sarahmolley

[sarahmolley]

It looks very nice here. Like a home like Easton but unbelievably so far better. They will be taking my phone soon this may be my last post for a while.

[sarahmolley]

Am now mentally prepared I think for scary roommates, lots of chores and stale bread

[sarahmolley]

Am now mentally prepared I think for scary roommates, lots of chores and stale bread

[sarahmolley]

Should know better than to put him first. I'm still going to end up alone.

[sarahmolley]

Just wish I wasn't sick and burning up hot. Wish I could breathe out of the right side of my head. Wish I could get comfortable wish I could feel safe wish I could relax.

I wish he really loved me

[sarahmolley]

I hate him for stringing me along this way. It isn't fair.

[sarahmolley]

Ill and suffering.

What's new?

[sarahmolley]

I so desperately need to be truly loved and not used and led on and let down

[sarahmolley]

I wish Ben had loved me and J. I wish I had known how to make him. It's too late now.

[sarahmolley]

So beautiful

Jonathan Wells, “April Morning”

[sarahmolley]

Go to Glen Gardner, NJ. You'll be pleasantly surprised

Dream home 💚

[sarahmolley]

Eh. Good buut not so good. I'm breaking up with pork again. I feel like shiiiiit.

I wish I had neosporin for my cuticle and I need some higher grit nail files. But other than that I'm fine. Found a decent duck, thanks to whoever left that. I did leave a similarly sized one over here the other day. Better brand but I digress. Not stiiizy though, which is the best. I'm high af tho. I have to quit weed though for this program and probably for court too. Did I mention they take ur phone away? For the first couple of months I think? And u only get it for a few minutes hours idk during the first month or two? Which discourages many people from doing the program but I'm fine with it. Just frustrated I can't get hold of my oldest child too now and her birthday is monday. I'm about to faint. Right here in front of the fucking art

Gallery. (I know techniques.)

I feel stupid though. There's a camera directly directly above where I just had to lie down. Other than that at least it's a nice view. Oh yeah I guess that means my blood pressure just dropped. Of course.. I have a blow pop

Am hydrating.

[sarahmolley]

I feel stupid and crazy and I miss Eythle

[sarahmolley]

I hope that tomorrow is a better day and I cry way less

[sarahmolley]

Crying again because I told Ben I miss him and he said thanks and I was trying to somehow express how safe being with him and sleeping in the same bed with him made me feel but maybe it wasn't ever really safe you know. I can't think all I can do is hurt and cry I'm so overwhelmed. If I had died unhappy with Ben, I would have died happy.

[sarahmolley]

Crying again. If I could have no emotions, please. Or just sexual ones. Thanks in advance.

[sarahmolley]

This is probably the wrong decision. Every decision I make is wrong. I really wish I had ever had a friend besides Lauren. I wish Micah Goodding had never ever been my teacher.

Edit

This is somewhat cruel because he was mostly a great teacher besides only being able to teach on a very shallow level / not have the deep conversations that he maybe otherwise would have had / was trying to have.

I'm mostly referring to his encouragement of me to go to kc instead of nyu or UT Austin / San Marcos. I think he must have thought he was giving me food advice. He probably just underestimated me like everyone else except Mrs Clark

Speaking of whom, I just remembered I had a dream that I ran into her stepdaughters here in the city in passing and it was so vivid I just had to stop for a minute and realize that that didn't actually happen

I remember a futuristic maybe train. Maybe I dreamt they helped me in Jersey. Idk.