luca-vents

[luca-vents]

I feel like I’m going more and more insane everyday. I hate being poor. I hate being disabled and i hate being mentally ill. I fucking hate it all and i hate that i cant ever fully let all my steam out. Fuck rage rooms for not being free

[luca-vents]

I’m so fucking tired of existing. I just want to fucking die. Everyone would be so much happier with me gone anyway. They wouldn’t have to worry about a tempermental moron

[luca-vents]

Hey Luca. We’re over him now

Congrats 🥳

I hate being in love with him still but I look forward to the day of being over them

And maybe if he regretted what happened,,, I’d be okay with that too

[luca-vents]

I hate being in love with him still but I look forward to the day of being over them

And maybe if he regretted what happened,,, I’d be okay with that too

[luca-vents]

Sorry 2020

The only thing fucking me is feelings for my ex

[luca-vents]

I have a fear that my ex will ask me how I’m doing

Because I hate lying and also how the fuck do I soften saying “I’ve been talking myself out of suicid3 every night since you dumped me” ?

[luca-vents]

Just found out what went wrong in all of my relationships and,,,

I don’t think this is something that 2am me was ready for

[luca-vents]

No, you’re right. I can’t imagine a world where someone dreams about me.

I can’t imagine a world where someone thinks of me and listens to my voice recordings

I can’t imagine a world where I make any difference whatsoever and it fucking hurts

#and I Know my friends are fucking sick of me being so depressed but I literally can’t help it #i feel like I can’t fucking breathe even when I’m breathing just fine

[luca-vents]

God being trans is so,,, fucking hard

Constantly being misgendered, dead-named, it’s so... tiring. And GOD I hate being in the closet. I hate... god I hate it so much

I keep trying to think about the future where my outside matches my inside and I’m doing so much to try to love myself but.

There’s SO MUCH transphobia on the internet and it’s getting to me. I don’t know what to do or who to cry to. I just want someone to fucking understand.

[luca-vents]

I’m literally so fucking emotional right now.

Just a month ago at night I would hope, pray, (mind you I am not religious but I was desperate) at night that the following day I would not wake up. For whatever reason I would die that night. Be it gas leak or sudden heart attack, I didn’t care. I just wanted more than anything to just,,, die.

This morning I woke up, smiling, texting whom used to be my best friend, and is now boyfriend, how happy I was that he exists.

This morning I woke up, wondering if I was in a dream, if I was really awake because clearly life cannot be this good.

I know I’ve said this several times but I am glad I didn’t kill myself last month. I wouldn’t have known the overwhelming happiness of this month.

[luca-vents]

For example- situation A: I~~~~ really would like my best friend to fall for me. I really, really would. But I don’t have the faintest idea why?

Okay being a dumbass is bullshit

#i mean #ive liked other people in the past but this feels Very different??? #Like i’ve dated people and with him our chemistry is nothing like that? #When I talk to him i get this weirdly warm feeling in my chest that erupts in my body and i cant help but smile and think about him all the #time and i just trust him so completely it scares me sometimes? #i just feel so comfortable and safe around him i just want him around All the time. even when i dont want to talk to people i want to talk #to him. what does it mean?

[luca-vents]

Okay being a dumbass is bullshit

#i think it’s super cute how ppl romantisize it?? but like help #I’m a clueless idiot and it def creates more problems than it solves