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(backseating you at the mortar and pestle) man you aint even squarshing it

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Why are there like 5 daily chores where if you skip them for 2 days your life becomes a time based psychological thriller after

#literally I’ve been putting off doing the dishes for a week and now my house is filled with demons #don’t even get me STARTED on the amount of laundry i need to do

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constantly searching for the feeling MMOs gave me when i was 12

#all the way up to my 20s to be fair

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i hate when movies come out because then everyone wants to talk about some gay sequence of images instead of the strange dreams weve all been having lately

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The real reason magnets do that is because they are perverse sexual beasts

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job interviewer: ok thats all for me do you have any questions before we move on?

me: what if a dracula show up 😰

interviewer: omg fuck😖 no. just no.

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#yeah buddy me and you both

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i got a sick cat and it’s stressing me OUT!!!!! that’s my DAUGHTER!!!

#the vet didn’t even know what was wrong she just had a really bad fever #and is not herself ofc #but she’s so obviously suffering and it hurts me!! #she’s on medicine and close monitoring but apparently taking her back to the vet for a 24hr drip is like on the table if she doesn’t rally

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I simply wouldn't have started beef with a guy who has a Pulitzer Prize in music

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dude hearken to me. dude

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has anyone seen my sharp rock? i left it in the river for 100 years for safe keeping and now i can't find it. its many uneven edges have sentimental significance

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i think we can all agree it's a bit of a missed opportunity electronics don't have a "milk socket" you could plug some sort of milk battery into, which would slowly disperse milk into the body of the machine, possibly ruining it.

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when i went to the vet one time he talked about how he never let his cats on the bed and that is just WILD to me. depriving yourself of little kitty in your space?? sleeping baby under covers with you?? maniacal

#tbf it was advice about resource guarding between my cats (i was the resource) and got worse at bed time so like fine advice #but ah!! i could never have no cats sleeping w me i love it too much!!