nifedick

[nifedick]

The only retail job I miss is being the cashier at a local Hardware Store in a small town surrounded by other small towns, because I was essentially a high fantasy GuildMaster.

I worked there three summers in a row, and every laborer from every nearby town would come there for whatever supplies they needed, and man could they gossip like there was an Olympic medal for it.

At 8 AM, every morning, every plumber, roofer, electrician, and landscaper in the county was at the door waiting for me to unlock it, and they’d come back throughout the day.

I knew every tradesman in a 30 miles radius, and I knew too much about everyone in town because of, like I said, the tradesman gossip. It’s shocking that people basically tune out an entire person in their living room and say whatever they want, because they don’t see the guy fixing their light fixture as real somehow.

Then your average citizens, the townsfolk, would come in to ask for labor recommendations. The cashier at the local hardware store is a god among yelp reviews.

A woman needs her roof repaired. A man wants central air installed in his 100 year old house. Someone needs to break into a safe they inherited without the combination.

And I would make recommendations. I’d take down names and information so when a plumber I liked walked in an hour later, I could say, “come here, I have a job for you” like I needed them to clear a village of Redcaps.

There is no difference between your local mom-and-pop hardware employee and Greed Karga sending the Mandalorian on bounty hunting jobs.

If Geralt of Rivia walked in, I could have found him something to do.

I believe all plumbers dual-wield drain snakes and arcane magic, because you’d be surprised how often Liches come up in septic tank repairs.

You can belong to a monster hunters’ guild and a welders’ union, if you have the time. Always good to diversify your portfolio.

[nifedick]

This miniature horse in Colombia enjoys cuddling.

[nifedick]

With Young Sheldon finally ending, I want to take a moment to honor an image I quote on a weekly if not daily basis

[nifedick]

Men invented dueling so they could shoot hot loads into eachother

[nifedick]

put those awesome boobs away dude now isn't the time

[nifedick]

so last night i was struggling with a difficult section in a game, and when i woke up this morning i got it on my first try. this reminded me of a documentary i saw as a kid about how mice have maze-exploration brain activity in their dreams after a maze task, and have better performance after, so dreaming is maybe "practice" of daily activities.

anyway, i mention this because i noticed myself conceiving of this sleep-skill-benefit as a "mouse ability", and feeling gratitude towards Mouse (the abstract spirit of mice) for granting me this boon. this is the gator's aid all over again

[nifedick]

due to your unwillingness to engage with the unfamiliar we have no choice but to abandon you in a snake pit i'm sorry

[nifedick]

brother? as soon as the coffy hits my stomach my cheeks hit the porcelain #realshittersknow

[nifedick]

My mom went to high school with this guy and showed me this Facebook post of his and if I were not already happily married……………..

[nifedick]

Jurassic Park is happening right now but sadly it's with shitty dogs and not dinosaurs

[nifedick]

dashboard simulator

mutual 1: i NEED hrt

mutual 2: here is 10 more paragraphs of rambling about the same character i have been talking about for the past 8 months

mutual 3:

😎 anonymous asked: hey i saw your 10k note post and i was wondering why you think it's ok to say that everyone who lives in a house should be killed and eaten?

💬 i did not fucking say that

blog i followed for a funny post a while back: this situation with my family just keeps getting worse i feel so hopeless all the time this really might be the end for me

mutual 4: why is no one talking about this obscure indie work last relevant 10+ years ago made by a lunatic that contains some of the worst writing of all time. it's a masterpiece

mutual 5: who all remember star war

blog i followed for politics: [10 consecutive reblogs of anime girls with giant tits]

blog i followed for yuri art: [10 consecutive reblogs of resource threads about marxist theory and history]

mutual 6: little doodle lol [most beautiful image ever drawn]

[nifedick]

put those awesome boobs away dude now isn't the time

[nifedick]

but did they ask jensen ackles if they're allowed to get gay married. ur supposed to run that kind of thing by him first

#wait HUH????

[nifedick]

sorry i covered your neck in dark hickeys and clamped down hard on your throat like limp prey while i was giving you a handjob. you whimpered a little too soft and i blacked out and believed myself to be a feral dog in possession of an entire rotisserie chicken

[nifedick]

crazy that all those 13 year old girls clocked dan and phil so hard. like mustve been intensely fucked up and invasive etc etc but so crazy that 13 year old girls worldwide were like those men are secretly gayandinlove and they literally were

[nifedick]

[nifedick]