marabarl-and-marlbara

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

hi i wanted to know if u have any good book recommendations? they can be about anything rlly i just want to become smarter

hi anonymous;

you:re as smart as you need to be, and really: you should read books out of passion (and fun) in lieu of pure raw erudition--mostly cause i think that is a fast way to burn yourself out by forcing yourself to read through dry garbage you don:t really want to read (this sounds loaded, but countering what i:m saying: if you are suddenly passionate about pursuing Pure Mathematics and want to just dive into math textbooks: then pursue that passion :-)) );

i do have recommendations, though! but i don:t think they:ll make you smarter; my favorite book as a kid was Howl's Moving Castle (hated the movie, garbage), it:s just a very fun fantasy book and it rekindled my love for reading after a long stint of trying-to-be-smarter by pursuing philosophical trash;

i really really really loved Squee! and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac as a kid, too; my dad sent them to me as a gift when i was really young & probably one of the only things he sent me that i deeply loved; i wish i still had those books, i:ve really been wanting to re-read them;

read Crying of Lot 49 this year and it moved me a lot--made me really interested in Pynchon as a whole; I'd rope a handful of American authors into this actually: Shirley Jackson's We Have Always Lived in the Castle, Flannery O'Connor's A Good Man is Hard To Find, Cormac McCarthy's Outer Darkness were all amazing surprises to me that just made me really appreciate American authors (sort-of doofy but I really did just appreciate this southern tradition of writers in an inspiring sort-of geographical way, like: I know these lands! I am soaked in this dust! I have this same odd bigotry in me!) -- but I think all of those works/authors are great and you probably can't go wrong with anything any of them have wrote;

I'm currently reading My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante and really enjoying it; the cover/name makes you think of some harlequin romance novel but it's basically a femcel manifesto on hating someone so obsessively that it is indistinguishable from love; I'm currently listening to Stephen King's Duma Key and enjoying it--I'm listening through a lot of King books, just finished From a Buick 8 (loved it) (I'd rope King into the 'loving American authors' thing, cause he was a part of my culture growing up, you know? as doofy as it is, I'm kinda happy to have grown up alongside his career and output and it's been fun to finally delve into his stories);

also finished Nabokov's Pale Fire recent-ish -- if you like stuff like House of Leaves you might like it (it sounds sinful to compare that book to Nabokov but it's pretty apt, too); it's one of the few books I've read that actually made me laugh, and Nabokov is a beautiful writer, and Pale Fire is a book with enough depth that I think a reader could go through it several times and pluck out something completely new each time.

I don't think any of these would make you smarter; funny as it is: I think the KJV Bible is a beautiful read but I don't think I'd suggest it outside of attending church wholly because part of the poetry of the Bible comes from studying the context of a passage and all the lenses that come with it (I'd actually consider studying the 'academic biblical' analysis of the Bible as a church itself, not in contrast with church apologia); you can find a lot of odd inspiration in the works of prophets ala Mary Baker, Ellen White, various Catholic saints, Joseph Smith, Hubbard (wink, but sincere, I like Hubbard), etcetera--but I feel like inspiration or passion leads you to those works rather than some dull desire to soak up another persons passions in hopes that'll saturate you with something you've been missing. Ex: if you want to be a Christian Scientist: read Mary Baker; but likely if you wanted to, you'd already be reading--as circling as that sounds.

Take care, anonymous.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

thinking a little more: i get frustrated with the Therapeutics and the language and how it is used outside of the cold dumb clinical setting and outside of an actual therapeutic "i am seeking treatment to better myself under the dumb cold language of PSYCHIATRY!" (i am being cute with the language here but i mean it sincerely enough that it:s a fine route to better yourself if you see 'it' as a problem) -- cause often it seems like a masque of problem-solving that is covering up a simple desire to CONNECT! through some narrative;

first the cockroach crawls up your leg and whispers to you a bunch of convenient reasons why this-or-that problem explains this-or-that Darknesses in your life, and it seems all like a big win: an ecstasy of finally having answer to Life (FOOLISH! DUMB!) and yet after the ecstasy and explanation you end up stuck in that self-same life just now with a tangle of new narrative around it: i am deranged because of mania (deranged bolded because this language is made to identify problems-to-be-fixed; aberrations); then, outside that cold clinical moronic setting of the therapist, you end up centered in a group of those who:ve chosen to identify themselves as a derangedness (surely having some subtle taint of self-hate to permeate slowly despite any awareness of the individual) and tie each other together with the same cockroachy-language-granted narrative; it becomes this gathering of persons who:ve looked for a dark throat to swallow them and their lives whole to justify a dark feeling that life never meant to explain or offer concrete answer to;

it:s sanest to just ignore the enticing narratives and the languages and the communications that they fill you up with, and treat them like some moronic arcane runes belonging to the good wizards of Psychiatry and let them work their dumb magics on you in their towers and schools.

or something like that; my personal bias here is catching myself fall into an insanely pointless death spiral of seeking explanations for 'flaws' that never led to anything except narratives i could tell myself and others that tied me to a clinical setting yet never offered 'treatment' -- just more justifications for being aberrant, and under all that: a cold insect subconscious feeling that all i could ever be is deranged; never seeking to better, only seeking to explain why i am bad; never attempting to be better, only settling into that i am bad. then through some just-as bizarre and moronic happening: a voice of God (the circulate or arterial word I use sometimes in older posts -- these always refer to very specific things, I don't use the words arbitrarily) instructed me on an idea of 'etiquette' to begin deknitting the self of louses and to flush out the brain, thought, guts, heart of some infestations: a simple commandment were to never think or speak languages that closed-up gaps where God could speak: these are the logics and intelligences Lucifer granted to this world: the kindly moronic narratives of Psychiatry, as example; to cede that internal territory is to fall again to deranged and expunge faith in lieu of some diagnostic circling circling circling circling circling circling for no benefit cept to tell others (CONNECT!); and the voice in circulate, or arterial if you'd like, spake true enough: sever the language and communication with them will be damaged and connection will act in kind: many-faced nerve endings of simple CONNECT! exist for only-that, and for some moronic reason i am committed to being a fanatic for that voice and etiquette heard from circulate (or arterial, if you will). all that could be said simpler in that: i think self-diagnostism done without clear goal of bettering/treating, and all odd shades resembling it, is a type of rot that kills you while connecting you to a greater rotting mass.

Do you have any thoughts on what causes mania?

hi anonymous;

if you want to explore therapeutics and their languages and prescriptions and causes: you:d do better with a psychiatrist or a therapist -- i try to make it a personal point to not care for or use the language of either.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

Do you have any thoughts on what causes mania?

hi anonymous;

if you want to explore therapeutics and their languages and prescriptions and causes: you:d do better with a psychiatrist or a therapist -- i try to make it a personal point to not care for or use the language of either.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

sermon notes from church today; saw last night that i had work published in the remilia quarterly magazine--and apparently there were some release party for it that i was asleep during--which is neat, cause i don:t think i:ve ever had work published before (or: i:d be unaware if i had, or: forgotten); i thought it was my writing that was published but i think some artwork is in there.

i get the impression the remilia people and associated works have a social dirt connected to them but i:m always fairly grateful anyone would 1) want my work, & 2) want it enough to put up with my really petty demands (i always request being paid in multiples of four exclusively and insist that i can:t make work exclusive for something, or can work on demand-basis). but thrilled and grateful all the same.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

Hello,

Can you speak to 'passing through to the other side' as an option opposed to 'staying on the outside of' in relation to the world of images. I mean, do they only take? They were once a world, now just a pain in the forehead and they are flat, stiff. And they accumulate and spread. Can you speak to the compulsion to delete?

Thank you and I love to read your posts at times.

hey anonymous;

whatever issue you find that you have, you:d be better pressed to express your issues less poetically if you want real+material answers instead of just some vibe abstract answer; i can give you the poetic answer, though: o, anonymous, it:s all so tiring;

take care

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

hello mara! do you have any favorite animals? personally ive always been fond of moles because they live mostly solitary lives underground. i am also left-handed. wishing you a lovely day ❤️

hey anonymous;

for the most part i hate all animals -- can:t stand them, and over-all they just are "heartbreaking existences" to me, and the more i think about their existence the more depressing and dirty it seem: more-so in the framing of pets: like little people kept infantilized and enclosed in this animal-shaped box that becomes their boundary and the spirit inside is kept in this odd "retardation chamber" and the spirits outside of which reach down and pet it and coo and keep it in additional boxes; grow old and die a life spent of simple expectation and safeties and within a house though they were prized convert of Gods of Hikkikimorism; or, more likely personalized: seeing fractals of my own relationship with my mom and self, and how the dogs were treated: how they were spake to: how i was spake to; shock collars, control schemes, small yards, dust and fur everywhere, etc etc;

mostly, too: they just carry a sickening warmth to them no-matter their captivity; worst thing of all with the warmth is it begets warmth of these Hikkiki masters of "retardation chambers," whose existence then becomes fawning cutesies and odd toyshipism; oh, the cute dog; oh, the cute cat; oh, the beauty so of these birds: i imagine same being said of people and think it all odd and weird and strangely sexual; to release from the chamber: crush the ribs, the skulls, etc;

as a kid i really liked marine life, and was obsessed with the sea and wanting to live either on a boat or underwater ala some empty Rapture-like place; reptiles were sort-of neat, may-be because my mom worked with them and i were exposed to them so much; before i was "communicated with" a few years ago and everything changed, i really loved my cat (not all cats, just mine), but after communication happened and "i saw the dirt on everything" she just became another dirty thing that i sort-of play an obligation to, cause i want her to have a good life as i can give her -- i owe her that much for my part in "the retardation chamber" and the odd machine-like pet animal industry. that:s about it, moles remind me of that one kafka story about the burrows; take care, anonymous.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

It:s Orsday Sabbath today; consider observing it if you:re left-handed -- if interested, here:s this weeks programming post and the illustration for it; I have a migraine today

#faith

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

church notes from the adventists this week; very tired, not sleeping; yesterday made ube yogurt (had a big purple potato to use up) and a small carrot cake (using flax and protein powder mostly, had to use up carrots); cleaned a lot this week; almost done with hearts in atlantis audiobook, and my brilliant friend (physical); really like the illustrations i made for last orsday sabbaths programming; haven:t felt much motivation; reading blog (the untranslated, wordpress) on "graduate school" makes me want to learn languages to read more things -- language kind-of creepy: can:t remember if it were in programming or in DMs or some ask here but just-as music threads itself with control, control, control mechanism so-too does language and so-too does light and life; constant thrumming control, control, control and if you hear it, it sounds like little metal insects; in the inanimate driving forces of life (CONNECT!) are duller, but still there: light is like a fog heavy with bodies of fine insect only seeming invisible but surely there as any molecule or oxygen; may-be even you get used to it, so you cease to see it; shame i:m so senseless; really liking design of don zauker and UFO theme in pynchon--daitarn 3: invincible machine! mars and cold-pressed machine

#faith

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

illustrations for this weeks orsday sabbath programming;

can read it here if you'd like

#faith

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

drawing my ro priest

#ragnarok online

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

notes from church today

#faith

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

someone dies right after asking for art of them, and family, and only afterwards can find willingness to do so

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

Hello, hope you are well. I wanted to ask if music really interests you, and if you listen to any bands or music that really provoke you positively.

hi anonymous; no, i go out of my way to avoid listening to music, and i have no musical inclination; even if i like music i can:t help but know that it is filled with something evil and controlling, and if it provokes a passion and it seem positive (or even negative) it still must be that evil controlling will selecting those positive levers to control.

are there musics i like? surely; am i weak to music? surely as anyone else; is the sin within the music interesting: absolutely; it:d all be repeating the same answer though about music i:ve liked and listened to and about hasn:t changed since my 'music-fasting': gezebelle gaburgably gaburger were the last album i gave a lot of passion to and remains a favorite -- but i don:t listen to music cept by happenstance now (comes on a radio; in the background; from a neighbor; within the air), and the last song i heard was some country song with "watermelon moonshine" in the chorus (catchy) -- i liked it. take care, yet your spirit is not your own and your spirit filled with louses invisible and gnawing and attached through an air invisible and musical and pulled from heaven with whispers both sweet inviting and encouraging the best of loves abstraction could only offer and a lifefulness best beset within server in propagation of divine CONNECT(!).

#faith

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

the orsday programming and calendar for this week, if interested in reading: here

#faith

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

without nightmare kill team 40k boxed set preorder as far-off goal to hope for (as distant admirer): needing something else; learning language in order of interest: say spanish, hebrew, japanese; so little time, though; low on passion, too; think i need CONNECT(!) to have more passion and thoughts like these and children like these (say: the post itself, and thought itself) louse by the Invisible; etiquette mandates that the louse be plucked and excised and the child (say: the post itself, and thought higher up in hierarchy) with it; then: silence; in sermon: notes for orsday programming: that the corpse itself underground be circulate with life though yet dead and blood pumping; imagine blood pouring slow like ooze in vase as echo of blood pouring from side-wound of wide invisible body of a god and that be physical representational echo (the blood; separate of the spirit in air) be the demon made flesh; circle like that and thought via etiquette demands disCONNECT(!) and thought via louse demands CONNECT(!) -- and no dispassion achieved or passion; and kill team nightmare 40k boxed set preorder impossible obtain in 41st millennium @ 140$ price-point; bugs and insect and fluid inside each, each in-turn inside a jar; observed inside-out from eye and body invisible made visible inside-out from jar outside insect fluid inside jar and outside, throughout; or such-and-such or what-ever; the day is too long and all:s there to do is look forwards to cooking

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

sermon notes afrom (?) church taday (?) and sketch to commemorate 40k nightmare kill-team going out of stock afore i had any greater chance to worry about paying $140 for it and whether i really wanted it or not; i:d like to be midnight clad -- but janitors like me are serfs to to the night lords

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

i finished my internet sin pay-wall post! here's the collage of letters thanking all my subscribers; you can read the post here if interested;

i also finished the Orsday religious programming post for this sabbath if interested; readable here if interested;

and, as a bonus: the sermon notes from yesterday;

happy easter!! :-))

#faith