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Talking Together

As we’ve learned and possibly experienced, a workplace can create conflict pertaining to team member accountability, differences of salary and promotions, or even personal conflicts. The problem arises when people fail to discuss and properly manage the conflicting issue. Conflict could negatively impact our working environment if unavoided, affecting the behaviour of individuals and overall performance. With that being said, its substantial for us to learn how to be content with the idea of conflict if a situation were to arise. One of the most important ways we can achieve this is by talking together.

It’s crucial to take the necessary steps in correcting conflict by creating a positive environment where open communication can thrive. Personal conflict often arises as team members may have opposing views regarding a particular topic, which enables them to feel that their perspective is solely the correct one. By having an open mind to alternative views and really listening to an individual’s emotions, giving them an opportunity to share, we can avoid conflict completely. It’s important to set aside time to discuss with your colleagues how you truly feel, ensuring that communication is positive, truthful, and apparent. With this plan of action, we can encourage positive and healthy change not only within our workplace, but within every interpersonal relationship we experience.

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Providing Guidance

Conflict Resolution is a skill that many should learn to help one try to avoid conflict. We can experience conflict throughout our daily lives, whether it be at school, a workplace, in a public setting. Each experience may have different outcomes depending on the scenario and people in the situation.

For example, in a workplace setting, it is inevitable to come face-to-face with conflict. You may have a disagreement with a coworker on a project together, or your boss may be treating you unfairly, or you may be sitting in a meeting with an individual that you’ve had a past conflict with… All of these examples may occur in a workplace setting, and you may wonder, how do I handle these situations? 

Well, don’t worry, we can help. We highly suggest that each workplace have some kind of mandatory guide to facing conflict. Our popular suggestions which have worked in many workplaces include the Conflict Resolution Workshops and Conflict Resolution Orientations. These guides should come with a manual as well, to help each individual remember and keep note of what was discussed so they can refer back to it whenever they need to.

These guides allow each member of the team to understand and know what the workplace policies and procedures are in coming face-to-face with a conflict. These workshop skills can help you face everyday conflicts as well, and you can be equipped with the right set of mind when entering and resolving a conflict. 

If possible, a conflict resolution counsellor is suggested as well. This is to ensure that whenever there is a conflict in a workplace, the counsellor can step right to it and help each individual resolve and settle a problem. These guides are great for any kind of workplace and can help everyone feel more comfortable working!

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Embrace Failure

On an individual level, failure can either build or lead to even more failure. The key aspect is using failure as an advantage in terms of working with teams. When we tackle a project or an activity, it is inevitable to fail and sometimes things just don’t work in our favor. This could lead to an individual feeling vulnerable and less confident about their capabilities. However, if we learn to embrace failure, this could really help us become an effective team member.

The first key is admitting that we have failed. This is also the hardest part because it leaves people feeling uncomfortable and leaves a feeling of helplessness. But when we learn to embrace failure, we are able to navigate ways to use failure to our advantage.

There are a lot ways which failure can help us improve and better ourselves. We learn our greatest lessons in triumph and in the most difficult times of our lives. Once we fail, this also gives us a sense of humility wherein we realize that we are only human and we all make mistakes. Aside from that, failure is also a great source of motivation to improve and better ourselves.

“Our greatest glory is not on never failing, but in rising every time we fail.”

-Confucius

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Conflict Resolution and Self-Awareness

Teams can improve their emotional intelligence by utilizing assessment tools that raise self awareness. With assessment results in hand, the establishment of team norms that address healthy EI provide a stable base for managing conflict. (Flanagan & Runde, 2009)

In beginning a new job you are faced with the challenge of integrating with a new team of people. On a small scale you’ll be working with the team members in your department and on a larger scale with the people in this organization.

Working together to meet goals and see progress can be invigorating and inspiring but the reality must be faced that working with new people is not always easy. As new personalities meet people need to adapt and learn the communication and working styles of one another. Conflict will result but that is not always a bad thing. Conflict can lead to the culmination of new ideas and can help people learn new ways of working.  Sometimes conflict gets in the way of work and of goals and sometimes we aren’t armed with tools necessary to work through this.

People often think that their managers can solve these dilemmas however the results of manager intervention can be disappointing. Not that your manager isn’t equipped to deal with conflict resolution, the fact of the matter is that no one is better suited to meet your own needs than yourself. Resolving conflict can most effectively be resolved by the people involved.

Learning strategies to deal with and benefit from conflict will be one of the best tools you can have going into a new job so we’ve provided you with information and activities to do this.

Understanding your personality

Taking the this free personality test based on the Myers-Briggs Personality test to discover your type.

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Once you have your results you can explore the website to learn more. This includes how you work with other individuals in the workplace, how conflict may arise and how you capitalize on that conflict.  Reading about your personality type will help you understand what causes you stress and what your strengths are.  With this information you can establish boundaries in your workplace that eliminate stress and you can understand how to capitalize on your strengths which may help with role based conflict.

Understand your conflict style

Each individual you work with will bring their own conflict style to the equation which will effect the nature of the conflict and ultimately the outcome. By understanding your own conflict style you can work to benefit from conflict when it arises. 

Take this test by Thomas Killman to discover your conflict style:

https://pmi-ob.org/document-repository/attendance-rosters/273-thomas-kilman-conflict-mode-instrument/file

Once you understand your conflict style you can watch the video on these styles explained to help your practice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4eObpGH3l0

When you take the test you may discover that your current conflict style does not help you meet your needs and does not help build positive workplace relations. Each conflict style has it’s own benefits and downfalls so as you become aware of your own style you can learn how to adapt to each style in different situations to benefit your work.

Understand your Emotional Intelligence

The workplace can impose many stressors on us and this can make dealing with conflict difficult. Become aware of your own abilities to deal with stress and learn to improve on this for you both your personal and your work lives. Take this personal quiz and learn which emotional intelligence style you have and what strategies you can use to resolve conflict.

https://hbr.org/2015/06/quiz-yourself-do-you-lead-with-emotional-intelligence

Once you complete the questionnaire follow the links provided to grow in the areas that you personally need.  This will help you throughout your career and will help you to cope with many of life’s demands.

Self-awareness is an ongoing journey and one which will help you develop as a person and as a professional.  It’s important to value your own challenges and struggles along the way and to approach your growth with self-compassion. You are already a valued member of the team so welcome and good luck with your journey!

Citations:

Brown, J., Lewis, L., Ellis, K., Stewart, M., Freeman, T. R., & Kasperski, M. J. (2011). Conflict on interprofessional primary health care teams – can it be resolved? Journal of Interprofesssional Care,25, 4-10.

Flanagan, T., & Runde, C. (2009). How teams can capitalize on conflict. Strategy & Leadership,37(1), 20-22.

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Developing a Coaching Culture (self-awareness)

Workplace is more likely to respect and admire a leader who acknowledges where their strengths and weakness lie and who is diplomatic enough to ask for ideas and guidance from experts within the team.

If we know what our strengths are, we can apply them in the right situations . We can know when to draw on the strengths of others within the team. If we know what our weakness are and recognize our emotions in particular  circumstances. We can acknowledge these and stop ourselves from reacting inappropriately to a situation.

Being self-aware enables us to be more realistic about ourselves and our judgments and in turn, others trust and respect us, the converse is that when we lack self-awareness we appear less credible because others are more aware of our own strengths and weaknesses than we are ourselves. This will enable us to balance our conviction with humility, creating vision but being willing to actively listen to new ideas and others opinion.

How can this be done? Well, let’s talk about coaching culture. A good coach can be invaluable in providing you with feedback that will enhance your level of self-awareness.  Make sure you check out their credentials and certification first through and be certain they can work with you in the way that you want them to.  A good coach can also help you to unravel feedback from others and use it to help you to change or alter your response.

There are some additional materials that are motivational and can be used to guide any employee to better understand how to recognize their strengths and weaknesses.

Please see link below for additional resource:

Focusing On Strengths: Eva Katharina Herber at TEDxIEUniversityMadrid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9ED7t2VeJI

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Embracing Conflict

When you get a group of people together in a workplace day after day, conflict is inevitable and unavoidable. This conflict, when handled ineffectively, can pose a significant threat to an organization and disrupts the flow of work. Therefore, addressing it is essential. As difficult as the issue might seem in the moment, resolving team conflict is possible.

When conflict arises, don’t avoid it or pretend nothing has happened. As time goes on, tension will build, and the conflict only will get worse. Deal with these uncomfortable issues as soon as possible, before problems and bad feelings become embedded in everyday work. If conflict develops, think of it as a good time to improve communication between each other.

Don’t fear conflict but embrace it. While you can try and avoid conflict, you cannot escape conflict. The ability to recognize conflict, understand the nature of conflict, and to be able to come to a solution will benefit and serve you will. If you try to ignore the conflict hoping it will pass you by, is not the most effective methodology for problem solving. Conflict rarely resolves itself. In fact, conflict normally escalates if not dealt with proactively and properly. Therefore, you should accept and embrace conflict and realize it is normal to occur in the workplace.

Embracing conflict provides an opportunity to clarify and understand what the real problem is. It can also help individuals grow professionally and connect personally as they deal with the conflict.

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Body Language in Active Listening

Although you may not be speaking, your body conveys messages that you may or may not be aware of. Here are 8 things to be cognizant of while speaking with an individual. Especially in the realm of conflict resolution. It is important for both you and the opposing party to remain respectful as to not agitate or escalate the situation.

1. Maintain eye contact

2. Avoid slouching

3. Lean into the person slightly to convey interest

4. Put away any distractions in order to be fully in tune to the person(s)

5. Nod or express agreement during when the opposing party is talking

6. Avoid tapping and/or fidgeting

7. Breathe deeply to yourself (to stay calm) when something is said or done that you do not agree with (do not exaggerate this strategy of staying calm)

8. Take breaks when needed so recollection of thoughts on both sides is allowed and so that the situation does not escalate

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Active Listening: Validation

A useful tool to use while dealing with conflict is the skill of active listening. This can be conveyed through body language, words and gestures. Conflict inevitably brings about emotions and although it may escalate the situation, it may also unveil the roots of how the opposing party is really feeling. When collaborating with an individual, validating their thoughts and feelings is useful to make them feel heard and to let them know that you are not only hearing, but listening to their words. For example, if an employee is upset with their work load they are trying to manage, a way you could validate them through means of active listening would be: “Okay so what I’m understanding is that you have 5 reports due in 2 days and you are stressed about all the things you have to juggle along with those. Maybe we can extend the deadline so you have one thing to worry about at a time. Does that seem fair? Is there anything else that I missed?” With this response, a reiteration of what is being said can occur in order to make the individual realize your engagement and dedication to what they are saying. In this way, the conflict can deescalate and turn into a collaborative means of problem-solving.

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Reconciliation is not an event but a process. It is not a linear process. It is a difficult, long and unpredictable one, involving various steps and stages… the first stage is replacing fear with non-violent co-existence; the second step is building confidence and trust, and the third step is achieving empathy.

Zoran Ilievski (via ponderaway)

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The Healing Space

One of the things I’m learning about conflict is that sometimes people need to time to process the situation.  If I’m upset, I’m learning that it is sometimes prudent to calmly and assertively explain my point of view then back away.  Letting another person have the space they need to process usually allows them the opportunity to think about my point of view without any pressure. Giving space without any negative attitude provides room in the relationship for healing and growth.  

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“Conflict is inevitable but combat is optional.”

Max Lucado (via ckcimagery)

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You have weaknesses in your life that others see clearly but you’ve never seen. Those are your blind spots. You have weaknesses you’re clueless about. That’s why you need to come to conflict resolution with a humble heart and begin with your own faults.

Rick Warren (via craigtowens)

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Kid President knows how to deal with conflict.

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If you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself.

Cheryl Richardson (via a-kind-of-truth)

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Don't treat a jerk problem as a conflict skills problem

Conflict resolution training only helps when the problem is that people’s communication skills are weak in ways that cause them to escalate conflicts unnecessarily. In that situation, learning better communication (and especially listening) skills can make a big difference. But, not every problem is like that.

When someone is intentionally cruel, it’s not a problem with their social skills. It’s a problem with their values.

Teaching a cruel person communication skills will not cause them to become kinder or teach them to respect others.

Similarly, teaching victims of intentionally cruel people conflict resolution skills will not solve the conflict. It just teaches both parties to blame the victim. Cruelty happens because of choices cruel people make, not because their victims lack conflict resolution skills.

Putting abusers and victims together in a conflict resolution training *especially* will not help. All that does is send the message that no one is really in the wrong, and that there is just a communication problem that needs to be worked out. 

Sometimes, conflicts are not mutual. Sometimes, one side is in the wrong in all of the ways that are important. Sometimes, people are choosing to be mean. Treating a cruelty problem as a social skills problem makes everything worse.