obliviatemywords-blog

[obliviatemywords-blog]

overrule me

Love is destruction. 

Perhaps what they said is true. 

Why? 

I destroyed the demons I should’ve kept.

I kept them growing inside me to keep myself from pain

I made them my company 

They were my accomplice when no one else was

They were everything I have I was content when I was called a monster

At least I knew people feared me

At least I knew that I can overpower them

But when you entered the damn room

I lost sight of the monsters I’ve been taking care of

Nor the power I once had

For once, I felt vulnerable

I felt like in a snap my world could crumble

What’s even worse? 

It’s crumbling before you

But I do not mind I want you to know

You are in control 

You are a deity I wouldn’t mind worshipping 

Even if it means losing my sanity

[obliviatemywords-blog]

tawid

tingin ka muna sa kaliwa

sa kanan 

kung may sasakyan

pero kapag wala

tawid kana

may naghihintay sa kabila

teka, sigurado kana ba?

wag nang titingin sa likod

hayaan mo ang iyong mata

ang magbigay ng direksyon

na panindigan ang iyong desisyon

may mga kasama kang tatawid

at may mga masasamang matang nagmamasid 

pero wag ka magaalala

may sarili kang paa

hindi ka dapat nadadala sa kanila

dahil may mga tala

na palaging kumikinang

upang hindi ka mawawala

tawid na

wag nang magaabala

o mag aalinlangan pa

dahil kung mag hihintay ka

maaaring masagasaan

o maapakan ng ibang mga paa

ang iyong pagasa

at hindi na muling maibabalik pa

kung maghihintay ka sa kanila

sigurado ka bang kakampi?

sigurado ka bang sayo'y makabubuti?

kasi sa daming tumatawid

minsan, mali ang kasama nating tumawid

sa halip na nagtulungan

sila yung tutulak para ikay masagasaan

kaya, tawid ka

kasi may mga taong

kahit hindi mo kilala

ay tutulungan ka

hindi lang sa pagtawid

pati narin sa pag para ng sasakyan

at sasamahan ka sa anong kaguluhan

kasi ang buhay

ay walang binibigay na kasiguraduhan

ito ay walang hanggang kalsada

pero kapag tumawid ka ng sigurado

at puno ng pagasa

hindi ka mawawala

dahil talagang may kasama ka

kahit hindi mo kilala

sila ay pupuno sa lahat ng akala

at sa tuwing titigil na at papara

alam kong ikay naging masaya

dahil kahit ang buhay ay natapos na

hindi nagsisi na ikay tumawid

at natutong umahon sa gulo

sa sakit at lungkot

kaya habang maaga pa

tawid na

pagmamahal

kaibigan at pamilya

ang naghihintay sa kabila

at ngayon at tinatawag kana

tawid kasi mahalaga

ka tawid kasi may buhay ka

tawid dahil

nararapat kang maging

masaya at malaya

tawid na....

[obliviatemywords-blog]

karsada

gabii na

galakaw lakaw ta

nag sige og katawa

sa ngit-ngit nga karsada

walay pakialam kung asa mapunta

unya gkuptan nmo akong kamot

gidungan og pangutana

“ugma ingon ani paba kaha ta?”

wala ko kasabot

kung unsay bout nmo ipaabot

pero kahibaw ko nga klaro ang atong sabot

nga ikaw og ako

og walay laing labot

nilingkod ta sa may skina

nag tan-aw sa mga bata

kung giunsa nila pagduwa

bsag gabii na

unya niingon nasad ka

“puhon, magbantay nata ana”

ako ningisi

og nilaom

pero wala ko gadahom

nga ang karsadang atong gilakwan

mahimo nalang usa ka agianan

nga angay na nakong kalimtan

dli ko kalimot sa mga sakyanan

nga niagi unya atong giharangan

kay ang mga bata ga dakop dakopan

og sa akong hunahuna

ako ang ilang inahan og ikaw ang amahan

sa maong dalan

gitan-aw nato ang buwan

nilingi ko sa imong nawng

nitan-aw ko sa imong mga mata

sa maong orasa

sa pareha nga karsada

naa nakoy matawag nga akoa

bisag mag kinaunsa

sigurado kaayo ko nga naa ka

og dli ka mawala

nahunong akong pag pantasya

kay niana kag ihatod nako nmo sa amoa

sa wala paka nihawa

giingnan ko nmo

“pag amping baya, delikado ang karsada”

wala ko kasabot

kay bsag kausa

wala ko gibati og kahadlok

nga molakaw aning karsadaha

kay lagi, kauban tika

sa pareha nga gabhiona

tanan nmo pangutana

akong ghunahuna

kay mura kag gaduda

kung magdugay bata

nitingog akong cellphone

niana ka og “good night, inday”

ga type pako

wala pako kasend

naa nay nisunod nga mensahe

“ayaw kalimti ang karsada ha, kay ikaw ra akong gidala dinha”

usa pa gyud

“pero, sa sunod nmong agi, anino nalang ko nga gasunod nmo”

nireply ko “wala ko kasabot”

ga type ka

ga kurog akong kamot

ni vibrate na

pero ako, galibog pa

kung basahon nako

akoa paba ka?

o kung moreply ko

mobalik pa kaha ka?

mao ni imong gisulti

og nakapahugno sa akong gibati

“inday, gkuyogan tka atong karsada

kay ghatagan tika og panahon

nga makabati kung unsa ta kalipay

sauna, pero karon, dli nato maatoa

kay ako mohawa na, buhian na tika,

sa maong gabhiona, nga nagkauyab kita.”

didto na gasugod

ang tubag sa tanan nmong pangutana

kung ingon ani paba ta inig ka ugma

kay kahibaw ka

nga karon gabhiona mawala naka

giingnan ko nmo nga puhon magbantay natag mga bata

pero ang tinoud,

gbutangan nmo og “puhon”

kay kahibaw ka daghan patang pwedeng agion

pero sigurado naka

nga dli ako imong minyoon

imo ko gipaamping

kay kahibaw ka nga sunod nako agi sa atong karsada

kay ako nalang usa

wala nako nangutana

kung nganong dapat gyud ka mobiya

pero ang akoa lang unta ba

pwede paman nato ayohon

pwede pa nato tarongon

wala ka kahunahuna ana?

grabe ka sayon

para sa imo

ang ibilin ko 

ang byaan ko

maglakaw nga gahilak

sa karsada nga sauna

atong giangkon

pero karon

napuno na sa mga dahon

nahutdan na og paglaom

nga makita imong mga matam-is na pahiyom

sa parehang karsada kita nagkita

galakaw lakaw ta

pero ikaw kalit rang nawala

karon kahibalo ngano ngano delikado

ang maglakaw maginusara

labi na moagi kos atong karsada

kay makahunahuna pa diay ko

nga mobalik paka

mao diay delikado kaayo,

kay sa pag-agi nako didto

mura nakog gibira

sa imong mga gsulti

nga wala gyud nmo tumana

karon, ang “atoang” karsada

akoa na,

og ikaw nga akoa unta,

nilakaw na

palayo nako

palayo sa atong sauna

hangtod sa nalipay ka

og nalimot na

sa karsada nga atong gtukod og giaagian

nga para nato unta

og dli para nako

nato

dli para nimo

nato

pero dli nana mahitabo

kay nibiya ka

og wala nay plano mobalik pa

sa karsada nga imong giagan sauna.

[obliviatemywords-blog]

And if love is an elixir, consider me immortal.

[obliviatemywords-blog]

April

April 1, 2018. (April fools day)

Thoughts are absolutely racing in my mind (e.g., who to fool, who to prank, what to do) and suddenly, I felt anxious. I turned cold, was catching my breath, and almost unconscious. Then, this hit me:

How many people do we have to fool and make fun of until we realize that we are a fool ourselves?

Everybody loves a new start of a new month. But this month starts a different day, it starts with the art of fooling people and the game of "make-believe."

It is FUN. Especially when you know that you really hooked them up, but damn it. How many people do we have to fool in order for us to believe that we are not infallible?

April. April. April.

Such a good name for a new month.

Let's put it this way. On the 1st of April, it has been a tradition to fool a person and be part of the trend. But practically, since you had your consciousness and knowledge about the world, the more you fool yourself.

Why can't you say these:

"Hi self. I'm happy. APRIL FOOLS."

"I've moved on. April fools!"

"I'm impeccable. April fools!"

"Everything I did was right! April fools!"

"Don't judge other people! April fools!"

And to more hypocrisy sayings we have.

It's not that I'm bitter about the 1st of April and being a joy killer. I just hate the fact that we make ourselves the best fool we could ever be, and somehow that's an insult to humanity.

Given that humans are somewhat a prodigy to mere animals, but here we are, living life by being the "foolest."

[obliviatemywords-blog]

She was someone who talks about love like she knew every facade of it She became an advocate for love But she hid tears in her eyes When she knew that love works the other way around: letting go is love, being angry is love, hurting is love, pain is love. She knew the second she realized that love isn’t always made of joy and butterflies. That whatever she does, she would want it done by love, with love, and for love. She was so full of love that she radically don’t mind loving those who don’t believe in love. She became the love that everybody thought is always gullibe, fine, and jolly. But behind that, they never knew that she was a girl wanting to be loved the way people held the most fragile and important thing to them. She found her value because she wasn’t loved. She became an advocate for love because she is love. She and love are inseparable. She was tired of finding love, so she stopped chasing love. Love was tired of being chased, so love came to her. She is the love she never knew she was making. But she knew, love is never wrong nor should be deprived.

[obliviatemywords-blog]

I hope the moon tells you the words I utter when you're far away. When you hear them, speak to the stars and they will shine in unison. Once they do, I know the skies belong to us and love is bound for us.

[obliviatemywords-blog]

Difference between a child and a student.

Funny isn’t it—you happen to be both personas in the title itself. But to look really close, there’s a difference—a big difference. There is always a gap between a child and a student. As little as we were, our parents would raise us to be someone good, kind and all the amazing traits they could teach as a mandate to their children so that they would blossom, grow and be the “unblemished and indefectible” sons and daughters. Since we were learning how to walk, they would tell us to walk carefully and to always hold grip of the things around us to prevent ourselves from falling down, slipping and banging our heads on the floor. When we run, they would chase us and tell us to slow a bit and have a moment to take a rest. On our first day of school, they would make sure that we reach the school safe and sound and until the moment we grew up, we were taught to be always on our “best self”, to study hard and make sure we get good grades, to respect and obey the rules our parents and teachers would give us. And when failures and downfalls would cross our way, paranoia would follow. Then we would isolate ourselves, pretend that we don’t exist and belittle our own capability because of ONE mistake. We will be scolded, rebuked, receiving the most violent words that would make us contemplate every night, thinking if we really are like that. On the other hand, as a child, we were never taught the bitterness of the world and how complex life is. We were taught to always make good decisions, but never the fact that bad decisions could deceive us by looking like a good one. We were taught to always be helpful and consider others, but never telling us that too much help offered could be a sign of abuse. We were taught to study and have good grades because it’s what success means, and not telling us that success also comes from failure. We were taught to follow and obey rules, not to make new ones just because they know better. We were taught many things that made us who we are, and we were taught that life is supposed to be lived, but not how we are supposed to live life. We were taught to excel in every competition so no one would belittle us, and not be reminding us that our capabilities are measured by medals and trophies and applause. We were taught to be happy and not to be sad, when happiness and sadness are linked to each other. Always remember that what was taught is different than what is learned. Being a child is different from being a student. As a child you were taught to be a student to learn, but as a student you forget who you are as a child. Both are in one persona, but never forget who you are as a child: the happy, carefree, naive, clingy, verbal, playful, a friend to all, would be happy because of ice cream, and stress-free with optimism. Being a student doesn’t mean forgetting who you are as a child; being a child doesn’t mean you’re not being a student. It’s just that the pressure you receive and expectations people give you makes you forget who you are and what you’re made for and what you deserve. You are always a child, you are made to live and endure life against all odds, and you deserve to satisfy yourself, not to please the ones watching you. Be a child and a student. Don’t forget who you are just because of what you’ve become. Never stop playing because you got older, never say you aren’t a child anymore because you got a degree and profession. We learn new things everyday and everyday we are all students in this journey called life but as a child, let’s remember that journeys are about the little things that make us happy. Every little thing we have started when we were little and what we learned when we were little, not just about what we learned when we were in school. Being a student isn’t only about wearing a uniform and ID and going to school, it’s about learning and remembering what we learn everyday. Being a child isn’t all about playing, it’s about a student who enjoys what he does and learns. It’s about having more to living life than being subject to expectations and competitions.

[obliviatemywords-blog]

It is love when it makes you paranoid by just thinking about being replaced and being forgotten.

[obliviatemywords-blog]

All I knew is that love is a force too strong to stir up anger and destruction. But when you came, love is a conspiracy made by the universe to get me to you.

[obliviatemywords-blog]

Thank you for being the rain. You poured so hard that it created landslides in me I never knew existed. And now I'm a mess, and you're unpredictable. How could you?

[obliviatemywords-blog]

And she gave me the sweetest smile When we were at the sidewalk Waiting for the traffic lights to turn green And we knew we were ready Ready to cross the street In a manner we never thought: part ways.