lyncesolaris - Tumblr blog

lyncesolaris · 2 years

Text

SHEESH

They loved you, didn't they?

Part 7

Part 6

Remember, you are loved, you are special, you are worth it, your presence matters and you are beautiful.

Tw : manipulation, gaslighting,mentions of SH ,depressing thoughts, attempted suicide.

They loved you ,didn't they?

No they didn't

" Pardon me but that's one of the most lowly thing I've ever heard a human do " Raphael sighed with frowned eyebrows.

" I'm scared Raph" You looked down.

" Don't worry mc, I'm sure we'll find a way out of this." He placed his hand on you head and you'd be lying to yourself if you refused to admit that it was most relaxing feeling you've ever received. Raphael's touch emitted warmth through your whole body. It felt amazing.

Especially after being terrified by Umi , last night. You decided to tell Raphael and Barbatos, the latter getting ready to bring her to his 'secret torture room'. You didn't tell Luke, he's still young to know such cruel things.

Devildom wasn't the same for you anymore. When you had first come to devildom, their was an lively, enthusiastic aura around but now, the air only has a bitter, depressing taste. Maybe this was God's way of punishing you for involving yourself with demons. They were demons for a reason, they were sinners and involving yourself with a sinner was as bad a committing a sin.

You were exhausted. Exhausted of being used by other's for their own asset , exhausted of getting things forced upon you, exhausted of being accused of something you haven't done. Exhausted of everything.

"But.. Barbs.. "

"As much as I hate to say it, this is the only way you can make yourself heard, have revenge for the wrong doing. Trust me "

You stared at your D.D.D . You hadn't replied to barbatos yet, you didn't know what to say . Revenge? Did you really want revenge? Or did you just wanted to let go of all the pain?

Umi had made it an habit of coming in you room and spending hours there, manipulating and gaslighting you in thinking that the others hated you and she was the only one who loved you you'd be nothing without her. It was as if her words were slowly ebbing away the little life that was left in you.

The amount of time Umi spent with you was only getting more every day and it had started bugging the brothers. They started threatening you to leave Umi alone to a point that mammon and you had gotten into a nasty argument and again, Mammon brought up your past, reopening the old wounds and carving new ones.

You had stopped self harm, all the covering up had went into vain since Luke had seen them and the boy had cried his eyes out. You had promised him not to do it every again. That was the saddest you had ever seen Luke. You of course wouldn't hurt his heart, you wouldn't do it again.... Would you?

6 months had passed since Umi first came to Devildom. It was her birthday , the brothers had been planning to make this her most unforgettable birthday ever. They had strictly warned you to stay in your room that day because " We don't want you ruining Umi's special special day with your gloominess " Leviathan sneered.

That was the last push you needed to fall into the ultimate dark abyss. Everyone was downstairs celebrating Umi's birthday while you were in your room, crying into the pillow. Crying every single wound out. You got up, still sobbing and grabbed your bag, searching something. You pulled out a bottle of anti-depressants, you had managed to grab them when you had gone to the human world with Barbatos, without his notice. You had been taking them, without telling anyone. With shaky hands you uncapped the bottle

1 , 2 , 3 .... 10 . Enough to... Enough to....

Should you really do it? Is that what you wanted? To perish away?

You started hearing voices again.

Do it mc

Should I?

They don't need to anyways

Don't you want to be free

You're useless, waste

Maybe.. Just maybe somewhere in their heart, they still had a little love for you .

But no , the way they treated you for the past months, the way they absolutely despised your presence, they didn't. They didn't.

You gulped and brought your hand nearer , yet your mouth trembled to open. You heard the faint voices of everyone singing happy birthday. They were celebrating downstairs while here you were trying to hold on to life , find a meaning to it. Huh! Pathetic .

Your mind went blank for a moment, it was as if voices inside your head were screaming again, but the only change was that this voice was different, this Voice was foreign between the terrifying screams. It was telling you to stop, telling you to live for yourself. Suddenly you snapped back into reality. You don't know why but you felt enraged and threw the pills off your hands, the fall making thud sounds. Your mind raced with thoughts.

'Why? Why should I? Why should I let go of my life for someone who doesn't care about me? Why should I shed tears for someone not worth it? They don't deserve me! I did not deserve this mistreatment! I did not deserve to be used and manipulated! They don't have the right to control my life, my behavior! I WILL NOT THROW AWAY MY LIFE FOR SOMEONE SO INSIGNIFICANT! I am own person, not someone's replica! I am not Lilith, I am Mc, the strong me.'

The malicious voices inside your head started screaming and hurting your head. But no, every has their bottom line and it was far left behind. You wouldn't let anyone control you again. You screamed while holding your head , your mind fighting those voices to leave. you dropped on your knees and panted loudly, everything in the house had went silent.

Suddenly the door knob of your room turned open and Luke with Raphael and Barbatos in tow barged in.

" Mc! " He cried, shocked to see your state.

He ran in your arms, crying. Pillows torn open, matted hair, pills on the floor, stationary lying on the floor, bed messed up, tear dried cheeks and you sweating so profoundly. A lot had happened there.

" Mc are you okay? What happened?! " Raphael was horrified.

" I am okay " You didn't cry anymore. You had won in your head, you had won your own consciousness.

Barbatos smiled to himself and sat beside you. "I suppose you're ready for it? Aren't you Mc? Come on, win yourself , the part of you that you had lost " He held out his hand and you didn't question or think, you took his hand .

The four of y'all went downstairs. Everyone was looking at you.

"Tch. Ya really know how to ruin every moment " Mammon tched at you.

It didn't hurt. You simply looked at him and smiled, sneering a remark, " No Mammon, I'm not you. "

" Whaddya say ?! "

You ignored him and walked towards Umi who was staring hearts at you, No, you would not let yourself go through tha manipulation and blaming. She didn't deserve your love.

When you spoke, their was power in your voice "Oh Umi sweetheart, I suppose everyone gave you your presents, Even I brought I present for you, I know you'll love my present the most "

" Why would Umi want present from a useless human like you " Belphie remarked .

" Well as long as I know, Umi wouldn't want a present from a lazy fucking cow, who's fucking rude to others for no reason and does nothing but laze around and who hated humans for his dead sister having a boo "

Next thing you saw, belphie was in his demon form and was ready to charge at you only to be held back by you .

"STAY" Only one word and Belphegor, the avatar of sloth was restricted of movement.

Your every word dripped venom , " Why? Do you feel enraged? Do you feel traumatized because I brought up your past? I brought up your trauma? How ironic! " You laughed.

You looked back at Umi " You'll LOOOOOVE my present ~ "

You took out your phone and smiled to yourself, well if you were to leave that place, you wanted to make sure you leave a chaos behind.

" So you see Umi , my present is actually something lovely I recorded for you "

Lucifer's patience was running thin .

" Mc you! -" He stopped as you played the recording.

All the events that had happened was spilt one by one . At the end, everyone was silent.

Diavolo was the first one to speak , " Umi, is this true? " There was severity in his voice.

" Diavolo I - "

This time he screamed " I asked, IS THIS TRUE?! "

She flinched and closed her eyes tightly, turning her head away, she said " Yes! YES! THIS IS ALL TRUE , EVERYTHING I SAID IN THIS RECORDING WAS ALL TRUE. AND NONE OF YOU DESERVE MC! NONE OF YOU "

Every one gasped and looked at Umi then back at you. You had a smug look on your face.

Diavolo spoke " Mc -"

You snapped. " Save it Diavolo , save your fake words "

" Mc, I didn't know this -"

" YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SPEAK TO ME LUCIFER, AFTER EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE! WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU! "

Beel was already in tears " Mc, please listen to us"

" NO BEELZEBUB, YOU DON'T GET TO MAKE ME LISTEN TO YOU, YOU AND YOUR BROTHERS ONLY VIEW ME AS AN REPLACEMENT FOR YOUR DEAD SISTER! I'M NOTHING TO YOU! I'M NOT MC TO YOU! I'M ONLY LILITH'S REPLICA TO YOU! YOU AND YOUR BROTHERS THOUGHT THAT I HAD STARTED TO LOVE Y'ALL SO NO MATTER HOW HARD Y'ALL PUSH MY EMOTIONS, I'D NEVER QUESTION Y'ALL , SO WHEN Y'ALL GOT BORED OF ME, YOU SAW THE OPPORTUNITY TO JUST THROW ME AWAY AND HAVE SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE "MC WOULDN'T LEAVE US THEY LOVE US WE LOVE THEM " NO BITCH YOU DON'T LOVE ME! YOU LOVE THE LILITH INSIDE ME " you were in tears, panting. But those weren't tears of sadness, those were tears of anger and pain. You were letting out all the pain inside you.

" I thought you all were angels and demons who had been living for like thousands and thousands of years, but y'all are even stupider than humans. "

" Mc, I am so sorry, I never thought things were this way. Please forgive me "

" You're a disgrace Simeon, never speak of forgiveness to me again, your place isn't in the celestial realm, it's here in the devildom, you deserve to live in agony and guilt "

" Mc, give me one chance to explain. "

" Oh and if it isn't the sorcerer. Aren't you called 'king Solomon the wise'? But turns out the great king Solomon is a fucking idiot. Where is your wisdom ,your majesty ? "

You turned to Diavolo, " I hope your exchange program, the only fucking thing you care about , gets wrecked. I hate you Diavolo. I wish I had a stronger word than hate to describe my loathe for you. "

You turned to the Lucifer.

" Lucifer morningstar, your pride will be your down fall one day. Just the way you turned a disappointed to your father"

And then to Belphegor,

" Now I know why your sister is dead "

Then leviathan ,

" You know what Leviathan, everything you ever said about yourself, it's all true, it's all damn true. You're a shame in the name of demon. "

Satan was next,

" Having knowledge doesn't mean you're intelligent. I've heard about demons manipulating humans but this is my first time seeing a human manipulating demons and even the wisest demon got fooled by her. What a shame. And before you come at me, I'm not a part of someone's detest, I have my own identity, which you, will never. "

You didn't anger or yell at them, you only pulled back their trauma from the deepest part of their heart and twisted the knife so many times that it was beyond healing. Just the way they did to you .

You then stood before Mammon, " My first man, who was supposed to protect me became my biggest threat. Pathetic . "

" I beg for forgiveness mc "

"NO YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T! AFTER ALL THE GUILT, MANIPULATION, TRAUMA Y'ALL PUT ME THROUGH, YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO FUCKING BEG FOR FORGIVENESS. YOU ALL NEVER LISTENED TO ME WHEN I TRIED TO EXPLAIN, YOU ALL JUST DUMPED EVERYTHING ON ME WITHOUT ANY PROOF. YOU ALL MADE ME THINK THAT I WAS WORTHLESS, I DIDN'T DESERVE LIVING. YOU ALL MADE ME QUESTION MYSELF, MADE ME INSECURE, MADE ME HARM MYSELF, ALMOST KILLING MYSELF! WHY DO YOU EVER THINK I'LL FORGIVE YOU. I NEVER WANTED TO BE HERE , I WAS BROUGHT HERE WITHOUT MY OWN WILL AND NEVER PROPERLY ALLOWED TO LEAVE BECAUSE Y'ALL KNOW WHERE TO ATTACK, Y'ALL HELD ME BACK EMOTIONALLY, Y'ALL KNEW ABOUT MY PAST AND YOU MADE THAT AS MY WEAKNESS, AND I FELL FOR IT, I DIDN'T WANTED TO LEAVE BECAUSE I THOUGHT Y'ALL WERE LIKE A FAMILY TO ME, BUT YOU ONLY WANTED TO KEEP ME BECAUSE I REMINDED YOU OF YOUR GOD DAMMIT DEAD SISTER. Y'ALL ALMOST KILLED ME WHILE MY STAY HERE AND ONE OF YOU EVEN SUCCEEDED , BUT STILL I HELPED Y'ALL TO MEND YOUR FAMILY ONLY FOR Y'ALL TO START TREATING ME BETTER AFTER KNOWING ABOUT MY DESCENDENCE. JUST LET ME LIVE, JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE. "

You stomped your feet as you felt a strong force pulling you in his embrace, it was your once beloved, the person who you trusted the most, the one you never thought would betray you, Asmodeus, crying his eyes out.

" Mc, darling. I'm so sorry, I feel so terrible, please forgive me, we can forget about this and be together again . You know I love you "

'You know I love you' you pushed him off you.

" Get off me you pest. "

" Mc.. "

" Shut up! SHUT UP! YOU , ASMODEUS! OUT OF EVERYONE. YOUR BETRAYAL HURTED ME THE MOST. YOU ONCE MADE ME FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF , WOULD FIGHT ANYONE WHO DARED TO TALK TRASH ABOUT ME BUT LOOK THAT'S OPPOSITE OF EVERYTHING YOU DID TO ME. YOU MADE ME INSECURE ABOUT MYSELF, COMMENTING EVERY OPPORTUNITY YOU GOT ABOUT MY BODY. YOU TALKED THE MOST TRASH ABOUT ME. I LOVED YOU, I TRUSTED YOU, I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER HURT ME BUT SEEMS LIKE YOU NEVER TRUSTED ME. I MADE YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL, BUT YOU NEVER DID THAT FOR ME. YOU'VE BROKEN OUR TRUST, OUR LOVE AND IT CAN NEVER BE MENDED. I HATE YOU WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BODY. IT'S PATHETIC TO THINK THAT YOU THINK I'LL STILL LOVE YOU AFTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME. ONLY IF YOU HADN'T CHOSEN TO HURT ME, BETRAY ME,BUT YOU SHOWED ME YOUR TRUE SELF. YOU'RE UGLY FROM INSIDE OUT. " at this a few tears fell from your eyes, Asmo hurted you the worst. Heartbreak does hurt more than anything.

" Mc.. Can we talk? " It was Umi.

You turned towards her and spoke in a soft But powerful tone "you're pathetic Umi, just for you to know, I'll never love you. I'll never love someone so cruel, manipulating, lifeless as you. By the way, I still need to thank you for showing me their true colors. So Umi, I kindly ask you to get the fuck out of my life. "

"Mc-"

"Diavolo, I want to go back, to the human world. "

You turned back "you were right Lucifer, I'd be better off in the human world. "

" Mc, no please we can fix this " Lucifer pleaded pushing all his pride aside.

" Luke, Raphael thank you for believing in me. Thank you for being there for me. And Barbatos, I don't know how I can thank you, if it weren't for you, I would have never gotten the courage to do so " Your tone softened and you hugged Barbatos tightly.

"Barbatos? You knew?! "

" Yes M'lord "

" And you didn't tell me the truth? "

" Why try? It's not like you would have changed your mind M'lord. "

" Now if you Diavolo, I did not stutter when I said I wanted to go back "

" It.. It shall be done mc "

" Very well, then I shall go back and pack up my stuff. And by that I mean the stuff I brought with me from the human world initially ."

You walked upstairs and looked down at everyone. They were all sobbing or were at Umi's throat. You didn't care anymore.

**************

" Tell me you'll miss me " Luke was already crying.

" Yes Luke I'll miss you and I'll always contact you"

" Pinky promise? "

" Pinky promise "

" Mc please don't forget me " He hugged you. Damn. You were trying so hard not to cry but seeing Luke always made you soft.

" I hope wherever you go, you're always happy mc. I'll pray for you to father " Raphael smiled.

" Thank you Raphael. Thank you so much " You smiled back.

You walked towards the open portal.

" Goodbye mc "

" Goodbye barbs, I'll miss you "

You walked into the portal, leaving all your scars behind. You were ready to start fresh .You didn't care looking behind at the crying faces .

You were glad you were leaving them.

Alone. Yet again.

It was indeed Umi's most unforgettable birthday. But at what cost?

They loved you, didn't they?

No they didn't.

The end

Ps : thank you to everyone who supported me and showed so much love to this au. Remember this an Au and the brothers or the others would never replace the Mc because they trust and love Mc a lot. Have a great day <3 ~ Hani ♡︎♥︎

881 notes · View notes