pochapal

[pochapal]

#baby seal with huge sopping eyes

[pochapal]

hey man I found a piece of your soul stuck in the text messages of old friends you don’t speak to anymore. do you want it back

[pochapal]

I feel like there's two levels of chronically online. There's like, the variety where you recognize obscure memes and stupid drama and post constantly but have some sort of tether to reality and have friends in the real world and read the news from time to time, and then there's the kind where you genuinely don't realize that your political position or feelings about popular media are not just non-mainstream but actively fringe and that it's not emotional labor to pick people up from the airport.

[pochapal]

[pochapal]

when hamsters are born they see a silver thread that connects them to their gruesome and peculiar death and they follow it like soldiers marching to war.

[pochapal]

need this

[pochapal]

born to be the friendful visitor forced to toil in the Horrors

#:) #if you really think about it i basically need friendful visiting for my health btw. it's like a panacea if you even care

[pochapal]

(english butler voice) Will you be making an attempt on your life this evening, sir?

[pochapal]

[pochapal]

Customer: THIS IS ME WHEN I VISIT MY FRIEND DMV: THE FRIENDFUL VISITOR

Verdict: DENIED

[pochapal]

#technically gay thoughts trip my fucked up adrenal system which raises my blood pressure and gives me migraines so.............

[pochapal]

godfeels update: B1 Chorus 3

we're back! godfeels 3.2 continues with B1 Chorus 3, where we learn a few things about a young Lenore Lehart

[pochapal]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

#the most fucked up part of this is that unlearning it for one thing does not translate to you unlearning it for other things

[pochapal]

[pochapal]

someone needs to invent a Horrors you can be saved from

#:) #getting real tired of the torment nexus over here! would really like to experience things that aren't just hopelessness and ennui!!

[pochapal]

antwithabindle.com/careers

[pochapal]

hello pochapal! I hope you're doing well. I have a little bit of an odd request.

I'm writing a research paper for an Art History Methodologies class about how the visuals of Umineko's PS3 port support the themes of the VN-- especially the ways in which Umineko links cuteness/femininity to horror, and how that contributes to the novel's examination of girlhood/womanhood in a household like the Ushiromiyas', which blends Western and Japanese patriarchal values to create an uhhh Especially Unhealthy Environment for everyone involved.

All that to say: your Umineko liveread deeply inspired me to write this paper, and I love your insight into characters like Maria. Would you allow me to cite your blog posts as a source in the paper? Please don't feel pressured to say yes! Thanks for your time either way.

hey that sounds Really Super Cool!! citing my blog for like a legit research paper is a suuuper huge and humbling honor! also funny because a) this is just my silly liveblog and b) i am getting cited for Umineko Understanding when i'm like 5% into the story lmao. but yeah go ahead!

#kanon-kun #my umineko liveblog getting more use in academia than my own professional academic work. much to think about #[legal name]'s research on hauntology and folkloric horror is OUT. pochapal's umineko rotating is IN