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i always think the polish is "made of soy beans" but i know it's actually made of oily stud pie

#a fact about sneakers is such a rimsy song it just is #everything always comes back to that time he pretended to be kochanski (this too) #engineer? close enough #he tries so hard but always get's fucked #and i'm always thinking of those pants above the knee. those rimsy's knickers if you will #i'm not super sure if they're fucking the shoeshine boy but doesn't matter 'cos it's what i'm projecting on rimmer anyway #i'm very sorry about this. i just can't ubderstand the song any better

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let me share a few ships i think about in the delirious hours of the night

Paranoia and Stabbim (just a skutter acting out orders to kill when it descovers that maybe he's the only one who can get through to the hallucination without making him paranoid, will it reveal it's previous orders and expose it's decietfull job (stabber) and maybe break Paranoia's fragile trust in the process? or do the orders exceed the man (the skutter) and does the ultimate tragic of killing a loved one befall in the hands (claws) of Stabbim when he can't resist orders anymore)

Talkie the Toaster and support force (unrequited love, Talkie ne'er has time to ponder the importance of support force in his life, he knows it excists, but toast will always win out. and support force knows that. it's happy to just hold Talkie up and take any breadcrums it gets as long as it can)

Cat deepthroathing those polymorph eggs (it could've worked out if she hadn't died immediately and he wouldn've killed all her children, but life happens i get it)

the overly polite swordsmen and Rimmer's courage and self confidence (they're making out sloppy style, they spotter eachothers hats and swords from across the room and it has been escalating at an alarming speed)

Sir. Francis Walsingham and the "i am a fish" exam paper (he would gladly be the fish. proxcimity to dear people affecting how one behaves and all that)

Carter Burke and Rimmer (they die a horrible death together, the thought of the other there doesn't comfort them because they know both want to leave the other as a sacrifice and run, so they try to make themselves un-abandonable. doesn't work. they suffer horribly with all hope lost)

The Sister Brothers and the Rimmer Monster (it's lesbian/ gay solidarity as they bitch about the world. my favourite)

#do i tag these all? #you know why not #paranoia #(the physical manafestation a la lister) #stabbim #(the skudder who tried to stab him) #talkie the toaster #support force #(the physics thing) #cat #polymorph #(the one who disquised itself as a cat we all know the one) #the overly polite and courtious swordsmen #(i forgot their names) #(john and.. steve? frank?) #(andrew?) #rimmer's courage and self confidence #(the ones in pink on the psi-moon) #sir francis walsingham #astronav. filled ''i am a fish'' sheet #arnold j rimmer #carter burke #the sister brothers #(the gal in the brig with talking tits) #the rimmer monster #(the unholy combination of all his printed clones) #red dwarf #yonderland #bill the film #aliens

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you know what sometimes i wonder if the other people in jeeves and wooster know bertie is a fictional character. the way they're always putting him into situations

#they understand that if he gets roped up in a situation that it's going to resolved one way or another

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somewhere out there there's an universe where the plant has a name...

#it still doesn't contribute anything to the suicide but i'll die happy thinking that somewhere that plant has a name

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one of the best tips for Real Life that I’ve ever picked up is to always highball your estimate whenever someone asks you “when can you get this done by” by about 25% (if you can get away with it). that way, if it ends up being harder than you thought, you’ve got extra time to figure things out and if you were right about how much time it takes then you get to look like an absolute genius instead of just a simply competent person.

what you may not have realized is that I learned this crucial piece of life advice from an episode of Star Trek where Scotty is telling Geordi that whenever he told Kirk something on the Enterprise was at full capacity, it was always only ever a notch or so below full capacity so that Scotty looked like the god of all engineers when he was able to magically hack the warp drive to run a little beyond what he’d told everyone else was “full capacity” and honestly that one throwaway gag from Star Trek has changed my life.

#scotty out there making miracles happen by the power of subtle deceit <3

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#healt's important to take care of you guys

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I hope Hank doesn’t find out about my meth business lmao

#good lord what're they up to

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if you got like a 100kilo bag of glitter and opened it up and left it in the path of like a tornado i think that would be interesting. i dont care abt ecological damage btw

#thyrellllllllll

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if you got like a 100kilo bag of glitter and opened it up and left it in the path of like a tornado i think that would be interesting. i dont care abt ecological damage btw

#even better than the sunrise

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if you got like a 100kilo bag of glitter and opened it up and left it in the path of like a tornado i think that would be interesting. i dont care abt ecological damage btw

#the best thing i saw today

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if you got like a 100kilo bag of glitter and opened it up and left it in the path of like a tornado i think that would be interesting. i dont care abt ecological damage btw

#neroja

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if you got like a 100kilo bag of glitter and opened it up and left it in the path of like a tornado i think that would be interesting. i dont care abt ecological damage btw

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honestly wouldn’t it be fucked up if someone died in button house while in a halloween costume. like yeah, Allison Cooper haunted by some guy in a gnome costume

#alison button and the depressed banana she's trying to ignore #bbc ghosts

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#it just smells like shit #if it didn't smell like shit i migh consider going near it but as it stands smoke is a poor excuse of air #oh and i want to be able to blow up all the huge water toys #sorry i was spoiled with freah air once and now i'm addicted

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There's something so beautiful about Red Dwarf just as a concept and as a series.

Comedy aside, it has one of the most meaningful messages I think I've ever seen. The whole idea of being hopelessly lost and alone in the infinity of space but still having hope and love is just unbelievable. Dave Lister is just the ultimate guy ever.

He's a loser, a nobody, a complete write-off in terms of his career, a depressed, lonely man who is the last of his species, the only one left, three million years away from home.

Yet he still has hope. He still appreciates beauty in the rockiest places. He still believes in justice and life above all else, so much so that his worst fear is losing his morality. He still goes on.

He's so far away from home that there's no realistic hope of getting back, but he doesn't care. He makes a home out of everything and everyone around him, eternally living in the only way -the best way- he can.

He's created his own Promised Land.

#YEEAAEEESSSSGGHGRRRRRRRRRRR #lister is offically The guy ever #red dwarf #(but don't talk to me about him or i'm going to curl up and cry all the water out of my body)

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CRAIG????? THE FUCK DOES HE MEAN!?? CRAIG!?!?!?? ???

GUYS QUICK I NEED THIS TO PROVE SOMETHING, DOES ANYONE HAVE A SCREENSHOT OF THAT TWITTER RESPONSE CRAIG MADE WHERE HE'S ON ABOUT 'SEASON 9' AND MAKES THE IMPLICATION THAT RIMMER AND LISTER DID *SOMETHING*

It's like "aw it's a shame because that's the season where Rimmer and I... 😜"

#craig charles please answer us #red dwarf #i'm re-re-re-reading that in a frenzy because i have no idea what he's on about but like !?!?!?!?!?

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time to see if my old mpreg player works ahhh!!!

#ahhhh!