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savagesardine · 4 years

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for everyone who’s a bit sick of being stuck indoors

I know that feel. I’ve been in isolation for about four years due to illness. It was let’s say a very difficult life change. I crashed out of the world pretty hard and spent a few months in bed in constant pain wishing I was dead, while everyone thought I was just being incredibly rude. It sucked.

I’m saying this because I’m about to drop a few pieces of advice and I want you to know that they’re coming from a place of experience and empathy.

We are nowhere near the end of this crisis. We need to be ready for the long haul, because we still have months of isolation, restriction, and caution ahead of us. This is normal now. That’s a lot to deal with. This sucks.

And hey if you’re still enjoying the veg-out binging netflix in your pyjamas with a bucket of chicken phase, that’s great. You deserve to rest. Come back to this post later when you need it.

But if you’re realising there’s actually a limit to how long social media, TV, and video games can keep you civil? Let me help with that.

0. Thank you. I’m immunocompromised, so thank you for staying home, washing your hands, and following the guidelines to flatten the curve and slow the spread of the virus so I don’t die. I know it’s hard. Remember you’re doing a good thing.

1. Keep using the internet to stay in touch and communicate with people so you feel less lonely. Use social media to socialise, not as a news source. Learn new things, fall in a wikihole, tell someone something interesting you just found out. But logging off will do you a power of good.

2. You need to engage your other senses to stave off depression. Your body and your senses need to be kept occupied, not just your brain. Learn to cook from scratch, try new recipes, bake something, have a home spa day, light that fancy scented candle you’ve been holding on to for a special occasion.

3. Oh yeah, whatever you’ve been holding onto for a special occasion, bust that baby out now. The nice outfit, the posh food, the fancy soap, whatever little treats you have squirreled away. Instead of saving them for a special occasion, use them to create an occasion and make it special. If nothing else, it will help stop the days blurring into each other quite so horribly.

4. Don’t get drunk. A drink is ok, but a hangover will make everything feel worse.

5. Your round toit is here. Mend and repair those things, do a deep clean, rearrange that room, organise that stuff, do some arts and crafts, try a new hobby. Make and do something with your hands. BUT! Pace yourself. Spread things out a bit. Do a little bit of this and that each day, instead of doing one thing all day or everything in one day.

6. Don’t sleep in. Go to bed early, take naps, get your rest, but if you’re going to have to go back to work after this, you really don’t want to let your sleep pattern shift, and the best way to avoid that is by not sleeping in. Sorry. Really, I am so sorry.

7. You need to move your body, especially when you feel anxious. Anxiety is in the body, you can’t think your way out of it, you need to move. Yoga is uh fine I guess, pretty good for stress, but tai chi is actually a lot better for anxiety. Or do some bodyweight exercises, or pilates. Or come up with some choreography and rehearse it and then perform it in the street for your neighbours. Or just pace around the house like a zoo animal, and roar occasionally. Roaring helps too.

8. Mind your diet. I know it’s a hassle when you can’t go grocery shopping as often and you’re probably eating more tinned and frozen foods than usual, but do your best to vary your meals and eat a balanced diet. Don’t add nutritional deficiencies and the misery of food boredom to your problems. And stay hydrated.

9. Look after something living. If you don’t have a child or a pet or a garden or a houseplant, try growing some sprouts or microgreens, or start a sourdough mother or a ginger bug. Nurturing and caring for something alive (even yeast) is incredibly healing and stabilising. Also we’re starting to realise plants are super important for mental, emotional, and physical health. Humans need green time, so if you don’t have a houseplant maybe see about getting one.

10. Be thankful. I don’t mean in a stupid platitude way like “some people have it worse” or anything fake like that. You can still be angry, bored, outraged, frightened, disappointed, exhausted, dismayed. But to avoid falling into meaningless grey despair, set aside a few minutes each day and find things to be grateful about on purpose. It doesn’t have to be big. Your pet has been super affectionate? Favourite youtuber uploaded? Weather was kind of nice? New episode of that show you like? Chair comfy af? Tasty breakfast? Recognise it and be thankful for it. You don’t have to be thankful TO anyone or anything in particular, just be thankful FOR something in particular. Try for five things per day to start, but do more if you want.

11. Take some cosy time. I think this is maybe kind of like hygge? Spend some time each day doing something that makes you feel calm and cosy and safe. Build a blanket fort or snuggle up with a hot drink and a book, and just be cosy for an hour or so. This is a very stressful and frightening event we’re all going through so making a deliberate effort to cultivate feelings of warmth, contentment, and safety every day will help fend off trauma.

12. Speaking of books, reading a book engages your brain differently from watching a movie or listening to a podcast, and is very good for your brain and mood. If you have a to-read pile you’re probably already making a dent in it but if you don’t, or if you’ve reached the bottom of it, a lot of writers and publishers are offering free ebooks to help with isolation. You can read ebooks on your phone if you don’t have an ereader or tablet.

13. Balance your news intake. Restrict the amount of time you spend looking at news about the pandemic, and limit yourself to a few reliable sources. For every hour you spend reading the news and watching the scary numbers go up, spend an hour specifically looking for good news. Incompetent governments are failing their people, a minority of profiteers are trying to take advantage of the situation, and a lot of people are sick and dying, but that’s not the whole story. People can be SO GOOD. Did you hear about the medical drama shows donating their PPE to hospitals & fire departments? And the cosplayers and actors doing in-character birthday videos for kids who can’t have parties? People are helping each other, taking care of each other, there is so much good news so look for it, and then share it.

14. Get fresh air & sunshine. If you have a garden or a balcony, use it. Spend as much time there as the weather allows. Open your windows, weather permitting. Pull a chair up next to a window and read a book. Depending on your location, you may even be safe to shove your hands in your pockets and go for a walk–but keep at least 2m away from other people and if you’re in a hard lockdown or enforced quarantine, don’t flout it.

15. If you’re working from home, be able to close a door on your work space. When I worked remotely I had the computer set up in a wardrobe because I didn’t have a wholeass room for it, and I would unplug it and close the door on it at the end of my shift, it was a real sanity saver. Even if you don’t passionately hate your job, be able to close a door on it. Closing a physical door helps your brain to keep your work compartmentalised away from your home life, and helps you control work-related stress.

16. Do something for someone else. We’re a social species, we have a fundamental need to help others. It makes us feel connected, less isolated, and that’s something we all need right now. If you have a sewing machine, make masks for people who need them. If you have money, drop some of it on gofundme’s to help people who’ve lost their jobs make rent. If you bought too much toilet paper and you’re starting to realise that was a mistake, ask your neighbours if they need any. Live stream a cooking class. Teach someone how to use skype. There is something you can do to help someone else, so find it and do it. You will feel better for it.

17. The corollary to helping is: accept help from others. Helping others is one way we strengthen our social bonds, accepting help is another. Plus right now there’s a lot of ways that accepting help is also helping others. If someone offers to pick up groceries or a prescription for you while they’re getting their own, that’s helping everyone, the fewer people in the stores the better.

18. Avoid platitudes. They’re actually harmful, not helpful. Be sincere, both in expressing your own feelings and when other people share theirs with you. To be perfectly honest I’m pretty bad at this, it’s hard not to make jokes and deflect, but it’s so important right now to communicate authentically. I know how uncomfortable it can be but do your best. When we feel deeply heard and understood, we feel less alone. It’s still ok to be silly and goofy, just be honest and compassionate as well.

19. Mind your temper. Try not to lash out or get drawn into arguments, it won’t make you feel any better. You might get an easy rush and some attention out of it, but afterwards you’ll just feel more isolated than ever, and you risk permanently alienating people around you.

20. Everyone’s process is different. Don’t try to police other people’s emotions. Respect that we’re all processing this at different speeds and in different ways. We’re off the map, in an unprecedented situation, there’s no “right” way to feel about that. Invalidating other people’s feelings is a surefire way to push them away, and we all don’t need any of that right now.

21. Keep taking care of yourself. Keep cleaning your teeth, bathing, changing your clothes, brushing your hair, doing your laundry. Keep taking your meds, doing your exercises, getting enough sleep, eating on time. Not just to avoid a big personal crisis when it’s time to go outside again, but also because you deserve it.

Covid-19 is showing us what’s really important. After this is over, don’t forget about it. Remember service workers, warehouse workers, and other “unskilled” workers keeping the supermarkets running. Remember farmers and factory workers stepping up production to refill the shelves, and truckers hauling the goods. Remember doctors and nurses, orderlies and cleaners, working overtime, understaffed, underprepared, and under-equipped, to care for the sick and dying. Remember artists, writers, musicians, actors, performers, designers, and developers keeping you sane. Remember the garbage collectors and the street sweepers, and the folks who work at power, water, and sewage plants. Remember delivery drivers, couriers, and postal workers. Remember the disability and chronic illness communities reaching out to help you navigate your visit to our everyday reality. After this is over, be kind, and pay it forward. Tip generously, mind your manners, and don’t look down on anyone for their job or ability level. Fight for better wages and working conditions, better accommodations, and better social safety nets. Show up for the people who are showing up for you.

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savagesardine · 6 years

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THE LAST DRAGON

if you want to learn about dragons, you’re usually restricted to the Fantasy section of your local library. because dragons are made up, and don’t exist except in the minds of small children and George R. R. Martin.

apart from the ones that live in Indonesia, of course. they may not breathe fire or threaten hobbits, but these dragons are very real and perfectly willing to rip your face off and ask for seconds.

watch out, because it’s the

I AM FIRE, I AM DEATH

Komodo Dragons are actually a kind of lizard, but one on the scale of life on earth back when the dinosaurs were in charge. they’re fucking huge. these behemoths can reach lengths of ten feet and weights of over 300 pounds. big enough to ride, if there were a human out there brave enough to try it. (DON’T DO THIS, YOU WILL DIE. THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE OSTRICH THING, I’M NOT KIDDING.)

naturally these enormous reptiles scared the everloving shit out of the first Dutch explorers to reach the area, forever earning themselves the name “Dragon”. for once, those old European maps with little doodles of monsters everywhere were pretty accurate!

don’t go looking for Krakens, though. those are still mostly fake.

Komodo Dragons are the largest lizard on earth, and the largest of the monitor family Varanidae. but this wasn’t always the case! they’re actually the last and least of an ancient line of giant reptiles that once inhabited the south pacific. the largest of these was Australia’s Megalania, an 18-foot titan that died out at the end of the last Ice Age with the rest of its kind. but not the Komodo Dragon! they’re doing just fine, thanks.

like Megalania, the Komodo Dragon seems to have evolved in Australia. (OF COURSE. THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.) and when the seas rose at the end of the Ice Age, it stranded a population of dragons on five remote islands in Indonesia, where they survived whatever the fuck killed off their continental relatives. (probably us, to be honest.) you thought it was just a tagline but it’s not: these guys are truly the Last Dragons.

go ahead and shed a tear, but don’t expect them to appreciate it.

their isolation and last-dragonism is very sad, yes. but don’t feel too bad about it, because Komodo Dragons are one of nature’s most dangerous predators. there’s a reason locals call them Ora, the Land Crocodile. (actually there’s multiple reasons, and they’re all terrible. stand by!)

their lazy lizard stylings and charming smirk conceal a mouthful of inch-long serrated teeth, razor-sharp claws and a nightmare bullwhip of a tail. Komodo Dragons use all of these weapons, and more! (this is the Super Cool part of the article kids, make sure to read it EXTRA CAREFULLY so you can impress your friends later during recess.)

and yes, they swim! hurray! there is no escape.

the Komodo Dragon is an apex predator, which is unusual for a lizard. they’re filling an ecological niche that would normally be taken by a large mammal predator like, I dunno, a tiger or a lion or a bear. (OH MY!) this means they have some pretty big shoes to fill (metaphorical, bears don’t wear shoes.) but they do it in spades!

Komodo Dragons will eat anything, and that’s barely an exaggeration. They eat plenty of carrion, and lots of small creatures like squirrels and really unlucky snakes. they also eat medium animals like goats, WHICH THEY SWALLOW WHOLE. (if the prey is too big to fit down their throats, the Komodo Dragon often rams its open mouth into a tree until it fits. sometimes they actually knock down the fucking tree. I wish I was making this up.) Komodo Dragons also eat animals you normally wouldn’t be able to take down without a rocket launcher, like water buffalo and uh, other Komodo Dragons. they’re cannibals, because the food chain just moves backwards sometimes.

and yes, they absolutely eat humans. good thing they’re trapped on five remote islands in Indonesia!

WAIT, THEY SWIM. FUCK, HOW COULD I FORGET.

so how does an overgrown gecko hunt animals that normally require an entire pack of lions to take down? well, there’s some Science Controversy™ about that. Komodo Dragons have a pair of MYSTERIOUS GLANDS (which would be a good name for a garage band) in their lower jaw, which scientists used to think were full of venom. they thought that the Komodo Dragon was basically using this venom to cheat its way into a niche that should rightfully belong to a more advanced mammal, but THESE SCIENTISTS WERE WRONG AND DUMB.

it turns out these MYSTERIOUS GLANDS (I want this on a t-shirt) actually don’t do a whole lot as far as hunting goes! they secrete what MAY be a mild anticoagulant, but it’s not really strong enough to have much effect. yup, turns out that the Komodo Dragon just mauls the shit out of things until they die, like any decent ‘advanced mammal’ predator. they EARNED that apex niche as honestly as any predator can. (not that predators really have a concept of “honest”, or that it matters, since they’re the ones with the inch-long teeth.)

LIZARDS RULE AND MAMMALS DROOL!

but maybe it’s not such a surprise that these real-life dragons are still on top of the food chain, because they’re some of the smartest reptiles on earth. and okay, maybe “the smartest reptile in the world” doesn’t sound like an impressive title. but Komodo Dragons and their cousins have elaborate social structures, can count to six, recognize individual humans, and play nice games of tug-the-carcass with their friends. (both humans and other dragons can be friends! friends are not for eating.) that’s a better track record than most human toddlers!

and they’re totally trainable, but don’t get your hopes up about owning one or several. (DANG.) Komodo Dragons are a protected species, so having a loyal army of them trained to lay waste to your enemies and fetch the morning paper is still very much a pipe dream. (this is a joke, they make terrible pets.)

FOR NOW.

and speaking of being a protected species, how is the Komodo Dragon doing these days? well, shortly after scaring the absolute pants off the first Dutch explorers to meet one, Europeans became obsessed with them and they were granted immediate protections by the Dutch colonial government. (please note that the Komodo Dragon was also doing just fine before the Dutch came along, thanks.) in fact, the first expedition sent to capture Komodo Dragons for scientific study was the basis for the movie King Kong! (a niche film you may possibly have heard of.)

these protections kept the Komodo Dragon from becoming just another hunting trophy for rich Europeans. (unfortunately this cannot be said of lions, tigers and bears, all of whom decorated the drawing rooms of rich Victorians.) they’re still doing pretty well today, though they are threatened by rising seawater and their limited range.

we hope these gigantic lizard genius cannibals stick around for a long time to come! and remember, if you want to avoid getting munched: BEFRIEND. (very carefully.)

HUMANS ARE FRIENDS, NOT FOOD.

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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series on my tumblr here, or check out the official archive at weirdbiology.com!

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee and support Weird Biology!

and if you’d like to see exclusive Weird Biology content, check out my Patreon today!

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IMAGE SOURCES

img1- elpais.com img2- Time Travel Turtle img3- Smithsonian National Zoo img4- Komodo Tours img5- Michael Pollack img6- Animal Sake img7- ZooChat img8- Calgary Herald

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