many-but-one

[many-but-one]

It’s true that you have to “play the hand you’ve been dealt.”

It is still valid to find it unfair that you’ve been dealt that hand. It’s okay to be upset about it. It’s reasonable to wish things had been different. It’s completely understandable if you have feelings about it, and if you struggle to deal with them.

Accepting the facts of a situation does not mean you have to pretend everything is okay.

[many-but-one]

I’m proud of you for not giving up on yourself. I’m so glad you made it this far.

[many-but-one]

#an elephant named Elijah #also a cow named Mr Cow

[many-but-one]

Nobody seems to talk about being a little in a system who has to pretend to be a grown-up a lot. I know this may not apply to all systems, but at least for us, our child alters are a lot more like permanently age regressed adults than actual children. We can mask as adults when necessary, but that can also make us feel bad.

Sometimes I wish I was a real kid without all these responsibilities. Something as small as being praised for something that most adults take for granted makes my day. I wish I could act, and be treated, like an actual child all the time, but part of us having to stay covert and function as an adult, with an adult life, is that I have to pretend to be an adult even though I’m not.

But when I see people on here say that littles shouldn’t be on the internet at all, it confuses me. Maybe there’s some sys kids out there who aren’t mature enough to protect themselves, and take care of themselves. But for us, our littles tend to be the toughest alters. We’re the ones that have been around the longest, that had to endure some of our worst trauma. Our innocence was already stolen, so treating us like innocent children doesn’t make much sense in my opinion.

But of course, every system is different. I just find it patronizing to see random people on the internet say that it’s not good to let littles on here. Sys kids are a lot more complex than you think. We’re different because of what we’ve been through, and how much we’ve already seen.

-Sophie (she/her, little)

#well said! #a lot of our smalls feel similarly

[many-but-one]

I never like it when people make blanket statements about DID, this is such a complex disorder and in making blanket statements for everyone with DID you're probably going to be wrong.

DID is mostly covert but there are overt presentations of the disorder. Some alters have similar personalities, some have very different personalities. Sometimes alters feel close together and like there's not a lot of separation between them. Sometimes alters feel completely different from each other and like their own people. Some switches may not be noticeable and other switches may be very obvious.

There are so many different ways of experiencing this disorder and they're all valid.

[many-but-one]

I'm a little. Biologically, I'm in my late 20s. And... I had the realization hit me last night that even though I'm a little and feel like I'm still a child, with all my childish wants and needs and fears and stuff, it doesn't change the fact that I've lived through 20-something years of my life. I have adult responsibilities and adult experiences and adult memories.

But more than that, I can't go back to being a child anymore.

My past, my childhood, I can't change any of that. The pain and traumas are real, the memories I have still haunting me. And even the moments of nostalgia I have, when I reminisce on my past... well, that's all they can be anymore. They're not my present.

And in spite of all this history I have inside of me, I still feel like a kid who didn't get the love and affection I needed. I feel stuck in time, but time always keeps marching forward even if I don't. The grass grows and the meat rots and the rocks weather. I can honor these feelings of being a kid, and give myself the things I didn't get back then. But... I'm still an adult. And I think it's also important for me to acknowledge that.

Integration is so hard. I've fused and gotten closer to so many of the other littles that now we're all sharing those moments from our childhood: happy times and sad times and even just times that existed. But I'm also closer to the adult parts, and with that comes... I dunno. I guess I'm less dissociated from my current reality and I'm more grounded now. And it feels so scary and confusing trying to navigate this new reality that I'm not used to. But I know I have people around me who can help me, from my friends and partners to the other parts of me I share a life with. It'll be okay, I think.

But for now I'm gonna mourn my past.

#a wonderful way to put this #many of our smalls feel similarly

[many-but-one]

[many-but-one]

i found the ask box!!!! :D

for your "ask me psych questions" thing: how difficult is it for humans to change their thought processes and/or behavior, without outside help? (professional or otherwise)

You found the ask box! :D

Honestly, this depends on a lot of factors. Age, if they have mental illness or not, if they have trauma or not - but the all around answer is generally very hard and close to impossible. However, let's dive into the factors that affect this answer and why I say that it is very hard, and close to impossible.

If you are a child, the chances of you being able to switch your mindset (assuming you have no extreme childhood trauma) are rather easy. Your brain is still developping and the person you are is still changing. This is natural, so therefore, without any external help, the person that you are naturally changes and your mindset can change as well.

However, if you are an adult, the changes of changing on your own are very low without outside intervention. By the time that your brain is fully developed, it doesn't really want to change because it's decided on what kind of thought process it wants to have and what it wants to be. By yourself, you're probably going to be stuck in that particular thought process until someone pulls you out of it, simply because it's familiar an d the brain doesn't really want to change now that it's fully developed and stuck in its ways.

However - there are a few other factors to take into consideration. One - trauma. Two - disabilities and disorders + mental illness. When a child experiences trauma at a young age, the typical response is to dissociate immediately because the child's brain cannot understand nor process what is happening. This can lead to a disconnect in identity later, which can lead to fluidity in thought processes or a thought process that you cannot let go of, depending on what kind of trauma you experienced.

However, on the topic of disorders - they can be very hard to manage by yourself. This is why it is so important for them to have support and therapy to help them deal with their thought processes and manage to get them to a healthier place, because getting yourself out of your own cycle by yourself when you're struggling with something like BPD, is very hard. Also, in the case of having something like depression (which I do have), I found myself stuck in my self-hatred and my self-wallowing and I definitely couldn't have been able to get out of that cycle without outside help due to how easy it is to just fall into that familiar area of hating yourself so much. However, it's important to keep in mind that even with outside help, people can simply just not change.

People have to change for themselves, and not anyone else.

If you want me to expand on any of this, I will be more than happy to do so.

This was really fun to write. :)

[many-but-one]

Fuck it we bawl (starts sobbing uncontrollably)

[many-but-one]

Me: I need coping mechanism

Brain: We have coping mechanism at home

Coping mechanism at home: pk;m new

[many-but-one]

“If you have time to be on social media, you also have time for…” “If you have time to watch Netflix, you also have time for…” Yeah, but do I have the energy for it? Do I have the emotional and mental capacity for it? Am I pain-free enough for it? Can I focus on it? Can I do it without leaving my bed? Can I safely do it without risk of (physically or emotionally) injuring myself by pushing past my boundaries?

[many-but-one]

reasons i haven’t replied back:

- i’m socially exhausted - i don’t have the time right now - i don’t know how to reply - i have a bad memory and got distracted - i’m having a depressive episode and don’t have the energy to socialise

not reasons i haven’t replied back:

- i’m ignoring you just because - i hate you - i’m fed up with you - i don’t want to be your friend anymore

[many-but-one]

(via Saturday Morning Cartoons: Baopu #15) by Yao Xiao

words to remember

[many-but-one]

My phone when my internet starts getting kinda slow: Your network is unstable.

Me: Bitch me too you ain’t special

#huh I wonder whyyyy I was doing so poorly on August 25th 2023??? #no reason I’m sure #prev tags —> #i’m doing great btw #i have no idea who i am rn its fine

[many-but-one]

Since the OP made their post unrebloggable (and blocked me. Both actions they are well in with their right to do)

I'm going to make my response it's own post because I think the point is important

-

As someone who is autistic and has BPD and CPTSD and loads of trauma yes you sometimes need to change how you interact with others to keep people around

When I was 13 I hit the few friends I had when I was angry

I had to change that in order to keep those friendships

When I was in my early 20s if I was losing an disagreement with my husband I would threaten to kill myself. My husband told me it hurt him and was cruel and manipulative behaviour, because it was.

So I worked hard to change that to keep my relationship

It's easy to say "I shouldn't have to change for others" and that's true to an extent. You shouldn't change your interests or passions or dim your light. And you should have space to be imperfect and flawed and not have to pretend your ugly bits aren't real. But if something you are doing it causing other people harm you kinda need to change that.

That's called "living in a society"

People adapt to each other and make space for each other in their lives. You adapt to them and they adapt to you

You start being more diligent about throwing away the empty toilet roll because it really bothers them. They start warning you before they run the blender because you hate loud noises

I stopped threatening to kill myself because I was mad I was losing an argument and my husband stopped being so vocally judgemental amount media he personally dislikes

There is a certain type of person who heard the phrase "your emotions are valid" and took that to mean "my emotional reactions and my behaviour are always objectively correct because my emotions are valid and if you have an emotional response or react to what I'm doing negatively then you are wrong and you can't be hurt because my emotions are valid"

And that's a recipe for disaster

Your emotions are valid to feel. They are how you feel and there are reasons you feel the way you do

However, your reactions and behaviour are something you can learn to control and can be irrational

We live in a society and we as people change each other as we interact and that isn't necessarily a bad thing

[many-but-one]

[many-but-one]

You are not obligated to forgive your abusers. You are not obligated to forgive anyone who hurts you, regardless of if they've changed their ways or even if they're struggling and in need of help. You are not required to honor anyone else except you, your feelings are more important. Please do not ever feel guilty for saying no and setting boundaries.