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they should invent a place where i belong

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Just up thinking. Just a lil upset. That whole “alienated from the human experience” shit I’m always on is acting up again blah blah. And also just the simple fact of like … I hate living. I just hate it.

I’ve never liked it. Never got any enjoyment out of it, not long term. Putting the fact that I’m a fucking loser aside, I can’t think of a time where I’ve been Truly happy for six months or more out of the, what, almost 27 years of being here.

The fact that my anxiety is so bad that I don’t drive makes me want to legit kill myself every time I think abt it, I don’t ever feel like I’ll truly romantically connect w anybody. I don’t even feel like I can connect w anybody period, I always feel Othered or like ppl think I’m annoying, they hate me, they like other ppl and everybody else in the friend group more than me. I’ve felt like that my whole entire life. Feel like my family looks down on me

(And like I know ppl care abt me, I hope ppl would be sad if I were gone. Idk why my brain does shit like this)

It’s miserable like it’s just depressing. My medicine’s not working anymore and like ig idec. I need help or to talk to somebody but what is that gonna do? It breaks my heart to be feeling like this again bc I truly thought I was gonna get a break. It’s just an awful existence

#it’s just a very very lonely empty hollow miserable life #every year I say oh this will be great it’s gonna finally get better #and it like. doesn’t. strange #I need to find out what neuroses I truly have bc maybe that’ll be the key to solving this problem #rjb.org

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#😫😫😫😫

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I can’t wait to die

#rjb.org

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#Makoto

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Once again feeling extremely annoying and like people are reaching their limit with me and like I am unloveable and completely alienated from the human experience. Once again feeling like it’s never ever going to get better

Brain: you could just kill yourself

#one day I will get the courage to do it #rjb.org

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Hate Existing

#hate feeling like everyone hates me #hate feeling miserable #hate myself #rjb.org

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I feel very annoying all the time and like my friends don’t like me/like each other more But I know that’s mainly just my insecurities from high school…..

#but starting this job I also feel very useless. I don’t wanna say quite yet that it isn’t for me #but I don’t think I’ll like it. and I don’t want to be a quitter. idk #just kinda feeling like I shouldn’t exist at all. I really do hate that whole Existence thing #rjb.org

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sometimes i feel like all i am is a disorder

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I really hate myself so much. Everything I do and say is a fucking problem that hurts somebody else

#this is why I never say shit to anybody or tell anybody anything #bc I always come out of it feeling attacked and vulnerable and I don’t know what to do #I just want to die: I can not live my life like this #or more rather I am sick of living my life like this #rjb.org

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Kinda starting to feel like a useless piece of shit again

#the urge to kill myself never leaves apparently it just lessens #rjb.org

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*through gritted teeth* big heartbreak is indicative of big love and love is the meaning of life

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please please never stop being annoying about that one thing you really care about

#🫡