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January 29, 2015 7:17 PM

I can't stop crying. I can never follow my own advice: "don't cry over boys". But I can't help but feeling lonely because this is the only way I have known how to feel. And it bothers me so much because I am dying to find out everything about you and you're not even making an effort to learn my name. And I should know how this goes by now, being that this happens all the time to me, but I truly don't think I deserve this. I truly don't think I'm that evil of a person to be alone like this. And most days it's whatever, yeah so what I have never dated anyone? But sometimes it gets all too much and I can't help but blame you. And I'm so sorry for that because you don't deserve to put up with this and put up with me.

#the self pity in this disgusts me but idec

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I think it’s weird that teenage girls know more about giving blowjobs than they do about masturbation. It makes me sick to my stomach that so many young girls think sex is just about a guy finishing.

Elizabeth Olsen (via apperal)

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July 10, 2014 4:44 PM

It's been two months today and I don't know why I'm so sad. I hardly knew you I shouldn't be feeling this way still. All I can think of is your un recognizable face in your coffin and I keep on crying. I only knew you for 6 months so I shouldn't be feeling this way. The only thing that keeps me grounded is the fact that you're in a better place with your parents and you get to finally hug your mom again and see your dad. I keep looking at rocks and it brings me memories of you and no one understands and I don't want their help I can do this alone

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June 30, 2014 4:44 PM

I pass the sight that you were pronounced dead. "Died on impact" they say. Two months later and it's finally hitting me you're gone forever. In fact, when I hear the word dead and your name together in the same sentence, my stomach gets all weird and I feel funny, almost guilty. I don't know why I was so sad about the whole thing. I didn't even know you, but for the very, very :short time I did know you, you made me content. Little things you said in science class will always be stuck in the back of mind.

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June 29, 2014; 11:49 PM

Once a friend told me, "do not be uptight around boys." She told me to simply play along and go as if I did not notice that horrible mistake in punctuation and misuse of the word "there". That's a lot to be said by a girl who has trouble choosing which boy to answer to first and which bra to wear when she sends pictures to these boys. Self respect has to do with the amount of attention you draw to yourself, mentally of course. People who always feel the need to pity and draw attention to themselves have no self respect. The reason being is because they know, or think they know, they are smart or look good, but they need other people to tell them that. For example; I know a girl who always talks poorly about herself, she's fat, she's dumb, her hair is too wavy, and she will complain about it regularly. ("My hair is so ugly." "Ugh, I need to lose weight." etc) And she will wait for a reply like "No your natural hair is beautiful" or the classic, "You do not need to lose weight." So she will always upload the picture of herself and wear the tight clothes. She has no respect because she needs to hear that from other people, not herself. But do not be fooled by these shallow people, they should not gain your sympathy. They need to hear you say good things about themselves as a way to "gain self confidence". But in reality, it's a way to hear other people gloat about themselves. They know they are good looking and they will continuously upload that selfie onto Instagram, but they need your permission first to make it seem like they are less confident, because, unfortunately, lately having a low self esteem is "cute". So I will be "uptight "and correct peoples grammar and fantasize about a smart, independent boy, because at least I have self respect.

#this literally took me an hour to write bc I kept on going on and on about feminism and what not #journal2014