rotting-werewolf
"Now it's time for my head to burst. Good day."
it/theyall of my vents are ok to rbused to be kute-kitsune
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sorry for not properly tagging anything recently ive only been using this blog when im in a rlly bad space lately
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every best friend ive had has never seen me as a best friend besides them
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lol please dont leave me i dont know if i can take anyone else leaving me haha
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You hate yourself so loudly. You hate yourself at the top of your lungs. Your loathing for yourself permeates your speech. “Sorry I’m just rambling.” “Don’t worry about it.” “Just ignore me.” “Sorry if I’m annoying you.” “Sorry I don’t make sense.” “Sorry about that.” Sorry, sorry, sorry. You act as if you have to beat everyone else to the punch. As if the punching bag is you. If you hate yourself first, if you hate yourself loudest, then nobody will hurt you. You clapped your hands over your ears and shut your eyes and balled yourself up so that you’d never have to experience people’s loathing for you. And it meant you never heard their love. You drowned it out. You screamed your hatred over it. And you never got to hear it.
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"stop pretending"
i wish that i was.
i don't understand anything at all.
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things abuse survivors think/say
maybe my trauma wasn’t bad enough
maybe what happened was just my fault??
but what if I can’t hold that person accountable? what if they meant well
what if I don’t have the right to be angry?
but what if they didn’t know they were hurting me? maybe its my fault for not saying it
it’s my fault, i’ve always been hiding how badly things hurt me
i’m just weak and pathetic and everything hurts me it’s not their fault i’m like this
hey this this thing actually happen or did i make that up
if i ask abuser they’ll tell me i made it up that must be true they do say i’m delusional
maybe if I’ve done something differently this wouldn’t have happened
guilt guilt guilt guilt
what if abuser is right tho? what if they’re telling the truth and it’s okay to tell it in insults then?
i’m garbage, i knew it
yeah everyone deserves compassion and comfort but me? no.
I am the sole person who is just bad enough to deserve everything that has happened to me
no this person didn’t mean to hurt my feelings i’m just too sensitive!!!
maybe someone else wouldn’t be hurt by this, this means its my fault
i hate myself
how long until everyone realizes i’m just a fake and there’s nothing valuable inside of me
yeah they like me now but i’m going to fuck it up and they’ll hate me like everyone else
was that abuse? no it can’t be. its my fault. if I wasn’t the way I am it wouldn’t have happened
everything people do to me is just what I deserved
what this person is doing bothers me so I have to try harder not to be bothered by it
this person is wrong but everyone believes them so it must be okay
yeah they hate me but i don’t want them to leave me maybe i can get them to hate me less
yeah this person is hurting me but i still need them in my life maybe if i change myself
it doesn’t matter if they hurt me, i’m used to it
what if everyone abandons me and I die alone
this person scares me but I can’t let that affect me
I shouldn’t be feeling this way, I need to get over my feelings
I can’t let anyone notice how I feel or they will hate me
how does everyone just stay calm? why can’t I do that
I’m a burden on everyone, I bet they’d all be happier if I wasn’t there
if I disappeared right now wouldn’t everything be better?
*these are not truths, this is after-effect of long term abuse
#i love queue ❤️#it feels so wrong so say ive been abused#it feels like i didnt go through enoghh to label it as that#i fucking hate it
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i don’t want to hurt anyone, but i’m told that i’m intimidating when i speak
when anger overcomes me, i want to hit things so hard that i break my hand
but instead i just shake
and let the tears fall
i wish anger didn’t affect me this way
art is mine, do not tag as kin/me, reblogs are encouraged
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