nightfallsupon

[nightfallsupon]

Last year I was having pains in my heart, and couldn't breathe. My fan broke and I borrowed the fan of Stephanie King, the lady living next door to me, who was also subletting to me.

I didn't return it when she asked, because I felt doing that would have put my life in danger. But when this happened other things were done in retaliation to me. Insane things, like chlorine being poured in my water supply by her or others she got involved. It was so strong, turning the tap on in the kitchen made the entire room smell like chlorine, and I was heaving, and could not use the water for drinking or washing dishes.

There was also a strong smell of some kind of strong gas coming from above me in my bedroom (we lived in the same house - her above me). At a later stage I could smell burning plastic. I couldn't breathe, and nearly did not survive this. I do not know how she did this or why. Because your everyday person does not try to kill someone who borrows a fan. But I did not imagine this. What she did to me - I can only assume to harm me or get me to leave, was evil.

She got Tall Poppy, the real estate involved (to what means I don't know - but there were workers constantly at the house) and evicted me, and her and them have still faced no consequences. She was also engaging with my support worker, trying to make the situation worse for me, which she succeeded in. At this time I was refusing the injection, and mental health were repeatedly turning up terrifying me, knocking on my door, also because of the things she was saying about me. That does not mean that I do not understand what was going on, or that I did anything wrong, apart from a borrowed fan. I was so desperate I even put the cost of it into her bank account, hoping the situation could be deescalated.

One night she banged on all the windows, yelling, and I really thought she was going to kill me. Over a fan. I was the most terrified I've ever been in my life, and I thought I might die.

People do this kind of shit to me, because they think they will get away with it, because they think no one will believe me. But this is what she did. She is a vile person. And I hope she reaps what she sowed.

[nightfallsupon]

Fact is, until you have it happen to you, you don't know how you'll respond to it, whether you're able to keep a clear mind always, or who you're willing to forgive or not. And everyone is allowed to feel something different. So don't go criticizing what someone has done to survive and how they feel about the people that hurt them.

I could never raise a finger to any living thing, so don't hold me responsible for wishing karma on the people that raised their hand to me. They shouldn't have done those things. And they'll do them again if they're not stopped.

I used to think if I was sexually abused I would confront the person, but I feel entirely different now. I also know that even if I went to the police they wouldn't believe me (I don't trust them), and so I just hope for a miracle of justice somehow, someway, someday soon.

And also that what happened to me when I was two didn't happen to another little girl or boy. Or what happened to me when I was 25 didn't happen to another unsuspecting woman. Or what's been happening to me the last 7 years won't happen to another woman in her home. Because when you steal our credibility, you also steal our ability to stop these tragedies happening to other people. And that's because you didn't believe us. So others suffer because of your lies. Some of this pain could have ended with me, but it likely didn't. That is the reality you don't tell yourselves when you label us mentally ill and paranoid.

So who's really delusional?

[nightfallsupon]

When you say "mental health" what even do you mean? Are we talking someone's brain, emotions, feelings, pain, grief, loss, trauma? Then why don't you just say that? Or are we trying to define someone's pain in a limited sense of two words that don't really mean anything.

Today we ask, how is your mental health? And what do we mean by this? A pie in the sky, a fixation upon a concept, not a distinct and obvious feeling. Well I can tell you what psychiatry means by it...

Are you a danger to yourself? Do you have any thoughts of harming yourself or anyone else? Do you hear voices? Do you see things that aren't there? Do you feel unsafe?

And by psychiatries laws (a law to their own), if they decide any of these answers to be yes, the reason is untenable, for I need now to put you in a 'hospital bed' or in other words a prison, until you can act convincingly enough that we believe the answer is no. But in the mean time we will break you just enough, so that you begin to learn lying is the only way to feel free, and get away from people that are making you feel much, much worse.

Start asking people, what is hurting you? Why are you in so much pain? How can I help you? What would make you feel better?-Apart from a pill or a needle, a drug, that is addictive and will come with a black and grey kaleidoscope of side effects.

You see what the mental health industry does not understand (candidly) is that you cannot separate mental health from physical health. The two are not mutually exclusive. Health is health. Stop distinguishing between the two, and treat a person as a whole and complete canvas. 'You're in pain'...'where does it hurt?' Because I can guarantee there is a place in that persons body that is in unbearable pain. And a drug with physical side effects is only going to make things worse. Heal the person. Don't drug what you judge to be unusual. Have humans ever been so black and white?

Well yes, to psychiatry we are. We are black and white. We engage in this behaviour, it fits into this box, we say this thing, we belong here. This method of simplifying complex and colourful life forms to labels, is destructive at best, deadly at worst.

And how is this behaviour, yes the behaviour of "doctors" and "nurses," who have never healed a person in their entire life, fuelling the "mental health crisis?"

Because to them a solution comes in the form of a pill. But to anyone that is in pain, what they need is community, support, family, love, attention, understanding, care, kindness, and to be listened to, and offered constructive solutions - like real safety (where you can walk outside, where you know no one is going to hurt you), and conversations which don't place blame on you or your past. You do not receive these things within the "mental health industry." They fixate upon the things we have done, (perhaps mistakes, perhaps not), are content with studying and analysing our behaviour in the most unobjective ways, abuse us with their words and actions, then hand us back to the arms of our families, oftentimes also abusive. These are people who find comfort in controlling other people. I have been a part of it for twelve years now, and I have never found a single one of these things that would have helped me, from the people claiming they are making me "better."

The pharmaceutical industry is making billions of dollars upon peoples' sickness and the pyschiatrists and nurses all feed into this ideal, that a pill or liquid in a needle, is the help you need. While remaining completely and willfully ignorant to the pain these things cause, because they don't listen, discredit us, and also never feel that pain from these drugs themselves. They keep themselves thoroughly in caves, disregarding the truth we tell them about the way they make us feel.

And nothing will ever change, until the world is ready to acknowledge that the mental health industry is fuelling the "mental health" crisis. Like they say in advertising, you can't polish a piece of shit. So in conclusion, stop trying.

[nightfallsupon]

I have spent the last twelve+ years being gaslit and made to feel insane when I am very rational, and have a lot of clarity around everything that has happened, everything I've done and everything inflicted upon me. It is the very people who call me crazy who are illogical, abusive, and unstable, if not deranged themselves. They exist within the cult they created and convince themselves they are helping people when they are, in fact, destroying lives and robbing people of decades of joy and freedom, collapsing their hope and souls.

Ok you injected me with life destroying drugs over a hundred and thirty times and caused me untold suffering and terror, stabbing me with a needle at least once a month, but sure, I deserved it and you are completely sane to do this to people, it is medicine, sure, I am miraculously healed by your torture. Wow, I feel so much better having constant agony in my body because you weaponised a manmade drug to permanently alter my brain and break my body irreversibly. :) love you guys x

I owe you a huge thank you for making me disabled from all the absolutely (un)endurable side effects and imprisoning me for months and years. Kisses 💋

[nightfallsupon]

"May the fire that burns in you, burn these systems to the ground. That it may spread like a wildfire." -Tara Sevenich

[nightfallsupon]

I believe this is a case for false imprisonment, from my time being locked up in psychiatric facilities.

I found this under the common law of New Zealand.

I believe I have strongly described how the people within the mental health system of NZ have used coercion, threats, and claims of authority against me in order to keep me under their control.

As I have found (screen-captured above) in section 4A, the common law of NZ also speaks about how the doctors conflate insight with capacity. I have spoken in depth about this in earlier posts on this blog, how I do have a lot of insight, I simply do not agree with the doctors opinions of me. I know my own thoughts and emotions much better than they know me, spending half an hour with me every three months, and judging me based on this and a file of lies about me, written by other ill informed 'medical professionals,' who say I'm crazy simply for standing up for myself to them, and will find any small thing to conflate in their records to use against me in future.

I found a study spoken about at https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/07/190708131152.htm which states psychiatric diagnosis is 'scientifically meaningless.'

In this study it states "The diagnostic system wrongly assumes that all distress results from disorder, and relies heavily on subjective judgments about what is normal."

I believe there is no basis in psychiatric diagnosis. They are simply opinions of over educated, and brainwashed 'professionals.' Because my opinion differs to theirs, they say I lack insight and the capacity to make decisions. They have credibility within the system, organised specifically for their control over other people. But more specifically they have a lot of credibility within the court system, and are able to keep me under the mental health act and imprisoned in my body (drugged) and elsewise because of this.

I have seen first hand how New Zealand, and likely much of the world is imprisoning people who the doctors simply consider don't fit into societies tidy box of 'normal.' And because I was willing to do something drastic (my decision to steal a diamond ring, a car, and a campervan in 2012 - spoken about in earlier posts also), they have classified me as lacking capacity. I believe my blog proves that I have a lot of insight and understanding about what I have done, and what has happened to me. It is simply that I have never been listened to, or believed, and as a product of this inhumane system, been coerced, and imprisoned, in order to fit into their limited perception of me.

I believe it is now even more necessary to challenge the structure of society with whatever it takes for change to occur, just as the suffragettes took upon themselves in the 1900s, otherwise the world is heading toward catastrophe - as proven in scientific research of climate change. I don't believe this makes me insane, or lacking in capacity, or even a risk. As I have described in depth also, my reasons for doing these things, again in earlier posts and how I would choose not to repeat these actions. Infact I think it is a very sane thing to do alls considered, if you disagree with the way the world is headed, and the way in which humans treat other humans. Especially the way the world is currently, there should be more people fighting for others to be free. We obviously haven't accomplished much in this world with passive protesting, when there are people dying and starving throughout the world - Palestine, Ukraine... Not enough is being done by people, normal, regular humans to challenge the ingrained proposition that profit is to be valued over human life and I am fucking tired of it. I have never harmed another person, I have never assaulted, abused, or emotionally destroyed another, as they have done to me. Perhaps they should be the ones locked up in psychiatric units around the country after the cruel and inhumane actions these doctors, nurses, and judges seem to get away with.

New Zealand as a country has failed, and I deserve justice for their false imprisonment of me. One to two years of my life. Stolen from me. And tortured in the process. Imprisonment in my body of over a decade from the drugs they use to attempt to control me. Well, that didn't work did it. Read below, I've been fighting to be heard for YEARS. They might be able to control what they do to my body, but they will never control my mind. And I am ready for a battle once the world finds out.

Source:

[nightfallsupon]

"Only justice will bring peace." - Avatar, The Last Airbender

[nightfallsupon]

[nightfallsupon]

if loving you is light

then hate must be a dark day

but since i love the clouds

the rain and the storm hit sky

it seems you cannot so easily

compare life to the weather

instead i will compare this hurt

to an echo which won't die

a haunting ringing in my ear

the cave i am imprisoned in

a nightmare that won't end

to be this crushed by life

to desire to never to exist

nothing like a gift

and i have nothing left to give

to a world that wants to kill me

and i have nothing left to speak about

to people deaf by their own choice

janelle

[nightfallsupon]

It's like the bad things done to me are an imposition upon her.

I question myself if I overshare, but the truth is the world should be more aware of the realities and difficulties stacked upon people who have been broken by their families and inhuman systems. I was so close to being on the street, and it didn't feel like my family even cared. I don't feel safe anywhere because of what men have done to me. Sexually assaulted, abused, stalked, assaulted. What else could go wrong? I could be murdered I suppose. The drugs make me kinda numb to it all, though I cry basically every day. I think if I felt it all now after everything they did to me, I would probably die. So I guess now that they've all harmed me so intentionally, the drugs have become an addiction for my body that without them now after so long of being forced to have them i think withdrawals and actually feeling the true terror of what is happening and what people have done to me etc. could very well kill me. Though my life isn't any more liveable currently with them.

Feels like they've gone to war with my body. And what's been done to it now I don't want to live with. I also won't wait years for things to get better because it's too painful to live like this no matter how loved I am. In 2016, I had a website saved in my Google of how to die by carbon monoxide. I'm scared to die, but I'm just existing currently in pain. All the promises in the world mean nothing if they never arrive. It's not a threat. It's just well for this life to continue this way for even another year, I already know my choice. It's the truth, that's all. It's not a life I want, and I do have a choice in that, at least because all other control has been taken from me. Obviously, it's all a great source of pain for me. All I ever wanted was just to be loved, and it just never got here. We all make choices. Mine just might be that I relinquish my life since they won't relinquish their control. 🤷‍♀️

[nightfallsupon]

I've been having a memory come back to me of when I was a small child left at a family friends house. Their names were Graeme and Anne Usher.

I was in a room with the man (Graeme Usher) and his son, Simon. Graeme Usher told us to take our clothes off. I didn't want to because I was too shy, but as I can recall the little boy Simon, who was around my age did take off his clothes, and Graeme Usher said to me, take them off like him. I'm fairly sure I did not, and I don't believe he forced me to.

Next he took photos.

I'm pretty sure this was the same time that he molested me at night while I was in bed.

[nightfallsupon]

The crazy things is, these people, this system of "mental health" are the ones that are keeping me unwell. They are keeping me, and keeping my body in a state of terror, they are gaslighting me as to what is reality, the truth that has been done to me, and disbelieving my pain, and the things that have happened to me. I am, and have been surrounded by a family that abused me, where they have been given a voice and control over me by this system while taking my own voice and power away from me, along with people within a system that continued to abuse me. Like fuck, I am ever going to heal when they are holding me in this state of unrest, or terror, of shame, indignity, and degradation by discrediting me. They torture me with needles, prisons, and unjust court appearances where they tell themselves what they do is just, that I am receiving a fair "trial" (that is what it is after all - a trial of mental competence that the doctors and judges decide upon each time), and control over my body, along with, robbing me of my basic human rights and freedom.

Any intelligent person could see that they are surrounding me in disaster, and nightmares, and pain, and torture, and cruelty, and this is the true reason and cause of my health suffering. When I am in a loving, and safe environment, surrounded by people that love and care for me, and who don't abuse and torture me, I will be able to heal from this, and I will be absolutely able to exist without all these painful lows and drugs in my life forced upon me by these people who are causing me to suffer.

I am not safe, I live in a constant state of fear, I live on the absolute edge - with what they will do to me next, and what they do to me each month - sticking needles into my body, and forcing me to their court appearances where each time they have already made up their mind to keep me controlled, drugged, and examined, and the regular psychiatrist visits, where they gorge and revisit my pain, but do and say nothing to help me cope with it, and offer me other forms of potent poisons just like the one they have drugged me with for an entire decade, under the guise of, oh this one may not have such bad side effects of weight, oh but it could likely come with the side effect of akathisia - a side effect I have experienced before, an internal restless feeling that feels like torture. God I would so loove for these doctors and nurses to be injected with the drugs that have given me, so they can feel the pain they have given me for years and years and years. They fucking deserve it for what they've done to us.

Anyway, to summarise, living under constant threat has serious health consequences - both physical and mental. "Fear is a feature of nearly all clinical mental health problems and is a root cause of some of the most common ones. As well as anxiety disorders themselves, fear is strongly associated with depression, psychosis, and attempting suicide in the past year. Fear is also strongly linked to poor physical health." - This quote infact comes from the UK mental health website. Ironic. If you don't believe they are creating an extreme state of fear within their "patients" by drugging our bodies with sharp stabby things, scouring our minds for any small weaknesses, or basically anything that makes us the slightest bit different to "normal people" to be thereon used against us (what is normal??), and keeping us under the threat of imprisonment if we do anything wrong, or even dare to say no to the poisonous drugs they force upon us, then well, I don't know what to tell you because you are a fool.

Mental Health NZ has set up a cycle of fear and control that is feeding into the very thing they are trying to control - illness, and health problems. The way they negatively treat us, and abuse their power over us, the very nature of the imbalance of power within THEIR system, is causing us to be sick. They are keeping us sick, because it benefits them to keep us this way. They get to control us, and it is very profitable for them to "treat us" or in other words drug everybody but not cure us. If the system is profitable because people stay sick, and are continuing to take their "medications" then the powers that be continue to make money off of the backs of the people the broke. If they began to treat people with respect, and care, listening to them, believing them, and didn't abuse them, then we would see people getting better, and staying better. Which would also mean, the system wouldn't be able to employ and pay so many people to keep us sick. It would basically mean, the system was not profitable. And for any system like this to work, it must be profitable for the people that work within it, and the even higher domain of people who earn billions of dollars for consistently peddling drugs to people, and NOT healing them.

They can't heal us, because then, they'd be out of a job, and their delusions could no longer be justified. Yes, they are delusional, to believe their inhumanity and abuse is helping us in ANY shape or form. I want to die because of what they have done to me, and I know, I am not alone in this feeling.

[nightfallsupon]

I feel like I'm being hunted. I feel like I've been hunted for the past twelve years by many different people.

[nightfallsupon]

[nightfallsupon]

You shouldn't have abused and drugged a woman who is inherently capable of giving back everything she is receiving. Who can ruin your life just as you ruined hers.

For right now, even though you may kill me, and are absolutely responsible for my death, revenge from the grave is forefront in my mind.

God, treat me well, I can love powerfully, but choose to be the evil that hurts me, and I will make sure you are powerfully hated by all those on my side within this world of ultimate karma.

Xxx

[nightfallsupon]

I am under no illusion. What they are injecting into my body is poison, and the people choosing to do this will have to face the consequences for their actions one day.

That sleeping 12 hours at night from heavy sedation is because I am being knocked out, and the intense ache throughout my body is not natural, the extreme weight in my head, and my chest not to be accepted as a way of life, the dulling of my senses - taste, smell, touch, hearing, unthinkable to anyone else. The unbearable weight gain not merely a side effect but a reduction in quality of life and not something these "doctors" would ever accept towards their own bodies, the weekly headaches, the intense withdrawals that almost killed me, a choice of incredible malice to inflict such pain. The fire in my body along with the warmth and good feelings now dissipated and not to be confused with medicine. For medicine cures, while this is merely a drug to tame and silent and make the body sick. The reduction of life by decades, not an infliction anyone should get to hold over another person, and the future likelihood of diabetes and dementia a radically unjust further crime to destroy a human being's life with. Except I am, indeed, no longer seen as human, no longer seen as having human rights to the courts, psychiatrists, and nurses that are making these decisions for my body and life. And I know, one day the world will see this and realise they killed me. They took me from this earth. They took my body, and yes, they took my life.

[nightfallsupon]

I am aware I have written about this before. But I have more details to add to the facts.

I have a stalker, he has followed me around several house I have lived, and entered my home and bedroom. Interfering with my belongings.

At my last address, he stole things - random things like plasters from my cupboard, brown sugar from the pantry, and the cables of my hard drives. My woollen blankets were also taken from my wardrobe and turned up in the shed next to the house months later.

Before I moved out of my last address I heard a vibrating sound coming from just above me in the ceiling. I believe this was a listening device. I believe he was listening to me in my bedroom and I don't know how many other houses this was happening also.

I do not feel safe anywhere. But I do want to say that the likelihood of him reading this is high. So I will add this message to him. -

They will find you, and they will show you no mercy when they find you. You will not walk away from this with your life. For what you have done to me, the disturbing things you have done, the sinister tactics. You best believe you are not safe either now. You, are a psychopath, and you will die for what you've done. Watch your back. ✌️