pharaoh-land

[pharaoh-land]

The best review ever

MORTAL KOMBAT (2021)

(DISCLAIMER: MY OPINION IS MY OWN AND CAN BE DEEMED INVALID TO THOSE WHO DON’T CARE FOR IT.)

I don’t even what to say in this introduction… I mean… *sigh* don’t get me started on Sanada Hiroyuki (what an icon)! And freakin’ Lewis Tan and Ludi Lin! Those two have come a long way and so cool to see them show up and show out in this movie, but let’s not forget the others! You know what… let me hold my tongue because I can’t make this introduction to long KMSL. “LET’S GOOOOO!” - BUSTA RHYMES

ofc the opening scene is of Hiroyuki!

this is a Sanada Hiroyuki stan page and if you don’t like that, you can get tf out!

the door is to the right!!!!

bro you can whispering my ear too

That baby got quiet awfully quick.

“Where’s Hanzo?” - BI-HAN

he’s fetching water bruh

I genuinely thought the flowers on the tree were blood stains… i gotta get my eyes checked. 

He stopped crying real quick!!!

UGHH right through the fucking skull!

Y’all fuckin’ with the wrong one!!! But then again, you got the wrong one at the right time. So, 

GOOOODDDDDAAMMNNN!!!!!!

HE ABSOLUTELY FUCKIN’ SALTURED THEM!!!!!!

“I may not understand your words… but I promise I will kill you.” - HANZO

BI-HAN said that shit in Mandarin (forgive me if I’m wrong) out of spite. He said it in his native tongue because he knew if he said that shit in Japanese he would’ve gotten cut the fuck off! That motherfucka truly is foul lol. 

Got that fuckin’ cheek though ROFL

That baby better not make a fuckin’ sound during this fight!

Come on!

NOOO HIROYUKI!!!!!!! oh shit, I mean HANZO!!

Get away from the fuckin’ rock, bro!

HANZO GET CHO ASS UP

AHHH FUCK!

his blood is runnin’ like a river…

oh now that’s just nasty… that wound is deep as fuck! (ik I’m dramatic, get tf over it)

…well shit did the baby starve…

nvm they answered my remark lol (it’s been a while since playing/watching MK so I vaguely remember the storyline…)

“Earthrealm is on the verge of catastrophe should it lose one more tournament, the savage realm of Outworld will invade but an ancient prophecy fortells that a new group of champions will be united by the rise of Hanzo Hasashi’s blood.” 

Listen, I’m here for the violence… I don’t give two fucks about a romantic storyline, and I put that on me constantly playin’ this game as a child.

SUB-ZERO is…. cold blooded…

pre-fucked up JAX

first things first, why tf is your child puttin’ your business out there in the streets like?!

snow in July ain’t that somethin’ huh

he said BLADE like he was speakin’ to the vampire LOL

“And they will kill whoever they have to to get to you.” - JAX

“You want your family on a fucking slab in the morgue.” - JAX

bruh they can hear you rofl 

I still think it’s so cool that he was able to freeze that bullet. 

JAX + SUB-ZERO = severe frostbite… (ik ik I’m full of shit kmsl)

I understand that film makers only have a limited amount of time to film, but the scene where SONYA explains everything to COLE felt rushed. But once again, I understand.

“Kano. Kano none of your fucking business!” - KANO

KANO’s always hilarious, no matter what the setting is. 

Mini Godzillia

“You gotta pen you wanna write this down. Get fucked.” - KANO

“3 million, that’s my final offer.” - KANO’

dude, it was your only offer lol

LIU KANG!!

“Alright MC Hammer, that’s far enough.” - KANO

KANO comin’ in hard with these one liners

ICONIC DIALOGUE

LIU KANG - “There’s much to learn.”

KANO - “The fuck?”

LIU KANG - “But not here. Follow me.”

Ofc the one with fuckin’ GORO speaks to KANO

dude KUNG LAO came out the ground just the video games!!!!

“The time has come to end this.” - 

Who tf gave KANO some snacks?!

KUNG LAO smooth with it

I wouldn’t want to fight LUDI LIN as a character in a movie or real life…

listen… ik she’s trying to be encouraging but I would’ve been told her to such tf up

I can’t deal with KANO man lol

how tf does he have his phone??

“Yeah, that screech is a real turn on.” - KABAL

I don’t think NIATRA looks the greatest… they could’ve done better…

“Well, well, well you back stabbing two faced ugly motherfucker.” - KABAL

well, we already knew KANO was a trader

Alright so COLE’s armor is on that Black Panther shit ya feel me

I skipped through the hugging scene because… I said what I said… fuck the lovey dovey shit..

goddamn it not KUNG LAO

“Please tell me I get the bitch with the teeth.” - SONYA

FINISH HIM!!!

“Yeah, these motherfuckers work.” - JAX

KANO + ACETONE = Stitch with a Glitch

At least she left her spine intact…

you need to channel SCORPION GODDAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LET THAT HIS ASS OUT!!!!!

Bro that’s pretty rad to see your ancestor kickin’ ass in person

I’m on HANZO’s side, but that blood-icicle was pretty lit. 

oh shit… triggered

Listen, I don’t fully understand Japanese but I would’ve walked tf away as well rofl

Man, look at Hiroyuki in all his greatness!

FATALITY BITCH!!

“Take care of my bloodline.” - HANZO

Oh, damn not CAGE lol

____________

What a whirlwind! I’m still stuck Sanada Hiroyuki! I wish that film was of origin story for some characters that could’ve continued onto the next movie within the franchise, but I understand what’s trying to be executed by the director, scriptwriters, film company, crew, and actors. I’m going to leave it at for right now… I’m gonna sleep on this one, literally lol. When I come back, I’ll write a better closing statement. Until then, continue to remember that everyone’s a critic when their opinion matters the least. 

Edit 4/26/21:

I’m still trying to find the right words to sum this up. I don’t think I have anything bad to say… 6.5/10… that’s all I’m gonna say for now 😂

[pharaoh-land]

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