ofclaires

[ofclaires]

KASS.

“ I AM HAPPY ABOUT IT, ”   she insists,   “ really. i mean, obviously i wish it was in dc, but i still think this is a great opportunity, and you should definitely take it if it’s offered. elisa’s mom is the best, and it’s obviously if she scouted you herself, she knows she’s getting the best in return. ”   it’s hard, because under normal circumstances kass would already be celebrating the interview, talking claire into going in town and having a nice dinner because of it. claire might have to jump through a few more hoops before given the job offer, but kass can FEEL it— she’s going to get it. claire’s nothing less than a great spy, and any of her professors would say that despite the attitude, she knows what she’s doing. all she needed was a chance, and now that she’s given it, kass has no doubts she’s going to go far. her cheeks heat up a bit at the intensity of claire’s words, though that warmth spreads throughout her entire body, exactly what kass needed to hear without even realizing.   “ okay, good, ”   she takes a deep breath, quickly nodding.   “ yeah, of course i want this. i can’t… i can’t imagine my life without you in it. and i don’t think we’d last very long trying to go back as just friends, ”   she jokes lightly, feeling a little tongue-tied from claire’s answer. somehow she always knows exactly what to say to calm her down.   “ so, we’ll do long distance, ”   kass tries the words out for a taste, ones she never thought she’d have to utter. it’s not preferable, obviously, but she’ll put on a smile anyway, reaching out to cup claire’s face gently.   “ it can’t be that far, anyway. it’s not like you’re going to california, ”   she lets out a small laugh.   “ and i’m sure it won’t be forever. ”   god, she HOPES not. there’s still a flutter of anxiety deep in her stomach, thinking about all the changed plans this means, but kass shoves them down as much as she can. the last thing she wants is for claire to be turned off of this opportunity because of what they’ve decided on already.

– “OKAY,” CLAIRE SIGHS, AN APPREHENSIVE LOOK AT KASS, but she’ll take the answer at surface level for now. “ i just don’t want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me. i’m always going to do what i have to do, but...we can talk about anything. and, uh, hopefully she still feels like that after the interview. ” claire laughs halfheartedly, leaning back slightly on kass’s bed. it’s true that it isn’t the most perfect of circumstances, but claire definitely feels relief. actually, claire feels an entire host of different emotions all at once, which is strange considering she has a tendency to hone into one emotion at a time, all in, and tune everything else out. now, she’s excited, nervous, relieved, scared, and...well, a little sad. living with kass was the one thing she was really looking forward to after graduation – vacations in italy aside – and now the plan has changed. it’s hard to be told you’ll have to wait after planning for something so soon. and the way kass looks at her now, the way kass really seems to BELIEVE in her without a second thought – it’s a reminder of why claire wants to work so hard for this relationship in the first place. she wants to share all of her successes with kass like this. “ yeah, i don’t think i’d do very well as just your friend, either, ” she cracks a wry smile, “ and i really don’t want anyone else anyway. so, i’d do pretty much anything to make it work with you if you want it, too. ” her hands fall to kass’s waist, trying not to cringe at the phrase ‘long distance.’ it sounds like such a cliche out loud, something they should be better than, but it is what it is – and such is the world of being a spy. as far as hurdles go, they could have it a lot worse. “ we’d be in the same timezone and everything, ” claire assures with a nod, “ and...definitely not forever. just long enough for me to get my footing and to put everything that happened this semester behind me. i need that kind of fresh start in the field, the opportunity to prove myself. ” and lisanna is handing her exactly that, another chance. it kind of seemed like she had a knack for it, considering her interest in drew as well, name recently marred by the burn book. she never pictured herself in this position, but it’s honestly something claire has gotten used to – always going through with a chip on her shoulder, fighting off the consequences of reckless actions. “ and then i’ll be right back with you, ” claire adds, leaning forward to press her lips to kass’s.

#int. #ft. kass

[ofclaires]

kassamigos​

        “ YOU’RE GOING TO JINX YOURSELF, with all that negativity, ”   she scowls in her direction, because the last thing she wants to hear is claire thinking she screws anything up. kass knows better than anyone how much claire’s been through in her lifetime, but she refuses to play into the narrative that any of it is CLAIRE’S fault, even if there are some instances that are more her fault than others. the mention of italy makes her shake her head, because kass hadn’t even been worried that it the interview would affect that – though now, she supposes, she should feel lucky.   “ no, i know, ”   she assures her, squeezing her hand gently.   “ of course we are. ”   it’s a knee-jerk reaction, to smile in claire’s direction and promise her that everything’s going to be okay. and it WILL be okay, she knows ;   the confidence isn’t coming from nowhere.   “ sorry, this is… really exciting for you, obviously. i hope you know i’m really proud and everything, and i hope you get it. ”   a pause.   “ it’s just… i do wish it was a little closer, ”   she admits.   “ like, if you get this, would you want to… i don’t know, still be together ? ”   nothing about this feels like it’s leading to a break-up, but kass can’t NOT ask.

– “JUST BETTER TO BE PREPARED,” CLAIRE SHRUGS, because she thinks of it more as anticipating all scenarios – you know, just in case. besides, she knows what it feels like to get your hopes up about things, she’d rather just be pleasantly surprised. like she was when lisanna approached her in the first place. claire smiles back, but it’s tentative, like she’s not sure that kass’s quick response really SOLVES the problem at hand – if there is a problem, of course, but she can feel the sudden tension between them that hadn’t existed a few moments prior. despite claire’s usual reticence, even she knows that there is more to say. “ no, it’s fine. i get it, i’d rather you just...tell me what you’re thinking rather than pretend to be totally happy about it, ” claire says through slightly gritted teeth, because it is frustrating how difficult it makes it to be truly excited about the opportunity. the job itself, the seamless mentorship program...it’s a perfect fit for her, or...it would be, if it wasn’t in north carolina. her gaze lifts, looking up to meet kass’s eyes. there’s a moment of confusion, “ what ? why would you even...why would you say that ? ” claire asks, shaking her head. “ kass, come on, ” she shifts a little closer to her, “ i don’t think there’s ANYTHING in the world that could make me not want to be with you. especially now that i know what it’s like, i don’t think i could just go back. you’re the most important person in the world to me, and you’re my best friend. i might’ve made it through this year regardless, but it would’ve been so shit without you. which is how i pretty much think about the rest of my life – better with you in it, ” claire says. “ you still want that too, right ? ” 

#int. #ft. kass

[ofclaires]

kassamigos​

        “ PLEASE, THERE’S NO WAY YOU’D SCREW IT UP, ”   kass gives her a look, because if the agency is interested in hiring someone with claire’s chaotic background, surely the interview is the least of her worries. this is a GOOD thing for claire, and she knows it – so it pains kass to admit that she’s a little disappointed to hear all this. no, maybe disappointed isn’t the right word. right now kass is packing up her childhood bedroom to move her things to an apartment in dc her mom has only just found, and in a few weeks she’s going to have to move again, once claire and her find somewhere. only… if claire’s going to be in north carolina, what does that mean for her ?   kass has never minded change, but plans being flipped on her like a switch does make her stomach churn with anxiety.   “ when’s your interview ? ”   she asks, trying to do the math in her head about when this hypothetical wrench in their plan might become a reality.

– “I WOULDN’T SAY THAT. first, you’ll jinx me, and by now, i don’t think you can even claim to be surprised by my ability to screw things up, ” claire points out, and sure, there’s an air of self-deprecation to it, but maybe there should also be pride, because screwing things up is part of her SPECIALTY. the good things in her life, like kass, still feel like a stroke of luck ! she supposes that she doesn’t want kass to be over the moon about this, it wouldn’t make sense for kass to be excited for her to be so far away – it feels both bitter and sweet, the excitement of a job that she’s interested in mixed with the anxiety about being so far away from kass, who has been her everything over the past few years. “ in a couple days, but i’ll be back in time for us to go to italy. that’s not...there’s nothing that could keep me from that, ” claire says, wanting to reassure kass that at least one plan hasn’t changed. “ are you...are we gonna be okay ? ” 

#me writing kaz instead of kass bc i was simultaneously reading ur love island liveblogs LKDSJF #int. #ft. kass

[ofclaires]

kassamigos​

        KASS WANTS TO BE HAPPY FOR CLAIRE, AND SHE IS — but the mention of north carolina does make her hesitate for a moment, not really putting two and two together about its implications until claire has to spell it out.   “ that’s definitely a prospect, that’s exciting !   if elisa’s mom recruited you herself, i bet it’s just a formality. that’s so great, claire. ”   kass reaches out to take her girlfriend’s hands in hers.   “ would you… be based in north carolina, too ? ”   maybe just the interview is there, who knows. she’s definitely not going to shit on the first real job opportunity claire’s been given in months. 

– CLAIRE CAN TELL THAT KASS DOESN’T WANT TO SAY IT. that she’s probably THINKING it, but she’s nervous to ask outright. and claire doesn’t really want to say it outright either, but she knows that it’s something that they’ll have to address. the funny thing is, they’d prepared for this a while ago : the idea that they might have jobs in different cities or places, but when it didn’t happen, they had started making plans together. and now that they’ve made plans, it is hard to go back to the way they’d been thinking before. but claire also knows that if she were to pass up this opportunity, she’d regret it forever, especially once she made it to d.c. and started working at the gym. this is what she really wants to do, what she’s been working toward. “ yeah, that’s what i’m hoping. i mean, unless i really screw up the interview, that’s always POSSIBLE, but yeah, i think it’s a good sign, ” and it feels like a weight off her chest to say, or even to feel the slightest bit optimistic again. “ yeah, um. that’s where their only office in the states is, so...i’d move there if i got the job. ” 

#int. #ft. kass

[ofclaires]

kassamigos​ 

        SHE’S SMOOTHING DOWN HER DRESS when the mention of elisa’s mom perks kass’ head up, turning around to face claire.   “ really ? ”    it takes her a moment, but she can see where this is going, a wide smile forming on her lips as she comes over to the bed claire’s sitting on and takes a seat across from her.   “ was it, like, a job opportunity thing ? ”   doesn’t want to get ahead of herself, but she knows claire hasn’t been the happiest about graduating without an offer for a spy position, so if that’s changed… that’s a pretty big deal. 

– CLAIRE SMILES FOR A MOMENT AT KASS’S EXCITED REACTION. she can’t help it : she’s excited, too. however, she also knows that this could potentially put a wrench in their future plans, something they’d been so SET on for months now. “ yeah, well, it’s a job SOMETHING. i don’t know, she said they’d fly me out in a couple days for a first interview if i’m interested and...well, i AM interested. it’s just...when i say ‘fly me out’, it’s in north carolina. so, it’s sort of FAR. i’m not banking on anything yet, but...it’s a good company and the most interest anyone’s shown in me in months now. ” 

#int. #ft. kass

[ofclaires]

kassamigos​

         AFTER YESTERDAY, GALLAGHER IS OFFICIALLY OVER. so it’s no surprise that only a day after graduation, kass has already begun to start packing her bedroom. today’s chore has been tackling the closet, and with claire there to keep her company, she’s started throwing clothes for italy in a pile – but it’s taking her awhile, because kass feels the need to try on every potential outfit and ask claire if she thinks she could see her walking around rome in it, as if she’s the one that’s been before. she had just thrown on a sundress from the back of her closet  ( cute, but a little too small, probably because she bought it when she was sixteen )   when claire speaks up.   “ yeah, what’s up ? ”   kass asks, studying the dress in the mirror, only glancing away from herself to meet claire’s gaze through the looking glass.

– SHE’S BEEN TRYING TO FOCUS ON THE ITALY TRIP, and how cute kass looks trying on all her different outfits ( which is especially adorable when you think about the fact that claire is just going to wear the same ripped jean shorts the entire trip. ) but she can’t, really, because she’s still thinking about her conversation with lisanna at graduation and the fact that she’s offered to fly her out to durham in a couple days for her first interview, right before they leave for italy. her head is spinning. “ this is sort of insane, but... ” she trails off, “ elisa’s mom came to talk to me at graduation. she works for this private agency, they do a lot of like...guns for hire type of shit, it’s pretty cool. ” 

#SHES GETTING STABBED IN HALF OF THEM BUT I'LL USE ALL THE ONES THAT WORK #int. #ft. kass

[ofclaires]

starter for @kassamigos​

– THE NIGHT AFTER GRADUATION HAS BEEN...A BIT OF A WHIRLWIND. everyone’s been packing up and leaving all day long, and claire now sits cross-legged on kass’s childhood bed as she starts the first stages of packing – both her room into boxes and for their trip to italy. everything claire owns can pretty much be fit into two suitcases, so she doesn’t have this issue. watching kass run around her room this way, opening cabinets, going through stuff...it’s a little fascinating to her, like watching a gerbil run around its cage or something. essentially : unhinged but adorable. “ hey...do you have a minute ? ” claire asks, “ i wanna talk about something. ” 

#int. #ft. kass #genuinely do not know when they're going to italy i'm being vague

[ofclaires]

IV. CLAIRE WALSH

PAST SELF PARAS: april 2020 / september 2020 / march 2021. 

hi, before the read more i just wanted to say THANK YOU. getting to play claire has been absolutely a treat, a challenge, and genuinely, a huge part of my life for the past year and a half or so. it occurred to me when writing this and looking back at other things i’ve written for claire that i didn’t just feel like i was writing this for myself or for claire ; but i was writing it for you guys, too ! that has been one of the most special things about gallagher for me is the writing community that i feel like we built, taking such a huge investment in our characters and everyone else’s writing. i feel like i’m writing with and for some of my best friends. i also feel like i’ve grown so much ( ok, i actually don’t just feel like it, i can look back at those three paras and SEE how my writing has improved. ) i am so blessed to have gotten to write claire with all of you and to share her story, i feel like she has been so fucking beloved & it’s given her so much life. i am so proud of her and it’s really bittersweet that i’m finally saying goodbye to her as well. so, thank you all so, so much, gallagher has been a writing experience like no other for me & i love you all ! 

trigger warnings : domestic violence & abuse, death

PART ONE: CHILDHOOD.

The trailer that Claire spent the back half of her childhood in never felt like home. Maybe because trailers are made to be temporary, or the fact that if she accepted that this was where she belonged, she’d have to give up hope.

It’s normal Maggie Walsh to be out late, Claire’s usually cleaned up the kitchen and tucked herself into bed by the time her mother comes in the door – but she’s not sleeping. She’s always had trouble with that, brain bouncing around from one thought to the next until eventually she hears the creak of the door.

Her mom’s home.

She hears the usual stumbling, the clatter of dishes falling from where she’d neatly placed them on the drying rack. Maggie’s drunk, Claire’s sure of that. Ten years old and she knows what it means to be so drunk that you can hardly see straight, that the words you say under the influence are a different reflection from the person that you really are. She inhales deeply and crawls out from under the covers to check on her. Ten years old and she knows the steps: Help her take her makeup off, make sure she sleeps on her side, glass of water on the bedside table, trash can on the floor. Maggie is only twenty-six years old herself now, not done with her childhood by the time that Claire was born, not ready to be a mother. Claire’s had to figure it out most of it herself.

“Mom?” Claire knocks on the door lightly, plastic cup full of water already in hand.

“Don’t – don’t come in!” Maggie sputters, and Claire’s confused. She defies her request and opens the bedroom door the rest of the way. When she sees her mom, she drops the cup on the floor, small hands curling into fists.

“What happened? Who did that to you?”

“I told you not to come in here, Claire,” Maggie repeats, but Claire has always been on to disregard commands. She learns at a young age that authority only means older than you or some assigned title, not that they know best.

“Who did that? Why?” She repeats her questions. Despite being mature for her age, it’s hard for Claire to wrap her head around the black eye obscuring Maggie’s face, and the swelling on her cheek.

“It doesn’t matter,” Maggie sighs, dejected as she flops down on the bed. Even in her state, she knows that there’s not much use telling Claire to back off or go away once she’s decided that she’s not going to. Her little girl is a spitfire, strangely enough reminds Maggie a lot of her own mom, like living with a miniature version of her. Maybe that’s why Claire wins most arguments. “Come here.”

Claire walks closer to the bed, kicking the cup aside on her way for no reason other than to kick something. She crawls into bed next to her mom and looks up at her, waiting for more of an explanation or literally anything but silence. 

“I don’t know why I keep looking for a happy ending. I leave you home alone, I come home like this...not helping either of us,” Maggie presses a kiss to the top of Claire’s head, runs her fingers through her daughter’s hair. It’s so soft and Claire is so little, she can’t help but look at the spilled cup on the floor with a pang of guilt. “I’m sorry,” she adds, voice choked up and words a little slurred. Tears squeeze out of the corners of her eyes when she closes them, hugging her daughter closer, “I’ve blamed you for my fucked up life for so long...that’s not fair.”

Now, Claire is only ten, but those are the kind of words that you remember forever. Still, she smiles. “It doesn’t have to stay fucked up. It can get better,” a childish spark of optimism in her heart that hasn’t yet been put out. It makes Maggie smile back though, kissing her daughter on the top of her head yet again.

“I like that,” she says, and they fall asleep curled up beside each other. Claire sleeps soundly, thinking that it’s possible. Things really could get better, and for a while, it seems like there really is a sort of shift. Maggie starts cooking, cleaning again, and she doesn’t even stay out so late. That’s when she meets Martin.

He seems better than the rest. Until he isn’t.

But Claire does her job as her mother’s protector, just as she’s been doing all of her life, and it’s that event that jumpstarts the rest of everything that happens next.

PART TWO: GRADUATION.

Claire’s come to the formal conclusion that graduation ceremonies are a waste of time. There’s all this build up, everyone’s so excited, and then you have to sit around and wait for your name to be called so you can spend two seconds walking across a stage while everyone claps. She would have skipped it entirely if her mother hadn’t already come up, and if she knew that people were going to insist. The small talk afterward is even more agonizing than the ceremony itself. It is sort of painful saying goodbye to everyone, and it occurs to Claire that there’s more people that she’s going to miss than she ever expected.

“Callum and his mother are here,” Maggie points out.

“And?” Claire rolls her eyes. Seeing Callum again to begin with had brought up a lot of old feelings, and generally, even though they’d resolved things, she tries to avoid him whenever possible.

“Well, it’s probably weird if we don’t say hello, at least, right? I’m going to say hello,” Maggie interjects, “he’s such a sweet boy.”

Claire’s eyebrows rise on her forehead as she crosses her arms over her chest. “Go ahead then,” she sighs, “I’ll wait right here.”

“Claire,” Maggie draws out her name with a withering stare, but Maggie has never been able to establish that sort of authority with Claire that would prompt any inclination of obedience, so Claire just shrugs her shoulders, unimpressed. She’s not going to budge. “Fine, I’ll be right back.”

Claire’s done her best to put the chapter of their life that includes Martin out of her mind when rekindling things with her mother, and she certainly doesn’t want to stand around making small talk with his other ex-wife, trying not to look at Callum with his matching jawline, trying not to remember everything she hates. It all comes back in a flash. The horrible cracking sound that her mother’s head had made when it connected with the wall, the blood on the marble floor. They say you don’t remember trauma properly, that your memory doesn’t work quite right, but she will never forget the way her fist connected with Martin’s face : like a puzzle piece, like it BELONGED there, and she’d done it over and over again until she heard sirens.

And yet, Claire can’t deny that it’s a part of her life that got her here, where she is today. She thinks life is shitty and random, and that not everything has to happen ‘for a reason.’ Still, she’ll catch Kass’s eye across the room and see her smiling so brightly that it seems impossible not to believe in something. Claire can’t help herself anyway – she smiles back. No one has ever been able to produce Claire’s smile in its truest form the way Kass has, unashamed of being so happy to look at someone. She once thought the idea of looking at a person and seeing your whole future was ridiculous, that you’d have to be stupid to put that much of yourself into someone, but it isn’t like that at all. All of it was unintentional, like by the time she realized it, Kass was already everything. And she feels so safe with that thought that she doesn’t mind at all.

“Am I interrupting something?” A figure steps in front of her, cutting off her line of sight. She’s not really fond of being snuck up on, so she opens her mouth to say something snarky when she’s met with the gaze of Lisanna Harlin, one of last year’s mentors. Her daughter, Elisa, is there, but she’s not graduating, so Claire’s confused by Lisanna’s presence.

“No, Ms. Harlin,” Claire says, though there’s a spark of indignation in her words that practically goes hand in hand whenever an adult commands authority.

“Lisanna is fine,” she says with a light laugh, like she’s amused Claire’s greeted her this way.

“Can I...help you with something?” Claire asks, mostly curious about how long this interaction has gone on. While she’s friendly with Elisa, she was Kass’s roommate last year, they’re not exceedingly close, so she’s not sure what else Lisanna would have to say to her other than maybe a polite hello.

It’s more than a polite hello. Lisanna Harlin works for Lexon Corp in Durham, North Carolina, a private military company that provides armed guards, bodyguards, and guns for hire. They’re the sort of place that would be looking for the best of the best in combat, and they have a bit of a reputation for hiring Gallagher girls. Claire had given up on the job search months ago since the video went out, in fact, she’s had a job lined up for graduation already : at a boxing gym in D.C., where the scene isn’t too bad. It was suited to her, but not exactly the sort of thing that her Gallagher education had prepared her for. Lexon Corp? Everything her rigorous love of January boot camps were tailored to. And they want to interview her.

A month later, Claire’s sitting on the cusp of a completely fresh start. It wasn’t easy to backtrack on the plans that she and Kass had made together, knowing how much was changing for the both of them, it had been nice to have the stable idea of an apartment together on the horizon. Now, she’s a four hour drive away, and she goes home to her one-bedroom studio in Durham after rigorous training throughout the day. But she’s grateful for the chance to work her way back into the field, and she can remember what Lisanna said to her when they gave her the offer.

“We’re aware that with your history that we’re taking a chance on you, Claire,” Lisanna said. “But we think the reasons that made other agencies look past you are exactly what makes you an asset. You care about your jobs, the people that you’re involved in, and you’d have a partner’s back until the bitter end. You listen to your intuition, trust your gut...and above all else, you have follow-through. I’m excited to be able to offer this position. Don’t prove me wrong.”

Claire swears that she won’t.  

PART THREE: KIPTYN.

Kiptyn isn’t supposed to be in the left hall closet. 

In fact, he’s not supposed to be awake at all. But who can sleep the night before their birthday anyway? Sure, he’ll be thirteen, and that’s probably old enough to have gotten over the magic of it all, but...he’d still been lying awake with excitement, the anticipation keeping his eyes open for hours on end. Well, that and the video game he’d been playing under the covers, but he’d obviously only been playing it because he couldn’t sleep in the first place.

Then he started thinking about the left hall closet and the conversation that they had at dinner the other night. In Kiptyn’s defense, Dahvia – his younger sister – had totally started it and he was an innocent bystander. After all, Kiptyn’s old enough to know that they don’t bring up Claire to mom, because it just puts her in a mood and then you can forget about doing anything else for the rest of the evening. But Dahvia’s ten, practically a baby, and she doesn’t know any better.

“Hey, mom? What sort of accident did Claire die in? Nina asked me at recess and I didn’t know,” Dahvia pipes up, before she’s even properly sat down. Kip visibly cringes. He’s older, wiser, knows this won’t go well. Still, he dares to look at his mom’s face and he notes the faraway look in her eye, like she seems to experience a bunch of things at once. Kip notices how even though her eyes are glassy, she doesn’t cry. Though sometimes, their mom will just cry randomly, like two weeks ago when he asked for help with his Spanish homework and she couldn’t even help him finish the first worksheet.

“It was a car accident,” she says stiffly, “eat your dinner.”

Kiptyn kicks his sister under the table and flashes her a look that says : Great. Look what you did, ruined dinner. Dahvia sticks her tongue out at him.

So, he knows that he’s not supposed to be in the left hall closet because he could ruin many more dinners, but he’s here anyway. He’s been thinking about it ever since they sat in silence for the rest of that half hour, and he’s come to the conclusion – his mother was lying. Because all sorts of things make their mother cry, like a bowl of mac and cheese or Spanish class, or motorcycles, and she won’t let Kiptyn take boxing lessons though his friend Robert is and he thought it sounded really cool, but she doesn’t have any problem with cars or driving, and also, she’s never told them a single thing about Claire except that. They aren’t allowed to know anything about her, especially not anything true, so Kiptyn is pretty sure that’s a lie. There’s just something just weird about it.

So, in the middle of the night before his thirteenth birthday, he looks up a video on how you pick locks and then he figures it out on the door of the left hall closet. He’s there for at least forty-five minutes, practically ready to give it all up when he hears the clicking sound, and then it opens. His first thought is : Woah. This is a load of junk.

And he’s right. There’s boxes upon boxes of paperwork, old clothes. Some things start to click, like when he finds a pair of worn boxing gloves with Claire’s initials embroidered on them. His favorite thing that he finds is the fattest scrapbook he’s ever seen – his mom always makes them, there’s one for every year of his life. Dahvia’s too, they love looking at them. The cover of this one, though, says Italy 2021. It’s all pictures of his mom and Claire, probably in their early twenties. Kiptyn mostly notices his mother’s smile, how he’s only seen her look like that a couple times in his life and yet it looks so EASY here, like she wears it all the time. It’s so strange to him. He sets the scrapbook down and crawls toward the back of the closet. His eyes land on two leather folders with gold embroidery, and he opens up the first one. In big letters at the top : GALLAGHER ACADEMY.

It’s a diploma.

This certifies that Kassandra Sutton has satisfactorily completed the…

“What are you doing?”

Kiptyn yells out like a child, not having heard anyone creeping up on him. He claps his hand over his mouth as if to shush himself. “The door was open! I don’t know how, but I just...noticed it was open and wanted to make sure that...no one was stealing your stuff!” he grins sheepishly, hoping that he can ride on the high of his birthday week to get him out of this one.

“It was just...open?” his mother looks down at him with raised eyebrows before brandishing a twisted paper clip between two fingers. The one that had formerly been stuck in the door. His guilty expression widens, he can’t help it.

“Okay, I might know how it opened,” Kiptyn admits. He hesitates for a moment, before he realizes that he’s ALREADY in trouble, he might as well just come out with it and pray to the birthday gods. He holds up the diploma with her name on it : “What’s Gallagher Academy?”

Kass’s sigh is heavy and deep, accompanied by the amount of exhaustion that comes with raising two curious kids by herself. After Claire died, she moved her family to London to be closer to their aunt and away from everything that reminded her of Claire. She never told her children why. From hiding that world from them, the world that took so many people from her : her father, her ex-girlfriend, and the love of her life. She swore that she would never lose her children to it, too. But Kiptyn looks up at her with wide eyes, desperate to know about his mother and his past, and Kass also knows what it’s like to have part of yourself missing due to family secrets that are being kept from you. He is practically a teenager now. So, she relents.

Kass doesn’t go into all of the details, of course. Just that Gallagher Academy was a school for spies, and that’s where it all started. Kiptyn already knew that his moms met in college, so it’s the spy part that’s most interesting to him. She talks about Claire with a light in her eyes he’s unfamiliar with, how she was one of the best fighters in their year, that she grew up with such a talent in the ring that she probably could’ve gone pro if her life had gone in a different direction. She talks about how they had to part ways after graduation, because Claire got a job in North Carolina and she got a job in Washington, DC, but they made it work, and both got very accustomed to the four hour drive – though it was sometimes closer to three for Claire, because she always drove too fast, even on this big, black motorcycle which Kass swears that she hated. She tells Kiptyn about how they got married, the way she’d almost moved to England for a dream job and that long distance threatened to drive them apart again – until Claire chased her down in the airport with a ring and proposal.  

She also talks about how Claire really died : the abridged version. It was an overseas mission where they’d been cornered, and Claire risked her life to save the rest of their team. There were no other casualties, and the information they were able to bring back helped stop the terrorist organization they’d been chasing to end them for good. Kass tells the abridged version for her son, gives Claire a hero’s death. In some ways, it was. She doesn’t mention the ways that Claire was consumed by the case, it was an organization hellbent on killing spies and it likely reminded her of the brotherhood. Kass had been worried about the case the whole time, because it felt like Claire was taking it too personally. In the end, she may have been right : because Claire had let it take her life in order to close it. She also doesn’t mention that such a sacrificial death means that her wife died fighting alone, swinging her fists until her very last breath. But still, she was all alone.

She had no choice but to take her kids as far away from that life as possible.

Kiptyn tries, but he doesn’t really remember Claire. He’d only been three years old when she passed away, and before then, she’d been so consumed by her last case that she was barely present. Still, he thinks she sounds badass.

He falls asleep on his mother’s shoulder that night, looking through the scrapbook of pictures from their trip to Italy in 2021. He’s animated for the first part, pointing out buildings and asking questions, wonders if Claire was sweating in all that leather, but he slowly starts to drift off. He wakes up on the couch the next morning, no trace of the book or any of the other papers he’d hauled out of the closet the night before. He looks at the closet and there’s an extra padlock. Figures.

It comes up in little ways, like a private joke that he has with his mother, like she’ll say something and flash him a secretive smile. He likes that, and he understands that this is a big secret that he has to keep. It doesn’t come up again until his fourteenth birthday the next year, the summer before high school. It’s a strange letter in a manila envelope, sealed with some expensive red wax, his name written in fancy calligraphy. The most attention-grabbing part, however, is not Kiptyn Sutton-Walsh in big cursive letters. It’s the return address :

GALLAGHER ACADEMY.

learn her skills, honor her sword. keep her secrets.

#* #self para

[ofclaires]

oofcori​

as  she’s  batted  away ,  her  hand  just  comes  back .  sorta  like  cori  in  general ,  really .  “  oh  it  was  SO  romantic .  couldn’t  say  no . ”  she  giggles ,   she  thinks  a  proposal  from  claire  would  probably  include  a  knife  or  something  and  that’s  hot .   “  cutie  !  you  know  i  could  just  give  you  money ,  claire .   though ,  either  way ,  you  wouldn’t  kill  me  ,  lets  be  HONEST .  ”

– “NAH,” CLAIRE CRACKS HER KNUCKLES. gross. “ i think i’d rather earn it, honest. ” she shrugs her shoulders, “ well, i guess that’s a gamble you’re just going to have to make. i just...well, i wouldn’t trust me if i were you, that’s all. ” 

#int. #ft. cori

[ofclaires]

kassamigos​

        DESPITE CLAIRE’S CONVICTION, kass really doesn’t think she could’ve done this year without her. or rather, she could’ve, but it would’ve looked a lot like their third year, when kass was bottling everything in and miserable and nearly transferred schools. her fourth and final year hadn’t been easy, but looking back on it now she’s glad that she hadn’t gone to england her very last year, if not because of her relationship with claire, but because she hadn’t known a year ago that this year would be her last at gallagher, forever. there’d be no visits to her mom and sister in the coming years, because they’ll be living in dc as well. nevertheless, she’s not sure she would’ve been able to handle another year like last, so she’s thankful that she had claire in her corner through it all.   “ i’m glad too, ”   she tells her, thumb circling softly on claire’s cheek. her lips pull into a sheepish grin when her girlfriend calls her out on it, shaking her head.   “ of course not ! ”   she hits her lightly in the arm.   “ but i mean, don’t forget i’m in a very vulnerable state right now. ”   may as well capitalize on this feeling. but she knows she’s going to give in anyway, because even claire walsh can’t ignore the nostalgia that comes with the last gallagher event of their careers. her smile widens into something so obnoxious that her cheeks nearly hurt, quick to pull herself out of her girlfriend’s grip so she could take her hand and drag her over to the dance floor.   “ have we ever danced at one of these things before ? ”   she teases as she loops her arms around claire’s neck, bringing them back close together. kass already knows the answer is no – maybe she had gotten her to do a single dance with her at the valentine’s day event, but even that had been casual and light. this was something out of a fairytale :   kass’ finest dress, the dim of the ballroom lights, the most beautiful girl wrapped around her. THIS is exactly what she needs from their last night at gallagher.

– “YEAH, YEAH,” CLAIRE LAUGHS, “I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU, SUTTON.” because it’s TRUE that she can’t say no to kass at a time like this, she might not really enjoy dancing, but she does enjoy seeing kass smile – it’s been a WEAKNESS of hers for years now, no matter how hard she’s tried to fight it. at this point, she doesn’t know why, it was always inevitable, but she also can remember a time where she doesn’t know all of the things she knows now. she’d tell her past self to be less scared, if she could, even though she knows her past self would never believe her if she told her that she could be THIS happy. her arms fall to kass’s waist, tugging her a little closer. “ no, we haven’t. because i don’t dance, ” claire explains, a la chad danforth. still, she knows what this means to kass, and maybe there’s a small part of her...a part that’s loathe to admit it but a PART of her that really enjoys this, too, always scared to get caught up in the idea of fairytales as not to be disappointed by reality, but right now reality is BETTER than anything she could’ve daydreamed, holding her girlfriend this close in the middle of the dancefloor. “ well, except this once, i guess. sometimes i can be persuaded, ” she adds, though only by one person in particular ! it’s hard to believe that this is only the beginning for them, maybe the last day of their first chapter, because everything STARTED at gallagher for the two of them, two girls in a spanish class ( a class that claire nearly flunked ) and now that’s all it is. the start. and they have an entire future that spans before them, starting with their new place in d.c. together. “ i can’t stop thinking about...i don’t know, last year. and the year before. but mostly last year, where i already knew you were it for me and i was so scared...not even because i wanted you and didn’t think you wanted me, which was part of it, but also because i knew what it would mean...because when you become certain about something like that, there’s no turning back, at least not with me. and definitely not with you, but i guess that’s why looking back is so funny ? ” claire shakes her head, soft breathy laughter escaping her lips. she’d blame part of this on the drinks she’s had prior, there are some bad influences on this dance floor, but maybe there is something to be said about nights that feel like fairytales. “ because i’m not scared any more. i just...i love you. and i’m so excited about everything we’re gonna do next. ” 

#u don't have to reply i just needed to end my bit on! this note <3 #int. #ft. kass

[ofclaires]

thrill-cfthechase​

“oh, i don’t know. like, poverty and hunger and shit. war seems kind of overwhelming.” not exactly fun answers, but those were the ones that came to mind. “i never said i wouldn’t miss you,” she rolled her eyes. “there’s a small chance that i’ll have to make new friends next year.” elliot made a face as if the thought had left a bitter taste in her mouth. “so yeah, i’ll miss you.” not because she cares about claire or enjoys her company or anything, it’s all because she doesn’t want to make new friends. obviously. 

– “EXACTLY, IF THE WORLD CAN HANDLE ALL OF THAT, then there’s nothing little ol’ me can do to overwhelm them. people watch war on tv without batting an eye, ” so, tl;dr, they could handle it if two girls were to make out. “ we’re friends ? ” claire smirks, “ kidding. but no one ever said you had to make new ones. kind of useless if they won’t be as COOL. ” claire pauses for a moment, not really good at goodbyes or sentimental stuff. “ i’ll miss you, too. ” 

#int. #ft. elliot

[ofclaires]

kassamigos​

        SOMETIMES WHEN CLAIRE COMFORTS HER, it feels more like she’s scolding her, chin tucked into her chest as she cast her serious gaze down at kass. these moments, surprisingly, are always the ones that stick with kass most ;   there’s something about claire’s stern look that shuts her right up and actually listens. and she is right :   now is not the time to worry about the fate of valeria sutton, not when she has a now retired mother to fall back on. slowly she can feel her stress melt away as claire pulls her closer, lips twitching into a smile from her soft kisses. kass knows her girlfriend well enough to know this is usually treatment she receives behind closed doors, so she appreciates it.   “ you’re right, ”   she says again, this time meaning it. when she wraps her arms around claire’s neck loosely, kass swats at the ends of her short hair on the back of her neck.   “ thank you, ”   she adds, holding her gaze.   “ i don’t know what i’d do without you, honestly. ”   these last few weeks – as well the next few upcoming weeks – would’ve been a hell of a lot more stressful without claire by her side, and she doesn’t take it for granted.   “ good, ”   kass smiles, already looking forward to getting on maggie’s good side again.   “ dance with me ? ”   her head motions to the dance floor, green eyes widening a little in a silent plea. maybe her mini-breakdown will work in her favor. 

– IT’S TRUE THAT CLAIRE’S METHODS OF COMFORTING AREN’T ALWAYS warm and fuzzy...it’s just more of her nature, but it helps that it seems to work on kass, that she doesn’t have to change who she is in order to get through to her. claire catches the smile on kass’s lips and knows that she’s done her job, at least to the degree that she needed to tonight. her hands fall to kass’s waist with an almost SMUG expression on her face when she’s told that she’s right ! “ i think we’ve been over this enough times for us both to know that you’d be completely fine, ” claire laughs, “ but i’m glad that you don’t have to figure it out. and that i don’t have to figure it out. ” because kass changed everything for her, and maybe there was a point where claire could have shut down, figured out how she was supposed to exist without her, but instead she chose to let kass in, to trust that she could become a permanent fixture in her life. and now, existing alongside her feels like being half of a whole. “ oh my god, ” claire laughs out loud at kass’s question, “ don’t tell me you PLANNED all that to get me all sympathetic for you so that you could pull this on me. ” she’s accusatory in her glance, heaving a dramatic sigh as she can feel herself giving in. it is their final gala, after all, she might as well relent. “ fiiiine. just for a little bit. ” 

#int. #ft. kass

[ofclaires]

rubymeriwether​

“I’m certainly not the expert in the dorm, I’d defer to Lari,” she comments with a grin, then realizes that none of them really belong to the dorm anymore, and it’s even sadder to think of it now. “Thanks,” Ruby repeats, an earnest, prideful smile on her face, somewhat happy to have earned some of her approval this time. “Not while inside the grounds, no. But I’m managing fine. What about you? Having fun? Excited for tomorrow?”

– “WELL, I WASN’T DEFERRING TO ANYONE WAS MY POINT,” claire points out, but it’s strange to think that tonight is their last night in the dorm, or it would be...but ruby probably has plans with grayson and claire will probably end up in the sutton household, so it’s all just ended without a specific day to really mark it. that’s kind of how claire prefers it, though. “ okay, good, ” she makes a face, figures ruby’s probably not allowed to talk about MUCH but she knows something went down, considering her boyfriend’s showed up in a sling. so, she adds : “ i’m glad you’re okay. ” there’s not much else to say other than that. “ yeah, i’m pretty excited actually. maybe i should be more sentimental, but there’s a lot to look forward to instead. and goodbye to those shitty twin beds. ” 

#int. #ft. ruby

[ofclaires]

cadenlucca​

        WELL, SO MUCH FOR THAT.    “ so should i expect your housewarming party to be as extravagant as these things ? ”   he glances around at their surroundings.   “ will it be sponsored by the ppc ? ”

– “HELL NO, WE’RE NOT THROWING PARTIES FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING SCHOOL,” she remarks, “ and it’s half my place, so i get some say. jeez. ” she’s not THAT whipped ! and judging by the way kass has stepped back tonight, she thinks her girlfriend is keen to take a break from planning ridiculous parties...for now. 

#int. #ft. caden

[ofclaires]

thrill-cfthechase​

“gee, thanks, that’s real generous of you.” it was a bit too late for that, anyway. she just rolled her eyes, frustrated with herself for bringing it up in the first place. in hindsight, it was less funny. honestly i agree but sadly elliot’s taste is not all good. “that feels like a challenge. like, to think of examples of things that do overwhelm the world.” it was very her to be contrarian just for the sake of it.  

– “YOU KNOW ME, PICTURE OF GENEROSITY,” CLAIRE NODS, a slight shrug  of her shoulders. “ oh, are you going to start listing things off for me, then ? ” claire challenges, because if elliot’s going to be DIFFICULT then she might as well be able to walk the walk. “ you can admit it, you know, ” claire points out with a grin, finishing off her drink, “ you’re gonna miss me. ” 

#int. #ft. elliot

[ofclaires]

callum-donovan​

“i get it,” he tells her, nodding his head. because he understands. at least, he’s trying to. what happened was unbearably harder on claire and maggie than it had been on him, and he was trying to sympathize the best that he could. “yes,” he admits. “i went to raina’s moms house for christmas, and they were nice enough to invite her too. i think the questions will mainly be about atlanta.” he paused for a moment. “raina and i are moving there.” 

– “YOU DON’T,” CLAIRE DISMISSES, “ but...i respect that. you’ve had your own shit to contend with. ” claire knows that it’s pointless to compare their struggles, their relationship to his father is not the same. claire didn’t grow up in that house. “ oh, nice, that worked out well, ” she can already picture them playing house in a little high rise apartment, as if she’s not planning on doing the same thing with her own girlfriend. “ and supposedly atlanta is a pretty cool place. ” claire hesitates for a moment then adds : “ congrats. ” 

#int. #ft. callum

[ofclaires]

drewsleung​

          “not all me. it was a team effort.” and even if he’s never been the type to banter with claire before, maybe trying it out wouldn’t be so foreign. he smiles. “you’re welcome.” at her question, drew could only shrug. “i’m thinking some stuff over, since i gotta account for a lot of things when i choose where to go.” namely his son and clement. “but i have a few companies on my list.”

– “OH, RIGHT, HOW COULD I FORGET YOU’RE SO MODEST?” she retorts, though it’s mostly in jest ! maybe she has a little more respect for him after the book came out, knowing his image isn’t so pristine. “ that’s nice. are they giving you shit about the whole vigilante murder thing ? ” claire asks, though she supposes the book isn’t substantial evidence of anything. as she speaks out loud, she pushes away the thought that maybe she and drew have a couple things in common. 

#i DID in fact forget but i'm so happy u didn't <3 #int. #ft. drew