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when ur asexual friend gives you good advice
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I FUCKING LOST IT WHEN HE STARTED SHOUTING
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Everything about a forest makes me believe in magic
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If you’re ever worried that you fucked up real bad, just remember that there are over 2,500 reported cases of vacuum cleaner-induced genital trauma in the United States each year. 
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I decided that knowing how puppet legs work would make me feel a lot better about Gelflings (HOW DO THEY RUN?! They’re not marionettes! They apparently aren’t people wearing suits!) so I decided to look up behind the scenes videos and stumbled across this.
This is somehow the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen. Just… wait for it. It’s like a strangely serene nightmare about Attack on Titan.
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that bipolar feel when you are mildly irritated all the time 
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This is one of the funniest holiday cards I have ever seen.
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YES LADIES PLEASE DONT BUY THINGS YOU NEED FOR NORMAL BODILY FUNCTIONS AROUND US GUYS.
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queen of the universe, space mom™ to many, professional badass, slayer of the galaxies. my fav
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The first word I say every year is “happy” and the last is “one”
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I think 2015 tried to kill everyone
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Why Vote Bernie?
–Bernie is the only presidential candidate that has never voted against LGBTQ+ rights & has always voted for same-sex marriage legalization
– He is pro-choice “ we are not returning to the days of back room abortions, when countless women died or were maimed. The decision about abortion must remain a decision for the woman, her family, & physician to make, not the government.” -Senator Bernie Sanders
– Pro-Gun control , he agrees that people should have the right to bare arms in the case of self defense or hunting but nobody needs a bazooka to go hunting. he is for strict limitations on the purchasing of guns & getting a gun license.
– Free health care to everyone. though this wont be a big deal for people with higher wages, the majority of americas is lower middle class & by cutting down a monthly bill can help alot
– raising minimum wage to a living wage $15 , anyone with kids or in general should be able to see their families & friends instead of working 2 jobs to barely live
– by raising minimum wage we will be lowering poverty rates in america , & we do happen to have the highest poverty rates.
– Free or almost free education in all public schools, plans to substantially lower student loan payments for everyone & plans to make all public colleges free , giving everyone the right to education that they are able to obtain
– free or very cheap access to internet for everyone, for research , school , etc. without hidden rates etc.
– gender equality in the workplace, consisting of equal wages & making it illegal to deny someone work for their gender identity or sexual orientation.
– for the legalization of marijuana for medical & recreational usages , & adding taxes to it. letting everyone in jail for marijuana related charges out.
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straight ppl @ gay pairings: well i mean it’s not explicitly stated that they’re in a relationship and i don’t see why it HAS to be romantic why can’t people just be friends sometimes why is everyone so obsessed with romance :-\
straight ppl @ straight pairings:
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The signs as things my dad has said to me
Aries: “Tell the cops to wait, I’m playing Call of Duty.”
Taurus: “Fuck it, I’m going to Canada.”
Gemini: “COME HOME THIS INSTANT I ACCIDENTALLY MADE 144 COOKIES.”
Cancer:  (playing cod) “I can’t hear you over the sound of me kicking all these twelve-year-olds’ asses.”
Leo: (pointing to a bruise on my hand) “Is that a hickey?”
Virgo:  “Don’t tell your mom, but I’m happy for the gays.”
Libra: “Sad movies are dumb.  I don’t want to pay ten dollars to cry for two hours.  I do that every day for free.”
Scorpio: “I want the board to change my job title from CEO to supreme leader.”
Saggitarius: “The only reason I have a facebook is to embarass your mom.”
Capricorn: “I have a crush on Eric Dane.”
Aquarius: “I’m hiding from your mother because I just told her to fight me and I’m scared she’ll win.”
Pisces: “When I die, make sure I get a viking funeral.  If I’m getting cremated, I’m getting cremated like a badass.”
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