missingorchids

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so I went to the counseling center at my school to set up an appointment etc etc and I know they have a therapy dog there and I was like “where’s the dog?” and the receptionist was like ‘oh I’m sorry, she’s in a meeting right now’ and I look over at the other room and there is a fucking dog sitting in a chair at a long table sitting next to all these people in business suits and I felt like I was in a dream

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I just want to say that this was from the Nintendo Switch version. You know, the 473805724289th release of this game. And this shit still happens.

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my grandma’s watching fox news and i’m overhearing then losing their absolute shit over millennials not buying kraft singles

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this is the best news i’ve heard in ages

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jeff bezos didn’t sign a pre-nup

and cheated on his wife of 25 years with a married woman

and washington state is a community property state, meaning that all assets acquired during a marriage are divided equally upon divorce

meaning that jeff bezos has to give his wife half of his net worth

and he is presently worth $137 billion

and half of $137 billion is roughly

$69 billion

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No headline will ever bring me as much joy as this.

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wow the new jurassic world looks so good

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Today’s adventure

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me after being diagnosed w sleepy bitch disease

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funny but 🙃🙃🙃

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“I change when I walk out on stage. I totally transform into this ultimate showman. I say that because that’s what I must be. I can’t be second best, I would rather give up. I know I have to strut. I know I have to hold the mic stand a certain way. And I love it.”

- Freddie Mercury

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May the 10 of Pentacles bless your account with more money than you can spend. 💵✨

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book one harry: *loses 2 house points* oh my god they’re all going to hate me this is the biggest atrocity i have ever committed in my academic career, i have forever tarnished the reputation of gryffindor house

book six harry: *loses 70 points for gryffindor* * almost gets expelled* ask me if i give a motherfuck??

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my body, tearfully: when sleep???

me: my dude we just woke up!! It’s time for wakefulness and doing things and Productivity

my body, weeping: but???? when sleep?????

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the jersey shore making a comeback as a meme is the best start to 2017 

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