saintrenee

[saintrenee]

Love that they put “a sense of impending doom” as one of the symptoms of a heart attack, like girl, that’s just how it is to be alive these days, you’re gonna have to be more specific

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I am SO MAD that I work at a school because I KNOW my "strawberry jams but my glock don't" shirt would do NUMBERS THERE

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There's this thing in art that I've decided to call "comical clash of craft capacity", which is the thing where something absurd is only funny because of the sheer talent and/or effort that went into making it. The actor making a spot on dead serious delivery of lines that are utterly idiotic in a scene that makes no sense. Someone epressing astonishing creativity in animating an intense fight scene for a shitpost video of two friends on their epic quest to acquire pictures of anime tiddies. Hiring an actual opera singer as the voice actor of a character who is literally a singing turd.

Things that just flat-out would not be funny without the extremely professional delivery and the sheer effort involved, done intentionally with unwavering self-awareness and confidence in their skill, knowing that this is a game where you win or you die. Can't use a condom when going balls deep into a pumpkin.

[saintrenee]

Reblog this if you had to learn cursive writing as a child

If you were ever told or were made to learn cursive writing when you were in grade school. I wanna see how many of you suffered like I did.

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People I met for a few moments that live in my head forever.

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Baking is ridiculous. Stir these powders into a goo and them warm them up until they turn into some kind of edible sponge. Who came up with this.

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[saintrenee]

posts that make me want to rip my heart out part 5

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“I’m afraid of getting cancer from the cadmium in my painting supplies” I’m not 😌 I love you cadmium yellow. I love you vermillion red. I love you uranium orange, haven’t worked with you but I love you nevertheless. Most of all I love you arsenic green.

[saintrenee]

there's a massive cadre of people on here who can best be described by the phrase "be gay do war crimes"

[saintrenee]

international catholics: omg can’t believe our woke pope has used a slur… i feel so betrayed

italians:

[saintrenee]

“how dare you say we piss on the poor” is perhaps THEE best piece of vernacular to come out of tumblr dot com in the past decade. along with “what were you doing at the devils sacrament” (cheeky. inspired. relevant in every context) and “harold, they're lesbians” (timeless. funny as hell. gay)

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So listen i have this book coming out in uhhh 10 days and I am Worried about it, because it is a Comedy, and comedy is really hard to market (why????? it's funny pirates, what's not to like??) even when it is, yanno, normal mainstream comedy.

It is even worse when it is Unhinged Comedy That's Mostly Going To Be Funny To People On Tumblr. (For example, the main character being a supreme gremlin made of 90% memes by weight (examples: carries around a bag that is never called anything but his "little rucksack"; has a near-verbatim "stick me legy out real far" moment; talks about his metaphorical "orphan gruel bowl" which is a direct reference to that one Oliver Twist gif) because those are funny to me personally.) Unhinged Tumblr Comedy is difficult because tumblr is not a platform where it is easy to market things to people, because we are generally violently anti-capitalist and LOATHE advertisements and reflexively resist being marketed to for most anything. I LOVE that about this website. Except for right now, because I have bills to pay and a cat to feed. So look, fellow tumblr gremlins, I am just trying to say that if your personal brand of comedy is laughing at the kind of jokes that could only be produced on this hell website, and:

you like pirates

you're queer and want to read more books by queer authors

you want your fictional queer characters to be a hell of a lot more Messy and Unhinged than they often are depicted as being

you're interested in seeing a love triangle (M/M/NB) that resolves into polyamory

you want books where the hottest character gets to makes Passionate Speeches about rebelling against oppressive institutional regimes like governments and organized religions

you believe that capitalism is the most oppressive institutional regime of them all

you think it's fun when two characters have been in a 15-year-long relationship where the vibes have been "We're Newly Divorced" nearly since day one

you believe that All Cops Are Bastards and want to know what to do when you get pulled over by the boat cops

you think the Great British Bake-Off would be improved with weaponry, ritualized bribery/coercion of judges, and elaborate shit-talk

then this book might be for you. Beneath the wall-to-wall hijinks, it is political and it is righteously angry and it is the funniest thing I have ever written (which is saying something, because I have written some funny shit). It's called RUNNING CLOSE TO THE WIND. Here's a picture of it.

If all that sounds cool, you can read a review of it here and the first chapter of it here to see if it as funny as I am claiming it is, and then if you think that it is, you can preorder it here. It comes out on June 11! Ten days from now!

Thank you for letting me market to you for a minute. Signal boosting would be very much appreciated.

[saintrenee]

thinking about creatures.

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dude.

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Riz keeps falling backwards into being the coolest fucker possible.

Full torso tatted up, but because he was going momento mode for a spring break project.

Prodigy private eye, but because his baby sitter went missing and she was his only friend at the time.

Smoking cigarettes while blasting dragons out of the sky, but to make sure his friend won a student election that he was really stressed about.

In like 20 years he's gonna be this high level street stalking debonair rouge with a gun from God, but if someone asks what his most challenging trail in life was he's gonna say high school Bloodrush games

[saintrenee]

i totally get venting about facing microaggressions in public for using a mobility aid, and i've totally done it myself, but after talking with some disabled people who are afraid to start using canes or rollators or wheelchairs because they're worried about people being assholes to them in public, i want to reiterate that my rollator changed my life and that the amount of harassment i've faced is frankly negligible.

anyway today i was able to take the train to physical therapy by myself, and stopped for coffee on the way back, and nothing bad happened and it was a beautiful day.

other mobility aid users feel free to share your stories about why it's worth it.