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I really am just... behind on everything in life

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#fuck

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I deserve fangs not because I want to subsist on human blood but because I want to stim by sinking them into things like a cat with a cardboard box

tell me this cat is not having the greatest sensory experience of its life

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#there's multiple times throughout my life lately where I just... #I realize how old I am and how I just keep getting older #and all the people I know in-person who are around my age are all in relationships or getting married #hell some are even having kids #but I just... #waste away in the basement #I know people online #but I don't know anyone offline outside of family #and I just know I'm not going to ever find myself in the company of friends in my life again... #and by extension one of my bigger fears are going to play out completely #that I'm gonna be alone for my whole life #and I hate that thought #and it just makes my mood plummet hard whenever it occurs #which winds up really fucking me up and making me feel like complete shit #and I can't really talk to anyone about it #nor does anyone even really care #and I already know the problem that's present #I just... can't bring myself to even try and do anything about it... #fuck me...

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#and of course it's when I decide to just try and avoid doing anything on here that people get more active #though I know full well that even if I were to try and interact with anyone it wouldn't lead to anything #things are always dropped or never even picked up in the first place #so here I sit wanting to stick to my earlier comment of just not doing anything else the rest of the day #but seeing people doing things and wanting to join in despite knowing it won't turn out well anyway

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#just never gonna feel like I'm worth anything or competent at anything

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#I'm so damn stupid #getting all worked up like that

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#23

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Mental and emotional state has... generally just not been good the last while

I've been distracted well enough from it all cause of games that've been out the last while, and finally getting back to FFXIV to try and catch up with it before Diablo 4 comes out on the 6th, but... yeah...

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Over the years I've noticed more and more how asymmetrical my face is, and I hate it

#textures on floors in D2 not being symmetrical have pissed me off in the past

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pulled up an audio-based thing about being touch starved and I can feel how starved I am

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I’m fucking 25

#no college #no university #only ever had a newspaper delivery job #no significant other or intimate experience #fat ugly and worthless

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Always fun going to a family dinner and hearing all this talk about relationships

Yep

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Tell me, have you been to the ruins beneath the waters of the Bounty?

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Dad did something awesome when I mentioned Made in Abyss: Binary Star Falling into Darkness' collector's edition is on Amazon after not finding it in Gamestop today

He ordered it right in front of me

It's supposed to arrive monday