nicheappeal

[nicheappeal]

Edit: English only. Sorry Germans. I'm sure there's a correct way to say it but I don't know it.

#All of the above #yes including the first two

[nicheappeal]

you never see cross-fandom shipping anymore. there should be horrible discourse about chilchuck x karkat

[nicheappeal]

Anyone remember when trans* was being debated as a term? To specifically include everyone who wasn't binary transgender? And then it was rejected because "trans includes all those people anyway" ...yeah.

Really wish words like “crossdresser” and “transvestite” didn’t get pushed out of people’s vocabulary cause now we’ve got 20yr olds who genuinely believe the two modes of expression are True Transgender and Valor Thief. Seeing takes like “men dressing as women is making a mockery of the transfeminine experience” (predominantly regarding F1nn5ter or celebs in skirts). Like ohhhh you are so right! We need to protect the divine feminine from any measure of mockery. You know what? We should gather weapons and storm our nearest Drag Story Hour and teach those degenerates a lesson.

[nicheappeal]

probably my most powerful interpersonal communication hack is to, whenever possible, ask either/or questions rather than yes/no questions

for example, when chatting with coworkers, i’ll often ask if they have any fun weekend plans. but let’s be real - we all feel like friendless losers when someone asks that question and we go “uhhhhh… no.” so instead, i phrase it as “so, do you have anything fun planned over the weekend, or are you just going to enjoy having some time to relax?”

phrased like this, there’s rarely any awkwardness. you’ve presented two options & given both equally positive connotations, so your conversational partner has an automatic “out,” so to speak

but it works for higher stakes conversations too!!!! my mom was saying this weekend how she and her neighbor both like walking around the neighborhood & that she wanted to suggest they take a walk together sometime, but was worried about how to approach the conversation

so i said “how about you just say ‘i’ve noticed we both like taking walks! would you be interested in going for one together, or do you use walks for some precious alone time?’”

now Walking Neighbor has an automatic “get out of jail free card” if she wants to say no!!!! which means my mom doesn’t have to worry about the conversation being uncomfortable, because she’s set it up to go smoothly

either/or questions rather than yes/no questions. it is really like magic

[nicheappeal]

So a few months ago there was the discourse about would you rather meet a man or a bear in the woods. I didn't want to touch it while the discourse was hot and everyone dug in hard because those are not good conditions for nuance, but I waited until today, June 1st, for a specific reason.

I'm not going to take a position in the bear vs man debate because I don't think it matters. What is really being asked here is how afraid are you of men? Specifically, unexpected men who are, perhaps, strange.

People have a lot of very real fear of men that comes from a lot of very real places. Back when I was first transitioning in 2015 and 2016, I decided to start presenting as a woman in public even though I did not pass in the slightest.

I live in a red state. I knew other trans women who had been attacked by men, raped by men. I knew I was taking a risk by putting myself out there. I was the only visibly trans person in the area of campus I frequented, and people made sure I never forgot that. Most were harmless enough and the worst I got from them was curious stares. Others were more aggressive, even the occasional threat. I had to avoid public bathrooms, of course, and always be aware of my surroundings.

I know how frightening it is to be alone at night while a pair of men are following behind you and not knowing if they are just going in the same direction or if they want to start something - made all the worse for the constant low level threat I had been living under for over a year by just being visibly trans in a place where many are openly hostile to queer people. You have to remember, this was at the height of the first wave of bathroom law discussions, a lot of people were very angry about trans women in particular. My daily life was terrifying at times. I was never the subject of direct violence, but I knew trans women who had been.

I want you to keep all that in mind.

So man or bear is really the question "how afraid of men are you?", and the question that logically follows is "What if there was a strange man at night in a deserted parking lot?" or "What if you were alone in an elevator with a man?" or "What if you met a strange man in the woman's bathroom?"

My state recently passed an anti trans bathroom bill. The rhetoric they used was about protecting women and children from "strange men", aka trans women.

Conservatives hijack fear for their bigoted agenda.

When I first started presenting as a woman the campus apartment complex was designed for young families. The buildings were in a large square with playgrounds in the center, and there were often children playing. I quickly noticed that when I took my daughter out to play, often several children would immediately stop what they were doing and run back inside. It didn't take me long to confirm that the parents were so afraid of "the strange man who wears skirts" that their children were under strict instructions to literally run away as soon as they saw me.

"How afraid are you of a strange man being near your children?"

I mentioned above that I had to avoid public bathrooms. This was not because of men. It was because of women who were so afraid of random men that they might get violent or call someone like the police to be violent for them if I ever accidentally presented myself in a way that could be interpreted as threatening, when my mere presence could be seen as a threat. If I was in the library studying and I realized that it was just me and one other woman I would get up and leave because she might decide that stranger danger was happening.

Your fear is real. Your fear might even come from lived experiences. None of that prevents the fact that your fear can be violent. Women's fear of men is one of the driving forces of transmisogyny because it is so easy to hijack. And it isn't just trans women. Other trans people experience this, and other queer people too. Racial minorities, homeless people, neurodivergent people, disabled people.

When you uncritically engage with questions like man or bear, when you uncritically validate a culture of reactive fear, you are paving the way for conservatives and bigots to push their agenda. And that is why I waited until pride month. You cannot engage and contribute to the culture of reactive fear without contributing to queerphobia of all varieties. The sensationalist culture of reactive fear is a serious queer issue, and everyone just forgot that for a week as they argued over man or bear. I'm not saying that "man" is the right answer. I am saying that uncritically engaging with such obvious click bait trading on reactive fear is a problem. Everyone fucked up.

It is not a moral failing to experience fear, but it is a moral responsibility to keep a handle on that fear and know how it might harm others.

[nicheappeal]

[nicheappeal]

anyway. include post op trans people in your activism now

#we don't consider #the other that the article didn't mention is #a lot of times as a trans man you'll pass... #but as an extremely #well #faggy man #which is also not a presentation people always react well to

[nicheappeal]

i think "it takes a village" shouldn't be just "to raise a child". we should understand it takes a village to do literally everything we do. all day every day. without our communities we would not have drinking water or electricity or clean streets or food or shelter or anything. we cannot do any thing alone. we just can't. and with that comes the fact that you are not alone. you already have a community, seek to be an active part of it, you will feel better. reach out and thank them, they're happy to have you too. i promise. it takes a village to live.

[nicheappeal]

A spoon's only objective in life is to make soup go upwards, and it knows this. That's why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high. The spoon thinks there's suddenly TONS of soup to deal with and it freaks out.

[nicheappeal]

really fun duo you have there. mind if i add arbitrary roles to their relationship dynamic so i can write one of them as an overprotective caretaker and the other as a naive helpless baby?

[nicheappeal]

there's a doylist version of that "no look I don't ""ship"" this I just Understand that It Happened" phenomenon that I actually get a lot more often where you're like... "no listen I don't ""ship"" this I just recognize that the narrative being constructed would have been stronger for it, thematically, and the fact that whoever made this media doesn't seem to understand this makes me question how well they even know what kind of story they are telling"

ITS SO PAINFUL

[nicheappeal]

I guess friendly reminder that you can't actually judge someone's socioeconomic status based on what they own and the classic republican "they can't be poor they own a smart phone/computer" argument doesn't suddenly stop being complete out of touch nonsense when a poor person makes it.

Anyway insert "y'all can't be trusted to eat the rich bcs you'll target taco bell shift leaders and people with playstations instead of actual billionaires" post here.

[nicheappeal]

I have no particular stance on whether estrogen would have saved Shinji, but I'm looking at it from the family dynamic angle, and... well, Jesus Christ. On a good day, Shinji already looks like a teenage soft butch version of Yui Ikari – can you imagine how Gendo would react to his "son" slowly morphing into his dead wife?

[nicheappeal]

[nicheappeal]

it came to me in a moment of clarity

[nicheappeal]

hey you know the "opressed minority can spit fire" type of story

i think that consistently, one thing that good stories in that genre do is make parallels between the violence that the minority, the mutant is capable of, and the fact that the rest of humanity is in fact capable of the same amounts of violence, but that this violence (gun violence, often) is considered by the state to be righteous, a means of defense, by the majority.

because minority defending themselves is always scary, and it's always different from how the opressor does it, and therefore scary, bad, dangerous.

its, you know, when people say "yeah but if sucking dick made me a wizard i'd understand if people were scared" and i think that like, when this kind of story is well made (like when x men is good), it gives two really good answers to that:

for all intents and purposes bigots already believe this to be true

the majority has ressources and the law on their side, they hold the actual power, not the marginalised.

everyone can kill, but only the minority's power to kill is considered innate and dangerous, because the violence of the establishment, while just as innate as a mutant's abilities, is normal.

sure, a pyromancer might be able to deal incredible damage, maybe turn an entire city to ashes, but multiple world leaders do that everyday and people don't even question that anyone should have such power.

[nicheappeal]

Good news everyone I have accidentally discovered the stupidest fucking conceivable way to make myself to do chores

It goes like this…..

-

My car: *low gas light on*

Me: I mean, I COULD stop at the gas station on the way home… OR! I could just NOT do that and deal with it tomorrow

Me: but what if I get stuck in a time loop starting tomorrow and every day I wake up and my car is on empty that would be so annoying

Me: uggghhh FINE I will stop at the gas station.

****LATER THIS EVENING:****

My sink: *has all my bowls and tea mugs in it*

Me: okay I don't actually care about this problem for tonight I am not planning on eating soup or tea

Me: …yeah but if i do end up being stuck in a time loop starting tomorrow it is going to SUCK to have only dirty tea cups in the morning forever

Me: uuuuughhhh okay clean sink it is

-

I hate this. My brain must have an extremely low opinion of me to even try it, and it worked.

But hey, I don't have to try to remember to leave 5 min early tomorrow for a gas run?

#sure I'll give it a shot