i extert so much energy into being normal but like… it feels all fake… i feel like im faking emotions, but then i also feel like im faking the whole act of faking at all in the first place. then that also feels fake.
is that normal? feeling constantly fake? like my symptoms are fake but im faking the fact that im faking the symptoms. am i in denial?
what does feeling feel like? what does not feeling feel like? will i ever know?
its just a thick wet grey blanket in a void that covering SOMETHING but its so wet and heavy i cant lift it. sometimes it comes out from under it but then the blanket covers it again and i doubt i ever felt it? does that count as feeling?
even what i consider rage is just a mere grumble and long term passive agressive comments but its not red hot anger just… lukewarm annoyance.
im rambling but i just want to know whats normal anymore. what am i experiencing? is there a word for this? what am i?
someone please answer this i need words for why im just… not fully empty but more like… half an oz of water in a 16 oz glass
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When was the last time you felt truly happy?
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I think happiness is tricky since it tend to come or get tangled with other complex and difficult baggage, sometimes even terrible pain and consequences. But maybe that’s the beauty of it. I can’t pursue it, but I can learn to recognize it.
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