Tumgik
No, Mr. Horse, don’t worry, I certainly don’t have a Plinko down here! What I do have is this lovely cask of wine, specifically for horses, Amontillado in fact! Exquisite vintage.
I know you’re not supposed to be in this hospital, but if you’ll just follow me down this corridor—no, that’s not blood on the floor, it’s color theory, I’ll explain it later—I can bring you to this cask of wine that is certainly NOT a plinko machine—
68K notes · View notes
Tumblr media
it’s the parley room…the parlor room? the parley parlor.
2K notes · View notes
Having anotheg 'gork we have got to get out of bed faster then this' morning
53K notes · View notes
“hey bruh lemme stuff this toilet with ps1′s. im gone kill the tumblr game with this one”
106K notes · View notes
Photo
Tumblr media
117K notes · View notes
why should i care about taylor swift when the killer remains at large
133K notes · View notes
So no one told you life was gonna be this way *Phantom of the Opera overture*
105K notes · View notes
why don’t you shut your fucking mouth and look at the wikipedia page for sucking cock???????????
154K notes · View notes
I just followed you but now that you said you think Spider-Man is bi I think I gotta unfollow sorry
this is so funny what did you expect me to say. did u not read my url when u followed
112K notes · View notes
Tumblr media
494K notes · View notes
Tumblr media Tumblr media
foreman. babe. we’re at the bottom end of season 8. you have worked here for almost a decade. why are you still surprised there's medical malpractice going on at the medical malpractice department that you, personally, used to do medical malpractice at
56K notes · View notes
Can't decide whether it's funnier to say "my hungry ass could never work at a" and then say something that implies you're eating something truly grotesque or something that just, makes no sense
78K notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
65K notes · View notes
Text
another inherently funny part of star trek is the very first show establishes a magic machine that sparklezaps them out of uncomfortable situations so for the next 56 years writers have to keep coming up with reasons why it won't work this time
29K notes · View notes
Note
I can't be the only one surprised how casually you're just. Here. Mind talking about what it was like to like. Join Tumblr?
It was 13 or 14 years ago. From what I remember you just shouldered aside the mastodons, went into the Tumblr cave and carved your mark on the wall, telling people you were now signed up for tumblr, and then they would haul memes on animal hides past you. Back then it was mostly cats doing amusing things, obviously, but we would watch them by the flickering firelight, and chortle to ourselves hopefully before leaving the cave and trudging back to our lives.
12K notes · View notes
Text
saw I trap: hey girlie! this guy is dead. but he has a key in his tummy!! could you get it out to save yourself??
saw traps II and up: preform brain surgery on yourself then eat your own arm then watch your wife be brutally murdered then melt all your skin off with this acid then kill 7 innocent bystanders. you have 45 seconds. now you'll think twice about taking antidepressants.
10K notes · View notes
Text
I’ve heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father’s armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace, and…You stole Fizzy-Lifting Drinks! You bumped into the ceiling, which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get… NOTHING!!! You lose! GOOD DAY, SIR!
626 notes · View notes