sex ed in the south is so concerning lmfao. my bible teacher taught it and he told us women cant actually orgasm. his evidence was that he’d been with his wife for 30 years and I quote “if the female orgasm was real i would have seen it by now.” miss banks if you’re out there i am so sorry ma’am
So my boss once robbed a museum to prove a point and honestly, I think she is my new role model.
If this gets notes I’ll tell the full story
Many years ago, my boss was working at this museum and they had these original Churchill documents on display. These documents are worth millions of dollars… The only thing separating the public from these documents was a sheet of glass secured with 4 philips head screws. Seriously. No security guards in the room, no cameras, just an easily removable piece of glass.
My boss pointed out the security concern, but she wasn’t taken seriously, so she took matters into her own hands.
She bought a ticket and pretended to be a guest. She entered through the main entrance with a huge drill clearly visible on her belt, went straight to the documents and opened the case with the drill. (While wearing gloves,) she removed the documents, put them in a folder, reattached the glass, and walked out the main exit. Literally no one even questioned her.
She immediately went around to the back of the museum, entered using the staff entrance and went straight to her boss’s office. She dropped the folder on his desk and said “I just stole these in 15 minutes“
Once he was done being mad at her, he listened and the museum increased security.
Be our guest, be our guest, put our security to the test
it is always hilarious to me that hermione managed to go 7 books with a reputation as a goody two shoes. all the school rules she’s broken…heck all the international wizarding laws she’s violated….kept a person in a jar for a year
As a straight A student with a reputation as a goody two shoes, I cannot begin to tell you the shit I got away with.
Yeah… straight A’s are the perfect cover for great mischief, they never suspect you when shit goes down.
I caused so much trouble in school, but I also got the principal’s award.
I could have murdered my class teacher and they would have given me student of the year award.
you ever think about what a genuinely funny show icarly was
off the top of my head
-Freddie’s mom used to just….chant rhymes for some reason and one of them was “WHEN THE TEMPERATURES GET VERY HIGH THE ELDERLY WILL START TO DIE”
-“ive organized your phone calls into three categories: calls from your mother, death threats, and death threats from your mother”
-carly dated on this Cool Bad Boy type but dumped him because he had an unhealthy obsession with beanie babies. there was an entire episode about it
-sam beating the shit out of people with a sock full of butter
-one direction showed up?? for some reason??
-spencer got a pet ostrich because his magic meatball told him to. it was never mentioned again
-they found out about Lewbert’s ex girlfriend and somehow brought her back but it turns out she was fucking insane so lewbert punched a cop in the face so that he’d go to jail and be away from her
-that kid who stole tv remotes and tied spencer up and shot him with a water gun which was heavily implied to be full of piss
-pee on carl
-they broke into their teacher’s house to spy on her and somehow ended up in her closet which was a randy jackson shrine while she did yoga
-spencer told everyone he was dead so that his art would be worth more which tbh is a huge fucking mood
Ok but how are you gonna forget the one where sam voluntarily checks herself into an insane asylum because she has a crush on freddie like im sorry but that was a HUGE mood
I’ve never seen a meme with such a clear expiration date as “let’s raid Area 51 on September 20th” because some loon is gonna do it and they’re either gonna get shot or disappeared and ain’t nobody gonna be joking about it any more
us on september 20th when someone photographs and liveblogs their journey into area 51 and they suddenly stop posting
trans bears are literally stronger than any US marine
How on earth would they be able to tell that a bear is trans. I’m not saying they can’t be but how would they communicate that.
this is so fucking funny
we the jury find the defendant not guilty your honor
my favourite thing about that Lucille Bluth “good for her” reaction image that’s so popular is that she’s referring to a news report about a woman who locked her 3 kids in a car and let it roll backwards into a lake.
Me @ lucille bluth @ a woman going crazy and killing her whole family