philipshay

[philipshay]

Ok, so I was just scrolling through youtube and came across a vid of philip/lukas yesterday and then binged the whole thing in one go and now I am obsessed. Thankfully I found your blog! It was so good but I keep wondering if Lukas actually loved Philip? Philip was so in love and Lukas straight up abused him. I understand how terrified he was and they were probably planning a whole arc about him coming out for the next season but I just need someone to tell me that Lukas loved Philip lolss

omg im so sorry anon i didnt see this until now!! thank you!!! im glad you like the blog!!!!

but sit the FUCK down ladies and gents time for whats probably gonna turn into an essay

i do genuinely believe lukas loved him. lukas did abuse him, and he did some really bad things. not that philip didnt, but lukas….surely takes the cake on Fucked Up Shit for the season

and while it isnt an excuse, his internalized homophobia played a massive role in the way he acted. he was afraid of his feelings and afraid of the reaction and he was angry and confused and had a bunch of shit swirling around in that head of his. because love is absolutely fucking terrifying even when you havent been told its wrong to be attracted to who youre attracted to since you were a child. its really scary, and even in normal situations people lash out and make mistakes (im particularly prone to self sabotage) 

so when you add in small town culture, external and internal homophobia, and lol the whole murder/secret/lying/etc thing, it makes sense, to an extent, why lukas did what he did. it isn’t okay, but one of the things about story is starting with characters who are broken and have fundamental misbeliefs that stop them from achieving what they want. lukas’ fundamental disbelief, at least when he meets philip, is that being gay is wrong and his attraction to philip is wrong. and so we do begin with a really fucked up lukas who makes a lot of mistakes.

and while lukas didnt get a full coming out arc, he had a personal arc. we see the way he reacts to the first kiss vs the second vs the last. we see him regret his mistakes. we see him choose philip over a motorbike sponsorship (which was his whole life) ya, we see him do fucked up shit, and in no way do i want to lessen the way he hurt philip, because it was shitty. but he saw his mistakes and he started to try to fix them. just a lil bit. 

but also remember we only got 1 season. first season characters are always a mess, and theres always a bunch of untied knots left in the hopes of more seasons. unfortunately, we wont get those, so we dont get to see whether or not lukas atones for his sins or philip makes peace with his past. all we get to see is the beginning of a relationship, one that literally started with death and murder and fear. 

like…i went off a lil bit with that so ill shut up soon but i have one more thing to say. 

lukas liked philip, a lot, a whole lot. he gave up a lot for him. people express their emotions in different ways, and its hard to figure out how we and others do it, because its all different (love languages look it up people)

from what we see in the time jump, lukas has opened up to philip, and vice versa in a way that seems like it could go in a really nice direction, one where they can let go of what they did. 

im so sorry this turned into a Full Ass Analysis but u asked for it and i warned u :) but i hope this helps!!! 

#im sorry im high and this turned into This #but long story short lukas loved philip #and they werent perfect or really even good at first #but theyre working on it #eyewitness #philip shea #lukas waldenbeck

[philipshay]

everything I hold dear resides in those eyes

no one asked for this but youre getting it anyways!!! have some angst mostly shitty introspection :)

Andreil AU in which Neil is moving and Andrew isn’t (aka Neil leaves almost everything)

The distance between Washington and New York is approximately 2800 miles. Approximately a 41 hour drive, a 7 hour flight. 

It will be the distance between Neil and Andrew in approximately 2 and a half weeks. 

Normally, the time between drafting and the start of the season is a few months, but there were complications with Neil’s signing. Complications that made it look like he could stay in New York for the year, living in Andrew’s tiny apartment with the cats. It made it look like he wouldn’t have to leave. He’d made his peace with it; he’d even found a happiness in it. 

Sure, it would mean complications with the deal he made. But it would work itself out; the money guarantees it. It would work itself out and Neil could stay with Andrew. 

But now, he’s hanging up the phone with the coach of the Beavers, the pro exy team located in Washington state, 2nd in the country. And he has two and a half weeks before he’s leaving, and he has to pack and get things ready and, god, he has to tell Andrew. That’s what it all comes down to, really. Leaving Andrew.

Keep reading

#hello read my thing!!!! #andreil

[philipshay]

how dare they play us with that clip

#okay first push it back a day #and second release it at a WHACK ASS TIME #but also!!!! oh also lets!!!! NOT HAVE NICCOLO SHOW UP THATS FINE #brooke talks #skam italia

[philipshay]

noora sætre + favorite outfits

#light of my life #noora sætre #skam

[philipshay]

even if somebody out here did like me, they would never admit it

#THATS MY SON #philip shea #eyewitness

[philipshay]

i’m not gay gay, you know? i’m not like you. and what am i like? you have grindr, you go to gay bars to hook up with people who have in their username the length of their cock, you have a rainbow as your wallpaper. i respect your “gay pride” style, what i meant to say is that i’m not like this and i don’t think i could ever be. why do you have to bleach your hair, go to pride shouting to the world who you like to fuck?

#filippo is a gift to humanity #and marti ur arc isnt over so just listen and learn #skam italia #martino rametta #filippo sava

[philipshay]

wow,,,,,i miss my bf who ain’t my bf

#IM AN EMO BITCH #brooke talks #the boy

[philipshay]

it’s national boyfriend day and ur not my boyfriend??? that’s rude buddy

#gotta do everything my DAMN SELF #brooke talks #the boy #after 4 years i dont have the patience #to not just be straight the fuck up next time i see him

[philipshay]

im planning on doing a more formal post later but lots of you have been following me for a long time and I figured I’d do a ~soft~ ask!!

im looking for beta readers for my new book! it’s about 65k words, YA fiction, a dystopian feel but not too much cuz it isn’t 2013 anymore, lots of lgbt+ characters and poc, etc. if you’re seriously interested in reading and giving feedback, please dm me!!!

#brooke talks #brooke writes a book

[philipshay]

Shelter, you better keep the wolf back from the door He wanders ever closer every night And how he waits, baying for blood I promised you everything would be fine

in which we don’t really know who has the worst nightmares: percy, or annabeth. 

#my 11 year old heart is breaking #my kids #pjo #fan art

[philipshay]

last night was the second time ive walked into my dorm/apartment to find people doing cocaine off my table and that’s two more times than I ever expected it to happen

#they left some for us on the table when they left LMAO #we gummed it and it was fun as fuck #anyways college is a bloodbath #brooke talks

[philipshay]

my hands wanted to touch your hands

because we had hands.

Frank Bidart, from “In the Western Night”            (a tiny little something for @tristealven for her birthday. you are wonderful! and i adore you.)

#I CRY #evak #skam

[philipshay]

me a few days ago: ya lol so im gonna get over him it’s time

him: hey when can I come visit

me:

#IM TRASH #for cute and nice gemtle bois #brooke talks

[philipshay]

my boy is coming to visit ITS HAPPENING PEOPLE

#he asked when he could come #and was all worried if my roommates were okay w it #BBY THEYRE MORE INVESTED IN ME GETTING LAID THAN I AM #brooke talks #I was so close to letting go but FUCK D A T

[philipshay]

emily prentiss was deadass hit in the passenger seat by a semi truck, struggled with a serial killer while going in and out of consciousness, proceeded to kick out a windshield and climb out of the car and up a hill to shoot at the killers,,,,,,why y’all sleepin on emily prentiss

#bringing it back cuz its still true

[philipshay]

skam quotes by poestae // others

[philipshay]