sassy-sweet-potato-blog

[sassy-sweet-potato-blog]

A Fat Girl Cannot Dream

First off, I would like to say that my breath catches for most any man that shows kindness towards me. I am not aesthetically pleasing whatsoever, which creates a yearning for acceptance. More often than not, my shyness prevents me from making friends with men. However, I have a strong sass that keeps me from being too much of a bore. At least, I would like to think. 

Through friends, I met a guy. He is kind at heart and has a delightful nerdy side to his otherwise “bro” exterior. I grew to like him. His smile is infectious, his eyes stare deeply into your being, and he’s never been malicious. 

I grew to like the man, against my own judgement. Knowing what I am, the experiences that I will never gain...I still had the poor judgement of liking someone. 

We would stay up into the late hours, playing board games, talking about life, and simply hanging out. 

I loved having him around, his presence simply made me happy. I was excited to tell him about my day, to hear about his. 

Adding to my bad luck, he loves to drink. When he’s drunk, he loves caressing my face, getting close. His hugs were the best, he held on just a bit longer than I did. He constantly teased me. I still did not allow myself to have hope. Nothing can deny that I am big, not cute big. At my level of un-aesthetic, I cannot afford to HOPE. 

Late one night, my heart nearly burst. We were pretend fighting over a pen. He was stronger than me, I loved it...strangely. My hands were pinned behind me and his face close, so close I could smell the beer on his breath. 

He knew that I became nervous at close proximity with men, “Ooooh, look at how close I am to you!” He proceeded to make kissing noises. 

Against my better judgment, I thought that he might have liked me. 

I was nervous, I tried to wriggle out of the hold; we ended up on the floor. My hands still pinned back, his face still close. Nothing happened. Something sounded outside the door, and he left to check it out. 

A couple of days later, I confessed that I liked him-something I had never done before. Naivety is a key part of my personality. I was not aware that I showed him obvious attention. My feelings for him were evident. Apparently, he had known for some time. I insisted that I didn’t like to go with my emotions, that it wasn’t smart. He insisted that I persist with my emotions. I answered that I shouldn’t like anyone. “No, you should listen to your feelings. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?” I did not. This circle of words went on for quite some time. Again, he was drunk. 

Crazy, I was going crazy! What did this guy mean? Why didn’t he answer me directly? What was with all the touching and...why? 

I finally confronted him one night. Directly I asked him if he liked me. “As a friend.” 

“That’s all I wanted to hear.” I said with a cheerful smile. 

I had made a tremendous mistake of thinking that this man liked me. Heart broken, I was not. However, I was mad myself. How dare I have hoped!

A fat girl cannot dream. 

#fatgirl #antilovestory #not a love story #hopelessromantic #pessimist #momentarysadness

[sassy-sweet-potato-blog]

I start with a statement; I can see beauty in almost everything. This would be because I lack aesthetic myself. I am a spud. Living under dirt suits me, but I still sprout leaves...just to taste the sun for a brief moment. 

I don’t expect attention, but I will just BE

#lackluster potato outofsight