storywonker

[storywonker]

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

CALLOUT POST FOR FUCKING EURIPIDES

[storywonker]

We have a straight couple we hang out with sometimes, and it's a bit annoying because the guy is the very unfortunate combination of 1: extremely defensive and insecure, 2: insistent that he do masc things, and 3: bad at them.

So I'm sitting here going "these burgers are undercooked. They... they don't even *look* cooked. But if I point that out, it'll be a whole thing. I will be a Man Criticising his Grilling. That will be bad. I won't mean it in a hierarchical way, but that's the only way he is socialized to receive it. I'm not looking to tell him that I am better at this thing than he is. But also, I am, and the fact that he's doing it this badly is insane."

Like, his girlfriend is an amazing cook. The fact that the cooking has fire involved does not magically make him the better choice to do it. He is a picky eater software engineer. He is not biologically good at grilling because he has a dick.

Like, when we go camping, once again, *software engineer*. I was raised relatively rural/feral. I know how to get a fire going. (Both of our female partners also do, for that matter) I don't think it makes me better than other people, but I also think that sitting around a smoldering smoke vent for a half an hour with our eyes watering is bad, actually. I ask this guy's help when I'm doing a party and my technology stops working, I deeply appreciate his very useful expertise that I don't possess, but because the stuff I'm good at is coded as "traditional man stuff", it's like...we have to take turns? Because we all need to be equally good at it and we all need to do it the same amount or else there will be some sort of implicit heirarchy.

Like, no man, from each according to their ability. Let someone else do these things. Please.

[storywonker]

"Isn't it weird that [thing humans commonly eat] is poisonous to literally every domesticated animal" I mean, there's a pretty good chance that [thing humans commonly eat] is at least mildly poisonous to humans, too. One of our quirks as a species is that we think our food is bland if it doesn't have enough poison in it.

[storywonker]

Geometric films by directors like Stanley Cuberik and Quentin Triangletino

[storywonker]

you seem like you unironically enjoyed electroswing circa 2012

this website's hate mail game is insane

[storywonker]

[storywonker]

every day i thank my lucky stars that i have never closed my bathroom mirror cabinet and seen a scary guy behind me

#this happened to me once but it was my dad

[storywonker]

[storywonker]

today at work i rung up a customer and the total was 12.30 and i said “12:30, reminds me of a clock :)” and they kind of smiled at me with confusion and i was like “like the time on a clock, just reminds me of it… 12:30” and they said “i have no idea what you’re talking about…” with an expression of supreme pity and gentleness. after that was finished i turned to my coworker next to me and said “i just bombed so hard with this clock comment” and then realized the customer hadn’t moved and was still standing right next to me. if my fate continues down this path, the customer will probably read this tumblr post as well

[storywonker]

I've def. said it before but I find the widespread popularity of soulmates deeply confusing for many reasons, but most fundamentally because if God came down out of heaven and pointed out one specific person in all the world I just had to fall in love with, I feel like the only dignified and self-respecting option is to tell him to get fucked and never talk to them out of spite?

[storywonker]

[storywonker]

Hot take: I actually think men and women are meant to work together and complement each other and not like,,, dislike each other and be divisive.

[storywonker]

I'm prepared to suspend disbelief for a lot of things when I'm reading a porn fic involving a character with a penis written by an author who clearly does not have one, but "character walking around with an enormous and highly visible erection doesn't realise they have a huge boner until someone else remarks upon their huge boner" is going to snap my suspenders pretty much every time. Like, that's not really the sort of thing that flies under the radar!

[storywonker]

They recorded tinnitus? It's a physical thing?????

[storywonker]

you’ve heard of the mortifying ordeal of being known, now get ready for the

[storywonker]

No I’m not attracted to you. Quit your evil putting your finger under my chin to make me look up at you. I know I’m your nemesis and all but we really need to set some boundaries when you’ve got me tied up like this.

[storywonker]

I regret to inform you the middle class insecurity industry has now given us the concept of "microcheating", which is when your husband talks to people or has friends