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Meir Makes Stuff

I'm Meir; I make stuff. He/Him, a dad, multiply intersectional, terminally uncool. Hobbies include answering questions about Judaism, baking cakes, walking in the woods, and taking too many pictures of my cats. If you need a queer-positive parental voice, I'm here. If you have questions about Judaism, I'm here. If you just want to see the cats, I'm Meir_Makes_Stuff on Instagram. Be kind out there.

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meirmakesstuff · 12 hours

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Yes! I do this all the time, including with my students.

Recently I pulled a kid aside and said something like "hey, I noticed that you aren't starting work on your worksheet. Are you having trouble getting started, or is it too hard, or is something else bothering you that's making it hard to turn to the worksheet?" She said essentially that she was having executive dysfunction (not in those terms) and that let me suggest appropriate solutions (like covering all the questions except the ones she was working on, or sitting on the floor to try again) but as soon as I asked her to join me in the hall, I could see that she'd already had this conversation with teachers before and didn't expect to be believed. Offering possibilities made it clear that she could try telling me the truth even if the truth was "I don't know why I can't start."

A surprisingly helpful bit of social maneuvering I've figured out from trial and error: Throughout your life, you are going to need things from people. Often, it's going to be on a deadline. And when that deadline passes, you generally want to know what's going on. So, you need to ask them.

There are two kinds of people, broadly, in this situation. The Shameless will tell you what the holdup is, with absolutely no regard for if the reason is "good enough". This is actually very helpful, because you get the real reason immediately, and can start working on a solution.

The Ashamed is trickier. People who are Ashamed are people who were often told they were giving excuses when they were trying to explain, and they'll often avoid you until they solve the problem on their own. This causes them and you a lot of stress, and often takes a lot longer to solve.

Long term, the strategy for dealing with people who are Ashamed is to provide a supportive environment where they're comfortable sharing any problems they're having with getting things done. But, there's a way to at least partially short-circuit that:

Provide an explanation for them.

One example might be "Hey Susan, I noticed that I don't have your report yet. Are you busy with other projects?" The readymade explanation signals that you're willing to accept an explanation, which is the big anxiety point.

Sometimes, you still won't get an honest answer- especially if the honest answer isn't "good enough" by the standards of the person who traumatized them. But, I've found that it often at least gets you a lie that lets you give them some slack or work around the problem.

Let's say that Susan has actually completely forgotten that she needed to do the report. She's horrified at herself, and completely unwilling to admit the real problem. But, she can now safely reply with "Sorry Jennifer, I've been swamped, and it got lost in the mix. I can have it to you in two days. Does that work?"

From there, so long as Susan gave an estimate for when she can actually do it, she and Jennifer can hash out a solution.

It's not a perfect solution, but it works astonishingly well for how small of a change it is.

#meir makes stuff #adhd #teaching

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meirmakesstuff · 17 hours

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