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it was only when I moved to Australia that I started really looking up at the SKY

could have and

should have looked up earlier

buuuuuuut

I was stuck

EYES DOWN at the pavement

in a rat race

where life moved so quickly

I couldn't afford to

stop

and realise

I was living my lie

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winter is coming

right now i feel nauseas

maybe it is the overdose of laxatives

i have taken again

the cycle of stress and anxiety

effects the gut brain inside of me

i am lucky that

even when i am not conscious

my gut shows

the physicality of my emotions

and i cannot ignore them

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I get really touchy when I spend too much time with people. Note to self: spend max 3 days with someone before taking a space break

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Stress

Compression

Combustion

The OCD in me

Reacts to the intensity

Of love inside of me

The burn

Fuels an evolution

From the ego-centric

To the eco-centric

It is in this moment that

I weep

Because I realise

The billionaire will resist

A sacrifice of their pleasure empire

Just as much as I

Hold on to my lustful high

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The thing is

After a feeling is gone

A moment in time

You struggle to remember what it felt like

I cannot hold on to moments

I must be adaptable

I have to cut the string

In order to fly

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If you are so emotionally unconscious

How could you consciously love me?

You sleep walked through our relationship

You loved me in your dreams

It was not reality

Oh there goes gravity

I need a lover who is awake

A sober lover

Who wakes me up

Just like the ocean

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I'm cutting emotional space

For the one

I used to trust

We fell out of love

Co-dependants

Mutually self-destructing

No wonder

I feel alive again

Now

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That's the thing

If you're going somewhere with

No direction

No introspection

You're just wasting time

Or am I just chatting shit

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It's funny when I can't wait to say things

It turns out there is nothing to say

I don't want to hear it

I don't want to manifest anything

I just want to let everything be

As it's supposed to be

Which is me over here

And you over there

With no breath to share

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It is clear that you don't love me

You are not my friend

If you are laughing at

The beauty in me

The real version of me

I am destined to be

Don't come near me

Stay away from me

You will only see the beauty in me

When you discover your own self love

I am sorry that we

May never

Share a friendship

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How I feel after a phone call with my ex

You sniggered when I said I was writing poetry at the beach

Why do i feel the need to defend my happiness

I feel pissed off that you laugh

At my form of expression

My release

My true nature

You laugh because you can't stand to see

The beauty in me

Fuck you

I will not fuck you

Ever again

I will not let you disrespect me

Do not tell me you need space

Show me you genuinely want someone else

Then booty call me when your lonely

Because you got rejected

Just one week later

I told you she was more emotionally mature than you

I'm fucking wise

And you're on a path to self destruction

It's a blessing that I am sitting on this beach

Writing poetry

Without you

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I am going through a process of acceptance

It's hard and

Is deeply entwined

With a discovery true self love

My stomach knots

And my eyes avert away

From looking at true love for myself

Im an owl twisting their neck

360 degrees

It is so fucking hard

To look deep inside

My ego and eyes

Are magnetic forces

The same poles

Repelling each other

To the point where I can't twist

My feathery neck

Back around to

Attract what I want to

Magnetic force was designed

Humanity's survival instinct

If I reverse my neck

Do I die

For why am I so scared

I died X times already

With every sunset comes my

Sunrise

And with every sunrise

Comes my

Sunshine

It's so hard to look

It feels like I'm tearing my eyes away from

The deepest and purest force in my own galaxy

A narcasstic orgasm

Which could be infinite

If I allowed it to be

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hardest pill i swallowed was realizing i didn’t mean shit to people that meant a lot to me.

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My head and heart hurt

I don't want

To allow someone

To do this to me again

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In every imperfection

there is perfection

To have a dream

Is to have a nightmare

To seek for something

Is to not seek for other things

To chase unfulfillment

Is to run away from

The choice of

Fulfillment

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It doesn't hurt much

That you're being

Cozy

With him and not me

Acceptance

Feels strong

The fire in my burning heart

For you

Has been put out

For you

For myself

For the greater future

You won't be a part of

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Why do i

Succumb

To your gentle

touch

Adapt to your

Needs

Sacrifice my own

Needs

Wake up to

a reality

I had been cutting

Myself with

But now the knife

Seems softer

Than butter