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Eddie and Shannon have one of the most interesting and complex relationships on the show. Especially if you think of Eddie as gay. Imagine you are a gay man, but you're repressing that fact because your dad always told you you need to be the man of the family and you grew up in Texas and you were raised Catholic. So you get a girlfriend. You like her, she's fun to be around, and you think you can fake it if it's with her. But then you get her pregnant and it's not a a matter of "You think you can fake this" anymore it's a "You HAVE to fake this. For the rest of your life." And that terrifies you but you're a man and you have a duty so you marry her. But you don't want to be around her anymore even though you do care for her and she's having your son because everything that you've lost is so painfully evident and it's suffocating. So you run off in the only way that doesn't make you look like the horrible husband and father you know deep down you must be. You stay away from her and your son because somehow, war is easier than living a lie.

But then you're shot and discharged and war isn't an option anymore, so you have to make it work. But you can't be in the same room with her without lashing out, so she leaves you. And you hate her for it but you also know you deserve it. But at least you have your wonderful, perfect son. You've never been there for him but maybe now you can prove yourself and be the father that your father never was. But years pass and you feel guilty for everything you did to her and you want to fix it. You want to prove you can be the man your dad would want you to be, that your son needs you to be, that she deserves. So you try again. You shove everything down and try again. You can have the perfect family that you're supposed to have. You can do this. She's funny and beautiful and a good mother and you love her, even if it isn't how you should. You're looking for a sign that you're doing the right thing and then you get it because she might have another child on the way. You need to support her. You can do this.

But then she isn't pregnant and worse... she doesn't want you. She knows you're a sham. You've been putting so much into this to try and be what she needs and she still doesn't want you. And before you even get a chance to feel anything about this, the next moment you turn around and she's dead. How do you feel about that loss? How do you even process something like that? The grief, the pain, the anger, the guilt, the resentment, the sorrow, and in the deepest, worst part of you, maybe even some sick relief that you don't need to pretend anymore. But more than anything, there's grief for her and your son and everything you lost along the way. How do you even begin to move on from that?

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pushing my princess geto agenda

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a moment of peace before the whole world shatters 😇

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but like fuck just imagine. imagine it. your best friend’s shot right in front of you and there’s a moment where time stands still. where it’s just you and him and the red string that keeps you in each-other’s orbit. and then he’s falling to the ground and bleeding out and you drag yourself under a fire truck to save him. and you get him inside and it’s a flurry of motion, sirens blaring as you press your hands into his broken skin trying to hold him together. you beg him to stay with you as you scream yourself hoarse, and the only words he manages to say before he lets go is are you hurt? and he’s wheeled through the hospital doors away from you, and your captain told you once long ago that you don’t go beyond the glass doors, but that’s fine. your heart’s lying somewhere on a gurney inside anyways. everything slots together in a dizzying motion and oh. it’s him. it always has been. this. this goes beyond friendship. it always has. you love him to the core.

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We're not talking enough about how Maddie's "wow..." was her finally putting 2 + 2 together about Eddie.

Their convo revealed that Maddie didn't actually know about Buck's bisexual inclinations. But his coming out to her was entirely incidental and completely beside the point, to Buck.

The entire conversation was framed around Buck's hyperfocus on Eddie.

Maddie knows her brother so well, knows his abandonment trauma, the well of grief and loss he carries around inside of him. One that they share, only he spent most of his life not knowing what it even was.

She knows Buck's yearning for a family of his own, his search for a partner, a great love story. How she would have witnessed Buck getting more and more deeply embedded in Eddie and Christopher's life. While his own romantic life was a mess, at best. How she might sometimes worry he could get hurt, his attachment to them holding him back in finding love for himself, that life partner he longs for. Ultimately, she does understand and leaves it be. Sure, what Buck has with Eddie and Chris is unusual, but they fulfill a longing and make him happy. That's all that matters to her.

But she's always had this slight...not doubt, exactly, but a wonder. That she's missing something. She knows Buck is utterly safe with Eddie, that Eddie is his best friend and would die to save Buck's life, so it's not that. It's just this nagging thought that there's something else there...just out of reach...she can't quite put her finger on it.

Buck being bisexual (excuse me, an ally), was that missing puzzle piece, finally slotting into place.

Long story short, "wow" = "Buck is in love with Eddie, it all makes sense now."

I just think this scene was so expertly written and performed, showcasing all of these layers of story at once. I 💜 911 and Oliver and JLH.

Please miss me with the "Maddie is going to acost Eddie and/or Buck about being in love with each other" takes, like this is a sitcom. The root of this is Maddie's deep, abiding, tender care for her brother and the profound, aching wound of abandonment and unresolved grief that they share. She is going to hold this knowledge so, so gently.

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3x03: The Searchers ― 4x14: Survivors

After that... it got me thinking. You know, what would happen to Christopher if I hadn't? So I went to my attorney and changed my will. So, someday, If, I, uh... didn't make it... Christopher would be taken care of. By you.

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evan 'buck' buckley with his diaz boys through the years "I'm the guy that always wants to fix everything."

+ when are we going to pick up this loose thread?

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#evan buckley but it's just him progressively getting more unhinged over eddie

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thoughts after 257

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oliver: *being skeptic and making sure not to spoil anything in interviews*

lou: so yeah eddie is also gay and tommy was supposed to be with him but that fell through

ryan: so buck and eddie are in love and love each other to their cores and are gonna get even closer this season

abc pr team: *puts ryan on family feud with the 4 actors who play the canonically queer characters of 9-1-1*

everybody but oliver basically outting eddie including ryan himself is so funny to me

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the way oliver and tim talk about this season is so funny. you’re telling me oliver just decided he was going to be bisexual season and tim wasn’t thinking about it until he needed to bring in someone else bc arielle was unavailable for the air rescue so he called up lou and said hey do you want to come back on the show. also im gonna make one of those bitches gay i think what do you think about that? and lou was like hell yeah brother and then tim was like oh shit but eddie’s with what’s her name (marisol) so he can’t be gay yet. and then oliver walked by tim’s office a few times holding a bi pride flag and tim said oh shit. buck can be bi. lou do you want to make out with oliver and lou said no. i will kiss him tenderly and sweetly though. and tim said. we can work with that.

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OH! And we all knew that TK’s gaydar never misses, right?!

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It ain't no lie, baby, bi bi bi ♫

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Oliver Stark on his Instagram post about Buck’s bisexuality

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eddie being so happy to see buck on the court :)