requinvents

[requinvents]

Update From North Gaza: Third Proof of Purchase!

This is Mahmoud Abusalama from North Gaza in the beginning, explaining the process of buying flour while at the same time distributing food packaged to families. The 2nd portion of the video is what he managed to buy at the end of his scavenge hunt for food and supplies. This will conclude our first North Gaza drive, which was held between March 4th-10th with $25k.

Mahmoud can't thank you enough for all your donations and efforts in this quick drive and wants you to know that so many people are sending tumblers their sincere and warm prayers 🙏

Don't forget, Hussam's campaign in South Gaza (Rafah) is ongoing and very much needed, especially during the month of Ramadan. Let's make sure the refugees have a nice iftar meal after 14hour fasting.

HelpGazaChildren Notion Site || #helpgazachildren tag

Paypal Link || GoFundMe Link

[requinvents]

#reblog bait

[requinvents]

Andy Paiko: Bell Jar Series & Reliquary Jar Series. He’s also doing chandeliers, objects, absinth fountains and lot’s of other incredibly beautiful stuff…

#aesthetic

[requinvents]

Opposite Action Masterlist

 Acting on your emotion is effective if your feelings fit the facts, and only to the level of which they’re justified. When your emotions don’t fit the facts, or when acting on your emotion won’t be effective, it’s time to act opposite to the emotion. This will help you to change painful emotions. (Read More)

When ANGER is not justified or effective:

Gently avoid the person you’re mad at; don’t attack them. (“I need some space before we continue this conversation.” not the silent treatment.)

Take some time to yourself and practice breathing. Calm your body.

Be kind; don’t be mean to the person.

Imagine understanding: Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Imagine the reasons behind their behavior. Maybe try writing a letter in their defense. Practice empathy.

Change your posture: Unclench hands, face palms upward, and relax your fingers. Relax your chest and stomach muscles. Unclench your jaw. Relax your facial muscles and practice half smile.

Change your body chemistry: Do breathing exercises or exercise.

When FEAR is not justified or effective:

Repeatedly do what you’re afraid of doing.

Approach what it is you’re afraid of (events, places, tasks, etc.)

Do things to give you a sense of control over your fears. 

Look and see: Observe the fearful event.

Take in information. (e.g. take notice of being safe)

Change your posture and sound confident: keep your head and eyes up, relax your shoulders, and hold an assertive body posture (e.g. sit up straight, knees apart, hands on hips, heels facing outward)

Change your body chemistry: Do breathing exercises. 

When DISGUST is not justified or effective: 

Move close: eat, drink, stand near, approach what you’re disgusted by.

Be kind to persons you feel contempt for. Walk in their shoes.

Imagine understanding: Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Imagine the reasons behind their behavior or appearance. Maybe try writing a letter in their defense. Practice empathy. 

Sense what you’re repulsed by. Inhale, look, touch, listen, taste.

Change your posture: Unclench hands, face palms upward, and relax your fingers. Relax your chest and stomach muscles. Unclench your jaw. Relax your facial muscles and practice half smile.

Change your body chemistry: Do breathing exercises. 

When ENVY is not justified or effective: 

Do not destroy what the other person has.

Make a gratitude list - name things you’re greatful for.

Don’t invalidate any blessings and do not exaggerate deprivations.

Change your posture: Unclench hands, face palms upward, and relax your fingers. Relax your chest and stomach muscles. Unclench your jaw. Relax your facial muscles and practice half smile.

Change your body chemistry: Do breathing exercises. 

When JEALOUSY is not justified or effective:

Let go of control over other people. 

Share the things you love and the people you admire with others.

Don’t spy or snoop. Don’t ask probing questions.

Don’t avoid: Listen to details and focus on sensation. Observe the situation and take in information.

Change your posture: Unclench hands, face palms upward, and relax your fingers. Relax your chest and stomach muscles. Unclench your jaw. Relax your facial muscles and practice half smile.

Change your body chemistry: Do breathing exercises. 

When LOVE is not justified or effective:

Avoid the person, animal, or item that you love.

Distract yourself from thoughts involving the subject. (list of distractions)

Remember why the love isn’t justified. When admiral thoughts enter your mind, remember the cons of loving the subject.

Avoid contact with the subject. Don’t look at pictures, letters, shared places, etc. Don’t go somewhere you know you’ll be reminded of the subject. Don’t follow, wait for, or look for the other person.

Stop expressing love: Don’t express admiral thoughts, even to close friends/family. Be unfriendly toward the subject (unfriend, block, etc).

Adjust your posture and expressions: Don’t lean toward the subject, don’t get close enough to physically touch them, and practice no flirtacious behavior.

When SADNESS is not justified or effective: 

Get active; approach the sadness.

Avoid avoiding. Get things done.

Build mastery: Do things that make you feel capable and confident.

Increase pleasant activity.

Pay attention to the present moment. Be mindful of your surroundings and each moment as it happens.

Change your posture: Keep your head up, your eyes open, and shoulders back. Speak in a perky manner; remain upbeat.

Change your body chemistry: Increase physical movements.

Note: Guilt and Shame will be done in their own separate post, which will be made soon. Source: (x) paraphrased by Julia for Borderline Bravery.

[requinvents]

man. i’ve never been so fucking miserable in my LIFE my partner and i are fighting for some godawful reason because i was explaining that i feel kind of like dogshit right now, since i am currently unemployed and IRL friendless. this is very similar to a situation my partner was in for a long time and i was expressing that i felt kind of bad, but wanted to move on from talking about it, but they kept telling me that they felt like i was putting them down for being in a state like this much longer than i currently am? i kept apologizing and trying to explain that i was upset about my current situation but that wasn’t me looking down on them and then they just said that it wasn’t worth explaining why they’re upset to me. which is just. fucking miserable.

#vent

[requinvents]

literally all four Fs of trauma typology lmao

#unfortunately i am fawn. disgusting...

[requinvents]

[requinvents]

if looks could kill!

[requinvents]

cut log ???

sorry i'm so shitty at being happy for you i'm just terrible i wish i wasn't like this i wish i wasn't me i just don't want you to leave. i want to be worth something to someone. i hate being the person who has to fix and pick up things. i wish i was worth it. but i know i'm not. and i'm staring down the endlessness of everything and i know you won't stick around. my arms hurt. i don't know why i'm doing anything. i feel like a wounded animal that's lashing out at everything because it doesn't remember how to be normal and not a freak. i feel like as long as i keep it turned on my self everything will be fine. eventually everything will be fine i think. just not now. i wish i remembered all the lyrics i came up with. i don't know if they'd help. why is it when i struggle with things i ruin things? as long as i keep not talking to people about my problems i think everything will be fine. the more i tell people things the more my life starts to fall apart. maybe as i get older i will just die by keeping everything inside and then my feelings and secrets die with me. i wanna be a tragedy. i wanna explode. i wanna be like performance art and have everyone wonder but never quite figure me out. i'm tired of trying to be understood. i want to go wild and drooling through the streets. i want to go crazy and lose everything that hurts.

#cut log

[requinvents]

time to go sit in the bathtub and cut lol

#self harm///

[requinvents]

Blame this guy named tony for this ok😭

[requinvents]

cut log ???

ugh. so last week i ended up relapsing for the first time again since like. january? jesus. i couldn't even do a whole year. i was dealing with that whole ray confrontation. and now i'm dealing with the whole incest thing and i hate myself for wanting parts of it back because i hate the gap between me and my sister and i hate myself and the disgusting bitter feeling living inside of me and i wish to god i could just slice it out of myself and i want to die so i don't have to deal with this anymore and i want inigo but how can i face my partner again knowing all how horrifying and vile i am as a person

#cut log

[requinvents]

dog teeth #119 // do not reblog unless you’re a csa/cocsa survivor

[requinvents]

ooooo a bitch just had a terrible trauma memory about like. inappropriate sexual contact from my mom. guess i’ll die.

it was like when i was eight and my mom asked me to put my mouth on her breasts. i don’t really remember if my dad was there or not but she was laughing for some reason

#csa #ask to tag

[requinvents]

s/o to everyone who is still tryin to heal from things that they don’t talk about

[requinvents]

hey guys i know i dont really like explicitly talking abt this much but i wanted to give a shout out to r*pe survivors and those who’ve experienced sexual assault who didn’t fight back. to those who didnt know what to do or didn’t understand what was happening. to those who decided it was better than the alternative. those who didn’t say no explicitly and those who were trained to say yes. to those who were forced or manipulated into “asking for it.” its a very difficult part of the past to confront, especially when a lot of the anti-r*pe support revolves around the word “no” and the phrase “not asking for it” but what happened wasn’t your fault no matter what you did or didn’t do. you didn’t deserve it. you didn’t cause it. you deserve love and support and for your voice to be heard.

[requinvents]

tw: csa, cocsa, incest

so i’ve recently been rewatching supern///atural because it’s unfortunately really linked to a lot of my abuse back when i was 14-16 because the person who was abusing me (which is still a weirdass sentence to type) used wi///ncest as a pairing to groom me into being more okay with the whole incestuous relationship thing. now that i’m 20 (also a weirdass sentence to type) i recognize that i was being groomed from the first moment that i was being kissed without my permission at eight years old to the moment she started using a tv show to justify our relationship to each other.

the age difference is extremely small between us. it’s one year. and this person, my sister, (i still have a hard, hard time writing that out) had and has been my protector in a lot of different ways--to the point where she compared herself to dean and me to sam.

i still really relate to sam winchester but i sort of locked that away as a cringy interest because of spn’s stigma and also my own sort of trauma linked up with it, especially because of the romanticization of wincest even in the show’s canon really enables it to be used as a tool to groom people.

my sister especially pointed to “weecest” which is the fun cute term for fic relating to underage sam and dean in a pairing together, and said that was okay, because look how close they were and how close we are and how romantic it is.

i honestly at one point wondered if she was going to be the only person that loved me because of how codependent i started to become to her and how romanticized the codependency is of sam and dean in both fic and in the show.

god. ugh. even thinking about how she romanticized the whole “don’t tell mom and dad” trope that is played out in incest fanfiction is just. disgusting and how much i played into it too. the fact that there’s an age gap of a year is not that heinous but it really counts when you’re younger and when it’s something that’s been happening on and off since you were eight years old. also we definitely got caught once when we were younger and she pushed a lot of blame of that onto me. and then in addition to that, i justified it to our other sister because i didn’t think her dryhumping me and covering my mouth with her hand didn’t constitute as rape. it definitely does.

we still slept in the same bed all the time and she started touting that as romantic too--she would shower with me and get in the tub with me and. ugh. yeesh. i still can’t type out all the stuff she would do.

anyways, this is just an extremely longwinded look at the way fiction was used to groom me and “normalize” what was happening to me.

and it still feels fucked up that i really enjoyed it in the time that it was happening, that i thought it was romantic and beautiful that it was just “us against the world” and i have to tell myself that it’s not my fault that i was told from a young age to enjoy it and i started to do it because that was how you survived those kinds of things.

god. i remember “training” myself to enjoy it because i thought that was what you did.

she ruined a big part of my romantic and sexual life. the fact that my gayness and transness feels irrevocably linked to her sexually abusing me freaks me out.

but watching supernatural is like me just trying to cope with it and learn to just see the characters as siblings and see the show as a show.

#csa #cocsa #incest #vent post