; heavy petting; oral sex m!receiving; forgetfulness; vivid imaginings of sex; talks of EMDR + the possibility of revisiting dark places; jake being the best, most helpful baby daddy there ever was (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)

Chapter 11 (Part 1) Word Count: 23.3k+

a/n: sorry for the looooong ass wait. same old, same old. life is busy. (also, @joshym and i did go to our first three greta shows on THIS leg and almost died, too - soooo that got in the way lmao.)

as always, big thank you to @joshym for being the best sister there ever was and supporting me in my writings + pursuits <3

and biiiigg thank you to @gretavangroupie for being the dopest proofreader + catching my little, dumb mistakes lmao <3

Please enjoy the playlist as you read 🖤 (fr, i listen to it nonstop when i write this.... all of the songs are pertinent to the story and aid in telling it - either already or eventually.)

Covet Masterlist

-🌼🌼🌼-

"...covetousness, looking more at what we would have than at what we have..."

-Joseph Hall

-🌼🌼🌼-

Chapter 11:

Monday

December 5th, 2022

Staring at the ceiling seemed like the best possible option. No rush to your morning or day. Class had been canceled due to a pipe bursting in the building it was held in. And after seeing that in your notifications, you’d also had a text from Gia – telling you she had to cancel your therapy session again, still recovering from the after-effects of Covid. You couldn’t be mad at her, but admittedly, it’d made your heart fall. 

And to make your morning even better, when you opened your eyes, you were greeted by the sound of Jake and Maya. The most lovely way to wake up. 

All you could hear through your door were two little fucking lovebirds out in the living room and kitchen area. . . The sound from the box fan you’d decided to keep next to your bed was your best companion in your bubble of endless sulking at Jake and Maya. 

The ceiling fan above you was great entertainment as it rotated on a perfect pattern, seemingly in slow motion. And the box fan was hitting your face with the coolest, most refreshing air flow. Offered some sort of relief, at least. 

In a moment that threatened to make you feel real sad, you felt the slightest bit free by the fans and their fresh air and consistent patterns. The serenity that rolled from them was your only saving grace. 

Today was going to be a long day. There was nothing to do. 

But, on a wild hair (and after a particularly grating laugh from Maya), you decided to text Theo and ask if he wanted to make up for yesterday's missed study session today. You didn’t know why you did it, but you did. And his text agreeing to it was instantaneous. 

Theo, 8:34 a.m.: I would love that! Does 4:00 work for you? I have to work until 3:00 :(

You took your time responding and texted back lazily, not really wanting to do anything with him, but desperately wanting to get Jake out of your mind. 

You, 8:37 a.m.: Sure! Sounds good. 

This lovely day had already started with a drag. On top of Jake and Maya talking and giggling like teenagers through your door, the sky was gray outside your window, rain having poured all night long. A light drizzle was still hitting your window. 

Your stomach rolled at the new smells of breakfast coming from the kitchen, Jake and Maya eating breakfast at your house after their fun night you’d been privy to through the walls. 

The dreary cloudiness of the December day was offset by Maya’s squeaky laughs. It kept happening – she kept laughing her ass off at him. The Jake you knew could be funny from time to time, yes, but he wasn’t a comedic genius by any means. He really wasn’t that funny. 

But, you’d learned she was adamant at being a good little textbook girlfriend. And it had become absolutely exhausting for you to experience — especially while you continued to carry her boyfriend’s baby.

Your mind got stuck in a thought when you came back to that. . . One little thing that had been bugging you, coming to your mind everyday since Maya had found out.

How in the fuck was she so okay with it? Her boyfriend living in the same house as a girl who was pregnant with his baby? How was she being so damn cool about it? 

You grumbled much louder than necessary as you yanked the charger from your phone to check your Ovia app. The photo of what the baby looked like this week was the first thing you saw. You imagined what it looked like right this second. . . . You also wondered when you’d start to feel him or her move – to your surprise you weren’t really stressed that you hadn’t felt it yet. Based on your last doctor visit, you knew the baby was completely healthy and you were feeling much better than you had been a couple weeks ago. You were trying to be logical. 

What you did let your mind wander to was what the baby was bound to look like. It was a normal thought process. Would it be a boy or girl? You didn’t even want to guess. Would it have Jake’s eyes and bright smile? You still hoped so – those continued to be the features you desired most of all. 

Even though he was not at the top of your happy list right now, you wanted him to share in this with you. It was a conundrum. And, you couldn’t deny that his gesture last night had been so incredibly sweet—the personalized cup he’d left for you, full of iced water. 

But, as soon as you went that route, your mind flicked to what hadn’t been so sweet. The not-so-sweet things your ears had been witness to right after he’d dropped the cup off at your door. 

Your moment in the kitchen, nothing but an afterthought as soon as he’d gotten to his bedroom to find his goddess of a girlfriend waiting for him. He’d claimed to want you so badly in the kitchen, only to move right on from you to her.

But you weren’t an idiot. You knew he wasn’t yours like he was Maya’s. Although, it didn’t stop your heart from tearing in your chest as you listened to him fuck the girl he truly belonged to through the walls. 

Simply put: you were just done witnessing their sex life. Done with it. 

It was disheartening and made you feel insecure and sad in ways you really didn’t need to feel. 

Your hand found your belly as you tried to get onto a happier train of thought. You read through all of your baby’s fun facts for Week 15. And, rubbing at the bare skin under your giant sleep shirt, you briefly wondered what Jake’s hands would feel like on your bare belly. Your belly, rounder every day with the baby you shared. 

You felt your hormones hype up, tears gathering in the corners of your eyes at how much of a jumbled mess your life was. 

And, while the predicament could’ve been blamed on you for breaking things off. . . You’d known, way back in August, that he was most likely bound to leave you for her. That day you’d picked him up from her house, their seamless connection had been obvious. 

What was strange was every now and then, you heard these faint words from a memory in the back of your mind. His voice. His words. And it was always him arguing it – arguing the validity of him and Maya. 

But the entire situation wouldn’t come back to you. So, you’d resolved that the words had been in a dream. They felt more like a dream. . . One you couldn’t reach back to. His stern voice telling you how wrong your assumptions were, a wavy non-memory. . . .

Though you still believed that no matter the case, whether you’d broken it off in August or waited until later, things would have turned out the same. Everything that happened was meant to happen. You’d still be pregnant and Maya would still be around. 

There was no escaping the fact that Maya was going to be around. One way or another. Around and taking away the possibility for you and Jake to ever be together again. Not that he needed that. You weren’t good for him. You’d had your solid reasons for cutting things off. 

But. . . why did those reasons seem to get hazier everyday? They were harder to place as the days went by.

You sighed deeply, deciding to focus on what else was real. . . The other things in the now that made you feel good. There was no reason to have any of that clouding your mind, to make you feel even worse than you already did. 

Getting up, you made the bed and afterwards went to undress. Get ready for the day. But, as soon as you’d stripped your shirt and were standing naked in your panties, your heart sank. You heard something through the door that you really didn’t want to fucking hear.  

“Your body looks so perfect in that, My,” Jake’s voice came through the door, sounding astonished. The cat call he made at her right after made a weight fall to the tresses of your tummy. “You are so beautiful. So damn pretty.”

And when your eyes caught sight of your bigger body— reflecting back at you through the mirror. . . . 

The tears that leaked from your eyes were expected, your heart hung so heavy in your hollow chest. Words he’d just spoken to you not so long ago as you’d worked to rid yourself of stretch marks (your creams and oils working wonders, by the way, thank god). 

“Beautiful,” he’d firmly stated while his eyes locked with yours in the mirror, just as he’d said the word. “This is beautiful. You are beautiful.”

You’d felt reassured by his words and pep talk that evening. . . It was stupid how his words had helped your mind to clear some darkness. It was stupid because obviously those words weren’t special for you. He’d say the same words to her in a heartbeat. You weren’t special.

And, no matter what he said about it not being because of the baby, it was true that he’d started being (more) attentive after finding out. The attentiveness had started almost as soon as he’d known about the baby. So, surely the words he’d said were just to perk your sad, pregnant feelings. 

He was great at being attentive. You’d learned from past experience that he was like that if you were in any sort of relationship with him, too. And Maya was in more of a relationship with him than you fucking were right now, so . . . . of course he was bound to say that shit to her.

Her obvious, natural beauty being highlighted by him any chance he got was the opposite of what you needed to hear. You knew how pretty she was. Anyone with two eyes could tell; she was built so perfectly, her face was symmetrical as could be. . . And her smile, wide and shining, with the straightest teeth. He was dating Aphrodite herself (with more voluptuous curves than Aphrodite, even) and he’d be a fool to not state the truth. 

And you. . . well, you were not built as well at the present time. And you were aware you’d hadn’t been built as well as her before the baby either. Her appearance had filled you with insecurities even then — and would continue to do so. 

Jake could talk you up as much as he wanted. But you knew it wasn’t completely genuine and was just because he felt obligated. 

You looked back to the mirror, watching to see the way your body looked as you turned to see the plump curve of your ass. Turning fully around, your hair flowed behind your shoulder as you eyed your backside. The world would never know if you were pregnant if they saw you from the back. . . You hadn’t even realized how normal the back of you still looked. All that had changed was your ass was slightly more plush with the baby weight. But, that wasn’t a bad thing. 

The longer you looked at your backside, looking like your normal, used-to-be body. . . You realized how empty you felt to look at a version of you without your baby. 

You kept your eyes trained on your body in the mirror as you spun back around on your heel to observe your front. Placing both hands on the tummy you had, your baby tucked safe as could be inside of you, you observed yourself. 

There was no denying you were bloated while Maya was perfectly fit — her boobs and ass perky while yours weren’t as much so . . .

No, your whole body was changing to accommodate the little life you were growing. But. . . as you looked at yourself in the mirror, you were finding you were really okay with it. You rubbed your hands smoothly over your ever-growing stomach, tracing shapes on the smooth skin of your (now) stretch-mark-less tummy. 

Your belly was growing. . . constantly. You knew that over time, it would continue to crowd you tighter and tighter in every space you occupied. 

But. . . You were okay with that. All it meant was that the baby continued to grow and that was what mattered. . . It didn’t matter that you didn’t look like Maya. 

But, it didn’t change one thing you knew you couldn’t grow to appreciate like you had your body. You weren’t sure you’d ever be okay that Jake was with Maya. . . And that made it all feel so much worse. Because, no matter how hard you tried, you knew you’d still subconsciously compare yourself to her because of his relationship with her. 

And the sounds through the walls, both cutesy conversation and sex. . . The displays at the kitchen counter. . . It got you in your head. Because Jake. Jake was in your head. Always.

It made perfect sense that he wanted to constantly be intimate with her. They were dating. She was hot. He was more than hot. 

You grumbled, squeezing your eyelids shut to ignore the image of them fucking — it mocked you behind your eyes. Then, there they were again at the kitchen island. Jake with his head thrown back in pleasure, with Maya on her knees in front of him. . . her perfectly manicured, white pearl acrylics clutching his shirt. 

You didn’t even want to think about the scratches those nails had made on the tanned skin of his back. How she probably marked his back with her pristine, almond-shaped nails. . . 

Crazy. You were going to go crazy.

Because while you could fully understand why she’d wanted to fuck him constantly (you’d been there – still were there), you hated witnessing it in any way. Why did it have to be right next to you? Or in front of you at the kitchen counter? How in the fuck could you rid yourself of that?

Then, it dawned on you as you changed into a comfier bra. . . 

There were rules. There were apartment rules. There’d been no conversation about taking those away. Whatever happened during those months in the summer between you two was exempt. You’d been involved with each other. But now things were back to the way they’d started. No romance (just confusing, minor incidents, really). You were back to being two roommates. . . with a baby.

Those rules you’d rambled off to him in the living room all those months ago hadn’t just evaporated. And Maya. . . she wasn’t the one blatantly disrespecting the rules that had been set for so long. Jake was doing that – not Maya. She didn’t know about them. But Jake sure as hell did. You were sure they were still posted on the kitchen fridge, under schedules and shit. Right under his nose and he didn’t even fucking care. And he wasn’t following them worth shit. 

Technically, those still stood. . . right? Had to. A baby made between you two didn’t eliminate them. It actually made you feel more validated since you carried his baby now. You were the one literally living everyday as a pregnant woman for his baby. . . The least he could do was not fuck his stupid ass girlfriend on the kitchen counter. Or right next door. 

And, in no time, Maya was sitting at the back of your mind. Didn’t care about her. She didn’t matter right now. No, it was Jake who was making you so mad you couldn’t see straight. . . What the fuck was his problem?

-🌼🌼🌼-

Later in the day, after allowing yourself a little nap after a nice long shower, you got ready for your study sesh with Theo.

You took extra time on your hair and makeup — decided you wanted to look good. Focus on something – someone else. You were desperate to get your mind off of Jake.

Truth be told, you’d accelerated at hyperspeed to a raging emotion since you’d undressed and stood in your room, being forced to listen to him go on about how beautiful his girlfriend was. 

And, it just got worse as you had to wait far too long to hear little giggles and goodbyes fade out of the apartment. Finally, at Maya’s departure around 9:30, Jake’s door had closed . . . 

By that point, you’d had plenty of time to stew and ponder. You’d pondered multiple ways Jake was pissing you the fuck off. . . Some, very valid. . . others, not even close (you were hormonal, okay?!). You’d piled on more reasons in the shower to be irate with him, too, aggressively shampooing your scalp. 

You had to admit, riding a wave of emotion over Jake that didn’t leave you in a mess of tears was actually pretty fun. . . 

You’d let your mind wander down aimless paths. By the time you were getting dressed and ready for studying, you were fuming. So much frustration with him. And right now? Jake’s selfish, crude behavior had your full attention. . . 

Admittedly, you knew nearly everything you were feeling was thanks to a surge in pregnancy hormones. Those super-human hormones were making you see only red at the thought of him. And, ridiculously, you didn’t try to tame your thoughts. No, you decided to just ride. Wanted to ride the winding rollercoaster of emotion for as long as you could. It felt good to just be angry with him. 

Was that a pregnant woman thing? Did it make you a bad person? 

. . . Because, well, even if it did make you a bad person, you didn’t care.

But. . . As you finished your light mauve lipliner, layering on chapstick, you realized maybe you should care. Not for Jake’s sake. For the baby’s sake, you didn’t want to put any unnecessary stress on the sweet love growing in your tummy. 

So, you’d devised your plan. A plan to get your mind off Jake. Something to maybe piss him off a little. God only knew how he’d pissed you off time and again. He needed a taste.

You just needed a solid distraction. And what better distraction than another man to prove to Jake that you could play at a game. 

Just because you were pregnant didn’t mean you couldn’t do as he did. . . You know. . . .mess around like him. How he performed his little stunts for God and everybody to see and hear. . . Would he be okay with it if you did the same? It seemed like an interesting experiment.

The spiral of negative emotion towards him had started with how selfish he was being with the apartment rules. Because, yes you were just sick and tired of Jake and Maya flaunting their shit. That was the root of it. And when your mind had wandered just far enough to retaliate. . . you’d decided to push in to the urge. 

You wanted your own thing to show off. . . Your own person to be obnoxious and publicly affectionate with you. And you had the perfect person in mind. . . someone who’d shown interest time after time. . . Going all the way back to sophomore year of high school. The very same person who was about to spend the next few hours with you to study.

Though, you couldn’t help but wonder. . . Even with how interested he’d been before, would he mind your pregnancy? 

You figured to test it; there was no use in trying to hide your round belly from your (admittedly cute) study buddy. Hopefully he’d find you, as a pregnant woman, just as appealing as he did before he knew you were pregnant. 

You’d decided on your dark brown jumpsuit, which complimented your body just right. With the weather being chillier, you decided on a tight white mock neck underneath. The jumpsuit was your new favorite piece of clothing. You hadn’t worn it out yet, but it actually fit your changing body well. You’d ordered a few failed attempts at a jumper like Gia’s, and you’d finally found one that fit your rapidly transforming body. The material of the suit was soft and stretchy, meaning it would be a go-to for the next several months. 

It wasn’t even maternity – that was your favorite part! Outfits like the one you were eyeing yourself in kept you from having to wear clothes made exclusively for pregnant women. In fact, due to its incredibly flexible nature, you already had a few other colors by the same brand in your Amazon cart. . . Cute, comfy, and not made for pregnant ladies only.

The idea of wearing maternity clothing was still something you were warming up to. . .  You’d discovered on BabyTok that a lot of expecting mothers hated wearing maternity clothes. The general consensus (that you agreed with) was that it made them feel even more ostracized when they already felt like your body wasn’t your own. 

After having the full ensemble put together, you turned to glimpse at your ass in the suit, adjusting your gold jewelry as you turned back around to face the front. 

You were beyond happy with what you saw. 

Adorable and sexy all in one outfit. Your curves were being hugged in all of the right places: boobs, belly, butt. And, even then, the jumper still left some mystery with its looser parts. . . You felt confident. 

The white sneakers and white mini crew socks added the ideal final touch, helping you to feel even more comfortable and excited by your outfit with the other trendy addition. (Thank you, blessed Target and your off-brand tennis shoes.)

The thought made you momentarily think about making a Target baby registry when the time came. Would Jake want to be involved in that? You wanted him to be. . . Ugh. You actually hated how badly you wanted him to be in the middle of all of it with you. 

You were supposed to be mad at him!

As you slung your belt bag over your chest, you huffed at the thought, tightening your bag a little to balance just right over your bigger breasts. And, as you did so, your mind started drifting. Drifting to the same eyes you always had waiting for you at the back of your mind. The eyes you wanted looking at you, admiring you. . . They weren’t Theo’s. Not at all. These eyes were Amber-brown and darkened naturally when they took you in (rather, they used to darken at you).

Then, there were the calloused hands you wanted to meet you at the end of the day, in your bedroom, to help you take off this outfit. Piece. By. Piece.

You growled to yourself, readjusting the belt bag once more to not be so tight over your boobs. 

Damn that fucker. Jake was like a thorn in your side—making his way into thoughts of yours without giving you a chance to combat it.

God, you just needed to focus on another man. Jake had Maya. You needed someone, too. Right? It was going to help. It would be an attempt, at the very least, to get your mind off of your baby’s (smoking hot) daddy. 

Once more, you eyed your outfit – your little round belly, in particular. You loved how it stretched the material at your waist just enough to see there was a baby in there. . . your baby. How could you be so proud of a life that you hadn’t even held in your arms yet?

Your phone dinged from where it laid on your comforter. You walked to check it, finding a quick text from Theo to ask if you wanted him to pick you up. And. . . you agreed . . . It was the perfect start to your plan.  

As soon as you sent it, though, you suddenly felt a solid moment of pause at the idea of dating another man while being pregnant with Jake’s baby. 

You didn’t want anyone else. Really. You knew it. Your body grew instantly uncomfortable at the idea of someone else. You craved one person in particular and it was not Theo. . . but who’s to say it couldn’t be Theo? Or any other man, for that matter? It could be. It could. . .

If Jake was able to move on from you, you could move the fuck on from him, too. 

So, with that thought, you ignored the pull towards Jake. Didn’t need him infiltrating your fresh state of mind.

-🌼🌼🌼-

Once Theo had texted that he was about ten minutes away, you decided you’d make your way out to the living room. 

But, of course, the other occupant of the living room at that moment was someone you did not intend on seeing. Didn’t want to see him. Jake, sitting on the couch watching some documentary. 

He wasn’t wearing PJ’s on this gloomy, rainy Sunday afternoon, but rather a sexy ass outfit (What was he dressed up for? Could you not catch a fucking break?!). 

Looking at him, all you could imagine was being held close enough to feel him hard, against your ass, hand cupping your breast just like you’d needed so badly. . . 

Last night, he’d made you feel so many emotions. Two of which being seriously intense longing and lust. And he’d seemed to feel the exact same way. . . 

. . .Only to go back to his room and make it no secret that he was fucking Maya into his mattress and not you. 

He offered to come to you, y/n. . . a voice whispered, sounding like Elsie. It was something she would say. But, you already knew what you’d tell her. It was what you’d told him and what you’d been telling yourself. 

It wasn’t right. Last night had been enough to make that apparent to you. . . and hopefully him, too. It would be a mistake and it wasn’t right. It wasn’t right at all to do that shit–even if the other person in the equation was someone you despised as much as you were growing to despise Maya.

But, alas, you had no ground to stand on. . . He wasn’t your boyf—. 

Well, yeah, actually. You did have some ground. You would pull the motherfucking Baby Mama card if you had to.

You yanked a Canada Dry from the fridge before going to wait in the doorway for Theo. 

Back to square one of being pissed with Jake.  Hearing Maya outright crying and moaning his name repeatedly felt blasphemous (dramatic, but whatever). . . You were even more tired of hearing him – the same moans and groans that had once been your favorite sound. . . . You were just damn tired of it.

As you popped the can open to take a decent swig, you worked to convince yourself that it mostly annoyed you. Just because it kept you from getting enough sleep for you and a baby. But you knew, quite frankly, it was because you cared more than you should have about it. 

What you didn’t care for was hearing said baby’s father fuck another woman any and every way she wanted. 

Not when there was a time it had been you instead. 

You let your eyes travel to him, sitting on the couch. The profile of his face was all you could see. The sharp outline of his jaw. . . The straight bridge of his nose, begging to be traced by your finger. His pretty mouth, lips slightly open before he licked them in anticipation at the screen in front of him. 

Had he not noticed you? Or was he purposefully ignoring you? Whatever. It didn’t matter.

Even though it was wrong, you weren’t able to help the way your brain spiraled at the thoughts of endless summer days as you surveyed him. You thought of those blissful days where it had been you he was fucking so well you saw stars over and over again. . . leaving you with a dull ache between your legs from how fucking good he’d given it. . .

Ugh! No. You rubbed your thighs together, working to alleviate the thoughts that had your panties getting slightly damp. Motherfucker. 

Because, again, everything you’d had to witness between him and Maya and he hadn’t even cared. . . . fucking jackass. Acted like he cared so much that day in the kitchen. Didn’t want to let go of what you’d had. But then he’d moved on to what had been patiently waiting for him. . . So fucking soon after. You hadn’t had time to catch your breath.

Truly. Fuck Jake Kiszka. The butterflies that jittered in your belly at your inappropriate thoughts were simply confused as hell. . . 

“How you feeling today?” He asked, not looking away from the television, definitely sensing your presence behind him. 

God. . . stop acting like you care.

“Fine,” you plainly stated, tone clipped, rubbing your belly briefly.

You looked away as soon as he turned his head in your direction, avoiding eye contact with him. But you could feel his eyes piercing burning holes in you from the couch. You busied yourself on your phone, ignoring him. You checked your Ovia app for the second time today. 

“You sure about that?” He asked, his voice getting buried in the back of your mind as your eyes traced the new baby facts again. 

Size of an avocado. Legs were officially longer than arms. . . could bend his or her knees and elbows now. . . Baby might be growing hair (would it be his color? Or yours?). . . Baby’s heart is still under construction but capable of pumping 25 quarts of blood a day. . .

You realized then and there that, in spite of how pissed you were with him, you wanted him to live all of this in real time with you – wanted to tell him all of these new things about the baby.

“Baby is the size of an avocado today,” you meekly stated, not wanting to get all mushy when you could have slapped him and felt fine with it. 

“What?” 

“What do you mean, what? I just told you what,” you snapped your eyes over to him on the couch, but realized he was standing and gathering his bag of almonds and glass of water to head over your way. 

You moved closer to the door, not caring to smell hints of sandalwood or vanilla or citrus or amber . . . whatever the fuck he’d chosen to use to smell sexy today. 

“Yeah,” he said, shaking his head on his way to the kitchen. 

You followed every one of his movements; watched him put the almonds in the pantry, then eyed his firm grip on the glass cup as he finished the drink off in one final sip. His adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he closed his eyes to savor it. You saw as a few drops from the drink slipped from the glass, down his chin, and all the way to his chest. Damn. Right down the middle of his perfectly toned and tanned pectoral muscles. When he went to wash it in the sink, you observed closely as he swiped under his plump bottom lip with his thumb to catch the remnants of water. 

In no time, he was done washing the cup and facing you again. A tiny grin quirked on his lips and you realized it was probably because you still had your mouth open watching him. Quickly, you shut it and raised a brow at him. 

“Don’t smile at me.” You sounded ridiculous, but you were trying to cover up your moment of staring at him. Didn’t want to seem weak.

“I apologize for smiling,” he responded, his eyes rolling with the words the slightest bit. “What were you saying before?”

“You seriously already forgot?”

“No. God,” he cleared his throat, crossing his arms over his chest. “I was trying to spark the conversation to life again.”

“By acting like you forgot what I said?” Damn it all to hell – what was wrong with you?

“Why are you so upset?”

“I’m not,” you retorted, knowing better. You were upset. . . not about this, in particular. Just him. Just upset with him. 

“Yes you are.”

“Stop,” you bit back, not wanting him to see through you. “If you would have just listened the first time and not asked me ‘what’, then we would already be done talki–,” growling with a huff, you frustratedly tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. “I blatantly said that it was about the baby. You knew what I was talking about,” you looked down at your phone, doom scrolling on the app – looking at past and future weeks in your pregnancy. “Just listen better next time and you won’t have to talk to me for so long.”

Okay, now you were letting off that you were weak. You sounded pathetic. Were you really feeling insecure about that at the root of it all? Did you feel like he didn’t want to talk to you? 

If you were being honest, you did feel like a burden and the tears accumulating in the back of your throat were proof of it. Part of you felt completely inadequate and like he couldn’t care. But. . . if logic was to speak and remind of what was real, you would realize he was the one that initiated the conversation in the first place. Of course he wanted to talk to you. . . 

Or was he just being nice?

“Goddamn, yes ma’am. Sorry for my lack of rapt attention and preparedness. I’ll pay better attention next time,” he grit back. “Jesus Christ.”

You couldn’t blame his frustration. There was no denying you sounded crazy. This was becoming something it didn’t need to because you were grumpy with him and just generally hormonal. 

Looking down, you thought you’d offer some sort of apology. There was no use in being completely unreasonable. “I’m sorry I’m being so moody and grumpy. These hormones are all over the place,” you reasoned, not wanting to divulge your complete irritation with him you’d sat on all afternoon. 

You saw him move from your peripheral. Quickly, you came to terms with the fact that he was coming close enough for you to smell him, despite your efforts to avoid him. And if he didn’t smell more incredible than any other man to ever exist. . . fuck.

You looked up from where you’d started checking your nails, not able to deny his closeness. It spiked your heart rate. He was leaning his back against the counter, right next to where you stood by the door. Personal space was a foreign concept, apparently.

His eyes drifted over you, your skin flaming at the attention from him. His gaze skated over your figure – no doubt he was taking in the outfit. You felt pretty fuckin’ hot. This was the first time you’d felt genuinely pretty in a long time. You could only hope he saw you and thought so, too. 

“You look fucking—wow,” he commented, his voice low enough for you to feel his words. “I can’t put it into words. But, damn, this outfit,” he smirked, nodding his head at you before letting his eyes land on your round belly with a soft smile before he looked at you. “I like how the baby looks in it, too.”

You blushed. That was sweet as hell. 

“Thanks,” you sunk your eyes into his before letting your eyes rake his figure. If he could do it, you would, too. 

He looked fine as hell in his all black outfit with that damn mustache coming in again. . . You could think of a few things that could settle an argument or two. You thought of him exposing your bare breast last night, his dick hard and pressing into your ass. . . . Wanted to feel him grind against you right now. Quite frankly, looking at him, all you wanted to do was lay across the kitchen counter and let him –. 

No. 

That was the same counter he’d betrayed your rules on. Dammit. You were so mad at him. Was it legitimate? You couldn’t tell. Hormones and shit. 

The knock against the door was what broke you from your reverie, eyes having been locked on him for far too long. 

“You goin’ somewhere?” He asked, folding his arms tighter across his chest. You didn’t look at his biceps or the jewelry on his hands and wrists. Didn’t think of the way his earring hung just right for you to see it through the thick tresses of his long, wavy hair. 

Instead, you took those thoughts and turned them into another woman moaning his name. 

Goddamn, y/n. He hasn’t fucking cheated on you. For God’s sake. Slow your damn roll.

“Yes,” you stated, moving to check your makeup in the living room mirror. When you reaffirmed why you felt so damn confident today, you unlocked the door, opening it so Jake could see for himself. He’d moved from his space at the counter, behind you, out of curiosity. 

“Hey, gorgeous,” Theo’s grin took up his entire boyish face, his fresh haircut complimented his square jawline well. His excited energy fed the tense air perfectly. Just like you wanted. 

“Oh. . . study buddy. . . I remember you,” Jake commented behind you. His tone was almost mocking, challenging the situation. “Making flashcards or some shit, I presume?”

“Depends, man. Might have other goals in mind for today. . .,” Theo winked in Jake’s direction, then yours. You couldn’t help the smirk that fell across your features at his response to Jake. “Little Miss Hot Thang here still needs to go on a date with me like she promised. Maybe we can talk about that, too,” he winked at you. Your eyes smiled, but your lips couldn’t quite reach them.

Little Miss Hot Thang? What?

Though, you had to applaud Theo, he was playing into what you’d wanted perfectly – his little crush on you was shining through. The little cocky lilt in his tone that seemed to be consistently present made your skin crawl just a bit, but you were mostly used to it after all of the studying and times you’d sat next to him in class. 

Right now, you only cared to make a point to Jake, though, and Theo’s tone was a non-issue. Though, you hoped his words were clicking with Jake like you wanted them to. 

“Oh, yeah? Wanna take her out on a date?” Jake snipped from behind you.

Your eyes twinkled at the sound of his response, tummy somersaulting at the edge in his voice. 

It was like a scene playing out exactly as you’d want it to as the viewer. . . The only thing that sucked, though, was that even with the two handsome men standing on either side of you, your body was still only pulling you to the wrong one. The handsome one behind you, dressed in all black. The same one smelling like the most incredible mixture of sandalwood, vanilla, and amber. You caught a whiff of something new, too. . . A different cologne? 

You wanted to sink into him. . . let him hold you again, just like he had on Friday.

You did not feel pulled at all to the one in front of you, dressed in his dark wash skinny jeans and a Pratt Football Alumni sweatshirt. The man you didn’t want, that you were about to flirt with even more. It made you less and less excited by the minute for what you were egging on. . . Did you even want it? Was this a stupid idea? You were simply encouraging it for the sole purpose of giving Jake a taste of his own medicine.

Was it worth it?

It made you question if you were sure you wanted to continue entertaining it if you knew you didn’t actually want him.

“Of course I want to take her on a date. You kidding?” Theo smiled, not assuming anything but the best of the situation, his eyes finding yours flirtatiously. “Who wouldn’t?”

You gave a sideways grin to him, feeling unsure of it all.

“And you’re sure she wants it, too?” Jake asked, challenging him with a scoff in his tone.

Suddenly irked by his questioning, you turned your head to the side to address him, still not fully looking at him. You relied solely on your turned head for him to acknowledge that you were speaking to him. 

“Not your damn business, Jake,” you snapped, contemplating your next words. “But, yes, I would love to go on a date with him, if you must know. Just like old times.” 

You tacked the last words onto the end for extra emphasis. . . . For extra emphasis on the web of fibs you were delicately weaving.

The words made Theo’s smile grow as he leaned towards you, tucking a lock of freshly curled hair behind your ear. 

The action made your heart rate pick up – which made you think. Perhaps there was hope you could string this along—just for long enough to shut Jake out. If the tall blonde man was making your heart rate speed up now, he would continue to do that, right? Maybe this revisited ‘romance’ would actually turn into more. . .

Ugh. But was that what you wanted?

The answer was more than likely a big fat no. Fuck no. 

Though, you did like what it was doing to Jake. Especially when you looked over your shoulder and saw the pink tinge that had enveloped the apples of his cheeks, how his jaw was set in tight tension. His eyes were trained on Theodore, observing him. Judging him. And when you saw the sudden flare of his nostrils, you knew. 

This was making him angry. You’d go as far to say jealous, even. Could it be?

And as horrible as you knew it was, it felt way too fucking good. 

“Just like old times?” He questioned, pursing his lips and narrowing his eyes at the man in the doorway.

“We dated in high school,” Theo answered for you, completely oblivious of Jake’s irritation towards him. For all he knew, Jake was just an asshole. Was he even picking up on Jake’s mood?

Better that he didn’t. You didn’t want him thinking there was anything more between you and your roommate; even though the baby growing in your belly said much differently. But you were sure Jake’s little perturbed act was something Theo would eventually catch onto. . . . so, you tried to get him off of the subject one more time. 

Matching his level of irritation seemed the only possible solution to shut him up. 

You turned fully around to face the long-haired man. His arms were crossed, hands wrapped tightly around his biceps and squeezing intermittently. You observed his handsome features for maybe one second too long, but you couldn’t help it. The beauty mark on his right cheek, along with a couple of tiny scars under his left cheek bone caught your eye – parts of his face you’d memorized months ago. His tanned skin was the perfect canvas for every single precious mark it honed. Would your child have any of the same freckles he did?

Not letting yourself get too lost in that devastating train of thought, you tried to catch his eyes and to no avail. He was hard pressed to intimidate your study buddy or some shit. 

When you cleared your throat to gain his attention, his hard gaze finally landed on you rather than the poor, unassuming man in Pratt gear behind you. But. . . . you lost all ammunition to say anything hateful to him when his stare penetrated your own. The way his eyes bore into yours made your breath catch in your throat.

You were right before – you could read him well. And while he was obviously angry and (oddly) jealous. . . . you also sensed a tinge of hurt behind his darkened irises. You’d seen his eyes falter like this before. . . the way he would try to hide the hurt behind a sort of tough act. 

“Jake,” you whispered, reaching out to touch his arm. You didn’t know what you were trying to communicate to him, but you had a feeling he’d catch on to whatever it was. 

He didn’t flinch away. No, he let you touch him, leaning into it the slightest bit. His eyes glimmered for the briefest moment, holding yours. . . . . Before he suddenly was moving away. You were losing him. And, instantly, you knew that the impending fling behind you was definitely not what you wanted.

God. What had your life come to?

“Alright, well, so be it,” the stark tone in his voice, along with the way his eyes stayed trained on yours, made your skin prick with goosebumps and all of your senses flare. “I suppose you’re right. Nothing you do truly is my business. Just as mine isn’t yours, right?”

Thankfully, his biting words made your skin flame once more in aggravation. You were mad at him. Right? You could fight those words.

You wanted to keep whatever upper hand you’d created, so you had to be quick with your next words. And actions. 

You squinted at Jake, inhaling deeply and pursing your lips. Then, without taking another second to think it through, you turned once more. Leaning into Theo, you let your hand lay flat on his buff chest. The blonde then placed a sure hand on your hip, looking down at you with a raised brow and smirk. You sort of enjoyed it, but you also felt a little icky about it. Luckily, you knew how to keep face. 

Looking over your shoulder once more to say something, the words caught in your throat when you saw his fists balled up, nails surely digging tiny abrasions in the palms of his hands.

You would venture to say his current feelings teetered on the edge of how you felt towards him and his girlfriend. 

Feels great, doesn’t it, Jake? 

Yeah. . . . . You were completely sure you wanted to play this little game. With the way he was reacting, you were getting curious to see just how far it could go. . . 

From behind, you heard Jake shuffling away, his door closing a little louder than normal. A slam, yes, but not enough to alert Theo to anything going awry. The tall man’s blue-green eyes were sincerely sparkling as he grabbed hold of your hand gently.

-🌼🌼🌼-

You remembered you wanted to talk to Jake about the rules as you pulled out of the complex in Theo’s Mustang. His mouth was going a million miles a minute with shit you didn’t care much about. So, you used his personally-created distraction to your advantage and decided to text Jake about wanting to discuss something with him.

Might as well catch him while the fire’s hot. Maybe he’ll actually pay attention.

It took him a few minutes to respond. It made you momentarily question sending it to him after you’d just irked him as you had at the apartment. 

Jake, 3:05 p.m.: oh. So you’re planning on coming back tonight, huh? 

Your heart jumped in your throat. Motherfucker. 

You, 3:05 p.m.: We are purely studying tonight. 

Jake, 3:06 p.m.: is that what lover boy wants? A ‘pure’ little study date? 

You glanced over at your classmate as your senses flamed with Jake’s words. Fuck him and his invasive questions. You locked your phone. 

It was a good damn time to finally look up and acknowledge the other person in the car. You figured this, because as soon as you looked over to Theo, he was waiting on you, trying to include you in conversation.  Just at that moment. 

“Don’t you agree?”

Shit. Agree with what? You’d totally tuned him out.

“About. . .?” You trailed, feigning interest and trying to act like you were thinking of all of the things he’d said. “I’m still stuck on what you said earlier about. . .,” your eyes glanced at his Pratt sweatshirt. You cleared your throat, “About school.”

God, that was a step too far. Brave? Stupid? You didn’t even know if he’d mentioned school! Fuck.

But, you were relieved when he laughed, nodding his head as he went ahead at a green light. The smell of his Black Ice car freshener was almost too much for your pregnant super-senses. 

“Yeah, me too. That professor is crazy!” He said, going ahead as the light changed. “No, but do you agree that this test is going to be a piece of cake?”

Wow. So he really had spent the past several minutes talking about school and a test? Shit. You had imagined there’d been more. Didn’t know why. It was Theo. He had a one-track-mind. He was all about school and Pratt. 

Meanwhile, you weren’t even interested enough in school to carry a fully thought-out conversation about it, much less drone on and fucking on about it. 

“Oh, yeah,” you knit your brows. “Piece of cake. We’ve got it in the bag.”

“So. . . you sure you don’t want to make tonight our date then?” He proposed, a blush rising in your cheeks with the lift of his brow. Oh.

Answer was. . . Yes. You were sure you didn’t want to go on a date tonight. Didn’t want to go on one at all, if you were honest. Or did you? With the way the blush hadn’t left your cheeks yet, you weren’t entirely sure how you felt about it at the moment. 

It was confusing as hell. But, you’d dug your own grave. You had led him on. 

Momentarily, you contemplated it. . . If you did it tonight, would that help you to get it over with sooner? Be rid of this guy who’d annoyed you more often than not in recent times? 

Ugh. No. You couldn’t let it end after one night. You needed to drag it out. 

“Why don’t we start with some studying and then we can talk a little more on that?” You tried, voice cracking a bit on the last word, feeling utterly unsure of it all. 

“So . . . .,” he trailed, waiting for you to continue. 

“So, I’d say we will find another night to have our date. Make it special,” you slapped a sweet grin on. Make it special? God, shut up, y/n. “I promise.”

His eyes shone, hand coming to grip yours. Fuck, yours were clammy as hell. 

“Yeah, special,” he enthused, your stomach dropping at the word. “I like the sound of that, y/n.” 

-🌼🌼🌼-

When you were finally home from your excursion, you could have sighed with the deepest relief. You’d have been lying if you said your social battery wasn’t drained. You’d worked to keep up with the flirtiness, acting flirty even when it felt completely unauthentic. 

But. . . Unfortunately for you, there wasn’t a moment to sigh with relief, being immediately met by Jake. Still awake and reading a book in the armchair. Didn’t want to make him suspicious of you being turned off by Theo in any way. You needed to convince him that you were interested in the jock. 

You figured you might as well start off strong. 

“I really like him,” you breathed the supposed lie, not able to contain the eye roll threatening to expose your charade.

Jake hmphed from his spot in the chair, not even caring to look up from his book. “Good for you, y/n.” His tone was a grumble as he never lifted his eyes from the page, in fact turning to the next page, more invested in the literature than you. 

You turned to hang your belt bag next to the door, swishing your leftover Pink Drink after the bag was put away. When you walked to put the drink on a coaster in the living room, you looked over to Jake, who was still busy reading. Even though he seemed to be ignoring you, you suddenly wanted to spend some time with him. But, before you could get situated on the couch, you decided on going to your room to change. 

As comfortable as your outfit had been, it still wasn’t sweatpants. And the basket of freshly clean clothes you’d left on your floor held your comfiest pair of sweatpants and your biggest Pratt sweatshirt, made of the softest cotton material. You were quickly unlacing your tennis shoes and stripping out of your jumper and undershirt and bra (good god, so uncomfortable). Once you were in the set of comfy clothes, you felt instant relief. 

You’d kept your socks on, feeling abnormally chilly. December’s evening weather was still sticking to your skin. It was fucking nice to not be burning up hot. 

With one last glance to the side, you  grabbed your own book to read, sitting on your bedside table. One from your recent night out with Jake. You figured it wouldn’t hurt you to sit with him in the living room and read at the same time as he did. It had the potential to be a nice, calm setting. 

Just before you could make it out of your bedroom, you went to grab your fluffy blanket from your bed – only to find Stevie snoozing away on it. Your heart swelled at her deep sleeping breaths, completely at peace. Being as you were not about to wake her, you just decided to head to the living room and use the blanket you kept in there. 

Water was your first priority before a blanket, though. Your mouth had turned to sandpaper in the time between leaving the living room and walking from your room, back to the common area. You were always thirsty these days. 

Though, as you went to grab your giant Stanley from where you’d left it earlier, you noticed it freshly washed next to the sink. What. . .? You hadn’t–? Jake must’ve done it. 

Your heart tripped over itself. Why did he. . .? Finding your voice, you asked him. “Did you wash my Stanley?”  

“Yeah, figured you’d be thirsty when you got home,” he called from the living room, just loud enough for you to hear in the quietness of your apartment. “You fill that giant ass thing up at least twice a day and down it like it’s nothing. And I hadn’t seen you fill it up even once before you left.”

But. . . . he’d been so angry when you’d left earlier? Why was he taking care of you and your things?

“I filled it up when I came out this morning,” you clarified, shocked that he’d noticed your routine of sorts. “But I didn’t get to finish it before I left. Got left on the counter for a Canada Dry,” you made a noise of realization, thinking how delicious one of those would taste right now, too.

When you went to grab the ice cold can, you got the most stereotypical pregnant girl craving. Ice cream. 

And. . . you had absolutely zero of it. 

“Dammit,” you said to yourself, shutting the freezer door in quiet resolution. In slight frustration, you huffed, blowing hair off your face. 

You’d survive. Still really freakin’ sad, though. You could feel the pout making its way to your features all on its own – you couldn’t control it. The cravings came with a vengeance in recent weeks. 

When you got to the living room, you fluffed the cozy blanket that you kept on the back of the couch, wrapping it around your shoulders. And in no time, you were sitting, tucking yourself as far into the couch as possible, making sure to lean against the arm of the couch that allowed you to see Jake. 

What if you wanted to talk to him about something you learned about the baby as you read? You’d want to see his face to talk to him. And what was wrong with liking a nice view as you read?

As soon as you’d snuggled in with a pillow tucked just right behind your back to support you, you went to open your book, only to find a disappointing reality. 

There was no book. No Stanley filled with water. Just the Canada Dry. You’d left your book and your Stanley (still unfilled, forgot to do that, too, you thought) on the kitchen counter. 

“Fuck!” You griped to yourself, letting your head fall, placing your hands over your face. You’d just gotten comfy and now you’d have to get up again. Getting comfortable was becoming a chore. 

The tears were coming. Dammit. 

But, in almost no time, you felt a presence next to you, his hand coming to rest on your shoulder.

“What’s going on?” Jake asked, nearby and your ears instantly tuning in to him, head still in your hands. 

“Pregnant brain,” you mumbled, the words smooshed into an incoherent response. 

“What?” 

You sighed, bringing your hands to your cheeks to wipe any tears that might have made tracks. Luckily, most had fallen into your hands to avoid a mess of mascara. Though, Jake’s thumb came up briefly to wipe just under your right eye. His finger on your skin, so gentle and making your heart race. 

There was no resentment in his eyes when you briefly caught them before looking away. It was as though earlier had never happened. No anger or irate energy between you two. Just compassion coming directly from the man next to you. 

Then, his hand was gone, his arms crossing over the thigh, as he took a knee next to the couch. He had leaned in close enough that your head was fuzzy with the scent of him—he smelled so delicious. Although, that new fragrance to his cologne you’d smelled earlier. . . it was there again. What was it? 

“New cologne?” You questioned, sniffing the onslaught of tears away.

“Doesn’t matter right now.”

“I wanna know.”

“Answer me first,” he insisted. “Why are you crying?”

You growled, irritated with his insistence. Looking over towards him, you locked eyes with his. Your heart leapt at how his eyes gazed back at yours. . . His stare was unwavering, showing just how much he cared.

“My pregnant brain,” you tried again, grumbling. The pouting still couldn’t be helped. “I forgot my fucking Stanley and book in the kitchen. And I just got comfortable,” you huffed, going to throw the blanket off from around you. 

Jake’s hand came up, holding yours to stop you. “No, you stay. Let me get it.”

You didn’t have it in you to argue and not having to move sounded nice. His hand on yours also had you completely frozen. “Okay,” you whispered, eyes growing wet again at his kindness. 

A loose grin spread across his pretty lips and he was gone at a moment’s notice to grab your things for you. 

Your tummy fluttered at him, completely in awe of his gesture. Though, you shouldn’t have been. He kept doing things like this. Little things to help and show he cared. . .

Why were you upset with him again?

“Did you forget to fill the Stanley?” Jake questioned from the kitchen, your head snapping in his direction.

The tears were back, for God knows why. “Yes,” you cried. “I’m sorry you have to—.”

“Why are you sorry, honey?” he responded, inflection showing nothing but a genuine desire to help. “I’m here to help you. I told you this.”

Yeah, because Maya wants you to.

Aaand you were annoyed again.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, checking your less than pretty manicure. You could stand to have another done soon, the chipped black paint on your nails having seen better days.

In no time, he was walking back to you with the Stanley full and your book in his other hand. He was wrinkling his eyebrows, one raised a bit more than the other in curiosity at you. You felt how your face was still reading unhappiness. Thanks to your lovely thought process. But, then, your tummy rumbled (loudly), reminding you of the other reason you were cranky.

You flushed, embarrassed by the sound. 

God, be a little more subtle, sweet baby. Please.

It had turned into even more than ice cream, though. You realized you hadn’t eaten since the morning and you were feeling it now. The ice cream didn’t even sound overwhelmingly delicious anymore. . . all you could do now was imagine how incredible a giant bowl of mixed melons would be with an even bigger bowl of pasta. Any kind. Every kind. 

Damn. You really were going to have to get off this couch. Jake was not about to be your errand boy – you weren’t going to let him do that shit. It made you feel really bad to make him do all of the work and running around when you were fully capable. 

You figured it would be best to save his willingness to help until you were further along. Lord knew he would get tired of this ‘helping’ thing eventually.  

“You hungry?” He asked, sitting on the couch, alongside your stretched out legs. “I can get you whatever you–.”

“No,” you shook your head, moving to get up, managing to flip the blanket off of you this time without him stopping you. “I’m not going to make you do that shit.”

“You’re not making me do anything, y/n,” he said, emphasizing his kind words with another grin, this time laughing a bit to show his beautiful smile. “I want to do whatever I can to–.”

“Jake. That’s not fair to you,” you said, swinging your legs off the couch, abandoning the pillow supporting your achy back. This time, he did stop you again, placing his hand on your thigh, as soon as you’d been sitting next to him. His palm rested dangerously close to a place he shouldn’t be close to. 

But, he wasn’t moving his hand and you sure as hell weren’t feeling an urge to move it. It felt so good to have him touching you again. And when he started rubbing gentle circles into the thickness of your thighs through your baggy sweatpants. . . Ugh.

Your mind flashed back to the kitchen, how he’d held you so close and massaged your breast. . . . the same way he was now massaging your thigh. 

You were going to light on fire. . . with absolutely zero complaints. You’d die happy if you were set to flame by his touch alone. 

Goddamn, y/n. Get it the fuck together.

Before you could immerse yourself any further into your thought process, your stomach made yet another animalistic sound you couldn’t control.

“God,” you shuddered, closing your eyes with a shake of your head. “That’s embarrassing.”

“How is it embarrassing?” He flashed his eyes at you, a dimple in his cheek with his words.

“Well, apparently the baby is just feeling the need to expose me from the inside out,” you complained, placing a hand to your heated forehead. “I can’t even fib and say I’m fine because you’d know I’m bullshitting you, thanks to our child.”

He chuckled, a sexy rasp to it. “I’m glad she’s exposing you because it helps me to know how I can assist you.”

“No, Jake,” you groaned, rubbing your temples with your pointer finger and thumb. “I already told you. . . I don’t want you being unfair to yourself. Don’t hyperextend yourself on my behalf.”

He made a sound in the back of his throat, contemplating what he wanted to say next as he clutched firmly to your thigh, with his other hand now holding his chin. Tapping a couple times with his pointer, he let go of his face and your leg at the same time. Your leg automatically felt the loss, in sudden desperate need of his touch again. 

Leaning forward, elbows pressed to his firm thighs, you watched as the muscles in his back flexed so exquisitely through his favorite thin, white, cut up t-shirt. Same one he’d been wearing so long ago, the night in the bathroom. . . when Theo had been over for a stupid fucking study session. Studying had been utterly fucking pointless that night after how Jake had handled you in the bathroom. 

You shook yourself of the memory, already feeling yourself beginning to pulse with desire at the memory alone. How did he have this motherfucking hold on you? No other man had ever done this to you. Was it because you were carrying his baby? Did that make it inherently worse or some shit? 

Watching carefully, you noticed how his arms filled out the sleeves more-so now than they had before. . . the sight quickly brought you back to the present. He’d slowly put on a little bit of weight, in all of the best areas possible. 

Happier than before, perhaps? 

You licked your lips absently, appreciating his figure while he was so near to you. 

And, as if on cue, your stomach started to grumble again. Fuck. Mocking you and your starving ass. . . suddenly hungry for much more than fruit and pasta and motherfuckin’ ice cream. 

“It’s for the baby,” he finally said, after having stared into space for way too long. “Let me do it if it’s for the baby, at least. Please. It’s all I can do right now – help you to help her.”

Her. You wondered why he was so set on that gender. 

More than that, though, you were wondering why it felt like an actual punch to the chest that he wasn’t wanting to help you for you. You didn’t want him to. You’d been through this mental battle many more times than you cared to admit. It was so selfish to think about yourself over the baby. Of course he’d want to help the baby. It had nothing to do with an obligation to you. 

“It’s the best I can do for my baby at the moment, y/n. I’m not doing anything else tonight, so it’s the perfect opportuni–.”

Your stomach growled once more and you had absolutely zero energy to be argumentative.

“Fine,” you relented with a sigh. “But, I am upset you’re doing all of this for me when there isn’t really a way I can repay you,” you remarked, getting up from your spot on the couch, stretching your limbs to loosen up as much as you could. 

“Damn, my body hurts,” you mentioned, offhandedly. You were tense and your back wasn’t loving the extra weight getting added to your body by the day. Not to mention, your boobs felt so heavy — as always these days. 

“Can we go somewhere to get stuff? Make it here or go out? I don’t care; we just don’t have what I want here.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he agreed without hesitation. “Absolutely.” 

“Cool,” you grinned. “I’m sorry you have to–.”

“Don’t say sorry,” he groaned from deep in his throat, irritated but not irate. 

You started a trek to your room to gather things to get ready when he made you stop in your tracks with one utterance of your name. “Y/n,” he started, tone stern. Right before you could walk away from the couch to grab your Chuck Taylors and put on a bra, you turned on your heel to observe him, ready to take whatever he had to say with as much ease as possible. 

His tone sounded dangerous – your blood licked with desire at the commanding way he’d spoken your name. 

You raised a brow, as if asking ‘what?’. 

He continued, his eyes brightening when he got your attention, but he didn’t change the tone of his voice right away. It made your skin tingle. “I am the one who can’t begin to repay you.” Moving forward a couple steps, he held your cheek so delicately in his strong hand. “You’re growing my baby–our baby–every day. I can’t even begin to–,” he shook his head, dropping his hand as he went to cover his eyes, nose twitching with a light sniffle. When he looked up again, his eyes were threatening to let tears fall, but his voice was steady as he spoke. “You are not the one to worry about repayment. I don’t need anything in return for the things I’m doing to simply  be there for you while you make a whole ass human being.”

The way your cheeks pinkened was uncontrollable. Hearing him say such intimate words was making your head spin. You wished those words could translate into him caring as much for you as he did the child you were carrying, but you knew there was a fat ass chance of that ever, ever happening. You’d given that up with him. 

“You helped in making the little bean,” you replied, voice thicker than you expected, tacking a laugh to the end of your line. You hoped it distracted from the way your voice had held so much emotion. 

Clearing your throat, you finally went to walk to your room. But, after walking halfway to your bedroom, you paused right before making it to the hallway from the living room. 

Why, when you were just complaining of your aching body, were you about to go put on a damn bra?

“Would you mind if I went braless?” You asked, turning to your roommate, getting his opinion. Didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by any means. 

Jake blinked a few times, having to cough a couple times to come to the question. Shit. Even the question alone had made him feel uneasy. 

“It’s fine. I’ll go put one on,” you started, turning back around. Over your shoulder, you continued. “I don’t want to make you feel–.”

“I would rather you didn’t,” he said, voice husky, behind you. 

The words made you stop in your tracks. You felt the muscles in your shoulders squeeze in anticipation at the words. Even when you knew nothing could come of his words, his opinions. . . you felt them everywhere. 

Suddenly, you were back in the kitchen.

“. . .Y/n– fuck,” he’d rutted against your ass, his hand moving to the bottom of your full breast to hold it in a firm grip. You’d just realized him moving his hand to see the entire breast — your nipples, straining, through the soaked-through, white fabric. “Your tits. . . they’re so fucking– Goddammit.”

Then, he’d let go of your chest to move your strap to do what you’d so desperately wanted. Needed. Once it was draped over your shoulder, he had moved a hand slowly down over your tight sternum, into the front of your camisole. When he’d grazed his fingers over your oversensitive nipple, skirting over your breast to push your flimsy shirt down, you’d whined, knees buckling. 

And, finally, as if you’d been waiting your whole life, he’d pulled your full breast out to touch the air.

The more you thought back on last night, you realized just how much he’d seemed to love your breasts. And, apparently, he wasn’t keeping it a secret from you since the incident. 

“No use hiding that I like your tits, y/n. Always have. But. . . right now?” He began speaking in the present time, as if reading your thoughts. “I love how big and full they are. . . I love why they’re bigger. . .,” He sucked in a breath, the sound rattling through his teeth as his jaw clenched. There was no missing how he seemed to move in his black pants, adjusting his sudden. . . issue. You didn’t look down to watch him. Couldn’t. His voice was like velvet with his next words. “You should know how I feel about them after the way I touched you.”

Holy–.

Speechless. You were speechless. But, you had to say something in return, so you went with the first thing that came to your mind. 

“Won’t wear one, then,” you sighed, breath caught in your lungs. Your panties were suddenly wet and sticking to you,  close to you in a way you wanted him close to you. Did he want all of that? Or was it just your tits? 

“Go wait in your room for me,” he’d whispered heatedly, his words piercing your heart at the anxious energy that had floated through your veins. 

He had wanted it last night, but you’d rejected him. . . God. 

But you literally couldn’t even imagine doing that. 

You’d chosen to cut things off with him, and he’d moved on to Maya without a second thought. Any time you said no or stopped things (pre-pregnancy most definitely included), it was always her he chose. It was obvious who his heart always instantly wanted. 

What tripped you up was the way he looked at you before he went to her. It was the same way he was drinking you in from the doorway at the moment. 

Best to not overthink it. 

Still, you couldn’t help what you said next. “I want you to be able to see what you like.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

“Why do you think the baby’s a girl?” 

You asked the question as he was driving the two of you home from Walmart. 

After walking the aisles with the sole purpose of getting exactly what you were craving, you’d left the store with everything that you’d wanted at home. 

With your pick of fruit, ice cream, and the specific type of pasta that sounded good (Penne, for some reason), he’d taken the lead on finding the ingredients for the sauce. All he had asked you was if tomato sauce sounded best or if something else sounded better. A tomato-based sauce sounded arguably more delicious, so you’d answered as such.

Once satisfied with your response, he’d gone full ‘Chef Mode’ and had promised that you wouldn’t be disappointed with his go-to, ‘staple tomato sauce’. You’d responded with your trust for his plan, giggling at his intensity as he narrowed down which ingredients would make the tastiest sauce.  

And, of course, he hadn’t allowed you to lift a finger when loading everything into the back of his Jeep. He’d helped you up and out of the passenger seat both at home and at the store, noticing your struggle to keep your balance. 

“I already told you. It’s just a feeling,” he responded, turning left down a prettier street on the 30-minute drive back home. You were passing a garden park, the streets lined with tall light posts, older with intricate detail to align with the quaint part of town. 

Lavender. . . So much of it, sprawled out in the park’s grass. It made your heart clench in your chest.

You looked at him from the corner of your eye, raising a brow with a sarcastic, skeptical face he wasn’t going to see. “You’re sure it’s not anything more? Some secret you have of wanting to be a girl dad? Braid hair? Use all of the bows in her hair?”

“Well. . . I guess that’s sort of it. I love the idea of having a boy, too, though. . .,” he said, his voice lilting at the end of the sentence to emphasize his genuine response. He sighed, scratching the side of his nose once. “It’s just. . . I really like the idea of a baby girl who reminds me of you,” he peeked over at you for a brief moment, making your heart speed at the words and the way he was looking at you. His eyes were dark in the light of the car, but his tan skin glowed under the yellow street lights. “Seeing you in her soft features. . .it gets me. She’d have your nose, your smile, your dimples, your beautiful, innocent eyes–.”

“Innocent? Oh, Jacob. You know better than that,” you laughed heartily, the words coming so smoothly from your mouth. Even after awkward lulls in your relationship with him, it seemed you could go back to that easy feeling so seamlessly – you’d found that recently. It hurt your heart that moments like this couldn’t last forever. “You know much better than that, sir.”

“You’re right, I do,” he chuckled along, clearing his throat before he adjusted himself a bit in the seat, inconspicuously. You pretended not to notice. “You can definitely be a freaky little thing when you want.”

Blushing, you were yet again caught off guard by him being so blatant with you. He kept saying things that made your heart become a flurry in your chest. You weren’t sure if you’d ever get used to it. 

Not wanting to lose the moment, you responded with a question that tested the waters. You played into him, just a bit. “What was your favorite thing we did that was .  . .freaky?”

Sucking in a breath through his teeth, he made a sound that told you he was deep in thought. “Hm. . . That’s hard for me. . . we had a lot of sex in that span of– yeah,” he blew out a breath, once again trying to subtly move around in his seat. And, again, you acted as though you didn’t notice. “I’d say the day in the pool is a top three –  top tier – moment.”

“Oh, yeah? Why?”

“It was fuckin’ hot, I don’t know. . . I loved everything about it.” He blew out a breath, relaxing a bit against his seat as he brought a hand to rest at the top of his thigh. Dangerously close to his. . . . 

You blinked as he started speaking again, switching your eyes back to his profile as he drove. “I think what turned me on the most, though, was that you were willing to give me head and ride me with everyone else so close,” he sucked in a sharp breath of air. 

You caught sight of his hand, inching just the slightest bit closer to his crotch. His fingers were now splaying out to lay delicately against his zipper. Your eyes were trailing up his form just as he stopped at a stop sign. And without any preparation at all, he caught your eye as you watched him so closely. 

Hot air caught in your lungs. 

“Yeah. That was risky as fuck,” he finished, his eyes dark under the yellow street lights lining the road.

The way your heart lurched in your chest with the way he looked at you. . . . dammit.  It made your breathing turn so heavy, filling up your lungs. When you breathed fully in, you puffed your chest out as you exhaled through your nose. And you would’ve been blind not to notice Jake’s eyes trail down. . . slowly. . . . to your full chest, staying there to admire what he saw.

In your peripheral vision, you noticed his hand inching. . . .closer. . .and closer to fully cup himself. 

You didn’t dare look down, though — too afraid to break eye contact with him and suffocate the moment completely. But, before you could worry much more about it, he spoke.

“Fuck, y/n,” he rasped, his voice deeper and needy. 

Surely this wasn’t happening again. . . . You couldn’t be tested like this again with him. You weren’t sure you’d be able to stop yourself this time.

Your cheeks were fully pink from hearing him say your name like that. It wasn’t new at all. No, you’d heard it many times before. He was desperate. Asking for help. Begging for it. 

You’d come so close to each other the night before. . . 

What happened next couldn’t be stopped if you tried. 

Finally, you looked down to his hand to observe his predicament. And what you found made your body instantly, completely ready for him. 

His thick shaft, straining against the tight black denim of his jeans . . . . The zipper of his jeans, aiding as well as it could in keeping him constrained. But it was no match for him.

The yellow street lamps above you created the perfect shadow to accentuate the sight before you. . . You could see the outline of him so incredibly well. 

“Please, baby,” he whined, completely at your mercy. 

What in the hell was going on? You didn’t know how it had suddenly escalated to this once again. 

But, you knew you didn’t need any other word to convince you against what you wanted — needed — to do. He had taken such good care of you all night. . . You wanted a way to repay him. 

Fuck Maya. You couldn’t help this. You were weak for him, no matter how hard you tried to hide it. The baby hormones were only making this ten times worse, you were sure. 

Your hand, clammy yet purposeful in its movements, seemed to move in slow motion towards him. 

And once you met his pants and settled a hand over where he needed you most, the car suddenly felt so small – too constricting. The hot air blowing from the vents was too much. 

You felt your breath catch in your lungs right as he took in a harsh breath of air. Your skin tingled, your entire body covered in goosebumps, despite the warm car.

With baby hairs stuck to your damp forehead, you inhaled through your nose, letting your hand fully grasp his thickness. You felt his body shiver beneath your hand. You felt your own body react to the moment, clenching around nothing for him. Holding him through the denim was slightly difficult, but you did the best you could. Touching him like this again seemed unreal. Just holding him in your hand again like this. . . It was heavenly.  

Though, you were finding as you squeezed just slightly, it was nothing like feeling the weight of it, bare in your hand. So, with a racing heart and soaking wet panties, you decided to make it happen. 

With one hand still on his dick and the other on his belt buckle, you looked up to quickly gauge his reaction. His pupils were blown out, nearly filling his entire iris, glowing as he watched you under the old street post lamps. 

You raised one brow, trying to school your features the best you could. But you knew there was no way you could honestly change the look of desire painting your features. Your heart hammered in your chest, your head light and airy. 

“Can I. . .?” You breathed, the words almost stuck in your throat. 

He cleared his throat and nodded his head a bit. “Yes, please,” he sighed, a whine at the end of please, while your hand absently stroked him. You watched his pretty face contort just the slightest bit any time you brushed the tip. He unbuckled his seatbelt, seeming to give the final go-ahead.

So, without any further direction, you moved the hand from his dick to unbuckle your seatbelt. The other hand stayed busy, unbuckling his leather belt and unbuttoning his jeans. 

However, your seatbelt was not working in your favor, the latch stuck and not letting you pull the metal from the fastener. 

“Goddammit!” You breathed in frustration, on the verge of tears at the fading opportunity and the stupid seatbelt ruining it all. 

Without any words, you saw his hand come over, your gaze lingering on two purposeful digits pushing down on the red button to the fastener just right. Your breath caught.

The way your body buzzed at the sight, you knew you needed his hands on you, too. Needed him pushing those fingers into you, against you, rolling circles against you . . . .

Though, when you witnessed the seatbelt finally becoming undone, all thoughts for yourself were flying out the window. All you could think was that you were that much closer to seeing him. Holding him in your hand. Doing whatever this was with him. 

Your panties were uncomfortably soaked when you resituated to lean over the gear shift. Though, when you did this, you remembered a new obstruction that you had to adjust with to get the position just right. 

Your belly grazed the handle of the gearshift and you suddenly weren’t looking forward to having to lean over it. Though, within seconds, without having to be told, a hand came over — same hand that unbuckled the seatbelt — to shift the car into park. But after he was done, he kept it there, hand covering the gearshift to make it more comfortable for you to adjust.

Tears pricked your eyes when you glanced up at him under bashful lashes. “Thanks,” you muttered with a blush, leaning just a little further over to continue getting his pants undone. 

“‘Course,” he replied, voice soft underneath the need. Genuinely concerned, he asked, “Is that better?”

“Yes. Much better,” you answered, no question to your tone. 

When your hands finally got his belt buckle undone, you could have cheered with excitement. But, you kept it all to yourself as you unbuttoned his pants, wanting the moment to stay calm and warm and gentle. 

Or did you want it to be gentle?

Before you could do anything else, your back started to feel the new weight that hung in front of you. This position, in the cramped car, wasn’t the best. You arched it, just a little, to try to relieve some pressure. You’d deal with the pain for a bit, though. . . For this — needed this.

What you didn’t want to deal with was having to get his jeans off. Not tonight. Not with your back beginning to ache the way it was. So, you simply pulled the zipper down, and with one more heated stare up at him through your lashes, you tucked a hand down into his pants. He didn’t take his eyes from yours. 

Your gaze never wavered as you continued from the band of his boxer briefs, down further to finally have your hand meet his smooth, pink tip. 

His eyes dared to flutter shut, but he kept them on you. His lips opened slightly to release a whine mixed with a guttural moan. And his stare. . . It was hot, heating your body all the way down to the tips of your toes. 

He eyed you, almost possessively. It made your head spin and skin prick with desire for more – you were aching in your panties for him. He swallowed thickly, not daring to tear his eyes off of you for even a second.

You skated your hand to pay proper attention to the pillowy soft tip you could feel beneath your fingertips. Your touch was light at first as you stroked it, but you quickly went to massage it skillfully with your thumb, remembering how he liked that. You made sure to trace the delicately crease underneath it, watching how it made his body tremble.

Moving carefully, you spread the healthy amount of precum over the pillowy head of his thick shaft. His hips rutted up towards you, showing you how much he was enjoying it.

The deep moan he released made your legs clench together and your own moan released of its own volition from your mouth, under your breath. His sound was accompanied by the sight of his head, thrown back as much as he could, while still keeping his eyes trained on you. The sound and sight would be forever sealed in your memory.

With the jeans constricting your movements, you continued to handle his girth the best you could.  His heated flesh, dick rock-hard and the skin of it so soft. . . You continued further down from the head, letting your line of sight finally trail down to his pants. 

When you looked down, you were met with the sight of his dick, beginning to peek out from the top of his jeans. You’d pushed the pants down a little to access him, apparently, and it’d made the pretty pink tip of him almost fully visible. 

It made your heart flip and tummy hurt to see him like that, swollen tip shiny under the dim lights from his arousal. He was so thick and ready — only a small view of him waiting, just above the waistband of his briefs. 

You decided you’d take further advantage of the new access you’d created when you’d apparently pushed his jeans down. But, before you could go any further, you decided to wet your hand with some saliva. Wanted it to be as pleasurable for him as it could be. 

Though, when you moved your body back and removed your hand from him, the strangled cry he emitted had your breath rattling in your chest.

“Don’t stop,” he whined, exhausted and needy for you.

You reached forward, eyes dark and trained on him. Grabbing his chin, you made him watch as you spit into your other hand. 

His eyes flickered, jaw set as he knew what was coming. His breaths were sharp and labored, chest huffing as he waited for what was next. 

And, just as your hand was on its way down to his pants, you changed your mind. 

You wanted more. Yeah, you loved touching him with your hands, but there was something you liked much, much better. . . 

With one swift movement, you skillfully rebalanced in your seat to have your knees in it as you bent completely over him. Your belly came to lean on his outstretched arm, the one belonging to the hand still holding the gear shift.

Hurriedly, you brought your hair behind your head and twisted it into a makeshift ponytail. Pushing back the sleeves of your sweatshirt, you knew the jeans were officially coming further down for the next part. 

You tapped his thigh and he got the hint. Lifting his hips, he moved the left side of his waistband down as you took care of the right. And, finally, he was springing free from the black briefs. 

Dear God — you’d forgotten just how pretty. . . . 

Not wanting to waste another second, you grasped the hair at your neck as the other hand delicately grabbed hold of his length. You positioned it, just right. . . . And then, your lips were kissing his tip delicately before your wet mouth sank down over him. 

You would never be able to find the proper words to describe how Jake Kiszka’s dick felt, laying heavy against your tongue. Going almost fully down once, you felt him hit the back of your throat. He cried your name, his free hand coming down to squeeze his thigh. Your eyes watered, lips not quite touching the bottom of his belly.

Once you were sure you had wet his dick completely with your mouth, you bobbed your head languidly, giving him long and slow licks. You savored every last inch of him with your tongue, moving a hand to cup where his balls sat in his pants.

His breath stuttered, a low sound released from the pit of his chest. “Holy fuck. I’ve missed you.”

The words were said softly, not so needily. . . You almost stopped to acknowledge them, but decided against it. It seemed best to ignore the words for now. 

So, continuing, you let your tongue lick once more from the base of his dick all the way back to the tip. You grasped his shaft once more in your hand, giving him a few pumps, skimming the underside of the head with the tip of your tongue at the same time.

But, after feeling his thighs shake and hearing your name fall from his lips, you switched your course of action. Not yet. 

With one final stroke of your tongue in the crease, you enveloped his throbbing tip in your mouth. After sucking on him for a minute, you went to move to the top of the head and curled your tongue around and into the slit at the peak of it. You licked every last piece of his earlier pre-release from him, wanting to savor it all for yourself. 

Without warning, the sound of a horn blaring behind the Jeep, a car having come up — jolted you. The car’s lights were bright, bright enough to blind you and seemingly catch you in the act. So, you stopped at a moment’s notice, shuffling to wipe your mouth and get settled back down in your seat. 

Jake took a while to come back to reality. As you buckled back into your seat, you kept an eye on him as he snapped out of it, blinking rapidly. His eyes averted from where they’d been and he used his hands to pull his pants back up, dick still hard with no relief.

Your heart fell as you watched him put himself away, tucking everything back where it belonged, adjusting. He went as fast as he could to buckle his belt, the car behind you honking once more. 

“Fuck off,” you mumbled under your breath. “Be patient.”

Jake apparently hadn’t heard your reprimand to the car behind you. He just kept doing what he was doing, trying hard to get his shit together. After sliding his seatbelt back over his chest and lap, he lifted his hips in his seat to settle back in place, one hand clutching the top of the wheel. 

He didn’t look your way, just kept his eyes trained forward. Wanted to seem inconspicuous to the car behind you, it seemed. 

Following his lead, you turned, breathing hard and facing the front of the Jeep. You wiped your mouth, fluffing your hair back over your shoulder and pulled your sweatshirt sleeves down. The way your heart was beating in your chest was enough to make your heart monitor go off, but surprisingly it stayed silent. 

You silently thanked it, not needing any more unwelcome interruption to the previous moment. Needed time to reset. 

What the fuck had just happened?

You kept your eyes ahead, observing through the windshield. 

The windshield was so clean, it looked as though it wasn’t even there. He obviously cared a lot for this car to keep it looking so nice. You liked how he liked things being kept in good condition. He paid attention. 

Speaking of attention, you brought your mind back to the matter at hand before. . . . Trying your best to respond after everything that had just happened. 

“The pool was pretty risky. You’re right,” you laughed breathily, still trying to deflate your stuffy airways. But I think that moment just beat it — risky for more reasons than one. . . 

Thankfully, he wasn’t acting strange. He actually chuckled along with you, huffing under his heavy breaths. “Yeah.”

When you inhaled and exhaled again, it felt closer to full and even. You felt a faint smile find your lips. 

You tried to refocus your brain. You’d think about how he’d felt against your tongue later. Or maybe you didn’t have to think about it. . . It honestly seemed so natural, it was like going back to normal. So strange. Or was it?

So, you went back to what he’d been talking about prior. . . It was making you think. Really think. Had you sort of wanted the guys to find out? By god. . . With a little contented sigh, you continued, “. . . You know, maybe I always secretly wanted them to know.”

“Wanted who to know what?” He sighed heavily, his breathing evening out next to you.

“I think I sort of wanted the guys to just find out. Might’ve made it easier to deal with if they just happened to see,” you explained, talking your own mind through the new train of thought. But. . . there was a reason it had been kept secret. “I just-just couldn’t get past the thought of Josh being upset with me.”

“Why would he have been upset with you?”

You could feel his stare piercing through you. Though, you kept your line of sight trained on a few drops of dried rain on his windshield. Didn’t dare look his way.

“I can’t get into all of that right now.”

You thought of everything Josh had said that kept you from pursuing things any further than you had. How he’d been so protective of his brother before you’d even gotten to know Jake at all. . . He wanted the best for Jake and you knew now, deep down, that you could do him nothing but harm. You weren’t the pick for a man who needed a woman who was good, all the way down to the soul. . . .there was too much that kept you from feeling safe for others. You were not pure enough for someone as dreamy and brilliant as Jake.

Your stomach suddenly hurt at the thought of what had just occurred. . . The guilt began to eat at you. You didn’t want him to lose someone good for him because of dumb sexual urges. But were they dumb urges? Or fully understandable and expected?

Fuck. You didn't know. 

What you did know was that Maya was real. She was his girlfriend. She should be the only one doing what you just did. . . 

No matter how much you cared for him and wanted him, Maya had been the right one for him all along. 

As much as you despised her, she was a sweet woman who treated Jake very well. You saw it in her eyes, the way she’d mess with his hair, hold his hand, sit on his lap. . . They clicked in a way you could only hope to click with someone so illustrious as Jake Kiszka. 

They got each other in a way you thought you had gotten him, months ago. . . but that thing between you two had been temporary – you’d known so all along.

And, chances were, he’d been seeing her the entire time anyway. 

You felt sick at it all. 

There was no way you alone were good enough for him. God, he was just so precious and unique in every way imaginable. 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to. It’s the past now,” he reasoned, cracking your heart a little more in your chest. “I still reminisce, though.”

“Me too,” you whispered, tears stuck in the hollow of your throat. “I have a slight disagreement with you about something, though.” 

He wrinkled his brow, turning to look both ways before going straight. He caught your eyes when he looked in your direction, and turned a wrinkled brow into a raised one.

“The baby has to have your smile and your eyes,” you reasoned, watching him as he continued straight. “Boy or girl. I’ve wanted those features on this baby’s face for a long time – since the moment I let myself think that far.” You weren’t about to tell him that his smile and his eyes were the sole reason you’d decided to keep the baby that day, on the way to the abortion clinic. The two intricate, incredible parts of his face that showed him – showed just how much of a gift he was to the world. 

The same sort of gift you wanted to give the world, in his baby.

“We’ll see who wins their pick.”

“Mama gets first vote.”

“That’s fair,” he responded, flashing the same exact grin you imagined every day for your child.

-🌼🌼🌼-

It was raining again when you got home. The late-autumn, early-winter thunderstorm, a calming vibe for the apartment as Jake cooked in the kitchen. 

The smell of italian seasonings and tomato sauce were heavenly, the pitter-pattering of rain against the kitchen window was marvelous. And the fact that you were casually hanging out with Jake? That was beyond the way either of the latter could make you feel.

(The fact that you’d had his dick in your mouth less than two hours ago was something you were trying to put far out of your mind for the time being.)

“Did you have plans tonight?” You wondered aloud, letting the words traipse out of your mouth on their own as you dried a dish with an already-dampened towel, having been working through your task as you waited on dinner. Jake was cooking the sauce and the pasta, and as he dirtied a dish or utensil from cooking, you’d clean it, dry it, and put it away. 

He hadn’t wanted you to lift a finger, but after putting your foot down and giving him a look, he’d relented.

“Noticed you dressed up earlier,” you continued, putting a mixing bowl back in the cabinet.

Why were you asking this? You were just asking to be hurt by him saying he’d been with—.

“Yeah, meeting with the label execs,” he replied, moving the seasonings around in the minced onions, garlic, and green pepper, searing hot in the saucier; the new addition of garlic made your nose tingle with eagerness to eat. “Went well. Talked album release and all that shit.”

You watched him, his beautiful hair now meeting the tops of his shoulder blades. . . And, if you were being honest, you could’ve sighed with relief at the idea of him not being with Maya earlier tonight. Which. . . was admittedly unfair of you since you’d been out with another man earlier that day.

Yes, y/n. It’s not fair. And Jake’s relationship is not your business anymore, a gentle voice reminded you. You’re the one who called it quits and you have to be okay with not being the one he chooses. Who he chooses to spend his time with shouldn’t matter. . . No matter what you get yourself into. . .

Snapping from your thought, you noticed him reaching for one more tomato on the counter next to him. You could tell he was looking for the cutting board and knife, but he wasn’t going to find them as you’d already cleaned them. 

Without having to be asked, you went ahead and got them back out for him. 

His eyebrows were turned in with confusion as you placed them on the counter next to him, one brow raising with appreciation. “You’ve already washed them? I’m impressed – just used them,” he laughed under his breath, going about his task with chopping the red fruit. “I’m sorry to dirty them again.”

“Don’t be sorry,” you grinned, deciding to take a break. You washed your hands and dried them before leaning against the counter to watch him cook, glancing at the glowing green time of 9:33 p.m. on the stove. “You’re making dinner for me way later than you should be having to–you shouldn’t be–,” you stopped yourself, shaking your head. You knew how he’d disagree with your statement. “. . . I’m just trying to keep up with your mad chef skills. Professional chef, meet your professional dish-washer,” you bowed dramatically, only bending so far with the slightly protruding tummy at your waist. 

When you rose up and pushed your back against the counter again, you laced both hands under your tummy and looked over at him. His dimple, fully present in his cheek with a bright grin lighting up his features. “You are so fucking cute,” he said, almost as if he couldn’t help it. 

The little comment made your heart warm for like five seconds, but then he was turning to the island behind him to grab some salt for the tomato mixture cooking on the stove. It smelled heavenly, by the way – perfectly ripe tomatoes sizzling in olive oil with fresh vegetables, parsley, and cilantro. . . 

But, as enticingly savory as the smell was. . . your eyes were still glued to the island. 

Everything from your afternoon of contemplation was hurtling at full speed back into your mind.

Maya, on her knees. Jake, moaning. You, having to watch. As much as his relationship wasn’t your business, your apartment and its rules were. 

And, in spite of what had happened in his car — or all of the sweet things he’d said tonight and the incredibly kind thing he was doing for you at the present moment. . . 

You knew you had to bring up. You’d texted him about it earlier and everything. If you didn’t say anything about it now, you knew your pregnant brain would let you forget again. 

It was also probably best to bring it up for another reason. A reality check. Because, as wrong as the action was to do out in the open, it wasn’t wrong for him to be doing it. It was wrong what happened in the Jeep. As much as it broke you. Your buzzing hormones were screaming at you. 

It was wrong for him to treat you like anything more than a friend. Yes, you were carrying his child, but he had a girlfriend. 

So, saying something about the instance might help to remind him that he had a girlfriend. . . And that you weren’t her. 

You needed to bring her back in the discussion – as much as you fucking hated it, it was real life.

“I, um. . .,” you started, looking at your polish-less toenails. You really needed a self-care day. Both types of nail beds were looking terrible. Task at hand, y/n. “Jake, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What’s up?” He replied, voice open and ready to receive it. 

You hoped he was ready to hear you and would understand where you were coming from. 

“On, uh, on Thanksgiving. . . I–,” you struggled to begin. But, you had to spit it out. Had to get your point made. So, you trudged through. You let the image that was stained in your brian fuel you to say the words exactly as they needed to be said. Letting your back go straighter, and pushing your chest out with purpose, you asserted your claim. “I walked in on Maya and you. You, um, were pushed against the island,” you let your eyes trail there of their own volition. It spurred you on. “She was on her knees. It was obvious what was happening. And I don’t really think that it aligns with–.”

“With the rules,” he finished, sighing in a reflective sort of way. “Yeah, I know.”

You were shocked. He remembered? Then why–?

“Why did you let it happen then?” You asked, still not looking up at him, burning holes into the counter he’d been leant against as her mouth made lewd sounds, echoing in the small space even now. The image was absolutely unwelcome in every sense of the word. 

“I was feeling the moment,” he sighed. You heard a burner click down and his own feet slide against the floor. 

Looking back at your own feet, you caught a glimpse of his feet . . . facing yours. Ironically, you couldn’t help the New Girl reference spurring in your brain. 

“A guy’s feet point at what they want, and his feet were pointing at you.” Cece’s voice was setting off tiny alarm bells in your head. Your heart rate picked up a bit at the idea of it – was this how Jess felt during that entire episode? 

Then, you thought about how similarly Maya looked to Cece and you were sick to your stomach all over again. Fuck. She really did ruin everything. And you hated with a burning passion how aggravatingly stunning she was.

“Well, it may be best to not ‘feel the moment’ in the middle of the apartment,” you replied, your faster heart rate encouraging you to spit the words out. Finally, your eyes flicked up to him, only to find his eyes trained on the ground as well, and a blush on his cheeks. “There are rules for a reason, Jake. You agreed to them.”

You continued. “And not only did you break the rule about common spaces, you’ve also been having loud sex right next door while I try to sleep and I– it’s not good for me or the baby and–.”

“I’m sorry. I will tell her to be quieter.”

“I can hear you, too, Jacob.”

“Well, then. . . we’ll work on that.”

“Work on it?”

“Yeah. We’ll try to–.”

“You won’t try, Jake. You’ll just do. . . Just be quiet. Damn. It’s not rocket science.”

“Goddamn, y/n. I understand,” he replied, shaking his head as he glanced at you once and then back at the ground. “And I’m so damn sorry my responses are lacking today.”

Silence. It dragged for a minute or two — long enough for him to go back to checking the sauce, then coming back to face across from you again. 

This was officially the longest day in history. You were tired of it. But, you also didn’t want it to be over. . . You’d liked spending so much time with him.

“How would you feel if you heard me next door having loud sex with someone?”

“I wouldn’t—,” he started, grumbling, jaw tense. “It’s not my business.”

“Didn’t ask if it was your business. I asked how you’d feel. Would it make you feel uncomfortable at all?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

“Why am I a liar?”

“Because, Jake, even if we didn’t have a past,” you placed an absentminded hand on your tummy. His eyes flickered down at the motion, but almost instantly found their way back to your face. “Loud sex makes other people feel uncomfortable.”

“Not me.”

“Want me to test your assumption? I could invite someone over and make sure to have the loudest sex to see how it makes you fee–.”

“No,” he responded, with no hesitation. “Well, not no. You can do whatever the hell you want– I just– fuck. I wouldn’t like it, y/n. Is that what you want me to say?”

“I want you to be honest.”

“I wouldn’t like hearing you fuck someone else,” he insisted without another thought, voice low with eyes dark enough to make your head swirl and your chest heat. “Especially while you’re pregnant with my baby.”

Your heart thumped a million miles a minute in your chest. Again, your heart monitor apparently let you have the moment. “Well, I don’t like hearing my baby’s daddy moaning another woman’s name. And I especially don’t like seeing him getting sucked off by said woman either,” your words were true and harsh as they slid off your tongue. It felt good to say them. Have them out in the open.

“We’ll adjust it. I’ll talk to her.”

More silence. But, it wasn’t uncomfortable. 

No, this was literally just a conversation. A conversation that needed to be had, between two people who knew each other well enough to make a damn baby. 

As he checked the food once more, he flicked off the burners completely and slid the pans back to begin to cool a bit. He placed the sauce pan on the warmer. You just watched him – focused on the fact that he was right here, so present. . . .and all you wanted to do was kiss him. Even more than pulling his pants down again, you just wanted to wrap your arms around him and kiss him. 

He was once again across from you, closer this time. You caught sight of his hands, nearing your face. And, just before he could gently grasp your face in his hands, he dropped them. 

Backing up a bit, towards the oven, his eyes softened. His gaze settled on you in a way that made you want to curl up in him and cry. “You ready to eat?”

-🌼🌼🌼-

Jake’s POV

“Are you going to . . .?”

Her eyebrows wrinkled, questioning. She was nearly sleepwalking, her eyelids barely open. I knew she was tired and beyond ready for bed. It was selfish of me to ask, but I had to before I lost the fucking nerve.

“Are you going to have sex here?” I clarified, clearing my throat.

She scoffed, but a gentle smile stayed on her pretty face. “That isn’t your business, Jake. What is your business is that it won’t be loud if it happens. And I won’t be doing it out in spaces that you can see.”

At her words came the most unpleasant feeling. . . . and the sight I imagined – it made my stomach turn and my skin heat with jealousy. 

Instead of Maya and me at that damn island, I saw y/n and that fuckass Theo guy. . . Him, towering over her. Her round belly, carrying my baby, being held in his football-playing hands as he pounded into her from behind. 

He would be making her his in a way I sure as fuck didn’t want her to be. The way I knew how her delicate eyebrows would sink in at the feeling of him inside of her. . . the way her body would be giving in to him, soft, tight, and ready.

The way she’d moan like she did tonight as she sucked me off. . . . Fuck.

And the sounds she’d make. . . I knew the exact noises that would come from her mouth if he was fucking her– the wet sounds from her pretty pussy. . . I knew every single sound like the back of my hand. I’d elicited them from her over and over again for two of the most astounding months of my life. 

I could practically feel her clenching around me at the thought. . . the way her body would basically give out with certain positions or motions of my hips. . . . and how she’d become absolute putty in my hands as her release climbed up her spine and spilled over my dick. . .

My dick twitched in my pants, but I tried like hell to stop it. 

Hell. This was hell.

And the thoughts were damn near crippling me. 

But she was right. It wasn’t my fucking business. I’d told her the same damn thing earlier. Fuck me.

As wrong as it felt for another man to be fucking the mother of my child, I had proven with my relationship and careless actions in it that I had moved on. Though, I hadn’t moved on. I wasn’t moving on. I thought I had been, but then. . . the moment I truly stopped to think about her being pregnant, that first night I’d known. . . I’d known for a damned well fact that I hadn’t moved on worth shit.

Poor Maya. I honestly felt like I was using her at this point. But. . . I did love her. Or so I had convinced myself over the time we’d been dating. 

I was just desperate to cling to a woman who hadn’t hurt me. I was so tired of it, and Maya would never. She only ever wanted to please. And that felt so damn good. 

“Okay,” was all I could respond with, through my clenched teeth. It was a pathetic response. 

She breathed in deeply, her beautiful chest expanding under her sweatshirt. I could see her nipples, hard and ready beneath the thick material. Sweet hell.  Was it for me? Or was it for him? Or. . . worse. . . was it for no one and her body was just always ready these days? Was that what happened to women when they were pregnant? 

Was that why she’d suddenly been so eager tonight to throw away the morals she’d had just last night? Was a raging, uncontrollable libido to blame for what happened in my car tonight? 

Fuck, I needed to do more research. I knew exactly what I’d be looking into tonight. . . 

. . .After I finished what she’d started earlier. 

“Okay,” she sighed, going to turn towards her bedroom. 

“Does he know?” I couldn’t help but wonder, pushing the conversation further.

She didn’t even have to ask who. Because there was only one man in her sights and we both knew who the fuck the man was. Goddamn this guy. I hated him. Barely knew him, but I knew he wasn’t anything near what –who– she needed. 

“Yes,” she replied, resolute. Turning, she rested her beautiful, curvy body against her door frame. “Telling him about the baby went well, actually.”

“When did you tell him?”

“Tonight. Told him when we got to the coffee shop,” she detailed, clasping her hands under her belly to hold it. Damn, I could watch her all day long. “He was bound to find out soon enough. I feel like I’m getting bigger every single day – already kind of giving it away.”

Fuck if I know it, baby. . . 

Instead of saying the words aloud, all I did was nod and take in a steady breath through my nose and let it out slowly from deep in my chest. Her eyes trailed to my chest with the motion and I felt a moment of hope that she still wanted me as badly as she had in the kitchen. . . Even more so how she’d wanted me tonight. 

All of the blood in my body was rushing towards my dick at the thought of her wet body in my arms last night, her hands and mouth on me in the Jeep. . . 

Her see -through tank top. . . the way her swollen tits tempted to spill from the top of the shirt. . . how close I’d been to holding her full breast in my hand. . . her nipples, peaked so prettily and showing perfectly through the soaking wet cotton. She’d been ready. I knew her body. 

And tonight. . . .? I couldn’t even get started on that.

I was just so confused. Just last night, she’d left and had refused me coming to her room. But tonight she’d taken the initiative to put her damn mouth on me.

After last night and tonight, I could throw Maya on her ass and not feel bad about it. Well, maybe a little bad. 

Damn, it was shitty to admit it. Though, it somehow felt even shittier to go take out on her what I only wanted to do to y/n. . . And that had been exactly what I’d done.

“Is there anything else you need before I go to bed? I’m about to fall asleep standing up,” she blinked slowly, sleepily. . . so fucking cute. All I wanted to do right now was follow her to bed and make her sigh my name. . . Then, hold her in my arms afterward, watching her fall into a hopefully blissful sleep. . .

“No,” I cleared my throat. “Is there anything else I can do for you to make your night easier?”

“You’ve done just about everything you could’ve done, Jake,” she replied, smiling the most serenely beautiful, tired grin. . . her lips, tempting me to kiss her. The blush on her cheeks, pulling me closer. 

But, all too soon, she was opening the door all the way to her bedroom, walking in and turning once more to look at me through the crack she’d made with the door. “‘Night.”

“Goodnight,” I muttered, in a daze caused by her beauty alone. Her pretty lips. Her body. Her face. Just her. 

Damn. I was letting myself in too deep. Again. 

It had happened without me fully realizing it. I’d just started falling for her again (Had I ever stopped? Or had I just been hurt?). 

I hadn’t even let myself pause to think about how it could bite me in the ass. 

But. . . did I care if it bit me in the ass? I wasn’t with y/n. . . I had a girlfriend. If all went to shit, I had Maya to lean back on. It was shitty for me to think like that, but damn.

Though, I couldn’t help but think. . . There wasn’t any harm in listening to my heart and simply being helpful and kind to the woman carrying my child. However that may look, I could be there for her. Right? I had a soft spot for her – I probably always would. 

It was y/n. Even if she wasn’t pregnant with my kid, I’d always look at her a little more tenderly than most other people – well, all other people. She’d carved a place in my heart from the first moment I’d seen her. 

There was truly no one like her.

Never would be.

End of Jake’s POV

-🌼🌼🌼-

A week later, you were hoping to slide out of class without attracting Theo’s attention, but he’d caught you and followed you all the way out to your damn car. 

And, of course, he wouldn’t shut the fuck up about one particular thing you really didn’t want to talk to him about. Something that definitely wasn’t his business, even though he was trying like hell to make it that way. 

It was your decision to lead him on, a voice tenderly reminded you. And you’re still going on that date with him. You promised you would. You have to put up with him for at least a little while longer. 

“Well. . . is the baby’s father in the picture?” He asked, following his multitude of other yes/no questions, right as you’d opened your driver’s side door to escape him. 

Fuck. What did you say? You didn’t want to freak him out. Annoying as he was, you still had a plan to at least try things with him to see if you could make something work with someone who wasn’t Jake. . . Still wanted to test the waters with the whole idea of seeing another guy. There was a chance you could end up giving things a real chance with Theo. And you didn’t want to spoil what could inevitably get your mind off of Jake by acting like you were with him in any capacity. 

Because you weren’t. No matter what had happened in the kitchen or the Jeep.

You couldn’t tell him the full truth. It just didn’t seem entirely wise to tell him all of the details. . . just in case. What was a way you could tell him half of the truth? 

“Kind of, kind of not,” you replied, not wanting to give much more. But, you added, “He’s not as present as I wish he could be.”

Not a lie, you thought. Because I do wish he was more present. Like, present in my bed, for instance. . .  which he isn’t.

“Why not?” Theo asked, going to lean against your car. 

Just before he could place his jeans-clad butt against your car, you spoke up. “Don’t lean against the car, please,” you tried, feeling uncomfortable that you even had to ask him. You just didn’t want him to scratch or dent your beloved Jetta. 

“Oh,” he said, pouting a bit. “Is the car special to you or something?”

“Well, kind of. Elsie and I shared it when she lived here and still kind of do,” you told him. I also just don’t want just anyone leaning against my car; is that too much to ask?!

He made a noise of acknowledgement, but didn’t say anything further on the matter as he straightened up with a bit of an attitude. “Why isn’t the father present?”

You were not ready to explain. You didn’t know what to begin to say. . . didn’t want to say too much, but you also didn’t want to completely lie. 

“He’s just not able to be fully involved,” you replied, looking down at your nails to pick at a snaggled cuticle. “He does what he can. Just not available to do all I wish he was able to do, I guess.”

It was a diversion and it wasn’t a lie. You just wanted to drop the conversation entirely. 

“What do you mean by all of that?”

I don’t want to answer that, you grumbled internally. And you wouldn’t like the answer, Theodore. 

“I don’t really want to get into it,” you explained, hiding an eye roll with a glance back at your car. You opened your door more, desperate for an escape. And a nap. . . You didn’t have any obligations ton—.

Dammit – you had therapy this evening. You were looking forward to it, but you weren’t really looking forward to having to be in such close quarters to Jake all evening. After last Monday, you hadn’t seen him as much. He was either gone for the album or at the apartment hanging out with the guys to discuss things. A time or two, Maya had been there, forcing you to make a last minute plan with Josh one night and an impromptu dinner plan with your grandparents the other. . . 

It was so incredibly hard being so close while he was forced to be so distant, emotionally – especially after recent events. 

The two of you just weren’t what you wished you could be.

God. Alcohol or weed would be lovely right now. Something to get my mind off of things, you wistfully acknowledged. 

Then, you peered up at the man in front of you – remembered the entire reason you were giving him the time of day to begin with.

The perfect distraction was right here, in front of you. You pushed down the way your skin was buzzing with annoyance, and gave yourself a second to observe him. Maybe it could work out to just make yourself available to him. See where it could lead. . . . 

So, you went ahead and added an ending statement to your earlier explanation, “But. . . . . we aren’t together, I can tell you that much.”

“Yeah?” He smirked, his eyes glinting in the afternoon sun. 

And, your hormones worked in your favor as you eyed him, watched him move. . . he really was so fucking handsome. You couldn’t deny it. The more you allowed yourself to study his structure and looks, the easier it was to let your mind wander. 

He shifted his broad shoulders, his alumni sweatshirt hugging his strong chest so well. . . For what it was worth, Theodore was hot – you could give him that. He was irritating, but perhaps his looks could make up for it if you allowed. . .

And, you couldn’t deny how much you loved the fact that he still seemed interested in you even though you were pregnant. Someone so seriously sexy still wanted you, all bloated and different. . . that was endearing. It was promising and validating. 

“Yeah,” you blushed, looking back into his eyes from his chest. The more you genuinely entertained the thought of Theo, the further your mind traveled of its own accord. . . . You bit your lip as you checked him out, letting your eyes travel to his chest again, and back to his face, flicking over every feature. 

One of your favorite features of his were his hooded eyelids. Even in high school, you’d always liked them on him for some reason. His lids and chiseled facial structure complimented his seafoam-colored irises, shining in the sunlight. As much of an open book he seemed, his model-worthy looks gave him an air of mystery that you enjoyed. 

“Well, that makes it easier for us to plan our date,” he remarked, moving towards you. 

Not sure if it was your raging hormones or what, you weren’t feeling any uneasiness over his proximity. In fact, your body seemed to welcome it with the way your skin heated under the lustful way he peered down at you. Your chest exhaled just enough for your breasts to skim his chest. He was suddenly very close. 

You kept looking into his eyes, craning your neck to look up at him. Your eyelids fluttered with the way his stare was piercing you. What was happening? Where had your annoyance disappeared to?

“I want you, y/n,” he said, voice low. “I don’t give a damn if there’s a baby in you or that it’s another man’s baby . . . I want you just as badly as I did sophomore year of high school. You are perplexingly stunning – inside and out – always have been.” 

Suddenly, with his words and the way his boyish Axe body spray penetrated your senses, you forgot how annoying he was. The Axe body spray didn’t repulse you like his Black Ice car freshener. No, it reminded you of simpler times – he reminded you of life in its simplest form. Being a teenager, a child – when there’d been much less stress. Your mother, further from your thoughts in high school than she’d ever been before. . . no adult obligation to face your past.

Back then, there hadn’t been a Jake entering your life, whose presence prompted you to fucking heal those wounds from your childhood. . . Those dark, twisted past hurts that you’d worked to cover up very well in high school. 

You couldn’t remember why you’d ever been so irritated with him. Because the man standing in front of you right now was not one you were at all angered by. . . He made you feel light and carefree, like you could ignore the hard things and focus on the unimportant. . . You just felt all innocent suddenly, like you had so long ago.

This beautiful man with dirty-blonde hair was clouding your senses – he was the same boy who’d given you so many of your firsts. . . . This person, who was standing in front of you, wanting you just as badly as he had so many years ago. . . He was still so fine, all aggravating traits completely aside.

He stepped closer once more, your breasts aching with the added pressure of his chest. But – you barely had time to wince with the way your breath caught in your throat at his next action. He’d grasped your chin. And was ever-so-slowly leaning his face down towards yours. 

You were not about to stop it. Couldn’t stop it if you wanted. And you definitely didn’t want to. Fuck it.

In seconds, his lips had found yours, giving your lips a welcome, proper kiss. His lips enveloped yours so attractively. You felt like a smitten teenage girl all over again. . . you were back in your grandparents’ driveway the summer before junior year, bidding him goodbye with tears in your eyes, right before he moved away. It’d sucked having to break up. . . because back then? You’d never once been annoyed by him, weren’t so jaded as you were now. You had enjoyed his company, in fact (even if Elsie didn’t much care for it, you had). 

And, you were finding the same feeling slowly coming back. 

Apparently, all you’d needed were a few minutes and a bold kiss to view him in a different light as an adult. 

And baby hormones. Those definitely helped. You were horny as hell more frequently than you wished and you weren’t getting any. 

The kitchen was one night. Jake’s car was one night. But honestly, both instances had left you even worse off than before.

Your body was feeling it.

He gave you one more sure kiss, slipping his tongue just the slightest bit past your lips. It made your pulse quicken and your neck hot, but he didn’t take it further than that. After he’d opened your door further for you, he’d leaned over to give you a tiny kiss on the cheek. 

“I’ll text you,” he promised, winking your way. 

Nodding, you batted your lashes at him, completely at his mercy for the time being. What the fuck had happened in the span of you leaving class and now? 

Whatever it had been, it didn’t last as strongly as you would’ve wished. Because within minutes, with your R&B playlist blasting, you were feeling your phone vibrate against your lap. And when you picked it up to find Theodore’s name on your screen, you felt utterly disappointed. 

Because as cute and strangely endearing as Theo suddenly was to you again, he was not the man you wanted most. It was proven again, as you saw Theo’s name flash across your screen that the only name you wanted to see on your screen was spelled J-a-k-e. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

“I can’t stay to hang out after your session tonight,” Jake mentioned that evening, making a turn, bringing you closer to Gia’s office. “I’m sorry. Maya has this thing that she really wants me to be at, and I can’t let her down.”

Your heart plummeted in your chest, but you acted as though it hadn’t. As much as it hurt to hang out with him, it hurt worse when he’d leave you for her. 

But. . . You knew that wasn’t fair. You’d stolen her boyfriend from her enough already. For every appointment he had to now drive you to, having him grope you in the kitchen, going down on him in his car. . . 

It would be unfair to act as though she was the one asking for too much. He was hers. Him taking you to therapy was what asked too much, her needing him was quite the opposite. It was normal. 

“That’s okay,” you said, tone especially light as the words left your lips. Damn – good act, y/n. Good job. “I want you to be able to be available to her.” As much as it fucking sucks to watch, it’s what life is now.

“Cool. Thanks,” he responded, sounding the slightest bit caught off-guard. Why? Had he expected you to be disappointed? He would’ve been right, but you weren’t about to let it on.

It was quiet for a few moments, then he came to a stop two streets away from the practice. 

“So,” he started. And, as he moved a hand to turn down your playlist, his delicious, new sandalwood-vanilla scented cologne overwhelmed your ability to properly think. It seemed to exude from him with every action he took. 

Your eyes flicked over his hand at his word, seeing his fist go to rest on his Jeep’s gear shift. God. The way his long fingers wrapped so well around the mechanism . . . . You thought of how they felt on your aching–. 

Shaking your head the slightest, you glanced up at him. And, of course, his hauntingly beautiful side profile was even worse to look at than his strong hands. “What’s up?” You asked, voice stronger than you expected.

“Are you ready for tonight’s session?” He asked, eyes finding yours, earnest and genuinely curious. “Do you know what to expect?”

“Well,” you began, swallowing at what may await you tonight. Your eyes found your hands, fiddling with the hem of your oversized t-shirt. “I begin EMDR tonight. I haven’t gone to a dark, nitty-gritty place yet. So, I don’t know what to expect, really, no. . . I’ve only been to my Safe Place. I’m hoping tonight, my brain respects that it’s my first time and doesn’t force me down any too unwanted paths,” you chuckled humorlessly, willing it with your words. “Because I can’t control it – you might’ve read about that during your research. But, that’s why I have the Safe Place that I can escape to when things get too scary.”

Simply put, I’ll find you in the field of Lavender if it becomes too much, you tell him silently, eyes glancing over to his hand again. So strong and sure. . . he really did make you feel so safe. Even when it broke your heart to look at him for too long. 

Goddammit. Your predicament sucked ass.

“Safe Place. . .”

“Yeah, it’s where you go when things become too much in your partial subconscious,” you explained, hoping he wouldn't ask any further about yours. 

“That’s incredibly interesting,” he said, invested in every word. “I have read about it, actually. Lightly, at least. I won’t make you tell me yours. I know it’s a super personal thing,” he assured. Your heart fluttered at his genuine care for the situation. “But yours helps? It’ll be a good place to turn to if things get rocky today?”

“Yeah,” you responded, voice suddenly very teary at the thought of who your Safe Place was. The fact that it was the person sitting next to you, who seemed so honestly caring of the entire situation. Of course your mind had naturally conjured him. The way he made you feel in this moment was enough explanation. Your gaze traveled back over his figure, his soft, black sweater hugging him just right. “It felt like heaven last time,” you breathed, taken by him.

He must have sensed you looking, his eyes catching yours for the briefest moment, scanning your figure so quickly you momentarily thought you’d imagined it. Your tummy somersaulted. Before it could become anything more, the light he’d come to changed to green.

“I’m worried about my heart,” you absentmindedly commented, thinking of your recent run-in with the heart problems and the heart monitor still hidden beneath your shirt. Your eyes were trained on a line of old, weeping trees passing you outside the window. 

He was weaving carefully down a side street in an expensive neighborhood. A neighborhood you’d gotten to know by now on your drives to sessions. Gia’s practice is right around the block. Your heart rate was already increasing at what could be awaiting you when you closed your eyes on her couch. “If it becomes too much, I don’t want my heart to fuckin’ Rick Roll me,” you finished, snorting at the ridiculous analogy. Hardly even made sense.

Jake’s signature laugh bounced throughout the car, sounding like Josh’s . . .but a little different. The sound made your pulse even out. A familiar, nice sound . . . Everything was okay. You’d be okay. 

“Talk to Gia about it beforehand,” Jake suggested, laughter coming to a natural halt. He said the words, right as he pulled into the parking lot of the quaint private practice. “Rick Roll,” he said to himself, under his breath with a sighed laugh.

The office was modernized to the nines inside, all light colors and expensive trimmings. . . But on the outside, all that showed was an older, classic brick office building. 

He switched the car off, pulling the keys from the ignition. The lack of keychains caught your eye, distracting you.

Focus on the matters at hand, y/n. . . 

When he cleared his throat, you looked at him once more. “She will be willing to assist you however you need,” Jake reassured you with a sparkle in his eyes. “Just like she has always done for you. Just trust her.”

“Yeah,” you breathed. Throat clogged with wetness once more, you sniffed as you unbuckled along with Jake. “Trusting is hard for me. Are you coming inside with me?” You couldn’t help but comment on him moving to get out with you.

“Of course I am. I want to be there for you. Waiting in the lobby for you when you get out,” he smiled, opening his door. He looked over at you, raising a brow. “Don’t get out yet. I’ll help you out of this thing.”

Your heart soared at the way he cared, tears daring to fall as he got out to come to your side. 

Seconds later, he was at your door, helping you out of the car. And as you walked through the parking lot to go inside, he huffed a laugh, not as a joke, but as an understanding form of acknowledgment to something. “I get the trust thing, though, honey. Hard for me, too.”

Honey. Always with that nickname these days.

Your line of sight darted to him from the corner of your eye, and you chuckled under your breath to agree. “Yeah. . .,” you said, eyes brushing down to mess with your cuticles for the second time that day. His arm came around your waist briefly, guiding you as you looked down. 

At his touch, your skin became hot through the jacket and t-shirt you wore.

Your mind wandered to a few months ago as he kept a gentle hold on you, keeping you in step with him. The stinging feeling of guilt for making him trust you and then breaking his heart all in a matter of two months. . . . it made you want to scream, cry, yell. . . All at once. 

You did it for his benefit, y/n. Remember? 

But. . . .had you?

Blinking a few times, you focused on the building’s glowing sign, highlighting the early darkness of the winter evening. Finally, you fell back into the conversation, “Trauma response is what I’d call it,” you offered, clearing your throat of any emotion. 

“Exactly,” he concurred. “A coping mechanism.”

Yes! You do get it. Why did you ever have to be an asshole to begin with? Maybe things could’ve been different. . ., your thoughts went back to the first day you’d met him, making your heart lurch in your chest. Or would it have been cut too short, no matter what? Is it simply how my story with you is meant to play out? Have you and then lose you?

The fact that you couldn’t indulge in a relationship with this man was one of the saddest, most unfortunate things the universe could offer you. 

“You ready?” Jake asked, breaking the comfortable silence once you approached the door, his hand on the metal door handle. 

You looked up and into his wide brown eyes, the amber in them sparkling under the parking lot lights. Your eyes studied his face for a second. . . just let yourself have a moment before answering him. Weird as it was, the deep circles under his eyes brought you comfort in that moment. The fact that they were a consistent feature of his, always prominent, made you breathe easier. . . . He was consistent.

He was real. He was here. You were okay. Everything was going to be okay. 

“As I’ll ever be.” 

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: hmmm... ;) what are they getting into? how do you feel about reader being so suddenly interested in theo? what about her plan? do you approve? did you like the bit of insight into jake's perspective?? :o

see you soon for parts 2 + 3, love bugs! <3 prepare yourselves, that's all i'll say........

[littlefoxkota]

Briefly Home

JAKE KISZKA X FEM READER

A/N: I’ve been having a bad Jake moment recently so I figured I’d take advantage of it… heavily unedited. Enjoy!

Word Count: 4k

WARNINGS: graphic sexual content, minors dni, unprotected sex (don’t be silly wrap your willy), language, p in v, oral sex (m & f rec), fingering, spitting, choking, slapping, slight pain kink, sir kink, rough sex, overstimulation, praise kink, degradation, some orgasm denial, dom (m) sub (f), jake crawling to you (needs its own warning). lmk if i missed anything!

.·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” You ask, flying through the front door of your shared home with Jake.

He shrugs from behind you, setting a bag down at his feet as he enters the room. “It slipped my mind.”

“Slipped your mind?” You spin to face him, mouth hanging open in disbelief. “How do you forget to tell me you’re leaving for another month?”

“I was just focused on this leg of the tour, not the next.” He admits, brushing his hands on the thighs of his pants. “We haven’t been home in a month so—”

“Yes! Exactly, Jake. We haven’t been home! We haven’t been alone for a month and you’re leaving again?” Tears well up in your eyes as you fight back the anger. “And the fact I had to hear it from Sam! You wouldn’t even fucking tell me, Jake!”

Silence washes over the room and you’re stuck in place. Your chest heaves as you wait for a reply. He only tugs on his bottom lip, acknowledging your feelings of frustration and anger.

With no reply, you add on, “I just wanted to have some time alone with you is all.”

Defeated, you rub the tears in your eyes and wait patiently for an answer. Jake moves from his position across the kitchen, gliding swiftly over to you. Your bottom lip trembles as his hands rest on your upper arms, his thumbs softly massaging the bare skin.

“I’m sorry, love. I should have done better at communicating with you. It wasn’t fair of you to have to hear it from Sam.” He speaks softly, his big brown eyes staring into yours. “But, I don’t think you’re really upset over another month of tour, are you?”

You swallow and turn your head away from him, suddenly unable to meet his gaze. Jake carefully places his palms on your cheeks and guides you back to him. This time his eyes are soft and kind, they’re lustful and needy. The sight makes your knees tremble. Before removing his hands, he brings your forehead to his and leans against it. You let out a shallow breath when his hands drag down your neck. Goosebumps spread across your body like wildfire, letting Jake know you’re in desperate need.

“I asked you a question, baby.”

Your eyes flutter shut as you suck in a hasty breath. “Yeah,” you answer.

“My girl needs me, huh? Has she missed me?” He asks, licking his lips as his thumb brushes across a nipple through your shirt.

“Jake…” you silently beg.

“What, baby? Talk to me.” He leans in and kisses the spot below your ear.

“I want you to fuck me,” you rasp out as his tongue drags across your skin. “Hard.”

His motions falter momentarily but he recovers quickly by sinking his teeth into your neck. You moan quietly as your hands fist his hair. He continues tugging on the skin, sucking it into his mouth and dragging his warm tongue across the area.

“Take these off for me,” he directs when he leaves the crook of your neck.

Jake takes a step back from you to enjoy the view. Quickly, you discard the t-shirt you’re wearing and toss it to the floor. Sitting on a chair now, Jake’s eyes hungrily observe your hardened breasts. His legs spread apart as he leans back, his hand palming himself through his slacks.

“Fuck, baby. Pants next.”

You obey his orders like a well trained dog, hooking your fingers in the waistband of your pants. You shimmy the material off your legs and step out of them. The chilly air bites at your legs, making you shiver as you stand proudly in front of him. Jake’s hand slowly moves across his lap as his eyes scan your legs.

You stare at his crotch shamelessly, trying to remember every detail of it. It’s been nearly a month since the two of you have had sex. Sleeping in a bus full of brothers leaves little to no time for private times. Occasionally in the dressing room before shows, Jake would go down on you or you would go down on him. You missed him. Craved him.

“What is it?” He asks. “Wanna see it?”

You nod.

“Fuck. Yeah?” He tilts his head while unzipping his pants. “Sit down for me and spread your legs.”

You pull the chair from behind you, sitting down and opening your legs. As soon as Jake frees himself he takes himself into his hand. His eyes flutter and chest heaves at the sight of you. You look down at yourself to see a wet spot in the middle of your panties. It makes you squeeze your own thighs together, desperate for any friction.

“Don’t.” He growls, hand slowly moving over his length. “That’s mine. Open.”

You internally groan as you reveal yourself once more to his desire-filled eyes. Jake’s teeth bite at his bottom lip as he works over himself, marveling at your beauty. You hear faint whimpers coming from his mouth that makes you want to run your fingers over yourself. To distract yourself, you allow your eyes to settle on his hand. His veins protrude from under his skin like a root-way system, wrapped around his shaft. You watch him squeeze his fist and begin to buck his hips.

“Oh God, Jake.” You whine, fighting to keep your place in the chair. “Please!”

He removes his hand from himself, wincing at the loss of an orgasm. He recovers and slides off the chair so he’s nearly squatting on the floor. The sight makes your stomach twist in knots. Jake quickly removes his shirt and pants, throwing them to the side without a care in the world.

From the floor, he cranes his neck to look up at you. You feel yourself dripping down your thighs, your panties long in need of being discarded.

“Look at you, pretty girl. Do you like this? You like me on your knees for you?” You nod quickly. “Would you like me to crawl to you? Like a starved man begging for your pussy?”

“Yes, please. Please, baby, please. I need it so bad. I’ll be so good for you.” You tell him, rotating your hips in your seat.

“Say it. Tell me what you want.”

You watch him, on his hands and knees, eyes piercing into yours. His hair is stuck to the sheen of sweat on his face, cheeks a light pink, lips swollen red. His state of vulnerability right now has you more turned on than you have ever been in your life.

“Crawl to me.” You tell him pathetically.

As soon as the command leaves your mouth, he inches towards you. Slowly, he moves across the hardwood floor to reach you. He’s moving at an agonizingly slow pace but you thoroughly enjoy every second of it. His eyes leave your face and focus on your dripping cunt in front of him. He’s like a predator, licking his lips, hunting you.

Finally he reaches you. He rises to his knees and places his large hands on the insides of your thighs. You throb at the sight of him leaning down and kissing your sweet spot.

“I’ve never seen you this wet. Jesus.” He talks to you, running a finger through your clothed folds. “Want these off, darling?”

You nod and allow him to remove the soaked material. As soon as they’re out of the way his hands return to the meat of your thighs. He spreads them as wide as you can physically make them go before resting his forearms on them to keep you in place. His eyes find yours for a moment, a simple confirmation as if you wouldn’t let him do whatever he wanted to you.

You watch Jake part his lips, releasing a trail of saliva. It falls right over your clit and you eagerly moan. Finally, his tongue licks through your heat.

Your back immediately arches into him so he pushes on your legs even harder. His lips wrap around your clit, tugging it into his mouth slowly. He works over you, your head falling back and hands violently digging into his scalp. His brown locks fan out over his shoulders as he devours your pussy. The sloppy sounds from his mouth and your arousal fills the room, your moans intertwining with it. Tears stream from the corner of your eyelids as his lips kneed the sensitive bud. He sucks, licks, and bites at your cunt, holding you in place so all you can do is take it.

“More,” you manage to cry out in between moans.

He answers your request by inserting two fingers into your entrance. They slide right in making him moan into you. The vibrations make you grip tighter on his hair and drag him farther into you. No surprise to you, his fingers find your sweet spot. He makes the ‘come here’ motion over and over again until you can’t handle it.

“I’m gonna cum, Jake!” You wail. “Can I cum, please can I cum?”

He only nods, tongue still violently flicking over your clit. Your eyes lock with his, sending you over the edge. You cum harder than you ever have before, your stomach muscles sore from clenching around Jake’s fingers. Your hips ride against his face, chasing your high as sweat drips off your forehead. Jake works you through it, fingering you fast while devouring your sweet cunt. When you’ve finished, his movements don’t falter.

“Jake, fuck! No, I can’t!” You blurt out.

Disconnecting his lips from your clit, he looks at you. “Can’t take it, baby? Thought this is what you wanted.”

“I can’t.” Is all you’re able to cry out.

“You will.” He growls, slapping the inside of your thigh. Your hips involuntarily buck farther into his fingers as your eyes go wide. “Oh you like that. Dirty fucking slut.” He hisses, slapping your thigh again. You squirm under him, his fingers guiding you through overstimulation.

Abandoning your thigh, his hand rests on top of your pussy. He pushes on your clit before rubbing it back and forth roughly. The sound of your juices being sloshed around by Jake’s hands is music to your ears. The impure sounds that leave your mouth are so loud and defined that the whole neighborhood can probably hear you but you don’t care. Jake’s movements cease as he spits into your cunt again, adding more lubrication. Again, he uses his whole hand to continue his assault on your weeping cunt.

“Jake! Jake!” You cry, unable to say anything but his name. “I’m cumming, oh fuck, I’m cumming!”

Your mind goes blank as your orgasm erupts, stealing all the energy from you. All you can feel is Jake’s hands working magic on you as your mind goes blank.

“Oh my God.” You pant once you’ve gained your strength back. Jake’s still between your legs with a flattened tongue, cleaning up every drop of your release. “You’re so fucking good.”

“You like that?” He gives you a shit eating grin. “I hope you don’t think we’re done here because I’m just getting started.”

You nearly cry at the idea of another orgasm, but once he stands to his feet and his leaking cock in front of your face, it’s all you want.

“Want it?” He asks. You nod. “You want my cock in your mouth, princess?” You nod again. His hand grips the top of your head, pushing it back so you meet his eyes. “Use your fucking words.”

“I want it, sir. I want you to use me.”

“Let me see your tongue.” He removes his hand.

You stick your tongue out flatly for him, eyes shut. He groans and sets the tip of his cock on your tongue. It takes every ounce of strength to not take him into your mouth and make him whine above you. With his length in hand, he slaps the tip across the muscle. The precum splashes into your mouth, the salty-sweet taste making you whimper.

“Open your eyes, baby.” You do as he says, giving him the biggest fuck me eyes you’ve ever given him. “My good girl. Gonna let me fuck this?” He asks, removing his cock and replacing it with his thumb. “Gonna let me go all the way back here?” He shoves his thumb back as far as it will go. “You gonna take it?”

You nod.

“Tap twice and I’ll stop.”

You nod again.

Finally, he’s back in your mouth. He slips it across your tongue slowly, allowing you to get used to his size. After a moment, he can’t control it anymore. He pushes himself down your throat, a small gag threatening to explode. Both hands find your head as he begins to guide you across him. Your throat already burns but you invite the sting with open arms. He slowly works himself into you, watching your lips enclose around him. His eyes gawk into yours, a smirk finding his face as his perfect teeth once again clamp on his lip. Your hair sticks to your face and neck so he forms a makeshift ponytail with his hands before using it as a handle.

He picks up the pace, fucking into your face as he guides you over his length. You gag, a tear falling on your cheek. He twitches inside of you at the noise, finding it arousing that you’re choosing his cock over breathing. He drops your hair and places his palms on either side of your head, holding you in place as his hips begin to snap. Aggressively, he pounds into your face. You hollow your throat, trying to take his violent sloppy thrusts as they come. Your eyes can’t stand to be open any longer despite how bad you want to watch him. Jake begins to whimper and whine, mumbles of praise leaving his mouth. You feel him tense in your mouth, the familiar motion that warns you he’s going to cum. You prepare for his load but he removes himself before you get to that point.

Letting you go, you nearly fall out of the chair. Gasping for air, your hands grip the back rest. Jake has stepped away, dealing with his second loss of an orgasm. After another second, he’s at your side.

“Are you okay? Was I too rough?” He drops the act, genuinely worried.

“So good.” You tell him, still searching for your breath.

“Jesus, you’re something else.” He says, grabbing your arms and pulling you to your feet.

Unable to balance, he half carries you to the kitchen island. Setting you on stop, he guides you so you’re laying back against the countertop. You prompt yourself up on your elbows, wanting to watch him. He looks gorgeous as ever; hair stuck to his face, cheeks bright red, lips swollen and plump, sweat dripping off his face and down his chest. You can’t get enough of him.

Using his two fingers, he spreads your folds open, leaning down to spit on them again. His hand, resting just under your ass cheek, pulls back and smacks you. The sting excites you and you moan at the idea.

“My good girl.” He praises, opening you up again. “You look so pretty when you’ve been played with; all pink and wet. All mine.”

He grips his length and drags it through your wetness. He slaps the tip on your clit, making you jerk at how sensitive it still is. He continues doing it, just to fuck with you. Finally, he can’t resist it anymore. You watch him line himself up with your entrance, tongue poking out from between his teeth as he tries to focus. You sigh in unison as he slides in, not all the way, just enough to make you want more.

“God, she’s like sucking me in. Baby needed this so bad, yeah? You wanna look at your pretty pussy swallowing my cock like you were just a minute ago?” He grabs the back of your neck and pulls you up to look.

Your jaw falls open at the sight of him so perfectly stretching you out. Feeling brave, you too let a line of spit fall from your lips. It lands on the shaft of his cock, making him loudly whine. You crane your head to see his reaction. His big beating brown eyes sparkle with an animalistic desire you can’t decipher.

His hand moves so it’s wrapped around your neck. He tugs you into him, embracing your lips in a passionate kiss. Immediately, your lips open to invite him in. His tongue swirls around in your mouth, exploring the cave as if it isn’t its home. You moan into Jake’s mouth as he pushes himself the rest of the way into you, lips still connected, hand still possessively wrapped around your throat. He rocks into you in quick sharp thrusts, your body jerking at each movement. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into a deeper kiss as his cock slides in and out of you.

He breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against yours with his hands on your head for a moment. Your fingernails dig at the skin on his back as his thrusts deepen. Finally, he takes control again, encouraging you to lay flat against your back once more. He uses this position as an opportunity to wrap his arms under your back and over your shoulders. You wrap your legs around his waist to allow him to hit deeper inside of you. Jake’s head rests between the crook of your neck, his lips kissing the skin of your neck.

“Fuck me harder,” you say after a few moments.

Jake repositions himself so all his weight is resting on the arm extended next to your head. He pulls you closer to the edge of the table before wrapping his hand around your neck. You whine as he bucks his hips hard and rough. Repeatedly, he fucks you. You whine and cry his name, occasionally opening your eyes to see him watching himself slide in and out of you.

“So tight and warm,” he tells you before pulling out.

In a swift motion he flips you onto your stomach. The cold surface causes your nipples to harden even farther but you have no time to focus on that because Jake’s already nudging at your entrance. He hooks one of your legs over the counter to give himself room. This time when he enters you, he doesn’t give you time to adjust. It’s no longer sweet, kind, or loving. It’s rough, barbaric, and merciless. His rough fingertips grip into the skin of your waist so hard it’s sure to leave little blue and purple bruises. His hips snap into your ass as he takes what’s his.

“Best fucking pussy,” he praises. “Look at you just fucking taking it. My good little slut.”

You whine and grip the counter top, knuckles turning white. Jake’s hands grab a fistful of hair, pulling it until your neck is at a painful angle. He leans over you, his stomach pressed flush against your back. You feel the sweat gluing you to him as his lips find your ear.

“You like this, don’t you? You like being fucked like a slut. You like taking my cock until you cry.”

You can’t form any words so you just nod.

“Say it.”

“Yes! I love your cock! I love the way you fuck me!”

“Yeah, that’s right.” He says, mocking you. The palm of his hand falls flat against your ass and you cry his name pathetically. “Who’s pussy is this?”

“Yours, sir.”

“I can’t hear you when you mumble,”

The grip on your hair makes tears spill down your cheeks. You swallow, trying to speak as Jake so ruthlessly fucking you. “Yours! It’s yours!”

“Yeah it is.” He kisses your shoulder. “You’re squeezing me. You gonna cum? Pretty princess gonna cum on my cock? Make it yours, hm?”

“It’s already mine,” you snap.

Jake hisses. “Fuck yeah, it is. All yours. You own me, baby.”

Your screams echo in through the air as your body shakes from the force of your third climax. Your chest burns as you suck in air, body shaking as you come down from your high. Jake’s thrusts slow, his hand still buried in your hair. His other hand rests on your ass, squeezing the flesh. He removes himself, backing away and leaving you bent over the counter like the slut you are. Your mind swirls with static as you go limp.

Once again, Jake flips you onto your back. You let out a whine in protest but you’re too weak to do anything other than let him. Jake throws your legs over his neck. He bends you farther back, forcing you to stretch with his desires.

“Jacob…” you sigh as he slides himself through your folds once more. “I can’t go again,”

“Yes you can, baby.” He says smoothly, kissing your palms. “Give me one more. Can you do that?”

“Yeah.” You agree, the feeling of his tip caressing your cunt driving you wild.

He slides back in, the feeling still as good as the first time he did it. He hovers above you, soaking up the feeling of you squeezed tightly around him. Your mouth is open, eyes slowly rolling to the back of your head as you focus on the feeling of him fucking you slowly. Your legs burn from the angle Jake has you at but it’s worth it. The position allows him to hit at a deeper angle. The familiar burn appears in your stomach again, making you whine and begin to squirm. Desperately, you attach your fingers to your clit and begin rubbing quick tight circles.

“Move your hand,” he says firmly. You obey and drop it, instead clawing at the table. “I’m so close.”

“Me too,” you admit.

Jake drops your legs, letting you wrap them around his waist again. You pull him into you, his hand on your stomach.

“You feel me here?” He breathes.

“Filling me up so good, baby.” You watch him. “Kiss me.”

He leans down again, pressing his chest against yours, hips still fucking into you. Your lips meet again, softly and beautifully. You swallow him, drowning in his saliva. Jake’s fingers wrap around one of your nipples, twisting and teasing the pointed peak.

“Where do you want me?” Jake asks into your neck, this thrusts becoming quicker and sloppier. He pants in your ear, briefly stealing your attention.

“In me, baby. Wanna feel you.”

“Good girl. Gonna give it to you, promise.”

Jake kisses your skin, licking and sucking. His fingers fondle with your breasts, making you arch into him. He whines into your ear as he reaches his climax, curses and mumbles leaving his mouth in a string of profanities. He chants your name, making you come undone shortly after. He’s warm and heavy inside of you, twitching and shuddering with every thrust. You feel every inch and every vein give you everything he has.

“I love you,” you say, barely audible.

“I love you more than anything,” he says. “I’m sorry for everything.”

You hold him against your chest as both of you come down from your highs. Both a panting mess, you don’t say anything to each other for a few minutes. You sit in silence, Jake still tucked away inside of you, where he belongs. His hands rest on your side, massaging and rubbing the skin softly. He places kisses across your stomach, making your eyes flutter shut.

“I missed you,” he finally breaks the silence, his chin resting on your stomach as he looks up at you.

“I missed you too, Jake. I needed that.”

“I can tell. Can I pull out now?” He asks.

“No. Just stay for a bit.”

He smiles. “Whatever makes you happy.”

“I’m sorry for getting upset about the tour. I know this means a lot to you.” You apologize.

“You mean more. You know that. I should have told you, you deserved to hear it from me.”

“At least I got one fuck in before you leave again,” you joke, patting his back.

“One? We’ve got a month to make up for, baby.”

.·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·.

[littlefoxkota]

18+ FICTIONAL series Jake X Fem reader

Word Count 6,400

Content Warnings: Sex (like a lot of it), unprotected sex, penetrative sex, oral sex f! receiving, oral sex m! receiving, fingering, alcohol consumption, possible splinters, self deprecation, slight angst, depressive thoughts, adult situations..... If I have missed anything that you feel needs to be mentioned here, please let me know!

Part 1 - I Got Mine

Four years ago you had found yourself mindlessly scrolling TikTok to pass the time, when a video of an SNL performance stopped you dead in your tracks. The video was of this four man band from Michigan, who so easily caught your attention with their presence, and mannerisms. And that singers voice? A few taps later, and you found yourself on the band's Instagram page. Soon you realize that hours had passed, and you found yourself completely enamored with this band, and all of its members, but especially the guitarist. He had such a suave face, and an even more attractive body. A body that he moved in ways that could make a nun rethink her life choices. 

The god-like guitar player who had enraptured you from the beginning elicited so many thoughts running through your mind. All of those videos online of him performing only driving your fascination and curiosity towards him farther. He was a beautiful person inside and out, so it would seem. Always so kind and friendly in his encounters with fans. A few innocent enough online searches had led you to tumblr, where you stumbled upon all of these amazing works of art and fan fiction by fans of not only Jake, but the band as well. You had always steered clear of anything like that because clearly those people were crazy, obsessive, and delusional. 

But now you found yourself reading some of those stories. They honestly blew your mind. The things you read only made you more curious of the god like rock star, and all of his capabilities on stage and off. You found yourself completely enamored by all of Jake's beauty, grace, and dear god that body, and the things he could probably do with it. But that was weird right? To be a twenty-some year old woman with a crush on a rock star that had no clue you even existed when everyone else your age seemed to have their careers lined out, flourishing in their lives with relationships, and whole lives planned out in front of them. So you locked that part of you away, hid it from the world, never to be revisited again. You carried on with your boring existence, getting up each day, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, taking a shower, going to bed. Wash, rinse, repeat. 

It was a slow Tuesday evening shift in February at the diner where you worked, when your best friend since elementary school, Cora stopped by for dinner. She sat herself in your section so you could catch up with each other while still working. Cora had been texting and calling you relentlessly lately to try to set you up on a date with her cousin. A cousin who until recently had never really been mentioned in any of your conversations. A cousin who had experienced a “really bad, ugly breakup” a while back and was just beginning to become interested in dating again. She was pursuing you relentlessly with the idea that you should go out with him, even though you were very clearly not interested in what she was offering. 

In a sheer moment of weakness, more so to get her to stop, you mindlessly agreed to go on a blind date with this poor guy to get Cora off your back, and actually have something to do when you weren't working. Fast forward about a month later after working out a time to meet her cousin that worked for your schedule and his you find yourself more dressed for comfort than to impress in your leggings and oversized sweater, while riding from Durham in the uber you had ordered to take you to Second Empire Restaurant and Tavern in Raleigh. Oddly enough Cora had been the middle man in working out all of the little details of this date, so all you had was an address, and a time to meet him. 

But you didn't really care, you weren’t interested in being on this date to start with, only agreeing to go to stop Cora’s incessant nagging, and if you got a few free drinks, and a meal out of it, that you did not have to cook? Well then that was the prize for the more than likely few hours of awkward conversation you would have to endure. You only realized upon arriving at the restaurant that you didn’t even know the name of the man you were to meet. You quickly texted Cora upon exiting your uber to ask her cousin's name. Soon you felt your phone vibrate, looking down to the illuminated screen to see her single word reply: Jacob. Your heart began to race, and you felt giddy like a schoolgirl.  Even after all that time had passed the idea of that name caused butterflies in your stomach and sent your mind racing. 

You looked back at your phone to lock the screen, and noticed there was an attachment still downloading due to poor cell service in the area. As you stood waiting, you noticed a few people milling about around the entrance to the restaurant, filling the space so you were not outside by yourself. Your phone vibrated once more to let you know the attachment had loaded, and when you looked at the screen you almost passed out right there. You could not believe your eyes. You felt like you were on some kind of practical joke show. There on your screen was a picture of THE Jake Kiszka. The very man you had found yourself obsessing over just a few years prior. You couldn’t believe your eyes, or your luck. 

How was this even possible? This sort of thing was reserved for movie scripts, not your life. As you stood there gawking at your phone, you hear your name being called by the most deliciously raspy voice you had ever been graced with hearing. It was at that moment that you wished you had listened to Cora when she tried to help you plan an outfit for that night. Suddenly your leggings and oversized sweater seemed so childish and uncool when you knew who you were fated to meet. Slowly you turned around, and there he stood.  

Even more so the vision of walking, talking sex embodied with his shoulder length chestnut locks, lightly sun kissed skin, wearing black trousers, and a black jacket over a white shirt that the neck seemed to be stretched out just enough for you to see a little more of his neck than a normal t-shirt would allow. You couldn’t help but stare, his head topped with a wide brimmed black hat. Around his neck were 2 silver chains with what appeared to be coin medallions hanging from them sitting just above his abdomen. You noticed he also had a faint mustache on top of his upper lip. You also couldn’t help but notice that the few years since you had seen pictures of him had done his body good. 

He had filled out to a healthy weight, and looked solid. You find yourself staring at his strong thighs and couldn’t stop yourself from the squeak that sounds out of you. He really was sex, incarnate. You slowly walked over to greet Jake, working so hard not to stumble or let your knees buckle just from the sight of him. You realized you were completely at a loss for what to say. He raised his hand waving you over just as you noticed the slight smirk on his face while he not so secretly looked you up and down. Feeling all the more self conscious, you made your way to him as quickly as possible, reaching out to shake his hand and accidentally slapping him in his chest as he reached his arm out to give you a welcoming hug.

You instantly cursed yourself, damn it y/n could you make this any more awkward if you tried?  You apologized profusely while Jake just smiled his huge all teeth showing smile that absolutely caused you to lose all train of thought, followed by his little giggle, that completely had you spellbound. “So uh, probably should head in then, yeah?” he asked while still smiling that beautiful 1000kw smile at you. “Sure” you all but whispered, and he grabbed you by the hand to pull you along with him. Once inside the restaurant and seated at the private table he had reserved you began to panic trying to think of acceptable questions to ask a stranger which you are on a blind date with, but you were struggling and coming up short. 

Jake seemed to notice your apprehension. “Are you nervous?" he asked, still with that damn smirk in place, and it was all you could do to laugh nervously at him “a little” you said, while trying to return his smile with your own. “So, Cora said you are a waitress at Hope Valley Diner, over in Durham, how is that?” Jake asked you while tracing his eyes all around your face to slowly settle back onto your own. “Uh, well you know, being a waitress is not really a career path for me, but it pays my bills, and fills my time for now”, you said. In return you told him that Cora never mentioned what he does, and there was that megawatt smile present on him again. 

“Well, I‘m actually in a band” he said, smiling even more now with all of his perfect teeth showing again. “Oh, Cora never mentioned that” you murmured inquisitively, continuing on “How is that going? Catching any big breaks?” you asked, but seem to be unable to hold eye contact with him as you feel your cheeks redden, looking away slightly to give yourself a break from the tension you were feeling right now, and trying not to fan-girl over him and completely lose your shit. Jake noticed your inability for eye contact during this conversation, but decided that it is probably just first date jitters.”You okay pretty girl? Your face is a little red” Jake said causing your face to redden more.

  “Oh, uh yeah, just a little warmer here than I thought it would be” you sheepishly responded trying to get your body to stop betraying you in his presence. “OK, well I would say we are doing pretty good, the fans seem to love us anyway.” he stated. “The hardest part is probably all of the contracted social events, and filming all of the content for our online presence that seems to be at such high demand.” He finishes with an almost shudder of disgust. “You don’t like being in the limelight for anybody to pick apart?” you joked, beginning to warm up to his conversation. 

This question seemed to un-nerve him, but also caused him to simultaneously relax at the same time as he dropped his shoulders and took in a deep breath, to let out a small huff of a laugh while exhaling. “Yeah, I can’t say that is my favorite thing off stage”. “On stage, though? That is a different story” he remarked with a glimmer in his eye, and a half assed attempt at a wink. Thankfully your waiter came by the table to take your orders, but neither of you had bothered to look at the menu yet, so you waited for Jake to take the lead here.

He kept it simple and asked for the rib eye, while you followed suit and asked for the chicken breast. The conversation seemed to be happening easier between the two of you now, falling into a comfortable banter, but you were fighting your demons inside trying so hard not to crack every time you remembered who you were on a date with. You wanted to shout it from the rooftop asking everyone in the vicinity if they knew who this man was, but you kept your cool, or so you thought. Your nerves were dissipating, and the conversation flowed a little more freely from you after a glass of wine. You asked Jake which of his guitars was his favorite to play while remembering seeing a few different ones in those videos from years before. He gave you a quizzical look, 'How do you know I have more than one I play?’ he questioned. 

You quickly tried to cover your tracks “well, don’t most guitarists have a few different options for their instruments?” you quipped quickly. As the conversation continued, and you both found your way through ‘getting to know you’ subjects,  he knew most of your information, and you his. You found yourselves some twenty minutes later with fresh drinks for both of you, and your meals delivered and waiting in front of you. The conversation lulled a little while you both ate but you kept finding yourself locking eyes with Jake throughout your meal. When you were almost finished eating, Jake asked if you would like to go over to the tavern part of the restaurant for a few more cocktails, people watching, and maybe some dancing. You happily agreed, and decided that you were full, and ready to spend a little more one on one time with Jake enjoying the evening. 

You found yourself seated at a corner booth in the back of the tavern, leaned into each other laughing, and having great conversations. You had quickly ran through all of the getting to know you topics and now had started an interesting game of truth or dare. Not yet fully loosened by the wine, you naturally chose truth, to which Jake bulldozed your safe assumptions and asked a sexual question. “I don’t really know if I prefer giving or getting head”, you said not embarrassed at all, Jake sat watching you with a nervous smile. “I enjoy knowing that I am giving someone pleasure, as much as I enjoy getting it.  To see who you are with coming undone at your hands is just something special” you said while trying not to break eye contact with him, but ultimately failing and looked down at your hands wringing in your lap.

You heard Jake’s light hearted snicker, when you returned your eyes to meet his, those beautiful coffee colored, soulful eyes stared straight through you as he licked his lips, causing what felt like an electric shock to shoot straight to your core. This man knew what he was doing. Your cheeks flushed pink as you remember some of those observations, and insinuations from those stories you had read about him long ago. He was so charming, and eloquent with his words, and actions. There was no way this man was real, and there was definitely no way this man was flirting with you just now. “I just realized how adorable it is when you get flustered.” Jake breathed at you. 

In this moment you can’t help but to laugh incredulously. No way this is happening you thought. “You really are one to talk about me being flustered when you couldn't handle me talking about blowjobs earlier” you whispered back at him. And you saw his pupils dilate with that comment. You noticed the red flush on his cheeks, him scratching his neck, and all the other little nervous tells that Jake was exhibiting at that moment. Surely this man could not be embarrassed by your innocent enough comments? You giggled, and mindlessly reached over to lay your hand on his forearm, and Jake became rigid, and couldn’t seem to meet your eyes for contact. You pulled your hand away when you realized what was happening, and that Jake is probably a little uncomfortable if this really was his first date since his breakup a year earlier. 

“Sorry” you murmured, casting your eyes down to your drink as you wrapped both hands tightly around your glass. Out of your periphery vision you saw Jake reaching out to your hand, and you looked up meeting his soft gaze. “Hey sweetness, I'm sorry, I don’t want to make this weird, I  am really enjoying my time with you, and I just don’t want to try to rush you into feeling the same.” Jake affirmed. You felt your cheeks flame with the tell tale peachy tones of embarrassment again, how could he think that you weren't enjoying yourself? “Why would you think I am not enjoying my time with you?” you blurted. 

Jake wore a wide smile as he looked at you searching your face for any sign of indifference from what you had just said. You watched him for a few more minutes, but honestly this man is so beautiful you could stare at him endlessly. Suddenly you hear the bartenders begin to make last call before shutting down for the evening. You glanced at your phone screen and realized it is only about 11:30. You groaned with frustration that your time with Jake is being cut off, and he seemed to be just as disappointed with your time being cut short as well. You started to gather your things, and reached for your phone again to order an uber. Jake reached over and laid a hand on your wrist “what are you doing after this?” he questioned. 

You told him your titillating plans of heading home, taking a shower, changing into sleep clothes, and watching a movie until you fell asleep. When you looked back up at him there was a hopeful glint in his eye. “Would you like to come back to the hotel with me, instead? We can order room service snacks, work our way through the minibar,  and watch a movie” he suggested to you in a hopeful tone like he thought you might decline. You had come to find  that “no” was an unavailable term for your vocabulary of the evening. After a short uber ride spent fumbling nervously through fleeting glances, and shy touches you found yourself nervously entering the lobby of the hotel with Jake as he grabbed your hand and ushered you along to the elevator. 

Once the doors of the elevator closed you could feel his eyes burning into you. You looked back at Jake over your shoulder, trying to give him your best sultry look. Within seconds of turning back around to face the doors, you could feel the heat of his close proximity, and smell his mouth watering cologne as he had stepped mere inches from your back. You could feel the little puffs of air coming out of his mouth hitting the back of your head as you willed yourself not to turn around and throw yourself at him. You gasped as you felt his finger tips sliding up from your thigh to your waist. You had to fight every urge in your body not to lean back into him. With any luck tonight, you would not be going home any time soon. Finally, you felt the elevator come to a stop, and the door chimed signaling its impending opening.

The door chiming seemed to dissipate all the tension felt in this little bubble you were occupying, and you exited the door to step out into the hallway and waited for Jake to instruct you on which way to go. He exited the elevator quickly, grabbing your hand as he passed. You happily followed him like the proverbial lamb being led to slaughter,  imagining all of the things he was surely about to do to you. You felt the wetness pooling at your entrance just from him touching you, and the lustful, drunken look, and heavy lidded eyes you found looking back at you.  You simply couldn’t help yourself as you pulled him back into you, and wrapped your arms around him in a half hug, quickly smashing your lips against his even though you were both still fumbling to make your way down the hallways to his room

Finally after what felt like you had been walking forever down endless hallways, you felt Jake come to an abrupt stop in front of you, and looked up to realize you are at the doors to the penthouse. You watched as he pulled the key card out and opened the door, slowly while ushering you inside. The door no sooner clicked shut that he had you pinned up against the wall beside the door. Rushing tongues, roaming hands, and soft little moans and grunts filled the space. You slowly realized where you were and what was happening, and backed away. Jake asked you what was wrong, “absolutely nothing, I just need a minute…. and to pee” you responded. 

You quickly excused yourself after asking for the location of the bathroom, and locked yourself away for a moment of reprise to gather your thoughts, and fight those fan-girl demons back into the deepest corners of your mind again. You quickly relieved yourself, and while washing your hands you caught your reflection in the mirror. Your lips were swollen and mascara was slightly smudged, so you took a quick second to fix it. You exited from the bathroom to find Jake sitting on the small couch and chairs located in the room, with a table full of snacks and miniature liquor bottles lined up and waiting. He was perusing through the apps on the TV to try to find something to watch. He saw you walking and motioned for you to come sit by patting the couch cushion beside him. 

You found yourself fighting the urge to run at a full sprint to shorten the distance. “I’m so glad you agreed to come with me tonight” Jake said as he moved to relax leaning into you, moving his hand to rest on your thigh. You bit your bottom lip to suppress the noise you wanted to make, and he noticed the tightening of your thigh muscles. “Nervous?” he questioned you with a sultry side eye. You let your lip slip out from between your teeth, and answered him by leaning over and cupping his cheek, pulling him into a chaste, slow, sweet kiss. Slowly, the kiss became heated, and you felt yourself shift onto your knees on the couch so you were facing Jake leaning into him completely. His hands moved from resting on your thigh, to grabbing you by your hips, pulling you forward to him. 

His kiss found its way down to your throat, and he rocked you forward again, pulling you into his lap completely. You moved slowly coming to straddle his thighs, as you found yourself rocking subconsciously to try to find any friction you can. Jake explored until he found that little spot just below your ear, and a soft moan escaped your lips. “Oh, she likes that” slipped from his mouth. You suddenly felt like your core is full of butterflies at the sound and context of his statement. His voice dropped a little deeper, and had the most delicious sultry rasp to it, telling you that he was turned on, in case the hardening length you could feel brushing into you from below your ass was not enough to clue you in. 

You closed your eyes from the feelings. “Deep grounding breaths y/n”, you kept repeating to yourself. “You can do this, he is just a man, a nice, normal man, just like any other person.”, but your inner mantra was shot all to hell as soon as you opened your eyes to see him staring at you with that look in his eye. It’s like he had you in a trance that you will not be breaking out of anytime soon, with all of those imaginative ideas and speculations from those stories running through the back of your mind. Long story short, you were putty in his hands, waiting for any direction he would give. “What do you want, Sir?” you asked him as you nervously bit your lip, looking up at him through your lashes. Jake instantly started laughing, like a full blown belly laugh. 

You sat back a little shocked and looked down at your lap while you tried to figure out what was happening. “You really did not just say that?” He giggled as he leaned back a little, and nudged your chin up so you were looking back at him. “This isn't an audition for a starring role in 50 shades of Grey, love”. His comment had you a little shocked. The way this man demands attention while he is playing his guitar on stage with all of the thrusting he does, and the way he gets bossy if something goes wrong would only lead you to believe that he was definitely into “sir” or “daddy”, but you let it go, along with any other expectations you thought you had for the night, and just followed his lead. Jake pulled you back in, and rested his forehead against yours while looking down at your lips as he slowly reached out and traced your cheek. “Do you still want me?” he breathed out. 

This completely knocked you off of your game. There is absolutely no universe where you could ever not want him, in any capacity. You reached out slowly and hooked your hand around the back of his neck, and pulled him in and slowly caressed his lips with yours. Jake hummed into your mouth, and you started getting comfortable again, moving your hands to explore his chest, down his abdomen until your hands sat resting on the button of his pants. Jake’s hands snaked back down your sides from your face until they settled onto your hips again, gripping into the area there, and pulling you closer causing you to rock on his lap, and again you feel his hard cock brush up against your core. 

A small whimper escaped your throat, and you could feel Jake’s hungry eyes on you. You reached down and began trying to unbutton his slacks, but that proved difficult given your current positions. Slowly, you rose up standing between Jake’s knees. You reached down to the hem of your sweater pulling it over your head, trying to boost your own confidence while doing so. It was now that you remembered that it was laundry day 2 days ago, and you still had not done it, so you are bra-less, which only seemed to drive Jake crazy. You leaned down to place a low teasing kiss on his lips, and he grabbed you by the back of your neck, and brought you back into his lap, pulling himself even closer to you than before. 

Rocking his hips into you, as you searched for any little bit of friction you could get. You reached down again this time to the hem of his shirt, pulling it open and pushing it past his shoulders and off his arms. Carelessly, Jake hooked his arms under your thighs, and he scooped you up to flip over so he was on top of you now. He stood up and removed his pants, left only in his navy tight fitting boxers and crawled back on top of you. He knelt over you and slowly brought his fingers dragging up your side to find the outer curve of your breast with one hand, while his other hand came to rest cradling your jaw, and pushing up to extend your neck to him. He began working your neck over with light sucking, little kisses, and nibbled his way up to your ear. 

Another small whimper escaped your lips, and you felt the wetness pooling at your entrance. You tried so hard not to move your hips, and hold still, but you were losing the battle searching for any type of friction you can achieve to lessen the ache you felt for him. You heard Jake let out a small snicker, and knew he had noticed your movements. His hand that was on your breast started a slow drag down your stomach towards your center. He took his time getting there, dragging the anticipation out, causing your mind to become lost in the lusty haze that was overtaking you. Slowly, he hooked one finger into the waistband of your leggings, and began the slow drag down your legs, until you felt them slip off your ankles, and he threw them over his shoulder. It was him now that you heard the moan come from as he realized that you were completely laid bare before him. 

You look at him, just in time to catch his eyes completely blown out, and a slow lick of his lips and ragged breath as he took you in. These actions gave you the confidence to reach out to him, and palm him through his boxers. Jake let out a guttural noise at the friction you were providing him. Quickly you hooked your fingers in his waistband, and pushed them down. You got them just low enough that his cock sprang free of his boxers with an audible slap as it hit his abdomen. As soon as that happened, Jake dove into action grabbing the waistband of his boxers, and finished removing them himself. He knelt on the couch and grabbed your ankle to pull you closer to where he was. When he got you where he wanted you, he pushed your knees back and out opening you up to him, and his gaze.

 Putting you on full display for him. You again caught the ragged breath he drew in, and him licking his lips. He laid flat on his stomach, and started kissing your inner thigh, nipping with his teeth along the way slowly up your thigh towards where you wanted him the most. He stopped, and you feel cool air blow across your hot center, and almost as soon as this registers, you feel his lips and teeth moving down your other thigh. “Jake, don’t tease me!” you whined. You felt his fingers ghost over your now throbbing clit, and glide down through your folds, and backup to circle your clit once more, causing an involuntary buck of your hips. Then he removed his touch completely from you. You look down searching for his eyes just in time to see him slip his fingers into his mouth and suck on them as he closed his eyes and let out a satisfied hum. 

You felt yourself clench around nothing just from witnessing his actions. When he opened his eyes again, he had that look in his eye like a man starved and you are the finest meal ever presented to him. He quickly runs his hands under your ass, and lifted you up so that he could bury his face in your core with fervor. Jake lapped at you like a man possessed. You felt him wrap his lips around your clit with a light suction, and then he started shaking his head and you felt it. That slow burning sensation in your stomach and pressure starting to build in your core, like an unused muscle burns after strenuous use. “Oh god, Jake right there, just like that, don’t stop!” Jake pulled back just enough to suck in a gasping breath and growl “C’mon sweetness, let me have it”, and you feel his ring and middle finger slide into your center and ever so lightly he started hooking them up in that delicious come here motion, as he reattached his mouth to you. 

Just as moans and whimpers started to pour out of your mouth you felt the vibrations as he hummed into you, and you felt yourself falling over the edge, writhing against his face. Jake let his grip on your ass fall, and wrapped his arm around your thighs to hold you against him, so you couldn’t pull away. He didn’t let up in his actions, and your pleasure is starting to give way to a stinging pain. “Easy Jake, it's starting to hurt” you told him, but he only moved that much faster, and slowly you felt the pleasure began to ebb and flow throughout your core again, and so fast you were teetering on the edge again, but the pressure is different than any other time before. You opened your mouth to tell him to stop, but the only sound that came out of you was a ragged gasp as the coiling pressure snapped, and your screams started. 

You felt so much pressure, and then you heard your arousal splashing onto Jake’s face and chest, as he started to slow his movements, and then slowly he let go of you, and pulled away completely, dropping you back down to the couch roughly as he began his climb back up your body. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and kissed him hard, with all the passion you could muster. You could taste yourself on his tongue as you hissed as you felt his tip graze through your folds, and slide to your entrance. “That was the hottest fucking thing I have ever seen” he whispered into your mouth as you bit his bottom lip. He plunged his hips forward, and you felt him slide into you all the way until he is nestled right up to your cervix. It was the most full you had ever felt. You knew at this moment that this is the one that you will never recover from. 

No one else will ever be able to make you feel this way. Slowly Jake began to move, and you felt like the air had been knocked out of you. He takes his time allowing you to adjust to his size. Eventually setting the perfect mind blowing pace, and hitting all of those deep spots that no one before has ever been able to get. As soon as you start to move your hips to meet his thrusts, he gasped a moan. You opened your eyes to meet his gaze, and he looked at you with the same look of someone who just got caught doing something they know is wrong, and you felt it. The warmth settling inside you. He just came. Literally after less than two minutes, this guitar god just came undone at your hands. He dropped his head and buried it at the junction of your neck and shoulder. He couldn’t bring himself to look at you. 

The heat of his cheeks burned into your shoulder, as a misplaced giggle escaped your mouth. He pulled back to look at you with his brows knitted, and a questioning look in his eyes. “Did you really just laugh at me?” he grumbled. “I made sure you came first, what more do you want?” he scoffed at you incredulously, as he simultaneously pulled out and rolled off of you, and pushed your legs around to force you to turn and sit beside him on the couch. “You don't have to be an ass about it, we’ve been drinking, and I don’t know about you, but I’m not the type that does this regularly, Jake” you stated. “I happen to take this as a very high form of a compliment, that you couldn’t hold yourself together for me.”

He allowed his eyes to glance in your direction with an apologetic look. “You’re right, in my line of work, the best I usually have time for is a little one on one time with myself rushed through the shower at best” he smirked. “Not much alone time when you basically live on tour with your brothers” and there was his beaming smile again, with a tint of red to his cheeks. “Well, you’ll just have to be sure to be better prepared the next time you do this” you said as you gathered your clothes and moved towards the bathroom to gather yourself and head out. “You’re leaving?” he asked, sounding a little morose. “Uh, yeah… it’s after three now, and I have to be at work at the diner by eight a.m.” you told him. Jake reluctantly agreed to letting you call an uber instead of him driving you after you reminded him you had both been drinking heavily.

You kept catching yourself starting to doze off while sitting with Jake waiting for your uber to arrive. He had wrapped his arm around your middle, and pulled you against his chest, with his head rested on top of yours as he absentmindedly played with the ends of your hair.”What if I told you that I would like to see you again?” he questioned as he kissed the top of your head. Were you dreaming right now? Did you hear him right? Surely not, so you say nothing. You felt his hand come up around your jaw. He hooked his fingers under your chin and tilted your head up to look at him, and again said “I would very much like to see you again” with the sweetest look on his face, and his beautiful brown eyes looking into your own. You couldn’t help but feel the heat of your cheeks flaming at his admission, and you tried your best to hide your internal freak out happening in your head. 

There could be no way that this man was genuinely interested in you. Your heart wanted to say yes, but your brain kept telling you that it was just a hookup for when he was back in the area. That's all rock stars really wanted, right? “We’ll just have to see about that” is the best response you could come up with. Jake furrowed his brows, and looked away slightly like he couldn’t believe you just said that. “Well can we at least exchange numbers so we can keep in touch, I really like you” Jake declared as your phone vibrated, alerting you that your uber was outside waiting on you. You sat up, slipping your shoes on, and Jake rose to his feet, handing you your purse. You opened your phone up to add new contact information, and handed it to him. He took the phone, and quickly typed in his name and number, then sent himself a text so he had your number too. He held your hand as he walked you down to the car waiting outside for you, and pulled you into the sweetest hug you have ever felt, and kissed the top of your head again. “Please text me and let me know that you get home safely” he begged as he let go of you, and you turned away getting into the car, leaving into the night.

Well, here we are... I am not sure how soon I will post the next part. I plan on a weekly schedule, but I am that person that may not be able to wait.. I can't buy presents early either because I want to gift them immediately. We will have to see, lol! How was it? It was a bit of a wild ride, but the next part is more of a wild ride, I promise!

@writingcold @takenbythemadness @ignite-my-fire @thewritingbeforesunrise @katuschka @its-interesting-van-kleep @lvnterninthenight @jakekiszkasbuttsweat @fleet-of-fiction

[littlefoxkota]

What do you think are Noah’s favorite phrases during the nasty?

Noah is a dominate man and no one can change my mind. im sorry. shoutout to my beloved @as-above-so-below1000 for my inspiration on this.

NSFW under the cut ◡̈

“can you be a good girl and get on your knees for me?”

“why don’t you shut up and put your mouth to work?”

“fuck look at you, swallowing me whole baby”

“i don’t think i heard you baby. can you say repeat that?”

“i’m real tired of you attitude. do i need to fuck it out of you? is that it? will that bring my sweet girl back?”

“oh i know what’ll fix your attitude. knees baby, show me how sorry you are and maybe i’ll give you my cock after.”

“you feel that? that’s my cock in your guts”

“your pussy was made for me”

“god can hear her crying for me”

“aw baby look at you. crying on my cock”

“can you give me one more angel?”

“open your eyes. wanna see you when you fall apart on my cock”

“come on baby, i feel you squeezin me why don’t you let go”

“oh good girl. good girl, cum for me”

“oh are you close, honey? too bad. hold it.”

“can’t hold it? that sucks baby, better fucking hold it.”

[littlefoxkota]

idk what this is but it’s filthy and i’m here for it

he’s needy, whiny, and can’t shut the fuck up but oh so so so sweet ??

the ending sucks but it what it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

noah who gets so needy when he gets home from tour. he drops his bags by the front door and immediately makes his way towards you who’s waiting by the front door. doesn’t even give you time to say hello just grabs your face and gives you the most passionate, wet, panty dropping kiss.

noah who can’t even make it to his room. he just takes you to the living room and sets you on his lap on the couch, for him to pull of your (his) shirt and leave marks along your collarbone and chest. he gets fed up with it, flips you under him after he’s pulled his shirt off, and pins you to the couch with his hips between your legs pressing his cock against your heat.

noah who doesn’t even let you or him get fully undressed just pulls his boxers down enough to get his cock out as he slides your panties to the side. he’s gonna play with you, sliding his ring and pointer against your sopping core. he gently thrusts them, immediately finding your sweet spot. he’s gonna be so mouthy too telling how good you’re being and how wet you are. he picks up the pace of his thrusts and gets so whiny when you get close to your release, he just “wants to see you fall apart on his fingers sweetness, he needs it so bad. you’re doing so fucking good for him.” and as you fall apart he’s physically whining about needing to be in you so bad it hurts.

noah who flips you over and pulls your panties down just enough for him to slide home, he’s so out of it as he sinks down into you. he’s mumbling incoherently and moaning as he slips inch after inch inside your tight little cunt. he lets you adjust but he’s just so antsy that he’s inside of you he can’t sit still. as you give him the okay to move he whimpers grabs your hips and starts moving. he’s wanted, needed this since he left for tour. as his pace starts to pick us so does his mouth telling you how much he missed you, how “next time you’re coming with him so he can have this all the time.” saying that “your pretty little pussy was made for him.” “she missed me huh pretty girl?” all of this sends you over the edge and your gummy walls tightening sends noah off right after you. he pulls out and comes all over your back and ass.

noah who’s aftercare is so sweet. especially when he comes home. he’s gonna pick you up carry you to the bathroom and shower with you. all the kisses and reassurance you need. y’all WILL wash each others hair. then it’s off to bed for the both of you !!

[littlefoxkota]

did u guys know this photo hurts from all angles

[littlefoxkota]

"You like it when I make these filthy noises?"

Noah Sebastian x f!reader

content: 18+ NSFW, MDNI, descriptive explicit smut, unprotected sex, spanking/bruising/slight pain, choking (kinda), lots of swearing, ..

a/n: english is not my first language, forgive me if there are any mistakes ♡

Exhaustion slowly crept in my clothes. My foot on the cushion was the only thing holding me up as I lazily swung the chair left to right, ignoring the annoying sound it made against the side of the desk. The cap on my head was dangerously dimming the light that kept me up. Though the faint chatter and laughter in the studio was remarkably soothing and silently snoozing me to rest.

A hard pat disrupt my sleepy eyes, "wake up moonshine!" The scare woke me straight up.

"Auw! Fuck you Jolly,.. aren't you supposed to leave to the bar with your little buddy?" I bite while stretching my back, my foot slipping to the ground. Jolly starts laughing and glances over to Folio,

"What did you call me?" Folio jumps in. "You heard me, little one" I smirk while lazily turning the chair at his direction.

A laugh erupts from him, "little one? Come here" Folio comes at me and points at the ground, daring me to stand up. "You're not even taller than me!" he says smug.

Matt and Nicky weren't bothered at all, as they were watching us with jaded eyes. They sat straight on the sofa across from us, ready to go home and call it a night.

"Are you sure 'bout that?" I disputed as I jumped up, defending my claim. "Don't fucking cheat!" I smirked while patting him on the top of his head. He was secretly stretching his toes.

"You're both nuggets," Jolly comes between us trying to end our quarrel. "Come on Folio, the beer ain't gonna stay cold forever."

After some poking, pulling and tugging at each other, Folio called truce. He knows he can't win.

We're both huffing from our playful squabble as he swings his arms tight around me. "See you tomorrow" I try to speak while he's definitely trying to crush my lungs.

"Bye guys" Jolly winks, "Oh and, you two behave okay, miss and mister 'we don't feel like going out'. " Folio jokes.

"Bye Foliooo.. " I blustered. "Love you, Nicky" I yelled after Rufillo, who was already down the hall with the gang on his heels.

This left me and Noah alone at our home-studio. Finally. Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely bunch. I love them with all my heart but boy, they can be a lot. Especially when you're up with them since this morning.

"What was that all about," Noah comes crawling out of the voice-recording room, gniffling at our silly, little bickering.

"Well, just Folio being Folio.." I sigh slightly amused. Noah comes up to me after I lump back down on my beloved chair, and leans in for a kiss. "How about a little break, and then", he pouts his lips "just a few more lines?", trying to convince while hovering over me and fondles at my chin.

"Uh-huh, you know I can't say no to you.. I'll get us something," I jump up and motion to the doorway, "Coffee or tea?"

"Double extra strong coffee please, with a little pinch of you" He answers sweetly, giving me the Noah-twinkly eyes. I wink and blow him a kiss before turning round the corner.

"Okay, babe, let's see." Noah says as he unlocks the laptopscreen that was in front of us on the desk, while taking a sip of our well-needed caffeine.

He puts his headset over his cap while doing a quick scroll through the dozens of files.

From my time with the lads in the studio, I've learned a thing or two about recording. Always with assistence of course, but I'd done it a few times. Now, the perfectionist that he is, Noah just needed to record a few more lines tonight. He wasn't content leaving it until tomorrow. He can't control it. So leaving just the two of us, he trusted that task to me, all in my green hands.

He rattles out a quick recap of the technical side, just for my selfassurance. "You can do this, baby", and gave me a kiss on the head.

Noah left to the other side of the window, while I do a quickly rerun of his words in my head. Headset on, mic adjusted, eyes on the task. "Ready when you are" Noah's voice sounds through the headset, so crystal clear it shook me just a little.

"Wow,.. your new mic is insane. I didn't know your voice could sound even more divine" I flirt while glaring at him through the glass.

"Wait until you hear me whisper," He says while eyeing over to me, with a slightly quieter, persuasive voice.

"Don't get me riled up, Mr Sebastian. We got work to do, don't we?" My eyes playfully stinging his.

"Yes, Miss" He chuckles, "Let's get to work then."

I needed to kill this. He puts his trust in me so as I convinced myself I could ignore how enticing Noah sounded in my ears, I ask "Okay, guide me, which one you wanna do first?"

"In Jolly's notebook should be a page with all the tracks and lines I wanted to redo. I say we start with the first one and see how far we get?"

"Aye aye, sir"

After a few trials, I got a good grip on how to do this efficiently. We recorded vocal after vocal, until Noah was satisfied. He's such a nit-picker. I mean this is the bestest way, but I was so relieved when he finally decided on how to pronounce and vocalize one single word.

"Baby, this sounds sick. I'm so excited for the final tracks." I praise through the mic, while beholding his captivating energy. His newfound confidence is dangerously attractive.

All these sounds coming from him, made it hard to focus though. Every breath, sigh and lick of his lips reached my ears hyper-concentrated, sending a hot shiver through my body. It became a struggle to deny the damp spot that was spreading in my panties. The passion with which he sings, isn't doing any favor to deminish the lust, too. I'm watching every facial movement he makes meticulously. The way his lips curl, the way his eyes speak with the words. And on top of that, a few minutes into recording he lost his hoodie so he was left in this loose white shirt with cut-out sleeves, his bare side in full view.

I know, I'm not new to this look. But still, every time my eye finds him, it sets a fire ablaze.

His body sways with the words, the muscles in his shoulders tense with every breath, and his tatted fingers frisk along with the words on his stomach.

Every time he wets his lips, the soft smack screams sex.

Ignoring all the signs, I try to keep up. "Next up, it says 'harsh vocal chorus track 9', you got that sheet?" Noah's going through the papers in front of him, "Yup, I'll do the first 2 lines and then end with the guttural, then the bridge is also full harsh vocal"

"Okay, ready"

Did I say I was ready? This was something else. I never heard this deep, harsh guttural from this close. It sounded almost carnal. So brutal and violent. I could feel the vibration trail along my skin, almost giving me goosebumps. Fuck.

I was mesmerized, it completely consumed my consciousness and it echoed in my mind along with the pounding of my heart. In the blink of an eye everything froze when I hear,

"Babe, did you just moan in my ear?" Noah looks at me through the glass, with a fucking straight face. I probably looked shook as hell, when he disrupted my state of absence. My cheeks flushed hot as I failed to answer.

Noah stops and takes off his headset, but the mic still catches a faint 'fucking hell' before he turns and starts marching towards the closed door.

Fuck, he is definitely mad. I probably didn't record that last line, fuck, I fucked up the track.

The loud cling of the metal doorhandle resonates in the room before he storms in. His hand slams onto the edge of the back of the chair, making the wheels shoot back. I, still silent, am looking at him with eyes wide like a deer in headlights.

I fall back against the cushion while his hands land with full force on the armrests right beside me. I was shivering with adrenaline and aniticipation. The only thing I could focus on are his wide, angry pupils and the flexed muscles prancing in the corner of my eyes, whom are supporting his weight as he hovers over me. You could cut the suspense with a knife.

"You like it when I make these filthy noises?" He finally spoke, furious with lust, his face only inches from mine.

I was lost for words.

Before I could comprehend what was happening, Noah had picked me up and was carrying me with brute force towards the big table. He clears the surface of its clutter with one, fast wipe of his hand, and drops me on the edge. Tauntingly gentle he pushes me back, and looks me straight in the eye as I fall at his mercy.

"You're such a naughty girl," Noah speaks while observing me, eyeing up and down my still covered body, like a predator over his prey. "You know how fucking hard it was to concentrate with you saying my name through that mic, all needy and horny.. Didn't think I noticed?"

I can only whine, desire took over.

He gets his hands on the ridge of my pants and pulls it down, hungry to press his lips on my warm, blushed skin. Electricity rushes through my spine when he bites his teeth in the sensitive skin of my thighs. My panties were without a doubt dripping by now. I raise on my elbows to tear off my shirt, leaving only my bra.

He bites his lip as if he's figuring out what to do with me.

"Fuck you're so beautiful" he grunts. His big hands are all over me. When his eye fell on the black fabric that was covering my breasts, he lets out the most hungry growl and doesn't waste a moment to drag the bralette over my head.

"God, so fucking perfect" My breasts fall slightly to the sides while his eyes grow full black. He picks up one leg and pulls me close to him. "Hearing you so close was so fucking hot," I pant, "how was I supposed to keep my focus". The moment he leans in, I feel his hard cock teasing through his trousers. A high pitched moan raises from me as I needily grind against the swell. His name shots out of me, like a sudden pull on the trigger.

His large hands cup my breasts, and electricity sparks through my veins when he gently pinches my soft nipples between his fingers. My back arches up, and all movements I made became uncontainable. His lips were exploring every bit of skin he could grab onto. His wet tongue slides up my neck, erraticly searching for a new spot to devour. He slides down leaving a wet trail down my chest and when he's at my nipples, his hunger went carnal. He sucks and bites the sensitive bud before flicking his tongue up and down. Fuck, he knows exactly what he's doing. Every circle with his tongue makes my legs twitch with desire. "Oh, please, Noahh.. " I beg him.

"Please what, Angel?" He slurs while moving to my other nipple. I'm whining as I'm trying to speak,

"I need you.., I need to feel you inside me, I.. need you to fuck me"

A guttural cry raises from his throat and gets up to tear my panties over my knees.

He's cussing and praising when he sees me spread out in front of him.

Never so quick his pants and shirt land on the floor. The moment he lowers his shorts, I am beside myself. My pussy is throbbing and my legs cling together. The sight alone had me seeing stars.

"Fuck, you're soaking wet. So wet just for me"

He glares down at me and his eyes went pitch black. Without inhibition he bends over and presses his tongue flat against my wet slit, in one slow, entrancing brush. I choke on my breath and my hand promptly reaches for his hair. "Fuck, y/n, you're so fucking delicious."

I was starving for more but that thought quickly vanished when I opened my eyes. Noah stood back up in front of me, brushing his hard cock in his hand. I hiss and all I can express is his name. His other hand is cinched on the inked skin on my waist, and he looks me straight in the eyes.

He hisses and his eyes roll back along with his head, when he brushes the tip of his cock against my soaked pussy. "Holy fuck," the cursewords uncontrollably gush out of his mouth. A dim gleam of light reveals the sweat that's starting to form on his stretched neck, illuminating the sharp ridge of his jaw, the hand and the apple.

His lips are wet with desire when he bends over and rushes them on mine. Our tongues collide with magnetic force. He's sucking and pulling at my pierced lip, biting down on the jewel which is driving me and him both insane.

Then he finally moves his hips and fills me instantly. Loud moans fly around the room, as he thrusts in and out. I pull up my legs and swing them over his arms. His veiny, tensed biceps glisten in my sight.

With everything in his power he tries to slow down. He wanted, needed to savour this delirious feeling. His thrusts are deep, hitting that perfect spot but so damn slow.

"Baby I need to feel all of you," he speaks sounding so desperate,

"I need you to stand up and bend over" Though he said it not in a demanding way, more like begging me to please do that for him. He needed to feel every piece of my body.

I blindly surrender all of me. For him to do as he fucking pleases.

Sturdy I clamp my hands around the edge of the table and hollow my back, swaying my butt against Noah's front.

The emptiness has me starving as I push back against his hard cock, needing more.

While his hot breath is fanning over my neck, his hand reaches down and glides along the skin between my breasts all the way to my throat, and pins it there. In sync his other hand lands on the low of my back and slides down over my ass, squeezing the plump skin for just a moment. Then smack, a loud whine shoots out of my mouth as the hit startled me,

"Fuck, was that too hard baby?"

I whimper, "Harder!"

He hisses, and spanks me again, and again. The sounds as sharp as the feeling. The sting made me tear up, and cry out but fuck it felt so good.

"You sound so beautiful, y/n, fuck"

He brushes over the raw skin before trailing his fingers down onto my wet slit. I'm dying from impatience when he stills his fingers and starts grinding his shaft against the faint bruise. This man is the devil, or fucking God himself.

His breath accelerates when he finally proceeds. My walls clench around his fingers when he teases my dripping, aching pussy so excruciatingly slow. Slowly he slides in, and drags out even slower. My legs begin to shake and my eyes already fell shut. His grip at my throat thightens when his wrist moves faster. He curles his fingers inside me, and that was the last straw. I can't hold out any longer. "Noahh, please" I beg him.

He pulls me up by my throat and presses me against his chest. His lips are barely touching my ear, when he says "You gotta tell me what you want, baby"

"I.. "

"Tell me, Angel"

"I need you to ruin me.. "

Didn't need to say that twice.

One last draw of his fingers, one loud whine from his chest. Fuck, his whiny voice is so fucking pretty. If he wasn't holding me up, I would be down on my knees.

From this moment, hell broke loose. All brakes went down the drain.

Without warning his length spreads me open and hits my core. The hand at my throat starts to get sore and painful, but it was everything I needed. He's digging his hips into me while his grunts become more hoarse and angry with every thrust.

I swing my head to the side and accidentally catch Noah's reflection in the window. Fuck, I'm watching as his hips slam into me, his hair stroking his face, while the sensation of his weary breath fanning over my back is killing me. Scratching his nails on my back, over my spine, before slamming me against the spot where the marks from earlier are still hot.

The room is barely lit but the slight gleam on the silhouette of his bulky arms, his perfect perky ass thrusting back and forth, is enough to paralyze me.

All sound went numb, the thudding of the table against the wall, the shrieking of its legs. Only Noah's raspy voice gallowing through the room, and the slapping of our wet skin. Like the sound of my favorite song.

"Babe, I'm so close.." he pants, "Ar.. are you?" almost unable to speak,

"Noah,.. cum inside me,"

"Angel, fuck.. "He cries with the last deep thrust and his warm release fills me up.

"Baby, I'm.. almost, just .." Before I can finish my sentence, he pulls out and rushes in front of me. He lifts himself on the table and carries me with him. "Come here, baby" He chokes out while throwing himself on his back.

This was exactly what I needed. Fuck.

I'm practically drooling as I watch his glistening cock fall onto his stomach, covered and dripping with his cum.

My knees fall against both sides of his torso and my hands can't stand another second away from his chest. My fingers frantically graze over his neck and tug at his hair. His sinful lips lure me towards them, and I can only but moan and press mine against them, while he sucks until blood builds to the surface. My hands are all over his face while his restless fingers urge inside me. His auburn eyes cut into me and his mouth pants unholy words.

I'm screaming while his fingers destroy me. The palm of his hand slams against my clit and I'm mumbling, worshipping him, as his speed is searing. The only thing holding me up is his hand pinned under my hip.

"Holy sh.. oh my god.. Noah.. Noah!!" I soil his fingers with his name on my lips.

His sweet words and moans carry me through my release before my arms give in and his heaving body catches my fall.

It takes us a few minutes to retrieve, and drift back to the realisation we still live on earth.

We're both spread across the table, limbs intertwined, eyes on the ceiling while the humidity sticks to our skin.

"I guess that was an answer to my question.." he speaks after a few minutes. "You clearly like my filthy noises" He says while dripping with smugness.

I burst out in laughter. I forgot about that part of our eventful evening. "I guess there's no point in denying? "

"Well lucky us, we got a whole album to finish."

When the giggles faded, rest found us. I think we dazed off for a few minutes, I couldn't guess how much time had passed but the usually invading shadows from headlights traded their place for silver lined moonlight.

Noah's sleepy yet sweet voice interrupts the silence,

"Y/n?"

"Yes, sweety?"

He turns his head facing mine, I can not but stare at his lips when they speak,

"I love you so much"

"I love you too" I answer

but these words always fall short.

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I NEED to know your thoughts! 👀❤️‍🔥

I also wouldn't mind kwowing your favorite sentence!! 🙃

But please be gentle (i'm fragile, don't let my words mislead you)

Lots of love xo

NOTE: this is a fictional story. (i do not own any used pictures)

[littlefoxkota]

HELP SHES SO REAL

IM NOT WELL