madstudyhoney

[madstudyhoney]

full of love (professionally diagnosed)

[madstudyhoney]

[madstudyhoney]

Sex Education → Season 2

When you’re young you think everybody out there really… really gets you. But you know, actually, only a handful of them ever do. All the people who like you, despite your faults. And if you discard them, they will never come back. So, when you meet those people, you should just hold onto them. Really, really tightly. And don’t let them go.

[madstudyhoney]

How could you ever be broken?

[madstudyhoney]

i’m back, with brand new journalling toys

[madstudyhoney]

my roles in life

GIRL ON VERGE OF NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

RECLUSE

GIRL #6

EMOTIONAL EXHIBITIONIST

GIRL WITH BLISTERS ALL OVER FEET

SNOBBY RELATIVE YOU CANT RELATE

student :) daughter :) friend :)

BITCH

[madstudyhoney]

one day we will get to spend thanksgiving with people we want to spend it with. one day we will get to spend thanksgiving with people we want to spend it with. one day we will get to spend thanksgiving with people we want to spend it with. one day we will get to spend thanksgiving with people we want to spend it with. one day we will get to spend thanksgiving with people we want to spend it with.

but, until then, we will spend it alone – with the cat. and that’s okay. 

#remember remember remember

[madstudyhoney]

frog and toad with tea (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

[madstudyhoney]

Essentials

[madstudyhoney]

my profs’ advice/comments on impostor syndrome –

“i’ll tell you how i’ve learned to deal with this sort of thing. i didn’t develop a sense of joy in my academic study until i realized that what really matters is the work itself. it’s not about trying to impress anybody or trying to earn a specific grade. it’s all about loving the work, the reading, the writing, the critical conversation. and i think you do love those things, and you do enjoy your academic work when you can get out of your own way about it. now, where i’m at in my career, i have to think about what gets me up in the morning, and that’s not publishing 20 articles a year or seeking external approval. what it is, is writing, reading, and teaching about what I love, my own little academic world that i’ve created.” – prof c

 “i wrote shitty papers in college, and i still got a phd. you’re not supposed to know everything yet! you’re still learning! you know what, write that on a post-it and stick it on your laptop. you don’t have to know it all yet. you don’t have to be perfect.” – prof s

“while i can assure you that you should not feel like an imposter, i can also confess that the syndrome is common at all levels of academia – so you should not think yourself abnormal to be experiencing it.” (x)

“i hate to say/write this, but it’s sort of true: that you having these impostor-syndrome reactions, these worries about disappointing those you respect … to me, that sort of signals that you do have traits common to many successful academics! even people who have masses of success behind them – and, come to think of it, particularly the people who have a lot of cred *and* outside affirmation of it – suffer from impostor syndrome *if* (and the if is important) they genuinely care about the quality of their work. so: if it’s possible to think of these feelings as symptomatic of a characteristic many good academics share, then please do.                                                                                          (…) the important thing is this: how counterproductive it can be for self-sabotaging people to think of themselves as being ‘born’ to do something. it makes any possibility of missing the mark immediately existential. academic work is something one chooses because one has a strong interest in a certain field of study, an ability to study and produce credible work (as judged by ‘authorities’ in said field), and a social possibility to choose to proceed in that direction. sometimes, i, at least, find it helpful to remind myself of the simple facts of this.                       (…) i do think it’s important to put the activating gesture of entering grad school very firmly in your own hands. you are choosing this. you are choosing it because you want it, others have said that you are capable, and you have the practical possibility of choosing it. this is enough. the work will be enough without the existential heft, and the existential heft will not make the work better.” – s

 from my lit teacher’s wife, an english prof at ucb who graduated from yale – ”yes—i feel like this often—and so does every person i’m close to in academia, and every graduate student ever. the key is to just feel the fear and do it anyway, especially when ‘do it’ means ‘write.’” 

#thank you #things to remember

[madstudyhoney]

Amsterdam by jefferson kent york

[madstudyhoney]

Stuff I Learned at My Writing Workshop (That I’m Kicking Myself in the Head for Not Realizing Sooner):

-  The difference between a book that grabs you from the beginning vs. one that you’re on the fence about tossing out the window is winning your trust. It’s why it’s “easier” to read books by authors you already know, or fanfic where you’re familiar with the characters. Winning the reader’s trust as quickly as possible should be your first goal as a writer when you’re going back and editing your first draft. This can be accomplished by things like: speaking authoritatively about the subject (even if it’s utter bullshit), graceful prose, or establishing quickly in the story what it’s about. For example,“Character A had a problem. Character B didn’t love them back, so Character A was going to kidnap them so they would.” Maybe it’s not a story you want to read, but you are now firmly couched in what you signed up for in this story and the promise the author is going to deliver on before the end. 

- Characters need goals. They need goals in every moment and in every scene. Every character needs a goal in every moment and in every scene. Maybe they’re not directly pursuing that goal right this very moment but it’s probably always at the back of their mind. Romances and detective stories are the easiest to deliver on this need. Character A wants to win their love. Detective A wants to solve the case. Even when they’re having tea with grandma, their thing is at the back of their mind. Keeping your character and your story focused on this thing they want helps pull your reader along and keeps them engaged on the “So what?” and “Why are we reading this scene?” questions of why they should keep reading.

- Characters shouldn’t just have things they like, they should have obsessions. This is the one I’m kicking myself for. The scientists in Pacific Rim are eccentrically obsessed with studying their thing. Thorin in the Hobbit is obsessed with regaining his home. Katniss Everdeen is obsessed with protecting her sister. Every crazy whackadoodle fandom darling character is obsessed with something. What do they have in common? They’re intensely obsessed with the thing that they care about. We love characters who are obsessed with things beyond reason, whether it’s reclaiming their home stolen by a dragon, or building artisanal bird houses, saving your sister, or studying monsters. Everyone “likes” things, but people and characters who are obsessed with something fascinate us. Examine the characters you’re most attracted to writing in fanfic, and examine your original characters if you’re trying to build those, and figure out what are they obsessed with and how does that inform their character. That’s the thing that’s going to make readers care about them. 

[madstudyhoney]

“I shall lie low and do nothing.”

— Virginia Woolf, from a diary entry written c. June 1931 featured in “The Diaries of Virginia Woolf,” (via violentwavesofemotion)

[madstudyhoney]

Beautiful journal by @navanotes

[madstudyhoney]

“Today I forgive myself. Not just once. Again, and again, and again. As many times as it takes to find peace.”

— Unknown

[madstudyhoney]

13.10.2019 // a recent spread i did in my journal and an adorable “go away i’m reading” pin my friend got for me <3

[madstudyhoney]

new college, oxford. october 2019