seeminglyseph

[seeminglyseph]

I started up a character who’s like. Half Moon Elf, who is fully just pretending to be half Drow for intimidation points right now. It is just headcanon RP bullshit that is not backed up by the game in any way, but like. The concept of a character just having a fake identity because like. Nobody assumes Moon Elf so he just leans into it and basically has enough shit to deal with already so like. “Fuck it, yeah, I’m a Drow or whatever. Piss off or I’ll… enslave you to some spiders or something.”

He’s also a Storm Sorcerer who I am also headcanoning as having that like “I had to work so fucking hard to not die from these powers” so the whole “you’re not *studied* in magic” thing is like “Gale I swear to fuck we are going to have such an intensely sexual competition over whether or not studying to not be destroyed by my own magic or studying to learn magic is still being ‘studied in magic’”

#seph plays bg3

[seeminglyseph]

I think I’m going to get very very stoned and play a really stupid min-max character in BG3 because I feel. Extremely burnt out in a way I don’t entirely understand??? And I like. Need. To put my brain to sleep. And I think in a way I’ve gotten to a place with act 1 of BG3 where it’s like… just enough active thought to be comfortable but not enough to be stressful, so I just like. It’s the Tetris concept of PTSD theory.

Where your brain engages that sweet spot of problem solving and not being in a high stress situation. And you learn to regulate your like. Stress levels a little. Idk. I’m getting the theory wrong but like. It helps in some ways and I’m also extremely stoned. Good night.

[seeminglyseph]

How. Do I convince my mom to go to therapy and which therapy is the best to start with.

Pretty sure she has ADHD and trauma in some forms but like. I’m not a doctor I’m just the child she used as a coping mechanism, and I like. Am not dealing with it.

Like DBT? Would it be DBT? Just. Grief counselling? Anything? I don’t know. And what if it’s something else and I’m so brain fucked I wasn’t able to tell? I wish. I had help. Honestly this is overwhelming and scary sometimes.

I don’t know what’s normal thoughtlessness and what’s “seph you don’t exist because you’re the person who has never been a consideration until you’re an inconvenience” which is a wild but potentially true thought. I’m. Very exhausted but sometimes the enormity of how unhealthy my mom’s treatment of me is will hit me and I just like. Feel a million years old. It’s like. Big and little and a very death by a thousand cuts, but also like. Damn, okay.

Gotta figure out how to get help for me for her. Last time I asked other people I got told to try harder, but I’ll ask other people this time.

#my life

[seeminglyseph]

Kabru trying his usual approach to undermining people against Laios is so funny. It’s like he’s a grandmaster at chess, poker, and everything else that requires mind-games coming up to a guy, fully expecting to beat him at any game under any circumstances, only to realize he didn’t prepare for the one thing he’d actually be faced with, which is a hotdog eating contest against a guy whose friends call him “the vacuum cleaner”.

[seeminglyseph]

this drawing, and specifically laios' face has haunted me for the past months and so i decided to fix and color it. here you go.

[seeminglyseph]

how?? just how?

[seeminglyseph]

I very much need to make a DnD or BG3 fic where a healer has the mentality of necromancy like “a majority of healing magic is classified as necromancy. Serving life and perverting it is a balance you have to walk very carefully. It’s a philosophy that needs to be studied and doesn’t necessarily have a correct answer. The act itself is not necessarily what is wrong, it’s the intention and consequences that need to be assessed and even then, I’m not a judge.”

And even then if I was playing like, a Paladin who was a judge, or a follower of justice, like. They would be interested in following through on intent and consequences. Like, that’s the purpose of justice.

Idk “dark magic” fascinates me as a concept in fantasy because like. I want to know like. The why and how of what makes it taboo. And then like… why it could be justified because there has to be a reason for people to fall to it because otherwise its whole existence is kind of stupid as a concept beyond like “oooo here’s this other magic that’s probably just really powerful but it like… makes you evil. Or crazy or deformed or gives you cancer” which is like. Okay it’s a metaphor for nuclear power or coal or something. Goddammit. Enough of this.

[seeminglyseph]

Dungeon Meshi really gets me as like. I grew up in a rural city, but my mom was raised on the outskirts of a rural farming village and like most of her family is farmers.

So like. The concept of “meat is animals” and like. Sometimes you hunt it, sometimes you farm it, sometimes animals are not fit for consumption so like don’t fucking eat that you dumb bitch (like. Poisonous. Or whatever. Idk.) has definitely skewed my opinion on like. I guess the meat industry.

Like I’m personally against factory farming for a number of reasons, multiple of them being moral, but some of them also being that they are unhygienic and lead to like. Unhealthy livestock and food output which often leads to worse conditions for people. Like I personally feel like factory farming is a bad system for everyone involved and often that includes the produce farms that exploit the workers. It’s not a vegan mentality really??

But also I’m fucking poor as shit and I can only really afford to buy what’s on sale, so the most I can hope to really do is raise awareness so hopefully the people who have power and money can like. Learn what’s going on and make choices and talk about it I guess with more awareness? Blindly condemning meat as violence is. Not going to make the change many people think it’s going to make, but being aware of what the industry does cause and becoming more familiar and comfortable with the safe and responsible farming practices available to us is probably more likely to actually like. Win an argument here or there.

Food is so fucking important. And learning to appreciate and love the food you need to live is so important. And like… some of the reasons so much modern food makes people sick is the shortcuts in making it. Hormones in factory farming, the excessive gluten in American wheat, whatever the fuck is going on in the American Dairy system. This isn’t shaming people for needing that food to survive, this is like… “if your food is making you sick, why? That’s a problem. That’s a problem that can be fixed because it’s not inherent to food. It’s something that has been caused and can be resolved.”

You deserve better food. Look into why you don’t have it. Ask why. There are holes in your nutritional needs that might not be met because your flour is kinda garbage. But there could be a solution. It’s not totally hopeless and someone might have an answer.

It’s easier to do activism if you’ve eaten a balanced diet and gotten good rest. And you need carbs, sugars and fats to digest the vegetables and fruits and fiber dense nutrients so remember that a balanced diet is the whole plate. You need that short term energy to access the long term energy, don’t listen to bad dieticians talk about how starches and sugars are only good for short energy and therefore useless, they don’t know what they’re talking about. We need sugars to live. And if you bleed on a regular basis due to menses you probably have anemia in some way and should work on your iron. Like. Seriously. It’s an issues.

#food talk

[seeminglyseph]

Just mentally went

“But that’s the purpose I’ve always served—”

And then cut myself off because like. Hey? Don’t like how that sentence was feeling as a matter of how I feel like a thing necessitating a purpose to another person rather than an individual person who might exist with my own needs and purpose?hmm.

[seeminglyseph]

Laios’s memory Vs. Shuro’s memory Delicious in Dungeon: “Harpy/Chimera”

[seeminglyseph]

When people get a little too gung-ho about-

wait. cancel post. gung-ho cannot be English. where did that phrase come from? China?

ok, yes. gōnghé, which is…an abbreviation for “industrial cooperative”? Like it was just a term for a worker-run organization? A specific U.S. marine stationed in China interpreted it as a motivational slogan about teamwork, and as a commander he got his whole battalion using it, and other U.S. marines found those guys so exhausting that it migrated into English slang with the meaning “overly enthusiastic”.

That’s…wild. What was I talking about?

[seeminglyseph]

Their wrinkly muzzles kill me every time

[seeminglyseph]

I’m like getting kind of stoned and watching dungeon meshi stuff and thinking like. “Oh, I can just. Like. Make my own party of DnD adventurers from scratch.”

And yeah I did know this, that’s what writing is. Obviously. But part of me had not fully had the eureka moment of like. Doing a party balancing plan for my own story idea. Like. “Oh, I *can* create these characters like a DnD party but just… of OCs I want to write and balance them as well as I want together in way that they could bounce off each other in compelling story ways *and* for combat. And no one would get mad because it would all be for me. They’d be my OCs just for me.”

And anyway that’s been my weird weed brain blast.

[seeminglyseph]

as a short person with a childlike appearance I feel Chilchuk to my core sometimes. I know part of it is just like. halfeet don't live as long as other races so they come to maturity faster and look like what other races approximate to be children for most of their lives. But also like. maybe covid isolation has aged me and it's no longer the case and I can now enter the world and suddenly *not* deal with everyone assuming I am a child. But mostly people assume I am *maybe* in my early 20s and treat me significantly different than my peers in ways it is hard to like... actually explain in words because half of it is vibes and disrespect and lack of options and opportunities and shit. and it's hard to like prove an absence of something or people being just slightly condescending or too nice or smiling differently or using a different tone of voice. but people who think you're a child instead of an adult *absolutely* act differently, and it's so hard to explain it to someone who doesn't notice the difference. and chances are if they find out you are an adult it's not that they'll think 'oh I'll adjust my behaviour' they'll think 'ugh, what's wrong with you that I thought you were a child?'

I do still need to read the manga though, this is an anime only opinion as a short grumpy asshole. but I empathize as a short grumpy asshole who has been disrespected multiple times and also had to say "okay show of hands, how many people here are surprised that I'm almost thirty?" once and *many* people raised their hands and it was very embarrassing. I don't want to repeat the experiment now.

[seeminglyseph]

#marcille's 'woah hey' was fucking amazing #like I fucking choked at the dub line read

[seeminglyseph]

toshiro is also autistic and clearly envies how much laios doesn't mask and is able to say whatever he's thinking outright (he literally says so after their fight). and he was raised as like a minor lord or whatever in feudal japan so he learned to mask early on and that combination of masking + raised in a high-context culture + being in a foreign land with different etiquette means that he'll go through herculean levels of discomfort to not upset any perceived group balance and only snaps when he's like three days away from dropping dead. which is also something he sees in falin btw and is a big reason why he's drawn to her. imo

[seeminglyseph]

i want 60 thousand votes by next thursday