maiigloo

[maiigloo]

[maiigloo]

por alguna razón, es muy dificil para mi hablar en español. quizás necesito practicar mas. pero entiendo mucho. entiendo muchas las palabras y gramaticas.

[maiigloo]

a couple days ago i went to the grocery store right across the street to get some coffee. it's a mid-range grocery store, a place where you can see all types of people. after i got my coffee, i was walking towards the checkout and i hear a woman YELLING at the cashier.

"this is FALSE ADVERTISING." "i understand, ma'am. i'm so sorr-" (in a condescending voice) "oh, no no no, this is not your fault honey" (points her finger at the lady) "GO TELL YOUR MANAGER" "yes, ma'am (inaudible voice)" "THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING..." (continues to pester the lady about the wrong price tag by yelling at her)

at this point i was waiting in another lane and i was contemplating moving over to that lane to talk to the cashier because that woman was being a bitch to her.

and i so badly wanted to go and talk to the cashier because that woman was apparently being a bitch to her, but that lane was slow and i was already waiting in another line. and then i overhear the conversation between the old man in front of me and the cashier:

"your card is declined, sir" "i TOLD YOU TO USE ALL THE REMAINING BALANCE IN MY CARD AND I'LL PAY THE REST IN CASH! heaven's sake you know what i'm not buying your damn tea, just take it back. GOSH DARN IT. I told you didn't I" (and the cashier doesn't say a word) (the rude man keeps yelling) "SHAmE ON YOU! SHAME ON THIS WHOLE STORE. WHAT A DISGRACE" i cannot believe how rude people can get

[maiigloo]

you winked at me

and i died a little on the inside.

stop this madness.

[maiigloo]

why i need to start appreciating myself and stop beating myself up and worrying

because i managed to complete many things this weekend, contrary to what i actually believe!

i managed to:

post the important announcement up on teams class board and managed to reply to students messages in a timely manner

clean my room, clean the hallway and the kitchen

called the repairmen to hang the curtain rail that came off

read a shit ton of pages

walked 10,000+ steps

drove like a badass

convinced myself to stay in istanbul to host my mom's (and now also my) friend at our place for two nights

managed to get some ideas for a thesis topic

so, my resolution for the upcoming week:

STOP GETTING ANXIOUS OVER EVERYTHING AND BEATING YOURSELF UP!!!!!!!!!

also more sleep + more water :')

[maiigloo]

on longing for moments that you are in.

because it's never easy.

you think you have your life together. you go out with friends. enjoy the little moments. the here and now. the confidence boost. the happy memories. the pad thai that you got to taste for the first time a few months ago. the skyline view across the lake. the alcohol. the red cups you once saw in movies. the feeling that you can be yourself. the freedom.

it was so easy to ignore the fact that it was all temporary.

it felt so real, so tangible. yet so abstract. so everlasting. so fleeting. so rose-colored feel-good. have you ever felt nostalgia and longing for a moment that you are in?

if that was nostalgia, what is this feeling now?

[maiigloo]

[maiigloo]

i know what i like

i like living in different countries. i feel comfortable, confident.

i loved living in seattle. i knew it before going there, i knew it when i was there. i know it now.

i wanted to go out when i was there, wanted to meet people, go to parties, drink, eat, study, go to the library, go to the grocery store.

i don't feel like doing any of those anymore.

[maiigloo]

yapılacaklar

meg mesaj

planla alki beach

planla kirkland

planla okula gidiş

bank of america

bellevue

new lipstick

a new pair of shorts

crossroads

[maiigloo]

also (+ previous post)

as soon as i come out of the link station, i hear green light playing. what a weird world, what a movie scene.

[maiigloo]

life is strange, how do even energies work

cause i can't. understand.

not even going to try and make this a nice prose, i just want to leave this here so that i can remember that this happened and remember how i felt and remember that sometimes energies work in mysterious ways. have i just been unconsciously manifesting stuff??????

i have been thinking about axxxxx for the past few days. weeks. months? to an increasing degree. there are just some people that you keep thinking about, that you want to be friends with. he was always one of those people. in hindsight, there were a lot of things that i could have done to be closer friends with him. i just couldn't. lesson learnt. but i remember becoming a facilitator for the winter quarter and i was dreaming about becoming closer friends with you. dreaming of talking to you more in the retreat. trying to spot you in all facilitator activities. getting really happy when you showed up during my birthday. talking to you in flatstick pub. trying to talk to you in luis' party. you pointing at me during tyler's party. talking to you again in the next party about cider. and nigel farage. you saying my name as "marve" like everyone else. you asking questions about turkish tea. going out and you holding my hand to say you don't know the song at all? saying "is no one going to say goodbye to axxxxx" after bainbridge and a random guy saying "goodbye axxxxx". you hugging me to say goodbye. saying come to london, and saying you want to come to turkey.

on top of all these, me not being able to get you out of my head and just hoping to run into you monday, before your flight. but also thinking it's impossible.

come monday morning.

i need to go to bellevue but i can't.

i decide on going out to head to downtown but i can't seem to get out of my place.

when i finally get out, i decide on getting my check cashed out. the bank is closed, i can't.

then before heading to the link station, i plan on checking red light, which i never go to at all. i cross the street from the wrong way. have to wait for another minute.

then i decide on checking goodwill, because why not?

when i finally head to the station, i hear people calling my name. you are there. everyone is there. it's like a big fat joke. my weird route caused me to run into you at the EXACT time you were headed to the link station. my heart was beating so fast at this point.

then you hug me, it's the cutest thing ever.

and i say i'm here to send axxxxx off.

life is weird.

i don't know if i'll see you again, or if i was unintentionally an asshole to you today, but it was fun.

i hope we videocall in tyler's party.

take care.

[maiigloo]

all the could have beens in my life

are slowly eating away at my soul

[maiigloo]

i kind of like

hanging out with you.

[maiigloo]

some moments are endless

you know you'll remember the music and how you felt at that exact moment for the rest of your life.

you'll know how you felt when you were singing along to take me to church, and you could hear xxx singing along to it right next to you, both while busy with something else. everyone in the room is eating and chatting and just chilling, yet there is something so special and nostalgic about that moment. about the way he sings the lyrics correctly. about the way i feel so confident and calm.

about the way i know i'm happy and wouldn't mind chilling in that room with everyone else for the rest of my life.

[maiigloo]

looking at these old post, all i feel is sheer pain. the type of pain that reminds you of nothing but darkness and a pang in your chest.

it's funny how as you start to get older, you also start to get lonelier. there are so many people around me, so many people who i truly love and who truly love me back, but as soon as 19:00 pm hits and i sit in the room, having no idea what to do, i feel the loneliness hit me. i cannot do this.

[maiigloo]

- pcr yaptır erkenden

- o ara kira öde kuveyttürk

- maskara al

- sinbo kahve makinesi

- klozet örtüsü

- su şişesi

- check in 13:15

sonra ekol

[maiigloo]

TO DO

- Salep al

- Türk kahvesi al

arayüz fırçası

- FLTA arkadaşlarım için Türk bisküvi & Falım sakız al

Kendine türk kahvesi

- Kablo dönüştürücü al

- Turkcell'e git

- Mavi'den pantolon al

- Maskara al?

-

- Saç kestir & boyat

-

- Nazar boncuğu al

- Hocalara Kavala kurabiyesi al

- PCR testi yaptır

- Yurtdışı çıkış harç pulu

-

- Uçakta yanına alınacak belgeleri ayarla

- Emilija

- Kira öde

- Ev resimleri çek

**

- Klozet örtüsü

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