Do you ever feel like people don't like you? Like they'd rather not be talking to you, they'd rather be somewhere else when you enter the room? Do you ever feel that the people you hold in high opinion forget about you? If you never put in the effort of maintaining the friendship, there would never be any effort on their end? If you just didn't go outside for a few days, no one would even know?
I don't feel like people like me, I feel like people put up with me. Even though I'm so careful and I try so hard, I don't feel good enough. I have tons of friends, sure. People I say hi to, people who I like spending time with. But not many who will start the conversation first. Ask how I'm doing first. Make the plans first. I've tested it before. Ive lost several friendships because I stop texting first. I realize that I'm always Initiating and wait for them to. Then a week.... A month.... Several months pass by. And nothing.
I am so. Tired. Of being the only one putting in effort. I love making friends and the effort, but I'm so tired of being the only one. I don't want to try anymore.
pro tip about relationships, you can call them all sorts of cheesy shit and they have to sit there cause they love u. i call my bf “lover”. if i ask him “whos the cutest boy in the whole world?” he has to stand there whole six feet of grown ass man with a news anchor voice and say “i am”.