ryanonwrasslin-blog

[ryanonwrasslin-blog]

Wrestlemania 33 Review

RI’m going to keep this relatively short because I’ll have the full review of the week later on, but as one of my gimmicks around here is ranking things, I thought I’d put together the definitive ranking fo the matches from NXT and Wrestlemania, along with some assorted thoughts, from worst to first, and grouped together by category.

Terrible

18. Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt

There were a couple of letdown matches on the main card that I came into with high hopes, but nothing compares to this one. Against the right opponent each of these guys can have fantastic matches. But neither has a style that meshes well with everyone, and unfortunately it’s now clear that they just don’t have chemistry with each other in the ring that’s even 1% as interesting as their chemistry outside of the ring. I don’t know what Smackdown’s plans are, but the air really felt like it was let out of this feud last night.

17. Roman Reigns vs. The Undertaker

Poor ‘Taker. And honestly, poor Roman. The Big Dog has mostly had good matches for the last year-plus no matter what his critics might insist. But I don’t think even a wizard like Shawn Michaels or AJ Styles could have pulled something worthwhile out of the Dead Man last night. We’ve seen this deterioration in the ring really since the Mania loss to Lesnar, but ‘Taker was always able to at least give us something. Last night was dreadful and thankfully it’s the end for ‘Taker. That spot with Taker turning to putty as Reigns tried to put him into the Tombstone hurt to watch. In all honesty, he shouldn’t have gone past the CM Punk or first Lesnar match. Thank you for so many good moments, ‘Taker, but it’s time to rest in peace.

Mostly Dull

16. Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

I don’t think I’ll ever understand why this wasn’t made under like hardcore, No-DQ rules. I get that there were multiple other matches that made use of no rules, or bent the rules, but there’s always a place for a schmozzy match that battles backstage and uses lots of props and barely resembles a technical match. That’s what this needed to be. Instead, it was a perfectly okay pre-show match where, for some reason, Dean Ambrose retained.

15. Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Even a bad battle royal is still perfectly fine, and that’s more or less what this was. I liked the strategy involved in getting Strowman thrown out. That kind of stuff needs to happen every now and then to keep fans from complaining too much about how dumb the wrestlers are. And Mojo is an interesting choice. I can’t see a world where he’s ever even worthy of being more than a placeholder for a midcard belt, but hey, the guy is fun to have around and it takes all kinds to build a wrestling company.

Too Long By Half

14. Seth Rollins vs. Triple H

Woof. This match. Why in God’s name was this match the longest on the card and yet Samoa Joe still didn’t show up? There were basically zero shenanigans you wouldn’t see in a typical episode of Raw. If they wanted to book it this way, they should have shaved probably eight-plus minutes. And if you wanted it to be 20-plus minutes several hours into a card, you needed to do something more interesting than a typical Triple H cerebral assassin match. They’ve known this match was coming for like eighteen months, so thank God it’s over, and I’m sure that’s why they made it this epic battle, but sometimes you’ve go to realize how that sort of thing will play in-house and this crowd was not interested and neither was I. Also, I know Seth hitting Trips with the Pedigree was the money move, but how you gonna deflate the goddamned Phoenix Splash by kicking out? That 100% needs to be a Rollins finishing move going forward.

Left Something To Be Desired

13. Alexa Bliss vs. Natalya vs. Becky Lynch vs. Mickie James vs. Naomi vs. Carmella

On the one hand, the shortened time led to a frenetic pace that, this late in the show, was needed to keep the crowd from utterly dying. But on the other hand, I would have liked to have seen this get at least another 2-3 minutes so that it wasn’t entirely a spot fest and didn’t feel as much like a throwaway. They do gain points for making the right call in the end result, with Naomi being one of the best calls to win of the night.

12. Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

At some point we need to have a discussion about Bayley, right? I mean she’s not outright bad or damaging for sure, but she is just not working as well as she should be on the main roster. People want Sasha to win big, and are perfectly happy to hate the hell out of Charlotte. But this was not a good match after the fun of taking out Nia was accomplished. And if they turn Sasha tonight, I’m concerned fans are not going to be nearly as behind Bayley as you’d expect. Sasha is an amazing heel, but she’s also a brilliant character that fans respect the hell out of. 

11. SAnitY vs. Tye Dillinger, Roderick Strong, Kassius Ohno, and Ruby Riot

The mixed tag rules still leave us in such weird places. Unless the match is booked damned near perfectly, at some point it always turns into a frustrating plot point. I do wonder if NXT ever comes close to pulling the trigger on Dillinger. It almost feels like too little too late after another L.

10. John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse

I hoped for more from this given how phenomenal the booking leading up to the match was. Instead they mostly protected Maryse, let Miz have a couple nice minutes, and then it was time for the Cena family to get their shit in and get to the real point of all of this: the proposal. Fine for what it was, but given how good 3 of the 4 in this match are in the ring, and how Maryse’s ring rust could have played into Nikki’s strong style dominance, I hoped for better.

Perfectly Fine, And That’s Okay

9. Aleister Black vs. Andrade Almas

Almas has settled in as a nice mid-card hand in NXT and a welcomer to the card, and this showed why. It was a nice match, showed off both men’s skills, and put Black over as a force to be reckoned with in the months ahead in NXT. At some point, I hope they get on the Almas train. That dude has it figured out now and needs to get something of a push.

8. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens

I wanted this to be Savage/ Steamboat. I wanted it to steal the show and make it impossible to follow in every way. But this just never clicked as much as I wanted it to. That’s not to say it was bad. It wasn’t. It was a strong story of two guys who know each other’s moves so well that they constantly have the moves and counters scouted. That’s a fine story, but it needed more to really work. We didn’t quite get there, I’m sorry to say.

Fun

7. Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

This was the best possible version they could have done of Goldberg/ Lesnar. I didn’t want another 2 minutes or less affair but asking these two to go ten or more minutes is not being realistic about what you have in them, and it’s risking the crowd turning on it. Instead, both guys got to hit their combined four moves, it told a coherent story, and was a lot of fun. Everyone involved deserves serious kudos for stretching this out to just the right length and making it as good as it could possibly have been.

6. Bobby Roode vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

This was a far better version than their first matchup. Roode is developing a nice tendency of working smart, dare I say cerebral, matches. The knee work to neutralize the Kinshasa was good, as was his ready counters. Shinsuke’s matches in WWE have all been fine, but not one has ever lived up to the man’s hype, charisma, and most of all his entrances. I hope that changes on the main roster.

5. Neville vs. Austin Aries

In terms of technical skill on both sides of the bout, this was certainly the winner at Wrestlemania. Just a well-booked, entertaining match all around. Neville continues to be both smart and devastating, and this didn’t take any shine off of Aries. Let’s do this again with these two.

4. AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon

If I could get past the booking oddity of making Shane McMahon look on the equal of AJ Styles, this would almost certainly be the match of the night, and I can’t believe that’s something I just typed. AJ is a demigod in the wrestling ring, and full marks go to Shane McMahon for learning from the worst parts of the overlong Undertaker affair. This was fun, relatively strong from a technical perspective, and should cement AJ as a goddamn miracle worker in the ring to the decision makers at WWE.

3. The Club vs. Cesaro and Sheamus vs. Enzo and Cass vs. The Hardys (!)

I gave this match shit for using up the ladder stipulation for three team who seemed in capable of making it worthwhile. But the, things got a little bit Broken. Without a doubt the biggest pop of the night went to the freakin’ Hardys showing up at Wrestlemania. From there it turned into 11 electric minutes. Everyone got cool spots, crazy ass Jeff Hardy jumped off an enormous ladder, and the crowd lost their shit repeatedly through it all. It won’t score high by any technical measure, but goddamn if this wasn’t a ton of fun.

These Are The Actual Good Matches

2. Asuka vs. Ember Moon

It seems like I like this match more than most, even though I don’t have a ton to say. And yes, I know that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. The tag match was hot fucking fire, but this told a strong story and made both women look great. Ember is coming for Asuka, and coming soon, but Asuka’s surprise semi-turn tonight was beautiful.

1. The Authors of Pain vs. The Revival vs. #DIY

A great, possible swan swong, for what has been the best division in all of WWE for over a year. I have to think at least one of Revival and #DIY are being promoted, and honestly they both should be. I’m not sure AOP can keep this up without them, but that’s a question for another day. For Saturday night, we got brilliance from the three teams. The combo finishers, the frenemies dynamic between the two smaller teams, and AOP’s just incredible physicality. My only issue is just how much damage AOP had to overcome to win. It got to be too much when whichever Author sat in double submissions for forever without tapping, and within another minute or two was up hitting his moves. That was a step too far, and the only thing that kept it from being another all-time classic.

#Wrestlemania #Wrestling #WWE

[ryanonwrasslin-blog]

The Wrestling Optimist - March 30, 2017 - Wrestlemania Preview!!! Part 1

Welcome to my weekly, mostly optimistic, look at the wonderful world of professional wrestling. This came about because I’m working my hardest to stop being such a miserable smark, and this column is my best effort at both keeping myself honest and funneling out the various thoughts I have on wrestling. For the most part, this will be a WWE-themed piece every week, and it’s still evolving, but for now I think I’ve found a solid format. I urge you to join me in being a happier wrestling fan, whatever that may mean to you!

Theme of the Week

Mania is upon us! And the crowd goes mild! Rather than do a typical review of the shows this week, I’m going to focus my efforts on Wrestlemania for two reasons. 1) The go-home shows don’t have a whole lot to offer (Raw in particular), and even the good stuff is tied so heavily into Mania that it works better to just write one big piece. 2) I mean, it’s Mania. Why would I look backward? This is one of the more exciting times of the year, and certainly the most high-profile. I have a lot of thoughts about this year’s card, so let’s just dive right in, shall we?

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale

The AMBAR or the ‘Dre, however you want to abbreviate it, has become a fun staple of Mania and an easy way to get everyone on the card. I also like that it’s building a nice legacy of winners with Cesaro, Big Show, and Baron Corbin the three winners to-date. We already have around 30 people confirmed for this event, and I imagine there will be a fun surprise or two, though no one of serious consequence. 

To me, barring an enormous surprise, there are only two possible entrants that could win this thing. And honestly, there’s really only one:

Braun should win and almost certainly will win, and given how little booking there has been for most of these guys, I imagine he’ll do most of the eliminating. But the other, very slim possibility?

Sami Zayn

If it wasn’t WWE, I’d say there was a huge payoff and pop waiting to happen with Sami shockingly eliminating Braun at the end to win. It wouldn’t hurt Braun if you make him look dominant during the match, but it could be a really big moment for Sami. But this is WWE, so...

The Pick: Braun Strowman eliminates half the entrants himself, we end up with a final three of Braun, Big Show, and Sami because WWE couldn’t give a fuck about Smackdown (this is going to be a theme). Braun eliminates both and starts on a path to a world title in 2017.

Austin Aries vs. Neville for the Cruiserweight Championship

I’m going to get to this with the Smackdown Women’s match, but I struggle with the Pre-Show designation for matches that are supposed to matter. I see the argument that it gives them significantly more time and a chance to do something memorable. But I really can’t get past the appearance that being on the Pre-Show makes these matches appear lesser.

In this particular case, though, I’m fine with the Cruiserweight match being on the pre-show. It’s a new division, and this is a nice building block, and this is a match that people should be really into because of how good these two are in the ring.

The Pick: Neville retains after a really strong, energetic match because Neville should hold this belt for like 6-plus months, look incredible throughout, and really build the division’s prestige up. And Aries is a great character that can take the loss.

Smackdown Women’s Championship Six-Pack

Okay, now I’m going to get upset. This match has no goddamn business being on the pre-show, and WWE is shitty as hell for putting it there while they continue to hype up the Women’s Revolution or what the fuck ever they call it. Hell, the same night it was announced this was on the pre-show, Stephanie McMahon had the nerve to retweet a story about the evolved state of women in the WWE. The whole women’s division’s handling this year is garbage, because the dirty little secret is that there were several great storylines in the women’s division they could have built for Mania matches in place of some of the garbage we’ll see on the main card, but instead they decided to pile them all into two matches, with only one on the main card.

I’m going to avoid too much fantasy booking here, though, so I’ll just say that the Smackdown women have been treated as second class by WWE since the beginning of the brand split, and for no goddamn reason at all. You can’t just expect the division to become important on its own, you have to occasionally give them the rub. Becky and Alexa have been doing great work since the brand split, Mickie has been a breath of fresh air and honestly might be the best female worker on the main roster (give me her over Bayley 1000x over), and Naomi was primed for a big pop at Mania. Having that match at night in Orlando and having Naomi’s entrance in a dark stadium would have been HYPED. To be frank, they utterly blew it, and I honestly can’t forgive it.

I couldn’t believe how mad I was when I heard the official word. I’d been bracing myself for it, but goddamn I was still furious when I saw the announcement. It sucks, and shows that WWE, for all their catchphrases, is still full of shit when it comes to truly supporting women’s wrestling.

/end rant

The Pick: I honestly don’t know. On the main card I would have picked Naomi for sure. But here, I think I’ll pick Becky to win, but mostly just because Becky is my personal soft spot for all things wrestling. I’d pick her to pin Braun Strowman if the opportunity came.

Ladder Match for the Raw Tag Team Championships

While I’m fresh off of the SDL women’s rant, here’s another one to bitch about. Why are six dudes with ground-based offense in a ladder match? What, is Sheamus gonna jump off the first rung and brogue kick someone? This is a waste of what’s usually a fun match.

Of course, it doesn’t help that WWE has lost all interest in booking coherent tag divisions on the main roster. I honestly had to think for a moment to remember which team held the belts and I watch the show every week.

Why couldn’t we have given this to the SDL women and have Alexa hit a Twisted Bliss off a ladder, or get a Mick Kick knock someone off the second rung, or Naomi do something bonkers-ass good from the top of the thing?

The Pick: Ugh, I guess Enzo and Cass. This likely will lead the show, and Cesaro will probably do some cool offense because he’s f-ing Cesaro, but the rest of the match will be a letdown. Unless, of course, it turns into a certain Broken ladder match, in which case I’ll retract all complaints.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

I’ve talked myself into this match so long as it ends with an AJ win and so long as the “Shane Spot” is cool but doesn’t damned near kill poor AJ. I won’t require it, but I do hope we get a long stretch of AJ just beating the shit out of Shane and dominating the match.

Hell, you can even use it to get to a Shane Spot. Have AJ beat Shane so bad he gets overconfident and leaves himself vulnerable to a Shane comeback that leads to Shane, like, climbing to the moon and jumping.

The Pick: AJ, obviously. Shane misses his big jump, AJ throws him through something dangerous, like a Wrestlemania sign, and the ref stops the match.

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho for the US Championship

Easily the best told story in all of the Mania card. I’m excited for this match and I hope they’re smart enough to give it the necessary time. No one needs Shane/ AJ, Taker/ Reigns, or Trips/ Rollins to go 20+ minutes. Give this thing at least 15 in the ring and I fully expect it will turn out as the best match on the card by a lot.

The Pick: Owens wins in an all-time classic, and god willing, starts defending the US Title almost every Monday night.

Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin for the Intercontinental Championship

When they were fighting with construction equipment backstage, I was excited for this match. I thought for certain that we’d be getting some ridiculous, fun, hardcore-style match that would see them fight backstage and let Ambrose do some of the bonkers stuff he wanted to do with Lesnar last year.

But since then, WWE has farted around with this feud and it now seems like it’s just a regular singles match. What a drag. Ambrose is best when he’s either in a blood feud or when he’s fighting outside of the ring. This feels like neither, and I’m worried this match might not be very good.

The Pick: Corbin wins for sure. WWE clearly likes the guy and wants to get him closer to the main event.

Triple H vs. Seth Rollins in an unsanctioned match

If it’s really unsanctioned, we shouldn’t be getting some over the top Trips entrance, right? Right? Oh, yeah, never mind. In all seriousness, Trips’ entrances at Mania are always among the high points of any show. I can’t even imagine what’s coming this year.

The real question this year is what happens with this unspoken faction that’s emerged with Trips, SmoJo, and KO. And seeing as how Samoa Joe isn’t booked anywhere else, there’s like a 99% chance he shows up in a big way here, right? But how does Rollins answer that? No matter how great you want Seth to look, you can’t expect him to beat SmoJo and Trips both. Are we in for a surprise on Seth’s side? I honestly can’t figure this one out, but I’m intrigued to see what they do.

The Pick: Seth wins, right? There’s no way Trips would put himself over. I think? I guess? Alright, yeah, if this faction is going somewhere, he might. Still, I’ll stick with Seth with some surprise help.

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse

Man, I’ve done the full pendulum with this one. At first, I was cringing when rumors were leaking out about this. And then Miz and Maryse did the work of a lifetime getting me excited by repeatedly wrecking Cena’s shit on the mic, culminating with Total Bellas Bullshit. But then, Cena’s return-fire promo on Smackdown Live last week smirked away all consequences of the feud and left me certain that this only ends one way.

The Pick: LOL Cena Wins. And probably not just win. I fear Cena is gonna show weakness for like a minute total, Nikki is gonna fuck Maryse’s shit up (even though Maryse was a pretty decent wrestler once upon a time) and these two are gonna win in the most insufferable way.

Elimination Match for the Raw Women’s Championship

Man, I’m nervous about this one, and about the Raw Women in general. This title has been inconsistent and overbooked since Summerslam and I’m worried this is going to be the culmination of that. Bayley has been, quite frankly, a botchy, nervous mess since her call-up and I don’t know that Wrestlemania is going to do anything to calm those nerves. Meanwhile, I’d guess we’re less than a week away from Sasha nailing a backstabber on Bayley and getting that heel turn, but in the meantime, Sasha’s been weird about this Bayley thing.

Nia has been fine in limited moments, but I don’t know what to think of her in a Mania match. It’s really going to come down to how much Charlotte and Sasha’s instincts can carry this thing. I worry this will end up being a letdown.

The Pick: Bayley retains if only so that we can get the Sasha heel turn.

Roman Reigns vs. The Undertaker

Ughhhhh. I just do not care about this one. Ideally, Reigns will pose and snarl over ‘Taker’s wrecked body, soaking in the boos from the crowd and flipping them the finger. Anything other than that, anything that keeps Reigns as a tweener or whatever the fuck alignment he is now, is going to suck.

The Pick: I guess Reigns, right? It’s hard to believe, and it’s honestly not going to do much for him, but Reigns ain’t losing, right?

Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt for the WWE Championship

That this isn’t the main event is lame. Lesnar and Goldie don’t give a fuck about WWE and in two years, I’d wager neither one will still be in the company. Orton has enough star power to merit a main event and that could do wonders for Wyatt’s stature.

Alas, we just have to know that it should be the main event. Though their prior encounter wasn’t much to get excited about, I have high hopes for this. They likely held back in their prior match given that they knew an alignment switch was coming.

As for the result, I’m torn. Wyatt just got the belt and could really use a longer reign to solidify himself. But Orton is Orton, and WWE has to like the thought of him anchoring Smackdown even if I’m nervous as hell about what they’ll do with him once this Wyatt business is concluded.

The Pick: Fuck it, I’m picking Wyatt. He needs a Mania win.

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE Universal Championship

I remain surprised that the WWE fans haven’t started shitting on this in the build to Mania. At this point, it probably won’t happen, though if the match stretches on for too long, it’s a distinct possibility.

But WWE is smart. This match won’t get even eight minutes, I predict, and half of that will be spent either glaring at each other or waiting for their competitor to get back to their feet.

The Pick: Lesnar ducks an early spear and the tide turns quickly against Goldberg. Maybe he gets a few clubbing shots in, but Lesnar wins in very strong fashion. And here’s hoping Lesnar doesn’t disappear until Summerslam afterward.

That’s it for this week. Here’s hoping Mania is at least tolerable! And hey, if nothing else, Raw and Smackdown should be fucking LIT next week. Until then...

#WWE #Wrestling #Wrestlemania

[ryanonwrasslin-blog]

The Wrestling Optimist - March 23, 2017

Welcome to my weekly, mostly optimistic, look at the wonderful world of professional wrestling. This came about because I’m working my hardest to stop being such a miserable smark, and this column is my best effort at both keeping myself honest and funneling out the various thoughts I have on wrestling. For the most part, this will be a WWE-themed piece every week, and it’s still evolving, but for now I think I’ve found a solid format. I urge you to join me in being a happier wrestling fan, whatever that may mean to you!

Theme of the Week

Changes, they are a-comin'.

I touch on a few specifics in the "Hitting the Finisher" section, but it's been widely held that, post-Mania, there will be roster shake-ups all throughout WWE. We see some hints of that on TV this week, with Foley being fired, Steph "punishing" Mick's closest friends on the roster, AJ maybe being on the outs with the SDL management, the Usos perhaps teasing a new direction for Smackdown's tag divison, some NXT wrestlers finishing up their storylines, and new faces on NXT (Ember, Ohno, Ruby Riot) getting attention.

And that's without even touching on the several storylines likely to conclude at Mania that will open up several dance cards from April onward (KO/ Jericho, Cena/ Miz, Goldberg/ Lesnar, Reigns/ Taker, and Shane/ AJ all figure to not go past Mania). There's a reason why the shows right after Mania are often considered the most must-see TV of the wrestling year, because no other point in the year has so many resets and surprises. In this smark-ass world, that sort of unknown is rare.

10 Best Moments of the Week

Total Bellas Bullshit Smackdown Live as a whole was incredible this week, as you can tell by how frequently it shows up in this list. It had two really strong matches, two other fun, short ones, and just had a good time all around by, in part, not taking itself too seriously or grounding itself too much in reality. But the highlight was the Miz and Maryse and it wasn't even close. Miz's Cena impression was the height of parody, and Maryse, in addition to looking as jaw-dropping as ever in that Nikki outfit, stole the show from right out under him. I can't give this enough praise.

Now THAT'S how you start building a Tag Team division I’m talking of course, about American Alpha and the Usos. can someone tell me why this wasn't this done at one of the recent PPV's? These two teams worked really well together, and I hope they draw out Alpha's inevitable chase for their belts. Since it's not clear that anything is happening with the SDL Tag division at Mania, let Alpha feud with someone else for a month or two, win clean as a whistle, build momentum, and take the titles from the Usos over the summer so that it means something. This is the first step of rebuilding the division, and it's a great one, but they still need to take steps 2, 3, 4, etc.

My God, that list has a family! I'm all the way in on this KO/ Y2J feud, even more than I was before, incredibly enough. This segment was the best of Monday night, with Jericho's line about a young KO marking out, maaaaaaaan, a particular highlight that humanizes KO while also making him look like an even bigger asshole for throwing away his true self for what he thinks are his own personal interests. And then he starts playing mind games with KO about it. It's not easy for a babyface to play mind games, but Jericho walks that line skillfully. And KO roughing up Jericho and even eating the list was just beautiful. Also, Jericho at the peak of his powers with the fans is a sight to behold. They were loving that dude last night. When he's done with the pro graps business we're going to have a very tough time figuring out where Jericho ranks in the all-time pantheon of superstars. Not only has he had some incredible highs, but his frequent sabbaticals have allowed his career to stretch on for a duration of excellence that almost no one has ever reached in wrestling history. This guy debuted in WCW over 20 years ago and we're coming up on the 19th anniversary of the list of 1,004 holds. Unreal.

Southpaw Regional Wrestling This wasn't an actual happening on one of the wrestling shows this week, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the series of YouTube videos that hit the internet this week. I honestly can't pick out a favorite part. Go watch the whole 25 minutes of the series. 

This version of Mick Foley can be my babyface GM anytime You can see below that I'm not sure where they're going with this storyline involving Foley's buddies backstage, but I do have some possible high hopes. That aside, Foley cut a really strong promo and then got to have meaningful interactions backstage that likely reflect how many of these wrestlers actually feel about the man. Shouldn't we have been letting him have these kinds of interactions since Summerslam? That would have beat him getting preachy about Hell in a Cell or trying to motivate Sami Zayn in the weirdest way possible or whatever. This was always the payoff, and hopefully they nail the ramifications of it in a way that makes it all worth it, I just wish we could have had more of it.

Randy Orton and Baron Corbin should do that again soon I wasn't sure in the least how this would work, but I really dug Orton and Corbin's work together.

Bray Wyatt and his literal sheep followers This is the kind of stuff they've needed to do with Wyatt for months or years even. This was genuinely creepy stuff, and I loved Renee recognizing what was happening right away and dashing the hell out of that interview when the light flickered.

Samoa Joe vs. Sami Zayn This will always be a good match. I like the way they work against one another. I remain surprised SmoJo isn't booked for Mania yet. I guess he could be in the AMBAR, but that feels like a bit of a letdown. Maybe they let these two do it again at Mania and give them like 10 electric minutes?

Your Crazy Matches My Crazy I'm not going to pretend like I really knew Heidi Lovelace. Like most indy wrestlers, I'd mostly just seen her on a handful of YouTube videos here and there, most of which I watched after hearing that she'd been signed by WWE. But that was a hell of a debut last night on NXT as, apparently, Ruby Riot. And I'm really into her going against crazy-ass Nikki Cross. Ruby seems like she'd be the type to not be afraid, or even a little bit worried, about Nikki's lunacy. Not sure if they'll rush these two into a program for Takeover or just have them on the periphery of a 6-man tag and lead to a long-term feud from there, but either way I'm into it.

Breezy Bella and The Southpaw Regional Wrestling Announce Team Explodes Only Smackdown Live would even think to not just acknowledge the viral YouTube sensation but also book their biggest star into a match based off of it. And then, because Breezango is just the best and most under-utilized, Tyler Breeze comes out dressed as Nikki Bella. And in maybe the most surprising moment of the night, we get a taste of intergender wrestling, with Nikki hitting her cutter and her STF on Breeze while Cena does likewise on Fandango. Fun stuff all around.

Let The Smark Out

For as much as I’m trying to be an optimist, wrestling is not a perfect product. Far from it, really, and when you have problems with something, it’s healthy to let that sort of thing out. So, in the hopes of keeping a 5:1 ratio tilted toward the good side, here are my two complaints of the week:

-Did we really need to find a way to shoe-horn just about every woman with a pulse into two matches? We couldn't have let one championship stand as a singles match and then put together, like, a third match for the pre-show that was like a 6-woman tag of Raw vs. Smackdown? I think WWE will give both matches at least 10 minutes at Mania and put them both of the main card (though this might be a foolish assumption on my part), so I don't want to act like we're back in the old days of utterly disrespecting the entire division, but one of those titles should have been 1 on 1.

-I'll give WWE credit for making a few of the less-certain 'Mania matches into worthy fights. The mixed tag is a great example of this, and I'm beyond hyped for that match. But the one match that should have been a lay-up, Triple H vs. Seth Rollins, has fallen flat for a multitude of reasons. Seth has gotten his ass-kicked repeatedly by Trips and SmoJo, and of late the build has just been Seth and Trips talking at length to crowds that aren't really that into it. Trips was working hard to get the crowd to launch into "Rollins" chants Monday night, but that garnered about as "meh" a reaction as you could imagine. I imagine the match will end up being strong because Rollins is excellent in the ring and Trips loves the opportunity to fight guys like that, but this build has not given me anything like the attraction I was hoping for.

Let’s Rank Stuff!

One of the best things to do as a wrestling fan is to compare things. Who’s on the Mount Rushmore of wrestling? Who was the most over with the crowd? Who’s the best in-ring worker? What’s the most uncomfortable Attitude Era storyline in retrospect? That’s what I’m going to do here every week, pick a topic and rank it as I see it. Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts! I’d love to hear them.

10. Dean Malenko - I wasn't a WCW guy so this is based basically on the clips from the "1,004 Holds" list time. 9. Christian - The way they handled some of the intergender stuff can be weird in hindsight, but I still remember this pretty fondly. 8. Chris Benoit - Great as both a pairing and fighting against one another. 7. Kevin Owens - This could go higher if the Mania match is as good as I hope. 6. Rey Mysterio - Dude unmasked Rey Mysterio. That's worth a spot alone. 5. Triple H - It feels like these guys fought a billion times, and that's not by accident. Regardless of alignment, they work well together. 4. CM Punk- I have a soft spot for this feud. Prior to the KO stuff, this was my favorite late-prime version of Jericho. 3. Stephanie McMahon- Obviously they didn't actually fight, but goddamn if these two don't have a lot of chemistry cutting promos on each other. 2. The Rock- Rocky being Jericho's first foe in WWE immediately made Y2J matter, but the better feud is after the Invasion for the WCW title in 2001. 1. Shawn Michaels- There was no one even in consideration for this spot. One of the defining feuds of 21st century WWE.

Match of the Week

The Usos vs. American Alpha for the Smackdown Live Tag Team Championships

WWE can never quite seem to figure out how invested they ought to be in tag team wrestling. NXT in 2016 miraculously turned a once-miserable division into one of the strongest divisions in all of wrestling. But that mostly hasn't translated to the main roster, which is why it can be even more frustrating when, even for a night, they get tag team wrestling so very, very correct. And that's what happened this past Tuesday, as the Usos and American Alpha put on, like, the best tag match the main roster has seen in... years? I honestly don't remember a better one though that could be a recency bias. The Usos were the right kind of heel, acting like assholes, cutting a few corners, but still showing that they are very, very good at this. And American Alpha, as white-bread babyface as they get, matched them in the ring for several electric minutes until the Usos, in the end, prevailed. If WWE can't build off of this, then I give the hell up.

Where Do We Go From Here?

I thought I'd consider the sort of surprises and turns we might be able to expect from Wrestlemania. The most obvious area of interest centers around the New Day. Whether it's a segment with the Rock, the Broken Hardys, some celebrities and legends, or maybe (pretty please) a certain Top Guys from NXT. Regardless, something fun will be happening with New Day, and here's hoping it gives these dudes some kind of a direction after Mania.

There are similar possibilities with the Usos and Smackdown's tag division as a whole. There are rumors they might be the target of the Broken Hardys, or perhaps it's all folded into a segment with New Day that results in a trade to Smackdown and a serious beefing up of that division. They may not get a match, but I don't believe Smackdown's tag division will be ignored entirely.

The Smackdown Women's division is teasing some vague language across the board. I'm still hoping for a Ladder match announcement, and that we get Evil Emma and Summer Rae in the match, along with a returning Naomi, possibly a WWE alum, and maybe even the almighty Asuka. This could be a fun match if they give it a chance.

The AMBAR is obviously a spot where we'll see who gets the big push post-Mania. Strowman is the heavy favorite if he enters, but I'd be into someone talented but underutilized getting a shot here. We also figure to get a surprise entrant or two.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles feels like it could be a spot for a surprise appearance. AJ is the best wrestler in the world and should murk Shane O'Mac, which makes me think shenanigans are in play. Does something Bullet Club related happen here?

Lastly, I remain fascinated by Braun Strowman's tangential involvement in the Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns match. If this goes to some kind of No-DQ stipulation, you better believe Strowman is showing up.

Hitting The Finisher

There has been talk about AJ Styles going to Raw after Mania as an result of this Shane O'Mac feud, a monumental change because Styles has, quite frankly, been the biggest reason for Smackdown being the best wrestling show on TV for months now. And given that the rest of Smackdown's roster is relatively thin (without Styles and assuming Cena is on another hiatus, the top of that card is: Wyatt, Orton, Ambrose, Corbin, Miz. And then you'd have a midcard where Mojo, Kalisto, Ziggler, and Crews feud for eternity because there's literally no one else unless you split up a couple tag teams (which they probably should do). Basically, without multiple additions to the roster, you're setting up Smackdown for failure. And I'm starting to think that's where Monday Night Raw is heading with the Steph storyline. In kayfabe, it's kind of a mess, but there is a potential end goal where Raw signs AJ and multiple under-utilized stars go to Smackdown. Sami Zayn is certainly the primary candidate. Raw has a stacked upper card above Zayn, and there is a relatively coherent story being told about Zayn's issues with Steph. Zayn could be a big asset for Smackdown. But if you're giving up the best wrestler in the world, you need more than Zayn, as great as he is. And so I wonder if they're starting toward a similar storyline with Cesaro and maybe Sheamus. They've been quite good as a tag team, but I'd like them even more going over to Smackdown and being occasional hard-hitting allies but mostly just brute-force singles starts. Maybe it's the fantasy-booking-mark inside of me, but I salivate at the thought of what Smackdown could do with Cesaro and Zayn in finally giving them both an upper-card shot. Sheamus is a nice piece as well, but he's long been a guy established as being capable of fighting at or near the main event, whereas the other two have not quite had that shot.

#WWE #Wrestling

[ryanonwrasslin-blog]

The Wrestling Optimist - March 16, 2017

Welcome to my weekly, mostly optimistic, look at the wonderful world of professional wrestling. This came about because I’m working my hardest to stop being such a miserable smark, and this column is my best effort at both keeping myself honest and funneling out the various thoughts I have on wrestling. For the most part, this will be a WWE-themed piece every week, and it’s still evolving, but for now I think I’ve found a solid format. I urge you to join me in being a happier wrestling fan, whatever that may mean to you!

Theme of the Week All of the authority figures on the main roster are TERRIBLE at their jobs

In some ways, this is all Vince McMahon's fault. The standard for manipulative, overbearing authority figures was set with Vince vs. Stone Cold, and ever since then WWE has been trying to recapture that magic, forever sticking to the idea of pitting the authority figure against one or more of the top wrestlers on the show, and usually shuffling them around the card like they do with other feuding superstars. They even go so far as to feud face authority figures against heel wrestlers, which is SUPER tricky to do and rarely ever works well except to make the heel look like the face.

But let's stick to kayfabe for a moment. On Raw this week, Stephanie McMahon, rather than devote her time and energy toward building to Wrestlemania and making sure that Raw actually, you know, is watchable for a change, tells Mick Foley that he has to fire one superstar. Mick, rightfully, is like, "Da Fuck?" and points out that, again, THEY ARE THREE WEEKS FROM WRESTLEMANIA and this is not an ideal time to fire anyone. She insists and he wanders around backstage in a daze for the next two and a half hours. And at the end of the night, after reviewing a roster that includes Curtis Axel, R-Truth, Primo, Epico, Sin Cara, Titus O'Neil, and like 4 cruiserweights I wouldn't recognize if they hit me with their finisher, tells Steph that SHE'S the one who he's firing.

Homie, if you were gonna go the self-sabotage route, why not fire like Cesaro or Sami Zayn so that Smackdown could sign one of them and they'd be free from the plodding march toward permanent mid-card status that is their career on Raw? That actually would have popped me and gotten me interested in the direction they were going with a story. But no, Foley "fires" Steph, which shortly summons Triple H, who does all but fire Mick, which was whatever, eats a Sock-O for his trouble and then "re-injures" or whatever a returning Seth Rollins, you know, one of their biggest superstars, THREE WEEKS BEFORE THE MANIA OF WRESTLING.

Alright, everyone calm? No? Well, at least I can skip the Let The Smark Out segment this week, because Smackdown Live, incredibly enough, was possibly even worse in terms of terrible authority figures, even if they at least serve a purpose beyond "Gotta get Steph and Hunter over."

So, there are two feuds on Smackdown Live that touch on Shane O'Mac and Daniel Bryan. The first, obviously, is AJ Styles vs. Shane. I'm going to skip the part about the build because it's covered below in my best moments of the week. But again, in kayfabe, AJ Styles absolutely has a point. That opening promo was like a fired-up babyface, pointing out all the ways he was wronged, and none of them are actually false or embellished or delusional, like you'd hope they'd be from a heel. Instead, he gets the crowd on his side and then goes to the back to wait for Shane O'Mac because he blames him for the conspiracy against AJ. And Shane, for some reason, on a two hour show that presumably required significant time preparing for in advance, doesn't arrive until we're like an hour in. Huh? Was dude just concerned about the non-title tag match and 205 Live (of which he's not an authority figure) going off without a hitch? Wrestling doesn't always have to hold up to intense scrutiny, but you should be able to at least think through the basics of a plotline without furrowing your brow. And if the story was, "Shane's a McMahon and doesn't have to give a shit about this job," then maybe they'd be onto something. But it's not, so they're not.

But I digress. Shane shows up, AJ beats his ass something fierce, to which the crowd cheers, Daniel Bryan fires AJ, to which the crowd boos, and then Shane gets the Monday Nitro NWO backstage cutaway during the "main event" which basically screams "we don't care about this match at all," and then puts himself against AJ in a match at Mania.

Now, maybe this could be mostly fine, and I'm not gonna pretend like I'm not way more hyped for this match now then I was a month agao, except for one other thing: We've seen countless wrestlers do terrible things backstage on Smackdown Live in recent months and not even get fined or suspended, let alone fired. Baron Corbin attacked Ambrose with a fucking forklift, Maryse beat Nikki Bella with a pipe or something, Dolph Ziggler was wailing on dudes with chairs, AND RANDY ORTON BURNED DOWN A MAN'S HOUSE. Corbin, Maryse, and Orton get matches at Mania, and AJ gets fired. Guys, we all know it’s one big scripted show, but consistency in the story has to matter at least a little bit or we’re just staging wrestling matches for no reason.. And also, no way does AJ get fired without Steph calling that dude in like .2 seconds and offering him a big old contract for Raw.

Alright, let's just move onto Daniel Bryan's role in Cena/ Nikki vs. Miz/ Maryse. Again, the build to this is mostly a lot of fun, but the authority figure, if you really think about it, is the worst. Miz has been rightfully murking Bryan on the mic for months ever since Bryan openly admitting during the draft that he didn't want Miz and then called him a coward a few weeks later on Talking Smack. Regardless of if you like Miz, Daniel, you deserve every bit of that verbal ethering you've gotten. And then on SDL, Bryan, as biased as they come in a feud that involves his sister-in-law and her boyfriend, books the match for Mania apparently against Miz's wishes after talking about how much he wants to punch Miz in the face. NOT IDEAL MANAGEMENT TALK, DANIEL.

Look, at the end of the day, much of this is done in the service of building feuds, and for the most part, I understand it (though not that Foley/ Steph stuff), but when you think about wrestling like it's a real show, and not with a winking nod at it being fake, the logic behind it falls apart, and that's just not good enough. But I guess what I’m really saying is, can we just get William Regal to take charge of both brands?

10 Best Moments of the Week

Shane O’Mac takes a bigger beating for a Smackdown Live backstage segment then Brock Lesnar took in his entire Mania match last year Shane continues to be a lunatic. That looked like a hell of a stiff whoopin’ he took from AJ, and as “meh” as I’ve felt about seeing the best wrestler in the world selling for Shane’s baby jabs, I can’t deny that this popped me.

That Austin Aries rolling elbow I mostly dislike that spinning lariat/ clothesline or elbow thing that a few different people do because they usually do it like Natalya where they spin, then have to step forward and throw the thing, thereby neutering the momentum of the move. Even Luke Harper doesn't do it very well. But Aries has the best one I've ever seen. When he comes out of the spin he is ON TOP of you and that elbow looks like it has extra oomph on it because of it.

Bringing back the Mick Foley/ Triple H blood feud It wasn't Rock/ Austin in terms of box office and hype, but the Foley/ Triple H feud, peaking with Cactus Jack's return, is probably my favorite feud for both men, and so I was getting a little worried when Trips was giving every appearance of absolutely neutering Mick, but I can't deny that there was a huge pop in my living room when the camera cut away from Mick apparently cowering in the corner of the ring but discreetly reaching for something in his pants. That was a good moment, though I felt less so about Trips getting to stand tall over Rollins at the end of the night, though at least that match is clearly on for Mania now.

SLAY MARYSE Wrestling feuds based on shootin’ are super tricky, but this Miz/ Maryse vs. Cena/ Bella feud continues to do the best job I’ve seen a feud do with “shooting” since, like, CM Punk. I have no idea how bad Maryse’s ring rust might be, but that genuinely seemed like a woman who is just going to punch Nikki in the face at Mania.

Dana Brooke, white bread baby face They stopped and started with this moment too much on the way there, but I'll be damned if Dana's goofy energy in the ring didn't get that crowd cheering for her. The timing seems odd to me given that we're a few weeks from Mania and Charlotte has much bigger fish to fry, but I'll allow the string to play out on this one and hope that they build on it and make her into the sort of mid-card babyface that isn't really present on either main roster.

Roman Reigns: Shithead heel I have no idea if they're actually doing this heel thing with Roman or if they're really content to let him wither and die in the middle, but R-double as a cocky, entitled dick throwing shade at Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker at once was a fascinating decision. Given that Undie has shown his own Bobby Hill-inspired heel tendencies as recently as the Lesnar follow-up feud, I wondered if maybe they were going to try and make the Dead Man play something of a bad guy here, but right now they are setting Roman up to get booed out of the goddamn building in Orlando.

Bray Wyatt... ewww I’m no big fan of any of the spooky stuff WWE does with Bray Wyatt because too often they half-ass it, and you can’t half-ass the mystical/ magical shit. It’s either real or it’s not. But Bray bathing in Sister Abigail’s ashes or what the fuck ever happened there was a billion times more memorable than the countless gaspy promos he’s done before about being the Eater of Worlds or something.

Sasha planting seeds I hope it happens, and I'm glad they're planting the seeds, but I hope they wait until after Mania for Sasha to even hint at hostilities towards Bayley. The night after Mania for a Sasha turn would cause just obscene levels of reaction.

William Regal, my dude That triple threat tag match at NXT: Orlando is now by far the odds-on favorite to be the match of Mania weekend. Adding that elimination stip is a fascinating stroke. It’s very unclear if any of these six guys are headed for the main roster anytime soon, so I could really see anyone coming out of there with the title, but I’d say the elimination piece makes AOP far more likely to retain. Still, that match should get 30 minutes if I have the say, and just be ten kinds of awesome.

Asuka stylin’ and profilin’ Asuka hanging by the pool, saying her catchphrases, and that entire segment, was a really good one for the champ. She’s never been more arrogant or looked better. I didn’t think they’d beat Ember on the way to the top, but I’m definitely starting to feel more like Asuka will retain and maybe go a little extra heel afterwards.

Let the Smark Out

I went overboard in the Theme of the Week on my smarky side, so I’m just going to list my two problems this week and not go too far in-depth about them here.

LOL Ziggler should be a meme at this point. I can’t believe how bad this heel turn has been.

The Club's self-inflicted words - Hey, Gallows and Anderson, in the words of CM Punk, "You need to watch the show." I'm actually debating making this into a weekly segment because I feel like WWE's characters way too often do the dumbest shit with the most obvious, self-inflicted outcome. And that's exactly what happened with Gallows and Anderson guaranteeing that Foley would put them in a Triple Threat match at Mania after interfering in the Sheamus/ Cesaro vs. Cass/ Enzo #1 Contender's match.

Let’s Rank Stuff

Two weeks to Mania and we’re so close that it’s pretty clear, with a couple possible exceptions, what the card will look like. So this week we’re ranking how long I expect the Mania matches to go, from longest to shortest. And keep in mind this is my prediction for how long the matches will actually last, not how long I want them to last.

Reigns vs. Undertaker (22 minutes)

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse (19 Minutes)

Triple H vs. Rollins (18 Minutes if Seth can go)

Corbin vs. Ambrose (17 Minutes because they go backstage and do goofy shit)

Jericho vs. Owens (16 Minutes)

Wyatt vs. Orton (15 Minutes)

AJ vs. Shane (15 Minutes because it takes time to set up a crazy Shane spot)

Charlotte vs. Bayley vs. Sasha (14 Minutes)

Sheamus/ Cesaro vs. The Club vs. Enzo and Cass (13 Minutes on the Pre-Show)

Neville vs. Aries (10 Minutes)

AMBAR (10 Minutes, longer if it goes to the Pre-Show)

Smackdown Women's Free For All (9 Minutes)

Lesnar vs. Goldberg (6 Minutes)

Match of the Week

Bobby Roode vs. Kassius Ohno for the NXT Championship - I was really torn between this and the 5-Way on 205 Live, but I have more to say about Ohno/ Roode, so I picked this one. I liked that they made Ohno look pretty good even as you knew there was no way he was winning. His offense looked and sounded stiff as hell, which I always appreciate out of a big dude. And Roode continues to just be smarter and survive by the skin of his teeth. But I also needed to talk about the elephant in the room: Ohno’s gear. That tightie-whitie and basketball jersey look was horrific. I have no problem with guys that aren’t as physically fit being really good at wrestling. I like the different body types. But the ring gear here is actively distracting and it’s going to hurt him.

Either put him in a pair of full-sized trunks that come up past the waist (think old school Dusty Rhodes) and let him wrestle shirtless, or get him pants and an actual shirt. Either option is fine, this option is atrocious.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Mania. Obviously, we’re headed towards Mania. But post-Mania, I’m nervous about how WWE might treat Smackdown Live. It’s been their best show for months, but change is a-comin’. Cena is reportedly taking time off, Nikki might be retiring, and word is the AJ Styles could be traded to Raw. That leaves an enormous gap at the top of the Smackdown card that I don’t see how they can fill without getting an enormous asset from Raw.

The top of the Raw card post-Mania would be: Brock, R-Double, BRAUN, KO, Finn, Styles, Rollins, SmoJo. And that’s without mentioning Sami, Cesaro, Sheamus, and Handsome Rusev. That roster is fuckin’ STACKED.

The top of the Smackdown card without Cena would be: Orton, Wyatt, Miz, Ambrose, and I guess Baron Corbin??? Yikes. If AJ goes to Raw and SDL doesn’t get like Seth and New Day in return (because let’s be honest, the rosters are already uneven), then they are completely setting Smackdown Live up for massive failure.

Do the right thing, WWE.

Hitting The Finisher

We saw the first concrete glimpse of a Sasha Banks heel turn on Raw this week. It was as fleeting as they come, an off-handed remark about "haters" intended to sew doubt in Bayley's mind, but NXT fans the world over had to be relishing it, dreaming of the inevitable moment on a future Raw when Sasha and Bayley are in the ring, perhaps yelling at a retreating Charlotte or Nia, when Bayley drifts a little ahead of Sasha, just far enough for Sasha to give her a quick stink eye and then... BAM! Backstabber into the Banks Statement. Even if WWE does its usual main roster, half-assed, telegraphing in the lead-up to such a moment, it will pop the hell out of the crowd and change the face of the Raw women's division for the better.

And yet I'm here to tell you that I hope they wait a while before they pull the trigger. Bayley seems incredibly likely to retain the title at Mania despite being the third best performer in the Triple Threat, and my guess is the night after Mania they pull the trigger on the Sasha turn. That crowd will eat it the fuck up.

But I hope they wait. If you want Bayley to retain the title, let Sasha hang at her side for a while, let her stay Bayley's friend out mutual respect. Maybe she helps Bayley survive a Nia feud post-Mania, while also feuding with Emma or someone from Smackdown that gets traded. The point is, let us get comfortable with Sasha and Bayley as friends, even as we all know that Sasha ultimately wants the title. Give Sasha multiple opportunities to turn, but never take it. Really build up the respect these two have for each other. Let Charlotte recruit a few others into a stable and let Sasha and Bayley withstand them, and then, pull the damned trigger after you're 110% sure you've earned it.

The Boss turning on Bayley should be heartbreaking. Right now it would just be predictable. Fun, yes, but emotional, no.

#wwe #wrestling

[ryanonwrasslin-blog]

The Wrestling Optimist - March 9, 2017

For those newbies, this is my first in what I anticipate becoming roughly a weekly edition of my thoughts, from a mostly optimistic viewpoint, on the wonderful world of professional wrestling. I'm working my hardest to stop being such a miserable smark, and this column is my best effort at both keeping myself honest and funneling out the various thoughts I have on wrestling. For the most part, this will be a WWE-themed piece every week, and it's still evolving, but for now I think I've found a solid format. Also, I typically intend for this to be a weekly column, but I was excited to try it out after Fast Lane (and really put my efforts at optimism to their most extreme test), so this particular column will only cover Raw, Smackdown Live, Talking Smack, 205 Live, and NXT.

Theme of the Week: We really are in the fast lane to Mania. The PPV may have left a lot of people a little displeased, but I think Raw and SDL did a nice job this week of building to the Jaws-like creature lurking in our midst, the reportedly 6.5 hour Wrestlemania now less than a month away. On Raw we got Y2J vs. KO, and the Women's Triple Threat officially booked, set up a possible Cruiserweight title match, while also getting Lesnar vs. Goldberg hyped, and Reigns vs. Taker hinted at with the subtlety of one of the Big Dog's Superman Punches. And the inevitable pre-show Tag title match will get clarity next week. That's an awful lot of productivity even for 3 hours.

Smackdown Live, not to be outdone, settled on Wyatt vs. Orton officially, made an intriguing Women's Championship free-for-all, kept the build on for the Mixed Tag, set conspiracy theory AJ Styles loose on Shane O'Mac, and hinted that we're going to get a hardcore type of Intercontinental Title match between Corbin and Ambrose.

The Mania card is now starkly visible, with the unknowns being whatever is happening with the Triple H/ Seth Rollins/ Samoa Joe/ Sami Zayn/ maybe Finn Balor storyline, whether Big Show vs. Shaq happens, how the poor SDL Tag division will be handled, which undercard guys will fill out the AMBAR, and then designating a few of these as pre-show.

For my own druthers, I mostly don't care how the card order stacks up, but I'm going to lose it if the Smackdown women end up on the Pre-Show as I fear they might. My girls Becky and Alexa deserve better than that.

10 Best Moments of the Week

Teasing the Phenomenal Forearm into the RKO Some day they are going to have Orton hit him with the RKO when going for either the forearm or the 450 and it's going to be the coolest thing since the Curb Stomp RKO, and I'm glad they clearly know how cool that is.

Heyman rushing out to address the CM Punk chants and halt whatever ill-fated improv Goldberg was about to attempt I'm not positive that Heyman was rushed out there early to cut off the Punk chants and prevent Goldberg from saying something that would only make the chants worse, but it certainly looked that way and it was another hilarious reminder of how little WWE can trust Goldberg to do pretty much anything.

The Miz motherfuckin' ETHERS John Cena I have nothing to add to his masterpiece. Go watch the SDL and Talking Smack segments.

FORK YOU! - I loved Baron Corbin pinning Dean Ambrose under a forklift. I'm always in for goofy prop fights, and there's always a place on the card for something like this at Mania. I hope this is how the match goes at Mania, a sometimes goofy, sometimes brutal street fight sort of affair. We know that Ambrose wanted the Mania match with Lesnar to go way too far last year but was rebuffed. Let him try this year with someone young and hungry like the Lone Wolf.

Austin Aries, the hero the Cruiserweight division needs Running Aries as the apparent face against Neville could be a weird fit in the long run, but I was all in for this segment on Raw. Aries is the outsized character the division needs right now to complement all the work Neville is doing and the better ring-work we've started seeing from guys like Tozawa and Swann.

The SAnitY and Dillinger story really comes together I don’t know about everyone else, but seeing Roddy get dragged out beaten half to death by the rest of the group, and seeing Tye and Jose get fired up about it, worked like hell for me. That awkward trio coming together against the heels was lacking something and this helped fill in the storyline, as did EY yelling “YOU DID THIS” at Tye. Good stuff.

As the Smackdown Women's Division Turns Becky gets turned on by a tag partner again (at this point I’m surprised Luke Sanders hasn’t turned on her), and Mickie at last turns on Alexa. Sometimes the easy story is the right one. If Naomi makes it back, she's pretty clearly going to win the title, but if not I really hope they have Becky overcome a whole Rogues gallery of heels to win (throw in Eva Marie and Carmella to really put it over the top). She's been turned on so many times that she needs the perseverance story.

For a night, the Part-Timers were booked well I'm as deeply skeptical as anyone that Raw can get me fully invested in a Lesnar/ Goldberg feud or an Undie/ Strong Roman feud, but credit where it's due, they did an excellent job on Raw this week. Goldberg eating an F5 was long overdue and I honestly wanted to see the whooping get worse.

TJP and Shinsuke dab on each other WWE spent a few headscratching months booking TJP after the Cruiserweight classic, but this was a fun match and felt like the right way to handle him, as a cocky, shitty, sorta heel who also does some seriously cool shit in the ring.

The way AJ Styles says, "Randy Orton burns down a man's house and gets rewarded for it!" I knew AJ was among the best in the ring prior to his WWE run, but his promos have been a wonderful surprise to me. He is a natural on the mic and has a goofy charisma, and for whatever reason I chuckled for a long time after he said this particular line.

Let the Smark Out

For as much as I’m trying to be an optimist, wrestling is not a perfect product. Far from it, really, and when you have problems with something, it’s healthy to let that sort of thing out. So, in the hopes of keeping a 5:1 ratio tilted toward the good side, here are my two complaints of the week:

Are we seriously doing this with Emma again? She was in such a good place as Evil Emma with the half-gloves and the shoulder pads. Given how shallow the Raw Women’s division is, why did they feel the need to screw around with something that was working????

I’ve known for weeks that the Styles/ Shane O’Mac feud was coming, but now that it’s here, it hurts even more. There is obvious proof on the roster in multiple forms that you only get so many Wrestlemania’s out of your top workers (like Balor and Rollins both being potentially on the shelf for this year after not being on last year’s card either). To use up one of those years for Styles, unquestionably the best in-ring performer in the company, and probably the world, is asinine. I know there is no bigger honor in WWE eyes than to fight against a McMahon (and I strongly suspect we’re heading toward either a Bayley or Sasha vs. Stephanie program in the next year), but I have no interest in seeing AJ selling for ol’ Baby Jabs McMahon. 

Let’s Rank Stuff!

One of the best things to do as a wrestling fan is to compare things. Who's on the Mount Rushmore of wrestling? Who was the most over with the crowd? Who's the best in-ring worker? What's the most uncomfortable Attitude Era storyline in retrospect? That's what I'm going to do here every week, pick a topic and rank it as I see it. Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts! I'd love to hear them.

This week's ranking: The Status of the Championship Belts

It's been almost 8 months since the Brand Split, which saw WWE add a whopping 4 title belts to their company (and a fifth in the UK Title even more recently) and with Wrestlemania approaching, I thought now would be a fun time to rank those titles in terms of their current level of prestige. Keep in mind the old adage about the wrestler making the belt, not the other way around. So without further ado, in reverse order:

13. UK Championship - Too young to be any higher. If Pete Dunne gets it, though, this thing could rocket up the list. That dude has incredible potential.

12 US Championship - Man what a precipitous fall. A short 18 months ago, Cena had made this thing into probably the second best belt in the company. But more recently it's been seen being dragged around by a disinterested Roman Reigns like he was worried that touching too much of it might infect him with some terrible disease. The good news is that I can see KO winning this at 'Mania and proudly defending it, not because it represents America or anything, but because KO is convinced anything he has is just the best.

11 Smackdown Tag Team Championships - Another letdown since the brand split. Slater/ Rhyno was fun, but American Alpha is surprisingly struggling right now.

10 Raw Tag Team Championships - The shenanigans required to get New Day to the tag title record didn't help anyone, and now I can't help but view The Club as utterly inconsequential. Tag team wrestling on the main roster is in a bad way right now. Thankfully, there's hope on the horizon if WWE is smart enough to realize it.

9 Cruiserweight Championship - Talk about the wrestler making the belt. Putting this thing on Neville was the step that was badly needed to salvage this belt and the entire division.

8 Smackdown Women's Championship - This division has done wonders in terms of drawing out depth and giving its characters chances, but it's in need of some excellent, or rather Bex-cellent, wrestling and something memorable. I think maybe they missed an opportunity not having Becky and Nikki fight for this at some point. Face vs. Face can be tricky, but these two could have done it, it would have given more prestige to the belt and now rumors are Nikki may be on her way out. That’s a seriously missed opportunity if so.

7 WWE Universal Championship - Yikes. I was closer to putting this thing 8th than moving it higher. It's impressively ugly, KO's title run was consistently neutered, and now Dadberg is drenching it in sweat for the next few weeks before Lesnar takes it from him at Mania and promptly disappears for a few months. If we do this ranking again in June, this belt might be 13th.

6 NXT Women's Championship - Asuka is obviously great and the coming feud with Ember should be a lot of fun, as should Nikki Cross' pursuit, but the belt hasn't kept up with some of the others under the WWE umbrella. From where it was during Sasha/ Bayley, things have slipped a bit in part because no one legitimate has come for Asuka. Yet.

5 NXT Tag Team Championships - Several of the best matches of 2016 were contested for this belt, and honestly I feel like it should be higher. I just couldn't quite bring myself to pull the trigger. That said, there's no shame in being 5th and the sole beacon of light for tag team wrestling in WWE.

4 Raw Women's Championship - I didn't love the hot potato of the belt, same as most people, and I loathe it when WWE starts talking about "making history," but this title is a very important one right now.

3 Intercontinental Championship - This likely would have been number 2 if I'd done this ranking in the fall thanks almost entirely to the Miz. Ambrose has been fine as champ since then thanks to his pedigree as a former WWE Champ, and if they are setting up Baron Corbin to win the title at Mania, that could be a great step toward both making a star and helping keep the belt relevant.

2 NXT Championship - One of the most impressive lineages of any championship belt in wrestling history right now. At times, it probably has surpassed even the WWE Championship itself. I'm curious to see how they handle Bobby Roode's reign after having one indy giant after another hold it for years on end. Obviously Roode is no slouch, but this does feel like an interesting point for the title.

1 WWE Championship - I'm glad they're back to just calling it the WWE Championship. That just sounds so much better than adding any sort of "world" modifier to it. It's the franchise, the belt with all the history behind it, and that WWE itself even clearly tries to pay respect to, and this past year or so has only added to the legacy. Getting AJ Styles' name on the belt was great for everyone, Cena tied the record with it, and now Bray Wyatt, a character that WWE has always viewed as a long-term face of the company, is battling another all-time legend in Randy Orton at Wrestlemania for it. That's great stuff.

Match of the Week

This was supposed to be a column that covered everything after Fast Lane, but I have to give it up one more time for Neville vs. Jack Gallagher. That’s unquestionably the match of the week.

Where Do We Go From Here?

I sketched out a rough idea of the Mania card earlier in the column, but for the next few weeks I’m excited for the build. That’s where these matches are set up for memorable moments and big crowd pops or destined for failure. I covered the Triple H saga in this segment in the Fast Lane column, but I was surprised to see it not get a ton of attention on Raw this week. It’s starting to feel like WWE doesn’t even quite know what to do with it at this point.

If we get through this week’s Raw without some kind of stakes for Mania set for those two and the various other players in their drama, I’m going to start doubting whether the match is actually happening, and if maybe we’ll only get some kind of confrontation only at the show.

The Finisher

Big Show vs. Shaq would be kinda cool if it happens, but if it doesn’t, I hope they do Strowman vs. Show II. Strowman is ready for something more than winning the AMBAR, and Show deserves a reward for getting into such ridiculous shape. Plus, those two had low-key the most surprisingly fun match of 2017 so far, and you could do a lot worse than a ten minute hoss fight at Mania. Make it happen, WWE.

#WWE #wrestling

[ryanonwrasslin-blog]

Fast Lane 2017

SaSo, at some point over the weekend I saw a conversation taking place online about the coverage of wrestling and how so much of it is just shitting all over WWE’s product, especially the flagships itself like Monday Night Raw and the Big 4 PPV’s. And it struck me in that moment how miserable of a fan I’d become of something that I’d originally gotten into because it was fun in all of the best, most ridiculous ways.

So I’m here today because I want to hold myself to account on not being such a miserable fucking wrestling fan all the time, and my method for doing that is to write about wrestling. I’ve tried this before but it was mostly aimless ramblings. I’m hoping that this viewpoint to add a certain amount of structure to my wrasslin’ thoughts.

Long-term, I’m hoping for this to be a weekly thing (maybe every Thursday after all the week’s big shows have been aired), but as I’m excited about this, I thought I’d dive right in fresh after Fast Lane last night. Surely the PPV right smack in the middle of THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA will be an easy win for someone trying to be optimistic about wrestling, right?

Right?

Oh God.

/Huffs Paint

Alright, let’s do this...

Theme of the Night:

Who is this show for, exactly?

I know, my supposed optimism lasted to the first sentence. But I swear, I’m going to go through this in a way that isn’t just shitting on the product. All I could think after that main event was, who exactly is this particular show for?

I know Wrestlemania is for the largest crowd possible, and there were obvious steps taken tonight to work toward that, but if you take this show in isolation, and I do think when you are a company dependent on monthly subscriptions you have to view it that way to a certain degree, I’m left feeling very confused about that show.

Was anyone happy to see Sasha basically cheat Bayley to a win? Were the months of booking BRAAAAAAAAAAUN as an all-time monster worth it for an L to Strong Roman at Fast Lane of all places? Did it help anyone for Kevin Owens to look like an idiot and lose in two moves to Goldberg? Did it help Goldberg to win like that? Did any of that bizarre Cesaro/ Jinder/ Handsome Rusev/ Big Show business help even one of them? Sasha rolling up Nia when a strong breeze ought to be able to knock Sasha off balance? New Day Ice Cream? I really struggled to understand the logic behind any of this booking.

Alright, I don’t want to do too much of this negativity, and this show wasn’t all terrible, so let’s get to the next segment I want to run.

Top 10 Moments of the Night:

10. Big E is a weird dude in all the best ways

9. Seriously, we’ve got to be close to a Handsome Rusev Face Turn, right? - He tried to help poor Jinder revive his career, most of his feuds have revolved around defending his wife’s honor, and then last night Jinder gets in his face and shows no respect for the only guy to give him a chance since he was in 3MB, then plays valiant babyface-in-peril against Big Show, who then hits like 11 finishing moves on Rusev for no apparent reason. Oh, and he’s the fucking man in the ring. Handsome Rusev face turn, please and thank you.

8. SmoJo’s Coquina Clutch - Man I love that old-school move.

7. No more “Queen of PPV” nonsense - I really thought they’d keep that going, but thank God they didn’t. It was such a stupid catchphrase.

6. Sasha getting to look like an actual wrestler again - I’ve gone round and round and round in my personal rankings of the 4 Horsewomen (At present it goes Charlotte, Becky, Sasha, Bayley), and the way they’ve booked Sasha as a fragile baby-person has started to bleed into my perception of her. Nia still whooped her ass pretty good but she pulled off a crafty win and didn’t need to be like life-flighted out afterwards. That was a good step for her. And her next big step should be hitting a Backstabber on Bayley the night after Wrestlemania and giving us that sweet, sweet heel turn.

5. BRAAAAAAAAAAAUN vs. Strong Roman (until the finish) - This was an even better effort by Strowman than that really fun Big Show match a few weeks ago. It was the best match of his career. And honestly, I feel a tiny bit bad for Roman at this point. They just keeping making the strangest booking calls with this dude and all the while he’s keeps showing the ability to have an excellent match with just about anyone on the roster.

4. Charlotte’s in-ring taunts - Charlotte is downright loathsome in the ring. It’s infuriating and annoying and frustrating and it’s The Best. She has honed herself to a fine point as a heel in the ring.

3. A taste of SmoJo vs. Sami Zayn - I’d hoped they’d give these two like 15 electric minutes, but was also expecting them to ultimately make Joe into the Destroyer. They definitely chose the latter, but these two both play their roles so well, Joe as the asshole who just wants to beat the shit out of you and Zayn as the underdog who just needs an opening, that it was still a good match, and some day we’ll see those go 20+ minutes for big-time stakes and it will kick all kinds of ass.

2. Kevin Owens’ stall tactics - I’m a sucker for wrestlers incorporating strategy and tactics into their wrestling. It makes it feel so much more real and can help explain the changes in Win/Loss record over the years. This was a great example of those tactics.

1. Neville vs. Jack Gallagher - Unquestionably the match of the night. I went into this match badly craving a Neville squash, but WWE did right by goofy-ass Jack Gallagher and gave these two 12 minutes of fun wrestling. More of this in the Cruiserweights and less of Brian Kendrick doing the Captain’s Hook for 3 minutes at a time, please.

Let the Smark Out

Look, no one’s perfect and a 5:1 ratio of Optimism to Pessimism seems acceptable to me. And it’s just not healthy to keep my issues inside. That shit needs to get out and breathe a bit, you know? It took a lot of thought to figure out my two, though. However, WWE made it clear pretty early on when Steph was screeching at Foley that only two matches actually mattered, so let’s go with those two.

-Bayley cheats her way to a win - Ahh yes, the old trope of the biggest, most natural babyface character being helped by her tweener friend and former rival to victory over the heel who voluntarily fought without her lieutenant at ringside. I see no issues with this logic at all. Sometimes you’re booked into a corner, but this was just blatant malpractice against everything they built for Bayley’s character for years. Just baffling all around.

-You know what the other is. KO stalls and stalls to wear out Goldberg’s peaking intensity, a very smart tactic that shows he’s put tremendous thought into this match and that he’s a student of wrestling. But then the most obvious development ever occurs with a returning Y2J’s music hitting and KO getting distracted, Goldberg hitting his two moves and pinning him in under a minute. I knew it was coming, I suppose, but it was still a kick right in the balls. Sigh...

Where Do We Go From Here?

For my penultimate segment, I want to talk about what is often my favorite part of wrestling: Where things are going next. I’ll do my best to mostly steer away from fantasy booking things to hell, but that will be part of it.

I’m excited about not having anymore PPV’s leading to Mania. No more farting around and holding back, they’ve got to start building to the biggest matches and one of the things I’m most interested in seeing develop is whatever is going on with Triple H. There still seems to be legitimate uncertainty about Seth Rollins, and a couple weeks ago it seemed like maybe Trips was behind KO turning on Jericho, and I couldn’t help but wonder if they were setting up some kind of action with Trips, KO, and SmoJo. Add to all of this that it would make sense for a returning Finn Balor to oppose such a faction, and some of these questions need to start getting answered.

In other news, we seem almost certain to be heading toward a Fatal Four Way for the women’s title, probably a pre-show multi-team Tag Title match, and we should be getting some fun Jericho-KO segments.

That leaves me uncertain how they’ll build to Roman vs. Taker, what they’re going to do with Strowman, if Shaq will show up for the Big Show match, and if this weird Mick Foley vs. Steph feud will lead to Foley being fired and how soon they might pull that particular trigger and if it will have ripple effects elsewhere.

Parting Thought

It’s obvious now that Goldberg can’t actually wrestle a match. If he could, they would have given him and KO at least a couple minutes before Y2J came out, right? To me, that means there’s no way they can actually put that match on last. No one is going to be hyped for a Lesnar/ Goldberg match that likely can’t go past 5 minutes and has a decent chance of being a mess.

#wrestlemania #WWE #Wrestling #FastLane