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rennsugrpop · 11 months

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i never, never want to go home

MINGI X READER

Summary: he was there one second, then he wasn’t. he was sweet like caramel coffee on cold nights but the next time you see him, he was the cold night, freezing and unforgiving. was he serious about you? or were you just another college fling?

Bags. Boxes. packaging tape. flight tickets.

Bags. what’s for dinner? packaging tape. Bubble wraps.

Boxes. I think I need more boxes.

One more exam then i finish college and go back home next week.

One more paper…. Then boxes, bags, packaging tape…

That’s all you could think about all month. Brain fogged up with worries and responsibilities, anxiety and melancholy at the same time. Your three years worth of university life is going to be over soon. You can’t wait. Can’t wait to finish this degree and start a new chapter. but of course there’s the part of melancholy. The part where you think you’re going to miss this so much. The amazing friends, the parties, the fun, the drama, the late night adventures, the unlimited booze on weekends, all of it. This was the big city experience you always wanted. This was the unreachable sky you once dreamed of as a kid from a small town. “oh I’ll definitely find my first love in college and I’d marry him! You’ll see!” you were 8 back then. Childhood was so precious. You crave for the youth they show on the TV having you wish for the same, until it actually comes and passes by in a blink. But you don’t have time to think about that. You still have one exams left. Finals, sadness, and moving out, these thoughts were practically plaguing your brain.

And then there was him.

He was there one second, then he wasn’t. he was sweet like caramel coffee on cold nights but the next time you see him, he was the cold night, freezing and unforgiving. As hard as it was to understand him, he was never as hard on you as he was on others. No really, when you had first met him along with a group of art major students in the middle of your second year, he had seemed pretty chill. They all had a English history class with your professor who had been your course supervisor. You still remember how your supervisor had asked you to “please help these art kids out with the history” as she promised you help with your research paper in return, how could you say no? as a literature student, basic English history was easy for you, of course you go ahead with it. and you were later glad that you did. Because since that day, you had never once been separated from this group of art students who knew exactly how to live life. they had adopted you basically, and you had loved every second of it. Wooyoung was the one with the sudden late night plans, San being the one who made these plans legal and safe. Seonghwa always got the booze, Hongjoong always brought at least 3 orders of coffee to class, Yunho was the designated one with a car and daddy’s money. Jongho and Yeosang were the ones who joined only when they needed free booze, or a fun time at the end of every semester.

And then there was him. Song Mingi.

He had been the one who knew Yunho the longest. So for you to have been good friends with Yunho only meant he would always be around. And he was. Whether it’s the tutoring, the parties, the usual hangouts at the philosophy building’s terrace, coffee runs. As far back as you try to think about your time with all of them, he had been in even the farthest memories. When San first suggested you should hangout with them, he had agreed with everyone. When Wooyoung invited you to the party at his and San’s place he had been the one who offered to pick you up along with Yunho. When you had to do a grocery run at 9pm and you were worried the shops would be closed, he had been the one to tag along so you wouldn’t be alone. So when you had been stuck alone at the library studying for mid semesters while it was raining heavily outside, you pretended not to care about the loud thundering that came with it. Every flash of thunder had you nearing to tears, but you denied to show it. what’s worse is that you had left your earphones with Yunho the other day, so ignoring the loud sounds was your only way out. Out of all the things you had expected to happen, a mingi struggling with an almost broken umbrella at the library door was not one. He had acted like he just happened to need a book this late from the library. And he just happened to bring his headphones with him.

“but it’s raining so hard. No way they’re waterproof?”

“maybe they are? You wanna check if they’re still working?”

At that moment, he had looked so dreamy. Short wet dirty blond hair sticking up as he runs his hand through it in hopes of fixing it, half wet jacket that he took off and placed on the back of his chair to let it dry, now leaving him in a black tee, looking down at you with the softest eyes, holding up the headphones.

Another loud flash.

You body jerked at the sound and he had immediately grabbed your hand. You hate thunder. You hate it so much. you’re holding onto something. Oh shit it’s mingi. But he doesn’t seem to mind? He’s now making you wear the headphones, plugging them to his own phone. The Smiths started playing. He’s a Smiths fan? Your brain is now fogging up with thoughts of him and only him, the man in front of you giving you the softest smile you’ve ever seen.

As the rain slows down and eventually turns to a low drizzle, you two decide to share the umbrella as he drops you off to your building.

“mingi, what about the book you needed at the library?” it had completely slipped your mind that his real motive to be there was this book he said he needed. “oh don’t worry, I’ll get it later” he still has that stupid smile.

“but you said-“ “do me a favor y/n, keep the headphones with you in case it rains again tonight.”

Oh he looks so beautiful. This moment. This exact moment when you look up at him, he feels safer than a warm blanket. But wait, how does he know that. You may have stared at him for a good minute cause as soon as you open your mouth to ask what he meant, he hits you with the “I’ll see you later, yeah?” and jogs off.

One new message

Yunho: shit I just found your earphones in my bag.

Yunho: U alright? It rained pretty bad..

The next day as Yunho walks up to you right before to return your earphones, he stares at the headphones on your neck.

“hey where’d you get those from? Mingi has the same pair! That’s weird because I saw him run off outside with them last night in the rain and he didn’t even tell me where he’s going…..” he tilts his head now as if he’s arranging all this info in his brain because the pieces aren’t fitting together.

“oh yeah he came to the library last night for something, let me borrow them. Dude where’d he get em from cause it’s noise cancelling, I need a pair hello??”

You joke around but Yunho has a full question mark on his face. Then it looks like a light bulb went off over his head.

“SO THAT’S WHY HE RAN OFF LAST NIGHT!”

“what?”

“y/n. hear me out. When it started thundering, I remember myself saying, “oh it’s pretty bad today. Hope y/n will be fine” he asked me what I meant by that and I mentioned you not liking thunder and it looked like his brain went static for 2 seconds and then he immediately bolted with an umbrella and these headphones in his hands.”

He ran in the rain for you.

It hadn’t even occurred to you yet. He had ran in the rain for you all the way to the library.

You had thought it would be awkward now. But it wasn’t. because he never implied anything. You had returned his headphones and you went back to being friends. But he was always extra attentive of you. a little more noticing, little more caring that he is to others. And by the end of the year he would be the one you hung out with the most. Now it was you and mingi who were the pair. If they looked for mingi they knew they had to call you. if you’re invited at a party, of course mingi’s the one picking you up. he’s doing a coffee run? you’re right behind him. Though as friendly and platonic as it seemed, it was never just that. There had always been something more. Him holding your hand while walking you back to your place. Laying your head on his shoulder during your movie marathons with everyone, wearing each others clothes to classes or outside without a care in the world because it doesn’t matter who thinks what. You didn’t care. He was just always …. there. Unmoving. unwavering. It was just around halfway through the last (third) year where you had wanted a little more.

You had been acting like a couple, in public and in private. You had been sitting on his lap at parties, holding hands in campus, if anyone had dared to ask mingi the dreaded question, “are you guys dating?”, you could feel him grow cold again. He never said anything. He would just give them a smile that would make them run off like little kids. He never said anything.

So when you were cuddling on the couch while watching a random Netflix show, you had looked up at him, memorizing his face, his features, everything because you know in six more months, you might never see him again. He had noticed you staring.

“I can hear you thinking y/n”

“no I’m not. I’m just looking”

“you’re staring”

“okay and what if I am?”

He now stares right back at you. you don’t even move. You could see some sort of restraint in his eyes. Like he was trying to hold back. But he can’t anymore. Fuck it, it’s been long enough.

He dived right in and took your lips by surprise. It was soft at first. Testing the waters, going as slow as possible. And it was so so sweet. And passionate. His hand holding the back of your neck and other hand gripping your waist. Your own fingers playing with his hair. You had wanted this for so long you don’t even pause for air. And because you wanted him like this for so long, you don’t stop.

Things didn’t change much. you were now a couple but you were never the type to say much of your relationship. He was so on and off, cold and hot at times it confused you. but it didn’t affect you all that much. he had always been like that. He will be the sweetest boyfriend for a week, helping you cook, posting pictures of you on his social media, holding your hand in his pocket when its cold outside. But he will also disappear the next week, only texting you to tell you where he is so you don’t worry. He had always been like this. caring but cold. Distant but so close. He never opened up, never said anything sweet, no ‘I love you’s, or “hey you look beautiful today”. He would just smile so wide and give you a kiss so you would know exactly what he meant. He was in no ways a terrible boyfriend. You just wished he would talk to you more. Like “hey I love you. what are your plans after the year ends” or “hey I love you, please stay in the city for me” or even “hey, if you’re wondering, I won’t leave you after university ends”. What you had was enough for you now, but you wished for him to be with you in the future too. Would you be too clingy if you asked? Is this relationship just something casual? It won’t be that big of a deal if we break up before I leave right? hell, does he even know I’ll have to leave? You were gonna have to go back to your hometown with all of your things. Before you could start looking for a job, your family needed you back for a few months. You weren’t even sure where you would go next, but before that, you will have to go home. And you’re not even sure if he knows that.

You had accepted that he did like you enough to be around you all the time. You knew he was not fooling around, he was only yours. You knew his friends from the art department knew you as ‘his girl’. You knew and everyone knew too. So you didn’t ask for more. So now as you were running around trying to find a pair of jeans and a shirt to run to the campus for your last final, it had been 2 weeks since he had spoken to you properly. It had always been like that during exams. He would go completely MIA to study and rarely ever meet or speak to you. you didn’t mind it as you needed your time and space too. He would still text you good morning and good night and the usual “did you eat?” or “eat well ok”. It was only that this time that you wanted him here with you. you would be leaving next week and he doesn’t even know the amount of things you have to do and arrange all by yourself. You had been panicking all week with the packing foam, bubble wraps, moving boxes, trolley bags, along with managing to study for finals altogether. You had felt like crying. You had been so okay with everything but you wanted him to be serious now. Why wasn’t he serious about you? you really need him right now. You don’t even know if he would just break up with you when you leave. You had mentioned having to go visit your parents after finals but does he not realize what that meant? All the reaction you got from him was just a nod. You were still in denial, still trying your best to not think about it and just giving your last exam. So you rushed to the venue as fast as you could and didn’t bother asking if your friends or even mingi had reached yet. You just went to your assigned room exactly as the bell rang and after 3 long hours, it was over. Finals were over. Your university life was finally over. As much as you wanted to be relieved, you could feel tears threatening to spill. You had been so frustrated the whole week it was insane, so as you walked out of your classroom you find mingi waiting for you right outside.

Don’t cry y/n

Don’t cry

You can’t cry. Not right now. Not in front of the entire campus.

“how did it go?” he asked.

“pretty good. And yours?”

“same as you.”

That same beautiful smile, his fingers slowly intertwining with yours, and him guiding you outside as if you were now entranced by him, not even being able to think for yourself, let alone walk. You soon realize he’s taking you to the philosophy building’s terrace, the usual hangout spot. Everyone’s there. Hongjoong and Wooyoung with cigarettes in their hand, the others just chatting. They greet you warmly, ask you how did the exams go, the conversation was smooth. But mingi was not beside you. as soon as he brought you through the terrace door he went off the smoke with Wooyoung and hasn’t even looked at you since. Seonghwa now asks you about your plans while he and Yunho sit around you. you say how you’ll have to be back home for a few months and that nothing’s really decided yet after that. You mention your flight being next week and Yunho immediately asks, “does he know?”.

You fall silent for a second. You know what he means. He means that mingi can be distant and off the grid and he can be painfully cold at times, but he does love you. he does care for you. he always has. So Yunho means to say that his best friend could be an absolute dumbass but he deserves to know. You say how you haven’t really talked to him about it. he knows about you moving out, and he knows about all the stress from it. but he never reacted. You doubt he knows your flight is next week but you know he won’t be surprised to know.

You say you’re going to head back because you had some errands to run and mingi doesn’t say anything, again. He just nods. Okay maybe it is casual for him. again, you ignore it. you leave. You walk down the stairs. You’re just about reach the bottom floor as a notification sound breaks your attention.

One new message

WOOYOUNG’S BITCHES:

Mingi: 10 cardboard boxes. 4 rolls of packaging tape, 10m bubble wrap roll, Thursday 4pm train for sending luggage, Sunday 11am flight. NOBODY be late. Jongho and yeosang will help with the furniture btw. Some 5m rope as well. Who’s bringing dinner?

San: ME ME ME

Mingi: done. y/n’s place. Just us, bring booze.

Hwa: ay ay captain

He knows everything. He planned everything. You wanted to hit him in the head for being like this, but now you’re just smiling like an idiot. He does love me. he’s such an idiot. There’s footsteps from the staircase and then there’s a 6 foot man crashing onto you from behind, hugging you tight.

(first person pov)

Turning around I crash into him, I crash into him like I had never before. I hold him tight and sob into his shirt, hard. He’s holding me tight, stroking my hair gently. I feel him kiss the top of my head before I look up to him. “why didn’t you speak to me properly?”

“I’m so sorry baby”

“I’m leaving, mingi”

“don’t leave.”

“……”

“please don’t leave. Or do leave but come back to me. I do love you. I’m aware I don’t show it like others do. Why do you think I’m not serious about you? I’m consumed 80% by you and everything about you. I know your flight details. i know the grocery items on your list, I know it when your favourite moisturizer runs out. I know the perfume you wear, yes all three of them. I know when your wifi goes out and I know all of your period cravings. You say I don’t communicate, but why do you never ask?”

“…..”

“because you’re scared of love. But y/n I love you and I’m not scared to show it. no matter where you go I’ll still love you. I’ll run to you baby. If I can’t run, I’ll walk. If I can’t walk, I’ll crawl. But I’ll always make it back to you. that’s why I don’t care that you’re leaving for a few months. Because it’s either you coming back to this city or I go wherever you go. It’s simple.”

I’ve never been this silent. He’s never spoken so much. I feel the burn on my chest like someone’s ripping my heart out. I’m so in love with this man and it never hit me as hard as it does now. He’s still holding me, arms around my back and waist. He waits for an answer. I think he knows I was fully prepared for a breakup today. I don’t know if he hurt me or I hurt him anymore. But what I do know, is that I’m not going anywhere. Or that I’ll go but I’ll come back to him.

“you never said you love me before”

“is it too late?”

“it’s not, mingi”

It’s not too late. It’s perfect timing.

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